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Please pray for me.

Truth is, I've never liked the idea of people breathing down my neck. (Oh my... I think I'm reflecting the sentiments of one my didis as well! Hahaha...)

But yea. It can get quite daunting... especially when you're so hard pressed for time and things just don't get done.

And so I need godspeed today. Vrrrrrommmmm. Contemplated skipping cellgroup but thought otherwise. My schedules are so terok I think I will feel like an alien soon if I don't connect back... Hahaha.

But I'll always remember that in life there're only certain things that will always remain.

Relationships.

But that really doesn't discount the fact that I should complete whatever I should be completing. So yeah. VRRROOOOMMMM.

Hahaha.

Redbull... double shot espresso... anyone? :P

Still.

God is good! All the time!
He's put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good! All the time!
Through my darkest nights, His light will shine
God is good! God is good! All the time!

And that goes out to all the dear ones out there... especially 5 & 7. :)

Writing is therapeutic. I'm ready to face the late night already! And I'm looking forward to cg before that! :P

For the prayer warriors out there - thanking God for all of you! :)

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The very verses that brought me through life's journies.

The very God that brings everything to pass.

Was. Is. Is to come.

I realised that the more helpless I feel at times, the more He's able to achieve in and through me.

If I've ever ministered to you before... know that it's not me.

Cause deep down inside lays a wretched man still... and the only difference is that this man knows that he's a sinner... saved by grace.

Once was lost... but now am found.

Suddenly I feel so connected to the heart of the hymnal writer who wrote "Amazing Grace".

Was blind... but now I see.

Given to give.

Loved to love.

Blessed to bless.

Ministered to minister.

Administered to administer.

And still it's all about Him.

Vessels are we.

THANK YOU PA PA.

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Sometimes the best of times come unplanned.

There were many interruptions today... we didn't get to get pass the first portion of the materials... but it didn't matter at all.

I'm still quite confounded as to the composition of this group... and it's always a thin line when it comes to speaking into lives.

As and when He prompts and empowers bah.

Some words that I've spoken I hope I've not sidestepped His timing... but at the same time I have faith in Him that He's grown him enough for his heart to listen.

And for the other... the support that he needed through this very difficult time.

You two are much loved... dear bros. :)

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I just had a talk with my principal... then dean of studies in my year. It's amazing how jovial the conversation was... and I do believe that the "head of the household", be it in a family, a school, a workplace, or any other organisation... and yes, nation, is pivotal to the growth and the longevity of the unit.

Had a nice chat with his personal assistant too who remembered me! Hahahaha...

We met up to consider ways in which I can retain collaborative ties with the school... and already there are certain things in the pipeline waiting to be explored. All these things are for the short run... but even in the long run, I'm quite amazed at the picture that has been painted... how it never crossed my mind that I can marry the skills that I already have and the calling that I am answering to all in one place... the place where I was first groomed.

Playing a part in the welfare of the students... and contributing at the same time to the IT and resource infrastructure of the school... that will be like a dream come true, 'cept that there wasn't really such a dream. Ah. I am not making sense. :P

But still. Many things can change in the next two years... and many things will change. Shall not pre-empt... but focus on what's to be focused on for now.

And oh. It's interesting what some students write about you... a tad sunken hearted actually... now that I realise that there are people who take goodwill and see them as otherwise. One wrote in his blog that I'm using the "guilt trip" method... and so I guess there'll be those out there who'll be "countering" me? Oh well... Hahaha. But really, what can be done when one doesn't want to learn or when one copies all his work?

And then. There're those who made a fun out of me... and they actually refer to me by my full name. :|

Then again. I must forever be reminded of their ages... and remember that I wouldn't have thought the same way I'm thinking now back then.

Youths.

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It's the time of the week again for a super long entry... Haha. Nah. There'll be no entries for the sake of its length.

Many things had happened not too long ago that solidified the trust that I have in God's timing for all things... and many things happened soon after that require that kind of a trust.

Yesterday has been a really long day... I'm just glad that He'd allowed me to end it with catching the "Lakehouse" with Char. It's one of those days that you have a mass of dark clouds looming overhead all the time... and man. I haven't felt that way since a year ago when I received news of my mom's fainting... and there, the similar kind of feeling surged in me with the same kind of intensity yesterday. Attention heightened... prayer intensified.

Not willing to put it down until something's heard.

And then Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind again whilst on the way to dg on the bus... and how sweetly affirmed when brother Ivan prayed that particular verse in the closing of the session.

That God has a plan for us, a plan to prosper us and not to harm us, a plan for a future (paraphrase)... a future with Him.

And less we forget that He loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

"Religion" has always been a taboo word in my dictionary. I have to admit that I have that irky feeling whenever I'm needed to fill in my religion on an application form or when I'm asked "What's your religion?"... No, it's not that I'm ashamed of "Christianity" or anything to that extent... but it's also something that's really hard to explain.

Yes, there is first and foremost the set of beliefs... the faith statement and all that. But it's really not a set of beliefs that I'm subscribing to first of all... nor am I into a religion because it benefits me per se.

It may sound overly cliche... but it really boils down to that personal and living relationship that I have with my Heavenly Father... and it's one that every single person is capable of having.

Then people may ask which God? You can be your own God, there's the Bhuddist Bhudda, there's the Islam Allah, there's the New Age Self Actualization... so isn't Jesus Christ yet another addition to the plethora of the many Gods currently available?

Amazing Love... how can it be... that You my King would die for me...

That sealed it for me.

And it may sound rather cold and cognitive as you read it here simply because it is. Beliefs are cold until they're made alive in a relationship that is real and living.

And that is one part that people won't be able to understand until they themselves have experienced it in their own lives.

