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Cellgroup was held the night before at Eddie and Abram's new service apartment just behind the Hereens.

We did a round up on the book of Colossians... and personally, I was reminded again of the distinctiveness of the Christian faith - that is, the personal relationship one is able to re-establish with our Creator.

Who is Christ to you? Without reading on, take a minute or two to ponder upon this. You may be a Christian, a Catholic, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Hindu, a free thinker... but if you've ever heard of Him and know about Him a little, do ponder a little about who He is to you before reading on.

Stranger? Good teacher? Great prophet? Founder of Christianity? Son of God? God?

We were asked this first question on the paper the night before... and we're asked to "try and write from the heart, without referring to the bible passages".

Some wrote quite a bit... here's what I had:

Savior, Lord, Friend... who gives me what I don't deserve

Then we're asked to compare and contrast the answer with how Paul presents Christ in Colossians 1:13-20:

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

I remember what brother Soo-Inn wrote in one of his commentaries about romantisizing God. I think I tend to do that quite a bit, especially when I relate to Him on a personal level. But He's really all that I wrote - my Saviour and Friend, someone who gives me things that I don't deserve.

And then we read that He is God, all mighty, all powerful, holy, where people lay postrate in His presence...

But that's who He is. God and King... Savior and Friend.

And it's amazing to know that the very same God who created the heavens and the earth... who holds all things together... is the very same God who strikes up a love relationship with all of us.

Who is Christ to you?

:)

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This looks pretty much like one huge piece of a digital photo collage right? Hahaha...

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It wasn't as good a Sunday morning and afternoon it could have been... there was this cloud of oppression of sorts that followed... lots of distractions in the midst of discipleship time... and I must admit that I was quite discouraged by the seemingly lack of focus and interest. Just hoping that it's just part of my oppressed thinking... but it may more so be an initial onslaught due to the things that are to come.

Always be on the guard... and never forget who's prowling like a roaring lion.

But the thought that God is in control is enough. And the fact is they really have grown.

By so much. :)

This kind of oppressive feeling is something I hadn't had in a really long time. It kind of grew on me and caused me to be a little over sensitive for the entire first half of the day... bleaaah.

But yeah. Thank God it dissipated some time after I returned home... and it got lifted totally when I learnt of some pretty good news. :)

The thought of it still puts a smile on my face. Hahaha..

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First off, the definition:

Main Entry: vul·ner·a·ble
Pronunciation: 'v&l-n(&-)r&-b&l, 'v&l-n&r-b&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: Late Latin vulnerabilis, from Latin vulnerare to wound, from vulner-, vulnus wound; probably akin to Latin vellere to pluck, Greek oulE wound
1 : capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2 : open to attack or damage : ASSAILABLE <vulnerable to criticism>
3 : liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses after winning a game in contract bridge

When two or more people meet together and grow in a relationship (friendship, boy-girl relationship, etc), we're basically looking at two or more different worlds colliding together. Each indivudal brings to the relationship a different set of perspectives, a different personality, a unique dimension.

And sometimes, the jigsaw pieces just don't match one another. There'll be jagged edges, people not seeing eye to eye in certain areas, people having different tresholds, etc.

That is where one must learn the meaning of the word.

To know that when different people get together to grow together, there's bound to be differences... and we all stand a good chance of getting wounded (preferably not physically).

Of course, we can (as how I'd used to) prevent ourselves from being wounded. We can close up ourselves and refuse the possiblity of forging deep relationships and close friendships. We can limit our interactions and always just plough the surface, and very much putting up a front in front of others... or simply just keep quiet. Or to some, it comes in the form of playing the fool.

Jesus showed me how He loved.

He showed me how to be vulnerable.

That an invulnerable God would choose to be vulnerable.

To be vulnerable before God... and to be vulnerable before man.

And that's... how we can grow in relationships.

And... if the people concerned mean the whole world to you, then vulerability becomes something intrinsic in you I guess.

Writing from personal experience... I don't know how much I'd been chopped, sliced, diced, blended, mixed...

HAHAHAHAHA...

How much do we understand when we're told that God loves us very much?

What do we make of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross?

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It means: The LORD will provide.

He knows our needs.

I know this can sound rather frivolous... but through this it also shows me how humorous Papa is... as He's always been from time to time.

:P

My flip flops' (one and only one) relatively worn out on the bottom... so I've been thinking lately to get a new pair - a pair that will perhaps last longer. And somehow I came across this brand of flip flops... and I started contemplating to get a new pair in time to come.