And Jesus... He's the one who bridged the great divide... the reconciler between God (Himself) and man. How He walked the earth... how He lived... how He died and resurrected... all historically recorded and accounted for.

With all that's happening, I have gained a deeper understanding into the Greatest Commandment... why we're commanded to love Him with all our heart, soul and mind... because those are the very things that the world can't take away from us.

My life can be taken away from me... my loved ones... my possesions... but not the relationships that bind... the relationship that binds... the love that heals.

Am I saying all these because "I am too deep into my religion"? Well, perhaps that is what the world may say... but to put things in perspective, the way we relate to others mirrors the way we relate to Him. It's a relationship in which we grow deeper and deeper in love with each other... and it's something that you know once you've tasted... not in the cognitive or intelletual sense (and not that they're unimportant).

And I can only pray and hope that all of us will "come and taste that the Lord is good"... and that those who've tasted will know.

It used to be darkness
Without you
I lived my life in blindness
But now I am found

I'll give my life for you Lord
For all you've done
- Sing (Your Love), Hillsongs

I was listening to my player this morning on the way to work... and it played a song I wrote and recorded in my first year as a Christian... you know, those terribly lau pok pok super low quality recordings. Haha... there was a period of time I refrained from singing them and listening to them even... cause the lyrics were quite childish... and simply because of that, lethal.

But as I heard it this morning... there was this warmth in the heart that can't be explained... and I started mouthing the words and singing the song in my heart.

And I asked... that I be brought back to that place time and time again... to know that I'm forever His child... in His hands.

That it's not about the people... not about the church... but Him and Him alone.

I will sing praises to the Lord
I will sing my whole life my all
I will sing... unto the Lord
I will sing many worship songs
I will sing now forevermore
I will sing... unto the Lord
Cause Jesus... mmm mmm mmm...
He loves me so (He loves me so)...
Yes Jesus... mmm mmm mmm...
He loves me so (He loves me so)...

I will sing praises to the Lord
I will sing my whole life my all
I will sing... unto the Lord
I will sing many worship songs
I will sing now forevermore
I will sing... unto the Lord
Cause Jesus... mmm mmm mmm...
He loves me so (He loves me so)...
Yes Jesus... mmm mmm mmm...
He loves me so (He loves me so)...

(40 Day)

FIGHT OR FLIGHT?
Today's reading: Esther 4:13-16

Self preservation is a powerful instinct that has been wired into our beings.

Some call it the fight or flight response. When faced with danger, we will size up the situation quickly. If we have a chance of winning the confrontation, we will fight with all our might. If things are not in our favour, the flight instinct kicks in. We flee to avoid the danger.

The same instincts are at work when we analyse the options available to us at any one time. We weigh the pros and the cons. We think in terms of cost-benefit analysis. Having considered the options and the possible consequences, we choose a course of action that is the least risky and most profitable.

But often, these principles don't apply in the spiritual realm. God has a way of upsetting our calculations, and ruining our analysis. We will never have perfect knowledge. We are locked in time, and do not know what will happen next. Where it comes to deciding on a spiritual course of action, there is always a degree of risk.

After hearing Mordercai's challenge, Esther agrees to go against the law and present herself before the King uninvited, unannounced, unauthorized! Her words - if I perish, I perish - have become the ultimate expression of what it means to stake all on God's call.

Sometimes, there is no plan B where God's call is concerned. You either obey Him, or you do not. And if you obey, you agree to subject yourself to all the possible risks and dangers that could strike you. When faced with tht agonizing decision, ask youself these few questions. Your answers will determine your course of action. It will be a defining moment: either positive or negative.

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This entry is dedicated to the brother who's seen me through much... taught me much... and loved me enough to question me and speak into my life, for without all these that God has shown me through him both in words and actions, many things may have just remained as theory on paper for me, not applied in real life.

Not each to his own nor each as his own... but each as His own.

Throughout the course of working with youths for the past couple of years, I wouldn't say I have come across a good disection across the spectrum... I always believe that even for those who posed some difficulties personally, they can be considered to be quite mild as compared to those whom others have come across in the course of their work, like the two sisters who're currently teaching in a rather oppressive environment. Hur hur.

I was reading up one of the chapters in my counselling psychology textbook when I came across a paragraph that described a certain condition. Certain people came to mind... people whom I'd agonized over with the Lord with regards to the way they are. There were times it even paralyzes you as a brother, friend, coach... not knowing what you can do to help but just pray.

I texted this brother for his opinions... and I received more than I can ask for.

A reminder... the framework.

He says that he doesn't relate to or treat individuals specially simply because they seemingly have problems manifesting tangibly in the world today. He treats every single person as a child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made in His image... dearly loved.

And I am reminded once again that we're all sinners living in a fallen world... and the problem we all have is universal - sin.

He says that if knowing and recognizing the conditions gives me a framework to start with, then good for me. I pondered over the necessity of it... and came up with a few guiding principles which perhaps may become the framework in my relating to others in the future:

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I teach the same lesson over eight classes... and it's interesting to find that one class differs from another.

The two classes which were lagging behind in terms of lessons and now the classes with the most number of assignment submissions.

The best behaving and responsive class continues to encourage.

There're individuals amongst all the classes who really want to do their work while there're some who just couldn't sit still.

And oh. Students like to keep a lookout for me, thinking that it's okay as long as they're responsive enough to siam should I walk up to them to see if they're playing games.

But they don't know that their teachers don't have to walk all the way up to know. Sigh... the way youths think.

Well. In the end it boils down to the same. Whatever happens in school happens the same in ministry as well no? Only hope is that one day they'll start to want to learn on their own.

Freedom of choice... I wonder if the world realises that that's a tremendous gift of mercy in all our lives.

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(From 40 Day)

Perhaps you have not been severely tested yet in your relationship with God. Maybe there has not been many defining moments. Seriously examine your life again. The bluff and the fluff will all show up in the day of testing. How much true substance lies within? How solid is your devotion to God? How healthy is your prayer life? How hungry are you for God? How desperate are you for His manifest presence and power in your life? Is prayer your first response or your last resort? Are you waiting for a crisis to strike before you really, really pray?

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come [Ecclesiastes 12:1]. Repent of casual Christianity. Renounce complacency. Reject lathargy and laziness! Commit to a daily discipline of seeking God. Be grounded in the Word. Pray for revival to break out in your personal life. A broken and contrite heart, a deeper reliance on God for every aspect of your life. Schedule a few personal retreats before year's end to wait on Him.

Pray that we will pass every test with flying colours. The people who know thair God shall be strong and do exploits [Daniel 11:32]

(3 Songs)

It's not something that's just dawned on me... I've realised it for quite some time how He's brought me through the seasons to a point where it's pretty exciting and yet scary at the same time... in terms of the songs that's on loop in my player.

It started off with a season of innocent love for Him, of praising and wanting to praise, you know, the innocence of a joyful child... as reflected in the songs written then.

Then it came to a point of realisation and revelation as you grow in this journey... and you start to realise how unworthy you are by yourself. It's really true that you grow as He reveals the depth of your sins... and as you yourself recognize them as that. It's also the period where the most impactful songs are written as you're brought to that broken state... and I guess the songwriting process mirrors that ongoingly even as of now... 'cause sanctification, brokeness and contriteness will always be an ongoing process in this journey.

But I can never imagine that I'll be brought to this point so soon... and I know that it will always be a constant struggle between my carnal nature personality wise and the Holy Spirit that's in me... but for every step taken and every victory won, big or small, it can only be Him, for His glory.

I'll go, but I cannot go alone... 'Cause I know I'm nothing on my own... But the power of Christ in me makes me strong... Makes me strong... - In Me (Casting Crowns)

For as long as I shall live, I will testify to love, I'll be Your witness in the silences when words are not enough... with every breath I take, I will give thanks to God above, for as long as I shall live, I will testify to love... - Testify To Love (Avalon)

By Your Spirit Oh Lord we claim the nations of the world for You Jesus, pour out Your reign... Holy Spirit move in us today... By Your Spirit Oh Lord we claim the nations of the world for You Jesus, By Your word of Truth we're crossing over... to win the lost for You... - Crossing Over (City Harvest)

(Sins)

They either draw you really close to God should you acknowledge them as that and that they become things so detestable and yet you're helpless to conquer them by yourself... or they can keep you far away from Him should you choose to ignore them as that and indulge in them.

A man who is afflicted much but yet acknowledges God's sovereignty and love... appreciates much...

... of His lovingkindness, grace and mercy.

(The way He uses people)

Eve jie and I have talked about it a long time ago... actually we talked about it the very first time we met after catching a show together... wahaha. We came to the conclusion that it is His jurisdiction to use anyone for His purposes regardless of the character or the purity of the person or people concerned. But we do spot a trend... to know that whereas there're powerful ministries around the world headed by people of questionable character, only those who truly follow Jesus and are truly committed to the sanctification process... they're the ones who leave everlasting legacies.

I can never thank God enough for Bill Bright, the founding father of the Campus Crusade movement. He went home to be with the Lord a year or so ago... but the legacy he's left behind shall benefit the generations to come.

Everyone is susceptible to falling... but personally to me the people in the worship and pulpit ministries are more prone. Sometimes helplessness seeps in when I hear of incongruencies and yet see how God has been mightily using individuals to achieve His purposes. And all I can do... is pray.

For eyes to be opened... for sins to be revealed... for hearts to be broken still.

(Self Service)

It's a generational problem ya. The centre of the word SIN spells "I". A good indicator to check if you've shifted beyond self is when you're willing to do things unto others and not expecting anything in return (no self gratifying intentions), when you tend to pray more for others than for yourself, when your every action is governed by thoughts of serving others.

It's when you come to the point of realisation that you're but an instrument of grace... a water dispenser with the tap perpetually left open so that the living water flows out as the container's being constantly filled from the Source.

(Chronos & Kairos)

Timing. So many things have happened lately that I don't think I'll ever be able to doubt His timing.

I really hope that it's not too late for me to realise that faith, love, hope and trust... they all take time to build up. Just super thankful for the way He's shaped things... both in relationships and in ministry.

:)

(2J1C)

It was a really heavy day yesterday... but a really meaningful day spent with three very dear sisters in my life and ending off with a wonderful sharing with a dear brother.

Such amazing grace.

:)

Oh man. Did I just win my previous longest entry? HAHAHAHAHA...

(One liners)

You know those one liners that have so much meaning to it it makes you churn somehow?

Chris wrote one on this blog... and just that one sentence brings forth so much:

Super Saturday was super. It really was. (:

Haha.

(Favourite Hymn)

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

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I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know-God knows. And I know that this man-whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows- was caught up to paradise. He heard inexpressible things, things that man is not permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

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"Where there is no vision, the people perish..." - Proverbs 29:18(a) (KJV)

"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches." - Matthew 13:31-32

It's been His grace that He's led The Mustard Seeds through thus far... Cause I just realised that the group verse (Matt 13:31-32) served more as a promise than a purpose statement for the group from me as an individual... and even though there were attempts to arrive at specific visions, they never really lasted... nor were they communicated to everyone in the group.