But as always, there was this struggle inside, to know that a cheap pair will make do actually. So it was more of a contemplate and wait, wait and contemplate thing, not really knowing if I'd eventually buy a pair.

Last sunday, one of my boys wore my flip flops down to get lunch after discipleship... with socks. The flip flops came back broken. Then he said he'd replace it - he's a pair at home given to him but he never wears flip flops.

Just then he came by and passed me the flip flops.

Guess what!!!

Hahaha...

Yeah. It's that brand. :P

Thank you... thank You. :)

But far above this frivolity, I'll always remember how the Name came about... and how life can be lived upon His promises, not for a comfortable living on earth, but for greater things that is to come.

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Had project meetings in school today... enjoyed the time spent with one of the teams - very engaging time with a pretty motivated and initiated team where all teammates gave input. :)

Parked myself at capitol's starbucks again before lesson. Had a good time reading and journaling... if only I can condition myself to do that at home as well... Haha.

Lesson was great - a topic that's superbly close to my heart... a topic that'll encompass what I'll most probably be doing in the long run. :)

But what I'm really thankful... and something that I tend to overlook, is how blessed it has been to be able to spend wednesday nights after lesson to have late dinners with two very dear brothers, enjoying the zi char and catching up.

Thankful for all the people He's placed in my life. :)

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I used to see the hymn "Amazing Grace" as just a hymn. You know, knowing what the words mean but not really knowing.

AMAZING GRACE

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, Who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.

When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun.

How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed...

To understand the Bible, the Holy Spirit is required to be in us for His Word to be illumined... otherwise it will appear as foolishness to the undiscerned.

To have the Holy Spirit in us, one is required to take the step of faith to believe and invite Jesus into one's life as personal Lord and Savior.

To take the step of faith, as much as it may seem to be as a personal choice, it is very much God's grace and initiative.

How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed...

How sweet the sound...

I was engaged in an inter-faith dialogue today... and what transpired for me personally was a deeper conviction of all that's above.

May God's grace be upon you... whoever you are, wherever you are.

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The information found in Wikipedia may not be entirely complete, but it gives a good introduction - click here and have a read.

But I personally found "The Message" version of 1 Corinthians 14 easier to understand... and I hope you will too. :)

Haha.. sometimes it's best to get back to the Source. Do I pray in tongues? Yes... but it's just between me and God. Speaking in tongues (in terms of an unknown utterance) is a spiritual gift that not everyone has been given (and that's where certain theological fronts differ - most pentecostals and charismatics view speaking in tongues as a mark of being filled with the Holy Spirit), and if congregations practice speaking and praying in tongues, the portion should be geared towards the individual and God for self edification. Intepretation is necessary (another gift), should there be times when someone speaks forth in tongues a message.

But I really think the passage sums it up really well. :)

Speaking in tongues to me is a gift of intimacy in times of worship, a gift of expression in times of not knowing how to further pray... definitely not something "ritual" or meant to be displayed.

And you'll definitely not hear me speak in tongues any oh how. :)

1 Corinthians 14 (The Message)

Prayer Language

Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it—because it does. Give yourselves to the gifts God gives you. Most of all, try to proclaim his truth. If you praise him in the private language of tongues, God understands you but no one else does, for you are sharing intimacies just between you and him. But when you proclaim his truth in everyday speech, you're letting others in on the truth so that they can grow and be strong and experience his presence with you.

The one who prays using a private "prayer language" certainly gets a lot out of it, but proclaiming God's truth to the church in its common language brings the whole church into growth and strength. I want all of you to develop intimacies with God in prayer, but please don't stop with that. Go on and proclaim his clear truth to others. It's more important that everyone have access to the knowledge and love of God in language everyone understands than that you go off and cultivate God's presence in a mysterious prayer language—unless, of course, there is someone who can interpret what you are saying for the benefit of all.

Think, friends: If I come to you and all I do is pray privately to God in a way only he can understand, what are you going to get out of that? If I don't address you plainly with some insight or truth or proclamation or teaching, what help am I to you? If musical instruments—flutes, say, or harps—aren't played so that each note is distinct and in tune, how will anyone be able to catch the melody and enjoy the music? If the trumpet call can't be distinguished, will anyone show up for the battle?

So if you speak in a way no one can understand, what's the point of opening your mouth? There are many languages in the world and they all mean something to someone. But if I don't understand the language, it's not going to do me much good. It's no different with you. Since you're so eager to participate in what God is doing, why don't you concentrate on doing what helps everyone in the church?