And even as I shared to the guys today... I realised that, in the midst of preparations for the things that are to come, the time has come for the group to take up ownership, now that the promise verse has come to pass to some extent.

And so... on top of WEB's mission to MAKE young disciples to be a MESSENGER of the Gospel, a MISSIONARY in the world, and a MENTOR to the next generation, TMS seeks to be a group in WEB that is constantly:

GROWING as a FAMILY in TRUST, ENCOURAGEMENT and OUTREACH, for the GLORY of GOD.

I don't think I'd have responses such as these if I've asked them two years ago... or even a year back.. or even months back about what they'll hope to see in the long run:

Trustworthiness, selflessness, encouragement, group time being more than fellowship, deep personal relationship with God, respect, growing together as a group, genuine love and concern, trust, unity...

Now that we've figured out the Whys... next we can look into the Hows.

A time and season for everything... that He makes everything beautiful in His timing. All these makes so much sense when you see them in application. Hahaha.

There were good and bad times... but I guess through leading this "rag tag" (a term coined for TMS which has been in my mind for as long as it was used) team of people, He's taught me much in the area of resilience? Hahah... man. I think my life's been challenged very much in this area top, bottom, left, ride, centre, in and out... Hahaha. But yea. I will be deceiving myself if I say I've not grown attached to the bunch of crazy people... well. There'll come a time when everyone will move on... but hopefully by then each of them would have caught what's needed to be caught.

Time fliesssss. Hahaha.

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"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12

Zeb goes through really rigorous physical training in preparations for the gymnastics competitions... as with the other sporting atheletes out there who train rigorously.

With perseverance comes character... comes hope. (Romans 5:3-4) It's something that only those who've gone through that will understand.

It may be a sport now... but come years down the road when it translates to perseverance in life's crashing waves, I'm sure he'll look back and not regret a single bit, yea brother? ;)

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I know that I'm far from perfect... that's why I try to do my best and leave the rest to the One who'll carry me through...

I'm not a sadist. But it really warmed my heart to see a very dear boy's eyes red and moist this evening in the midst of prayers... and I just can't help but give thanks as to how much He's allowed him and the rest to grow so much this year. The desire to glorify Him, to honor Him... the yearning to honor parents and yet finding it so hard to...

I really don't think that things can happen overnight... and yet not undermining His ability to make wonders and miracles. But my continual prayer for these dear ones... is that they will learn to persevere in all things... in life, in the family, in school, in all their relationships... and to know that God honors them for trying hard... for their trying hearts, not depending on external responses but just knowing that what they do pleases Him.

And for them to know that hey... Galvin is no better than them. Galvin is still human... just as equally precious in His eyes than anyone of them, not more, not less. That Galvin has his struggles... that he is not perfect (okay lar this one no need to say can see... lol), but by His grace that he may continue to strive alongside in this journey till we all see Him face to face when the time comes.

:)

Glad to see that the families had a good time at the family service. It's amazing to see how some had their moments of revelations when they met one another and realised that their children are in the same youth ministry. But it's amazing la... Hahaha.

And the message by Ps Kk's timely. The prayer time was truly ministering... and I'm glad there's a little time to catch up with the various moms... well, at least as much as the time allowed.

And definitely thanking God that He sustained my health and voice so that I could still make it for the service... and to present the song. Hopefully I didn't sound too nasal... Hahaha. To Grace, Jon, San di & Danny - thanking God for you guys for availing yourselves to provide the accompaniments... blessed by your music. I personally thought it went well. :P

And thankful that Char and her papa and mama managed to come! To those who know the background... this really meant a lot. :) Guess in all things, we'll just have to let God be God... and yea, thank God for ministering to hearts! :)

(end note)

It's not not just about you or the band... it's just not about you nor the band at all... and it's not also about Jesus Christ... but all about Jesus Christ.

Hahaha... I just have to put this down. :P

I know it's just a play with words... and I'm aware that it may just be... words. But still. I wonder if I'm the only one who noticed that. Hahaha.

But of course. We have a God who's sovereign. :)

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I'm beginning to understand that when man built the tower of babel (Genesis 11) and when God came and confused man's language, he REALLY came and confused man's language. Hahaha...

Had dinner with 5 the day before and lunch with 6 this afternoon (and a game of chinese chess in which I WON... lol), both who'll be in the land of truly asia for their respective competitions over the weekend. And it's interesting to think about how everything's pieced togther to have the two of them become such close brothers and how He's allowed me to connect to the two.

And you know. It's through these relationships with these guys (the extended family, the dgs...) that I really learn how patient my Pa's been with me. He knows how I should move on... know what I should be, the things I should do, how I should trust Him in all things, how I should do my best to follow Him... and yet gives me the space... the time... and the freedom to choose the way I go, always being there to catch me when I fall. Not "should" or "if"... but "when".

And unknowingly, He increases the level of my faith when I (by the Holy Spirit, His grace) commit all kinds of situations into His hands to know that He is and will be sovereign throughout.

So there's really no such thing as a hopeless case or being. :)

Charmaine is God's grace in my life. Sure, there were many things to work through together... and there will be much more to come I guess... but it heartens my heart to see His hand working so sovereignly and so mightily in both of our lives... to know what the word really means when we say it. :)

The world takes that word too lightly... especially adolescents.

Okay. Time to look for cover. :P

And yes... welcome on board, 7. ;)

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I'm sick today. Think it must have been the Famous Amos cookies I had two days ago... too potent already, caused sore throat. Perhaps I could have averted this if I'd listened to Char. Haha... thankful I gave the other pack away to Zeky after his performance... Chocolate Chip Cookies... everything C! :P

Mom's floating funds are running low... going by the monthly spendings, we can only hold out for another few more months before the account goes dry. I don't really know if it's okay for me to run another round of contributions drive as I've done so for my sis years ago... cause I know deep down that there're so many people out there who'll need contributions more than we do. Mmmm wells.

But having gone through the past eight months keeping real close accounts of spendings and all that (credit to Him through Markudesu), I have every reason to believe and trust that He'll see it through. Even my current one month stint at my alma mater... It's kind of unimaginable that things will turn out this way. My principal approached me a couple days ago and said that things could be worked out in the future for possible continual employment even... even if it's not in the classroom setting. I wonder how... but I guess it's all in His hands. Haha... it's scary, but teaching's actually quite a fulfilling job! :P

Now it's back to work... Been bogged down quite a bit as well by all the backlogged design work to be done. Oh wells. :|

(40 Day)

"... he persevered because he saw him who is invisible." - Hebrews 11:27

Faith. :)

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GRACE@WORK MAIL 29/06
[July 21st 2006 Edition]

Commentary: The Big Questions

"Please pray for my children, pray that they will do well in their exams."

Every year around the times of the major government exams, I will receive many emails/text messages that are variations of the above. Worried parents want divine help for their children, not just to pass their exams, but to ace them.

Families of the Chinese diaspora worldwide will recognize this scenario. It is an accepted conviction that education is the path for immigrant Chinese to do well in their adopted countries. It is the road to prosperity and social advancement.This is an accepted belief in many other racial and cultural groups as well.

Parents rarely ask for prayers that their children will discover their vocations, or grow up to be mature compassionate human beings, or be part of God's programme to make the word a better place. These concerns may be assumed or ignored. The real goals here are survival, prosperity, and social advancement. And we wonder why, generation after generation, things remain very much the same. We have not given our children the encouragement and passion to confront the big questions.

Sharon Daloz Parks spent six years as senior research fellow and visiting professor at Harvard Business School. She was also involved in interviewing entering MBA students. In her article. "How Then Shall We Live?" she writes:

"...although some of these twentysomething young adults had come to business school with thoughtful purpose and meaningful commitments that they expected to live out in the world of ,our commercial institutions, the majority of these bright, talented young adults had been fundamentally cheated. They were already held hostage to assumed lifestyle choices.

No one had initiated them into the great questions of calling and purpose, their lives and their time. No one had asked them to consider: What do I really want the future to look like, for me. for others, for the planet? Why is there a growing gap between the haves and the have-nots? In this (American) society, why do gross patterns of injustice continue to be legitimated by skin colour? Why are anti depressants being prescribed for an increasing number of children? Why is the prison population growing in our society? What are the reasons for climate change? How will we heal the rupture between science and religion? How shall we practice commerce and design governance in the life of the new commons?"

I am sure readers of this column can put together their own list of similar big questions wherever you may be on planet earth.

Parents encourage their children to excel for the best of motives. They know that life in the real world is tough. Immigrant communities in particular understand this. Yet, by not encouraging their children to connect with the big questions of life, parents are not doing justice to the world we have to live in, or to their children.

Christian parents in particular, who should know that life is much more than survival and prosperity, are doing a great disservice to the cause of Christ when we do not encourage our children to pursue the big questions of life.

Unconnected to God's purposes and vocation, our young adults graduate and work their butts off in the exhausting world of the new economy. Initially the thrill of making their mark in the world, and the rewards of money and status, keep them running. But you can run on vocational empty only for so long. Then you crash. Many burn out in their early thirties or even younger. No wonder "...one third of workers ages 25 to 39 already felt burned out by their jobs" (November 2005 Harris Interactive poll).

In my work I have the opportunity to befriend some of these young adults in their early 30s. Many are in different stages of burnout. This is due partly to their neglect of a healthy work-life rhythm. But a lot of it can be traced to exhausting work which is not linked to the big questions of life. Burnout comes because people work hard but are not sure what it's all for. They don't have time to reflect on
the big questions nor are they encouraged to do so.

Christianity has the answers. We are called to enter into a relationship with the living God. We are called to give our lives to bless others. Christianity is a journey full of meaning.

Unfortunately many churches give the impression that the big questions only involve what is happening within the walls of the institutional church. Many churches function with a de facto dichotomy between sacred life and secular life. They end up giving little help to believers as they struggle with the great questions of life. We try to plug them into the church machinery but give them little help to connect their daily lives, their Monday to Saturday lives, with the big questions of life, and with God's answers.

Sometimes the world seem to appreciate the value of the gospel more than those within the church. In a recent article in Newsweek magazine ("Strength From Their Faith", International Edition, July 24, 2006, pp. 28-29) Sarah Schafer and Jonathan Ansfield note the growing number of political activists in China who are embracing Christianity.

They note that "These democracy and human-rights advocates embrace Christianity because they are activists and not the other way round." A young Chinese lawyer noted "Christianity's role in promoting freedom, democracy and respect for human rights around the world. He found that he believed in these principles too and realized that he'd discovered a deep system of values that resonated with his
life and work."

The same article also mentions Yu Jie, a dissident writer who came to Christ through the influence of his wife. Yu "admired Jesus' philosophy of nonviolent resistance. And he liked the idea of change fueled by love rather than hate." Yu said: "I had to find a new belief. Democracy is only a political system. Of course I would fight to the end for democracy, but it can't bring spiritual happiness."

We live in critical times. The carnage resumes in Sri Lanka and the Middle East. The citizens of countries as disparate as the United States and Malaysia find themselves increasingly divided and with growing tensions accompanying the polarization. Daily we face new signs of global climate change. How can we, with any good conscience, let our children think it is business as usual and let them think
that education is only a passport to prosperity and privilege, an endeavour totally unrelated to the big questions of life?