So, when you pray in your private prayer language, don't hoard the experience for yourself. Pray for the insight and ability to bring others into that intimacy. If I pray in tongues, my spirit prays but my mind lies fallow, and all that intelligence is wasted. So what's the solution? The answer is simple enough. Do both. I should be spiritually free and expressive as I pray, but I should also be thoughtful and mindful as I pray. I should sing with my spirit, and sing with my mind. If you give a blessing using your private prayer language, which no one else understands, how can some outsider who has just shown up and has no idea what's going on know when to say "Amen"? Your blessing might be beautiful, but you have very effectively cut that person out of it.

I'm grateful to God for the gift of praying in tongues that he gives us for praising him, which leads to wonderful intimacies we enjoy with him. I enter into this as much or more than any of you. But when I'm in a church assembled for worship, I'd rather say five words that everyone can understand and learn from than say ten thousand that sound to others like gibberish.

To be perfectly frank, I'm getting exasperated with your infantile thinking. How long before you grow up and use your head—your adult head? It's all right to have a childlike unfamiliarity with evil; a simple no is all that's needed there. But there's far more to saying yes to something. Only mature and well-exercised intelligence can save you from falling into gullibility. It's written in Scripture that God said,

In strange tongues
and from the mouths of strangers
I will preach to this people,
but they'll neither listen nor believe.

So where does it get you, all this speaking in tongues no one understands? It doesn't help believers, and it only gives unbelievers something to gawk at. Plain truth-speaking, on the other hand, goes straight to the heart of believers and doesn't get in the way of unbelievers. If you come together as a congregation and some unbelieving outsiders walk in on you as you're all praying in tongues, unintelligible to each other and to them, won't they assume you've taken leave of your senses and get out of there as fast as they can? But if some unbelieving outsiders walk in on a service where people are speaking out God's truth, the plain words will bring them up against the truth and probe their hearts. Before you know it, they're going to be on their faces before God, recognizing that God is among you.

So here's what I want you to do. When you gather for worship, each one of you be prepared with something that will be useful for all: Sing a hymn, teach a lesson, tell a story, lead a prayer, provide an insight. If prayers are offered in tongues, two or three's the limit, and then only if someone is present who can interpret what you're saying. Otherwise, keep it between God and yourself. And no more than two or three speakers at a meeting, with the rest of you listening and taking it to heart. Take your turn, no one person taking over. Then each speaker gets a chance to say something special from God, and you all learn from each other. If you choose to speak, you're also responsible for how and when you speak. When we worship the right way, God doesn't stir us up into confusion; he brings us into harmony. This goes for all the churches—no exceptions.

Wives must not disrupt worship, talking when they should be listening, asking questions that could more appropriately be asked of their husbands at home. God's Book of the law guides our manners and customs here. Wives have no license to use the time of worship for unwarranted speaking. Do you—both women and men—imagine that you're a sacred oracle determining what's right and wrong? Do you think everything revolves around you?

If any one of you thinks God has something for you to say or has inspired you to do something, pay close attention to what I have written. This is the way the Master wants it. If you won't play by these rules, God can't use you. Sorry.

Three things, then, to sum this up: When you speak forth God's truth, speak your heart out. Don't tell people how they should or shouldn't pray when they're praying in tongues that you don't understand. Be courteous and considerate in everything.

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Sometimes, I'm not who I seem to be
Sometimes, I keep it all inside of me
I know I could use a friend
But how can I tell you what's in my head?

That's when I cry
I let the tears run down my face
In the darkness
Where you can't see me
And you can't ask me why.

But when you're there
I keep my head held high
With a smile upon my face
So you don't know my pain or what I'm going through.

It's too late, you can't help me now.
It's too late, you can't help me now.

- Don, a high school student

I Wish...

I wish I could tell secrets
To someone who would listen,
To someone who wouldn't tell.

I wish I could meet that special someone
Someone who loves me,
Someone who cares for me.

I wish I could talk to someone,
Someone who would understand,
Someone who wouldn't laugh.

I wish I had a best friend,
Someone I can trust,
Someone I can tell secrets to.

Someone who understands me,
Someone who will grow with me,
Someone I can talk to.

- high school student

The courtyard is filled with teenagers,
Fake smiles, fake friendships.
They are everywhere.
Freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors,
Jocks, preps, freaks, geeks,
There is no exception to the rule,
All desperately wanting to feel wanted,
To feel needed, included, loved.
Do you not realise that this is pointless?
That all the empty phrases,
All the fake hugs and hellos are worthless?
That will never satisfy their longing.