I am just thinking as to what I should do the next time someone asks me to pray for their child's educational success. I think I will first ask why. Why do they want their child to do well in school? For what purpose? For whose glory?

Your brother,
Soo-Inn Tan

Write me!
sooinn@graceatwork.org

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0

Had early dismissal the day before so that the students and staff could go support the various finals held at the various locations.

Then we have it again today.

Occasion?

The Track and Field boys dominated all the A, B, & C division championships yet again. And I guess it's all the more meaningful since HCI still manages to maintain the record despite the rise of the Singapore Sports School.

I'm not complaining! :P

And yea. For all there was and is... I'm proud to be a Hwachongian. :)

0

"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7(b)

And that's more than enough.

It's one thing to appreciate the drama with such a powerful message... and another to go hey, that's my wudi on stage!... Hahahaha.

Okay. Time to sleep!! :P

0

I attended the 'C' Division Inter School Artistic Gymnastics finals held at the Bishan Sports Complex for as long as time allowed.

As I walked out of the place... I remembered something that Ren (one of my boys) used to tell me, whom he quoted from Stalin that "a million deaths is a statistic... and a single death is a tragedy."

Actually it's nothing close to that context when I thought of the quote la... but rather, that in the midst of the million deaths that you know some people personally, it'll no longer be just a statistic.

Students were there to cheer their schoolmates on... and when each of them went on their names were cheered... and I'm sure for those who knew their schoolmates personally, their cheering takes on a meaning that moves beyond just the school spirit.

The HCI boys were really of a different class. It's incredible that they're able to pull off such moves at such a young age... short of perfection at their level? Haha... Oh, I think I saw my gym teacher Mr. Foo there as one of the judges. Yea. All TCHS (now HCI) students go through a semester of gymnastics... and of course, it was torturous for people like me who WERE obsese. Hahaha... But well, fun memories still. :)

But thank God that He doesn't subscribe to meritocracy. Haha...

It was cool seeing Zeb on the floor mat, running the pummel, doing the vault and poles... you go boy. :)

And I'm reminded that He receives and delights in our offerings as long as we've done the our best... just as a father delights in his son's attempts in all things as long as he's put in the effort.

And oh. Had a rather cool time in class. Hopefully it'll be this way for the rest of the month! :P

(afterthought)

But when your eyes are opened... you'll realise that even a zillion deaths without Him... each is a tragedy.

0

"The greatest realisation came to me when I saw that there was nothing I had to do to receive His power but to submit to Christ, to allow Him to control me. I had been trying to do everything myself; now I let Christ take me completely. I said to Christ that if He wanted anything from me that He would have to do it Himself. My life was changed from that moment on." - Henrietta Mears

From Campus Crusade for Christ's Discovery Group series:

Many people today do not experience the abundant Christian life because they are unaware of the great resources that God has made available to them. As a result, they try to live the Christian life through their own resources. They try to do what is right, but they find that the standards of the Christian life are impossible to fulfill. The Christian life is not hard to live, it's impossible to live. The only way a Christian can live the life is if Christ lives it through him.

From 40 Day devotional, today's entry:

"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him." - Jim Elliot

0

I am at a loss of words.

So let my words be few.

but just a THANK YOU.

Bapak saya cintaMu.

Very very much.

Terimah Kasih.

Yesus Tuhan.

Amin.

(amused)

"Maybe I can take up the challenge to be a councillor. In my next life maybe."

- dated 06 Jun '99.

Terribly amused. Hahahaha... For more amusement, simply tune in to my 1999 entries when I was just seventeen. Oh... such grace that carried me through...!

(revelation)

But then. I'm born again. :P

0

How to run... tell me... how to run? Sigh...

Haha.

(from 40 day, 16 Jul entry)

NO INSURANCE

It's interesting that the call of Abraham is recorded in Genesis 12. Go back one chapter. Genesis 11 describes the building of the Tower of Babel. It speaks of the human attempt to supersede God, to exalt ourselves and make our "brand" name great. Ego speaks, loud and clear [11:4].

Genesis 12 turns the tables. God speaks. And He nullifies all human striving. And God commits Himself by four I will's. Self effort is rendered useless. Man simply has to hear the call and obey. God will do the rest. We can learntwo things about God's call from this story.

The first is this. The call of God can sometimes appear impossible, even ridiculous. It defies human reasoning. It can contradict empirical reality and the sum total of all our previous experiences. Abram must have thought how could I ever produce a great nation when I didn't even have a single child? Sarah is barren. It is impossible. We have both given up. We're simply too old now.

The second thing about God's call is this: He does not reveal the complete picture all at once. This is something super efficient Singaporeans are extremely allergic to. We simply must know everything, and we must know now. To not know what's up, what's next, drives us insane. We cannot plan ahead. We cannot draw up a budget. We cannot come up with a plan B.

And perhaps, that is the point. God doesn't want us to obey His call only because we have done all the sums, planned the exact route, checked the weather forecast, and decided the journey would be pleasant enough. He wants us to respond simply because He has spoken. His Word alone is sufficient.

Call Waiting.

1

Come to think of it... it's a little scary not to know what's going to happen and how it's going to be... but for all that He's prompted and led and laid upon my heart, I'll just go with the faith that I ought to have.

0

DRAW ME CLOSE
by Kelly Carpenter
Vineyard Publishing

Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend

You are my desire
No one else will do
'Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near

I remember reading about how this song came about... the writer of this song wrote it in a moment of immense desperation and helplessness... to know that nothing else in this world satisfies cept for Him.

And indeed, as often as it's used in the midst of church worship services, it's not exactly a song that can be sung easily... less the people fall into the trap of hypocrisy.

And man... it really takes one to enter into that place of desperation before one can mean the words being sung.

Keng Yeow led us into a time of worship this morning... and as we sang this song, he asked God to lead us into that happy place.

And indeed... only the desperate knows how happy a place it can be.

No one else will do...
Nothing else could take your place...
Thank You for bringing me to that place...

:)

0

No lessons today... and so I spent a good half the time doing the rest of the marking and preparing for next week's lessons. Plagiarism aside, there has been some encouragement trickling in the form of students responding to the call for handing in original scripts and showing signs of learning and wanting to learn... staying for about half an hour after school to meet this student who requested for consultation time.

It's been rather cold in the office today temperature wise since it's been raining the entire day. Brrr. Wonder how er di's canoe finals and wu di's rowing semi finals went...

Dawn prayer this morning was unexplainable. I had to leave early for work... but for the time that's spent there, it's worth every moment of it.

I experienced a surge from within in the midst of worship. And the most unexplainable thing was how I kept welling up through Ps Kai's sharing while the rest were laughing along at some parts still. Was it because I totally identified with all that he'd shared? I don't know... but for all the unexplainables, I know it must have been the Holy Spirit.

And I am overwhlemed again by that overwhelming grace that He's been pouring day after day. To know that it is only by His Spirit that we may draw close to Himself, that we may live lives of worship.

It's kinda silly... but I looked into the mirror this morning when I woke up... and talked to myself... and I scolded myself... for all the shouldn't-be-there thoughts... thoughts that are stupid, silly, unnecessary, and if I may add, morbid... and definitely not God glorifying.

If only thorns can be easily plucked out.

But I really can't explain how overwhlemed I am by the grace that He's given... and no, it's not the emotionally overwhelmed kind of overwhelmed... (by the way I just found out from the psychometric test which I took in lesson two days ago that I am not exactly an emotionally driven person... contrary to popular self belief! Hahahaha...)

That He'll go so far for a person like me.

And I realised... that the healing process has actually started since day one, when He shone His light into my life. That the road of sanctification is exactly the path... that all else fades as we grow more and more into His likeness.

His grace doesn't come cheap. And for someone who's known the depths of his sinfulness, it makes His grace priceless. And perhaps it's also due to my personal low self esteem in the past (as is reflected in the test taken still) that I know for all that's been accomplished - the achievements, the blessings, the ministering, the relationships... there can only be One person who's done it in and through me.

For I am nothing.

And apart from Him I can do nothing.

And that's God esteem for you. Hur. :)

Okay. Digressed. I was meant to write an entry on the Christian Adolescent. So here goes. Haha.

Upon some reflection and reading, I do realise that Romans 12, just as any portion of the Bible, applies just as much to the adolescent going through his or her teenage years then any other age range.

The Christian adolescent is called to be different. To be in this world and yet not of this world. And yet because of the fact that we're in the world we tend to conform to the patterns of the world most of the time without even realising it. Being "holy" in turn becomes a detested and rejected concept, especially in the younger generation today.

Still, it boils down to just one very important deciding factor, and that is the personal relationship each youth has with his or her Creator. We will notice that those who profess a living relationship with a living God often take clearer stands in terms of morality issues and will try his or her utmost bests to maintain them, not for themselves but for God.

And unless God breaks in and administers His bountiful grace, those falling into this age gap will often end up very self centred and self absorbed... just take a look at one of my entries entitled "Me, Myself and I" written when I was seventeen (mr. ostrich please dig me a hole...). Hahaha...

I was searching around on the internet just hours ago... and found a blog belonging to a brother whom I know by face and name. He's the eldest son in the family... and going from the fact that he was from a pretty good school (okay understatement. Haha.) and all, I had a rather different impression of him, that is before I started reading.

I was reading... smiling... and shaking my head all at the same time. Hahaha... Then I realised that eh. Yeah. The writings of an adolescent... wouldn't really very much differ from that of another. I shook my head not of disapproval... but with a tinge of sadness to see how his journey's filled with all the things that could have been avoided if he's set his heart for God.

But I do know that He's sovereign. Perhaps just as what Ps Kai has mentioned this morning... that we have not be been brought to the lowliest of places to know that's where He knows that it's time for Him to deliver.

I'm sure this brother wouldn't mind an extra interceder... Hur hur.

I read in my textbook that in adolescence, youths take boy girl relationships very seriously and often also end up in very heart breaking breakups. The dreams of having a partner together for the rest of your lives, for a hand to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do us part... it's genuine... it's real.

Thing is. Breakups will not come as easy if relationships are centred upon Him I guess. But youths are youths la har... that's the way it is?

You satisfy me. I satisfy you. One day I realise someone satisfies me better... or perhaps you don't satisfy me as much as I thought you would anymore... or perhaps you found someone who can satisfy you better...

And no, we're not even talking about the physical.

He satisfies me. He satisfies you. He points me to you. He points you to me. Let's get together to satisfy Him.

It looks and sounds like dull and boring.

But those in the midst of such relationships can tell you oh how wrong you are. (Markudesu please nod your head harder. Yes! Harder!!!)

Hahahaha...

Then I look at my guys.

WAH. Either they've all been caught in His embrace and they've started even at such ages to live lives worthy of Him... or it'll means that I'll need to go buy popcorn and preview the movie "What Lies Beneath"!!

*LOL*

But really. I've learnt not to do as much already... and learn that He is sovereign. Shall just be a friend whom if they want to just be around to lend a listening ear... or one whom they can throw aside. Hahaha...

It has been shown (at least on this site) that long entries are often skipped... if you've actually read up to this point, give yourself a pat on your back... and perhaps leave a tag. Hur it rhymes!! :P

0

There'll be times when we feel detached.