- high school student

Power, no matter how well intentioned, tends to cause suffering. Love, being vulnerable, absorbs it.

- Philip Yancey, What's So Amazing about Grace?

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Sigh... this is so terrible, my guys all ganging up on me. :(

Hahaha...

It's aunty witwit's day off today, so we had discipleship group at my place instead. Peter and Amos left for missions meeting and a camp meeting respectively while the rest stayed behind after lunch.

It took a little while to get familiarised with Super Munchkins... but they started to get the hang of it soon after... then they learnt how to forge an alliance against me. SIGH. They did an ultra super combo and toppled me to the bottomest level.

Wonderful. :|

But yeah. It was an enjoyable time somehow. Haha.

Now it's time to get back to some work before the sun sets.

:)

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I'LL STAND IN THE GAP
19 November 2006

Lord teach me to trust
in Your sovereign will and plan
That You have got
all things within Your hand
The burdens I have
The many worries, doubts and fears
Teach me to cast them all to You
and trust

That the day will come
for things to be brought to pass
That I'll see dear ones
coming to know You
Lord I'll stand in the gap
Teach me to be faithful and not forget
To remember them in prayer
Amen

Lord increase my faith
To believe what You can do
With this mustard seed of faith
I come to You
To know that You'll touch
Just as how You've touched my heart
No matter how long it will take
I'll pray

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It just hits randomly I guess. Hahaha...

You know, some moments you suddenly feel so tired and lathargic... as if the entire world's crashin' in.

And then you don't feel like exerting energy to do anything.

And it doesn't help when you feel like you're a boring leader rattling away and not sustaining attention... sometimes I really feel that they can afford someone who's better, more eloquent, more bold, more to the point, more articulate, more knowledgeable...

Dinner was extraordinarily quiet today.

I'm just being frank of my feelings... not that I needed any advice on this, cause I know ultimately He sustains... and empowers.

And thanks to the brother who kinda lifted the melancholy off me just now over msn with all the emoticon playing... Haha... Aye, finally meeting for lunch with him after a really long postponement! :)

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生命中有很多东西恐怕是很难改变的吧... 今天，又做了件傻事。去年做过一次，原本以为不会再采取如此的行动，谁知道...哈。人...始终没出现。 但时间并非因此而浪费。

我相信...神会带我们走过所有一切崎岖道路。

- 31 October 2005

This was what was written exactly a year ago after waiting at a particular void deck for over an hour and a half for someone who eventually never appeared.

Today... I relived the experience... 'cept that that someone turned up.

It has been a year since I've last seen him.

It was running really late after Spiders meeting today, so I took a double quick time to get to the bus stop, hoping that I won't miss the last bus home. Boarded the bus, sat at the back, took out my player...

Well. There were people boarding the bus at almost every stop. There came a point when the bus stopped and a boy boarded the bus.

I wasn't sure but I did a double glance.

Then my heart started beating faster.

It's him for sure... cept that he's spotting tinges of brown hair now.

He initially motioned to sit in the front but somehow walked all the way to the back.

We saw one another.

I don't know about him... but to me that was a moment I really didn't know what to say.

Been praying... been praying.

We talked... or rather I talked most of the time. Some things never changed. Walked him back home and waited at the void deck for him to pass me something which I asked him to fill in some time back. For a moment, it really seemed as if I was back to a year back... he eventually came down, and we spent some time sitting at that all familiar bench.

And I can only continue to trust that God will move in his life, protect him and keep him from harm.

But yea... if only I could emote properly these days, I would have cried. Haha...

Teach me to trust... pray... and obey.

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It's funny how I've got quite a number of dear friends talking to me about finances these days, one after another, day after day. I'm thankful and grateful for the concern... feel so loved okay. :)

Well. Thing is, I've put off writing this for a really long time... because I don't know if it's right for me to raise support for my mom's medical and living expenses. It has been done so previously for my sister's leukemia condition... and I'm really thankful for all the contributions and help that came in throughout the many years - it was a sight to behold that the required amount was actually successfully raised, and that quite a lot of contributions came from online and often anonymous people. Thank God.

As of now, my dad's handling my sister's medical account, paying back monthly whatever amount that is due, on top of the fees incurred for blood tests and bone marrow tests. By the grace of God, her medicine (four pills per day, each costing S$35) has been offset by a foundation that dispenses the medication.