There'll be times when we feel dry.

There'll be times when we feel deluded.

There'll be times when we feel drowned out.

There'll be times when we feel disturbed.

There'll be times when we feel depreciated.

There'll be times when we feel decapacitated.

There'll be times when we feel demoralised.

Then we realised...

That feelings deceive us most of the time.

That we forgot our identity is deep-rooted.

That the knowledge of His love brings delight.

Then you're happy all over again!! Hahahaha...

Seriously. It just dawned upon me that this walk's not so much of whether I can feel Him in my life or not... or rather I have moved past that "stage" of journey to know that the spiritual milestones that He's laid down for me sustains me especially through times of dryness.

That my faith is hinged upon the death and resurrection.

That my life is sold for a cause, now and forevermore.

That I've tasted and I've seen, not necessarily every single moment of my life, but for every moment savoured, I give thanks.

That my carnality shall be acknowledged and yet to know that I have the Holy Spirit in me for me to make that choice to know my indentity in Christ, count myself dead to sins, present myself as righteous and blameless... and obey.

I love You Jesus. I really don't know where I'll be right now if I was left to myself five years ago.

FOR THIS CAUSE
by Hillsong Music Australia

Hope has found its home within me
Now that I've been found in You
Let all that I am be all You want me to be
'Cause all I want is more of You

Let Your presence fall upon us
I want to see You face to face
Let me live forever lost in Your love
'Cause all I want is more of You
All I want is more of You

I'm living for this cause
I lay down my life
Into Your hands
I'm living for the truth
The hope of the world
In You I'll stand
'Cause all I want is You
All I want is
All I want is You
Jesus

(heavenly food)

Thank You God for the yummiest chawanmushi and apple crumble I've ever tasted in my life today.

:)

0

By You...

In You...

Through You...

With You...

To You...

For You.

Just twelve words.

(congrats to lao er & lao wu. :) )

Lao wu qualified for the semi finals of his rowing comp.

Lao er qualified for the finals of his canoe comp.

Thankful to have made it in time to witness lao er's qualifying moment into the semi finals... there's this rumbling inside as his schoolmates cheered on for him and his teammate... and haha... it's just so weird how I'm standing with the Raffles camp so much right now. Why ah? I wonder too... Hahaha.

:P

0

It's interesting to receive submissions from different students displaying the exact same style of coding and of course, the same mistakes.

Hmm. Interesting shouldn't be the word to use here. Saddening more probably.

Perhaps not everyone comes with the learner mentality... but come to think of it, I guess it's just the age that they're at. Can only hope that the day will come for each individual to realise how plagiarism and copying other people's work short circuits the individual's learning process.

Morality wise, hopefully the day will come for them to realise that there is no pride in submitting other people's work as their own... at least not wholesale-ly.

And of course, I'll catch a double glance when I notice the same styles and mistakes... and when the name suggests the person to be a fellow brother.

All shall be made known when the final test comes.

0

I spent the past three and a half hours doing nothing but marking!!

Now my level of respect for teachers has been upped by yet another notch!!

Hahaha... man. It's so easy to keep things sloppy and "close one eye" while marking... but somehow I couldn't get myself to do so. So no choice... must give every student equal opportunity in their learning processes. Haha...

It can get quite a bit mundane... but God is good... in that I actually enjoyed the time of marking and replying to the students regarding their assignments.

Time to take a little break and walk the familiar spaces here at my alma mater.

Many things have changed... and yet there're things that haven't changed much.

Most of my teachers don't recognise me anymore... LOL. If anything, I'll only be known if I mention a magic word... but it's quite sad that people remember you by your achievement and not by who you are... oh wells.

Alright. Time to chill a bit. ;)

0

Hahaha... don't worry. Just a regular update for those prayer warriors out there who've been keeping me and my family in prayers faithfully... shout out to Celine!!! :)

It's been an interesting first day at work... kind of fumbled in the first lesson not really knowing what to do. It was a little better for the latter lesson with the latter class.

I don't know how much satisfaction can be derived out of one month's worth of relief teaching... it's really not about the money though I do appreicate the stable source in the short run since mom's account's running pretty tight. The nature of my stint does not allow me to really build close bonds since I only meet each class once a week... and the teaching's minimal. And the admin... *makes grumbling noises* Hahahahaha...

Well. Please pray that I will dutifully fulfill the work requirements and He'll take away whatever reservations and the inertia to step beyond my circle of confidence. I must confess that it's daunting still... to teach in front of an entire class... I think I'll fare better in small group settings. Oh wells. :P

Need loads of strength and wisdom to juggle this with the freelance design work I currently have as well... Not exactly faring well in this aspect. Been falling back in schedule for the couple of projects and there're new ones coming up which I really want to decline... Hmmm. Hoping that my time shall be wisely spent and multiplied! Haha... Wisdom's really needed. Even though the upcoming projects are all important ones... I really need the discernment to know that there are many others around who can do them too.

Went to Bishan area for dg... but ended up no dg. Haha... but it was good. I got my haircut there... and also experienced His goodness there too. Felt so loved!! :)

To sum it all up... Discipline, courage, wisdom and perserverance.

Time to exercise discipline and do some reading before sleeping early.

:)

0

It's amazing how I heard this song ("Your Grace Is Enough" by Chris Tomlin) for the very first time for main service worship this morning of all days... it really sums up the entire week firstly... and secondly, this morning's Char's first official main service and it happens to be her favourite song of the moment.

Tell me about it.

And the photos above bear testimony of God's grace.

As I reflect upon the journies of many of the faces you see up there, I can only say...

Only by grace...

Only by grace. :)

Thank God for opened eyes, longing hearts, faithful souls...