For those who may not be in the know, my mom was struck with severe brain haemorrhage due to a rare brain disease called Moyamoya in June 2005. Doctors initially said that patients presented with such a case wouldn't have a good prognosis and we were asked to be prepared for the worst... and it's really by God's grace that she was able to pull through the ordeal.

She's been bedridden ever since, fed through a tube through her stomach, breathing through a tracheostomy tube through her neck (there were some complications during her stay in the hospital in which I shall not name...). Given the nature of labour and time needed, we hired a caregiver who's able to look after mom for most parts of the day and handle her bathing and sanitary needs, with me being the second caregiver in line.

I've also been the one managing mom's account, making sure things get paid. I have to confess that the account depletes every month because the monthly input isn't enough to cover the expenditures. Both my dad and mom's medisave and medishield accounts are more or less exhausted by the payments for her extended stay in the hospitals over half a year from June 2006 to January 2007.

Yes, I am trying my best to work and study at the same time... but at the same time I'm reminded that I'll need to think of the future that's laid in front of me, that I'll need savings of my own to move on in life. The crunch time will come in two years time when the monthly support that she's getting now ceases - that'll mean 100% deficit in her account every month.

If you've ever been blessed by the writings you see here... or the songs you hear... or simply if you feel led and want to lend a hand and contribute to her monthly fees, be it a one time gift or a monthly support, my family and I will be really grateful and thankful. Her average monthly expenses now are as such:

There are currently three ways in which you can make a monetary contribution, through Paypal, bank transfer or cheque.

Paypal:

Bank Transfer:
Please email me.

Cheque:
Make cheque payable to Sng Minghui, Galvin and send to:

Galvin (Contribution to mom)
Blk 404, Fajar Road,
#06-269
Singapore 670404
Singapore

I will post an update on this entry regularly to keep you informed of the status of contribution... thanks in advance.

And to the many who've already contributed so much in both ordeals, thank you... thank You.

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Char and I decided to do a cook in again for our weekly tuesday night out... there was supposed to be a tomato base pasta... but the sauce we bought - the cover got stuck. :| Ya. So we made do with just the pesto one in the end. Turned out pretty okay... we used fish and chicken franks this time round instead of chicken breast. The linguinne was a little hard though - think will let it cook longer the next time.

But haha... I think we should expand our repetoire in time to come. :P

Anyways with regards to undercharging people... it simply means that I always charge lesser than my work's worth. Sometimes I wonder what's stopping me to charge at the same professional rate or even higher (dori kept saying that my portfolio's strong)... but yeah, that's how it's always been I guess. And that's why I find myself in a hard position to pursue freelance design as full time work.

But ultimately... all's in His hands.

(what's been on my mind...)

There are fears and apprehensions to be lifted up to Him... I'm jotting this down here to make a note of it. Will write about them when the time comes... when things come to pass... hopefully. Then it'll become a testimony of His faithfullness and His grace. :)

In any case, I'm thankful for how He's drawing me close to Him these days. It's not the case of any spiritual "high" or whatsoever... in fact, all's been pretty plateau-y... cept that the plateau's on a pretty high ground bah. Perhaps gently sloped towards higher ground... and under anti-gravitational forces. :P

Alrights. Till next time!

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I'm forever undercharging people. :|

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It really just seems like yesterday when this boy would always come up to me halfway through the youth service (it was on sundays back then) and tell me that he had to leave for golf lessons... Hahaha.

He's really not your typical rich man's son. No airs... well mannered... responsible. Knows when to be a fool (and a very good one at that) and when to be serious.

I know. It's very much contrary to the "how - many - more - years - to - maturity" thing we've been talking about.

And I know you'll know that I'm writing these not to boost your ego simply because it's your birthday. ;)

It's really been a privilege watching you grow from having an indifference to God to where you are right now. His grace is so evidently found in your life.

Here's to the many years ahead of you till He comes again.

Blessed 16th birthday, dear brother. :)

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Hahaha...

It's a card game lar... though it sounds so edible. :)

Had discipleship group (dg) with the guys in the morning and then went off to meet one of my project groups for a meeting over lunch. We were supposed to discuss in the library... but we got the things sorted out over lunch at KFC.

This group... sigh. I think it's going to be really hard to find another one so lame and so fun to be with. We talked about the table of contents... then mr. chong ming (clever) sprouted out "kfc".

And the meeting minutes started with "Mr. Sng eating an OR fillet buger meal that costed $2.95"...

O_o"

Do hope that something substantial comes forth from this team... they've got the potential. :)

Took a train downtown... and visited the game shop that Markudesu recommended. Thought I'll invest in a card or board game that people can play... was introduced to Munchkins just a week ago and found it quite amusing and fun to play - wanted to get that but they didn't have stock for it. Got Super Munchkins instead, the modern version of the "ancient" game instead with equally wacky cards. :P

The Dori called just when I was about to go home. Ended up at Marina with her, 5 and 6 instead. Haha... didn't know I could try out the game so soon. Hur hur... thankful that there're people to help me put the cards into the sleeves! :)

Wanted to go home... was a long day. Then Dori wanted to catch a show. Ended up watching "Step Up".

The weird thing was that I actually enjoyed watching the movie.

:)

And there was morning... and evening... a Sunday. :P

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It's been a really long time since we have had such a huge attendance for WG (web group) time. As I was shuttling between addressing TMS in one of the rooms and doing backup vocals for today's service, I was giving thanks in my heart... about nine of them in the room, one serving in the sound crew and one playing the bass. Three more came along for service.

We needed a huge table connected to a smaller one for dinner after that at the food court.. and yeah, it's also been a long time since we have had such a huge gathering for dinner after service.

And talk about unity of the stomaches... all of them abandoned the table after their first round and came back with a plate of prata each. Youths really know how to eat. :|

Haha... and in all these things I give thanks. It's not so much of the numbers... but to see how God has been working in each and every one of their lives.

Sometimes they'll just never know how much encouragement they bring simply by their presence... but yeah. I may not show it these days... been finding it harder and harder to emote lately (am trying to figure out why), but hey, I just want you guys to know that each of you really matter. :)

And I must say that though the journey was arduous, it was well worth it. There'll come times where feelings of inadequacy will strike... but at the same time I have learnt to entrust such thoughts back unto Him... and know that He'll be the One seeing it through.

How else will you see an extreme introvert who'll rather remain quiet in gatherings find the strength and perseverance to see the most hyper group through the past four years...?

Haha... *points up* *points to the heart*

One part of me's fraught with uncertainty... but the other's filled with excitement overflowing.

The one thing I know... is that He'll be faithful to see each one through. :)

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come." - Ephesians 1:17-21

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:16-19

Jiayou guys. :)

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Kel and Jan came to my place this morning hours before their second e-maths paper to clear up some more questions and doubts... they're now into the fifth minute of their paper as I'm typing this at 2:35pm.

Whether or not the results turn out good or bad, we know that it's in His hands... and for His purpose... and His glory.

Yeah. Sometimes we wonder how bad results will result in the manifestation of God's glory... well, if it's His glory and not ours that we're pursuing, then we've just got to trust that things will come to pass? :)

Some may think that Christianity is a hip and cool religion in which we'll be blessed with good health, good wealth and a million and one other things as we call on Jesus.

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." - Philippians 3:10-11

Truth is, suffering is a hallmark of Christianity.

And truth is, you're not gonna get all the things you want that is of your own desire.

And just with the many disciples who were persecuted and slain... their faith didn't result in happy and joyful endings.

But thankfully faith isn't assessed by human successes.

We'll know when we hear Him say at the end of our journey...

"Well done, my faithful servant."

:)

All the best to Peter, Grace, Mich, Teck Liang, Zeky, Zephy, JonQ, David Lum and all others taking the paper as well!

IN CHRIST ALONE

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I overcome
Oh I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hand
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

Chorus:
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
And only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
Now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my gains
But losses to the glory of my Lord

Chorus:
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope is Christ alone
(2x)

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[ tms.worshipsingapore.com ]

:)

It's not entirely done yet... but soon enough. :)

Pa is so good.

It's exactly the same as what happened a few years ago at a conference when I didn't really feel like attending... and I did anyways. And oh how He spoke...

I contemplated skipping today's makeup lecture in the evening.

I have to admit that it was a bad habit carried over from my pre believing days.

But today, as I was walking, I asked Him to grant me the discipline to go despite the inertia... and asked Him to reveal to me what He wanted me to hear in lesson today.

He's so good.

Dr. Toke went through certain things that was really helpful in terms of aiding me in some areas which I recommitted back to God just the day before.

I really ought to trust with all my heart.

:)

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Hahaha... okay okay. They have no link with one another. :P

Today's quite an eventful day!

(project meeting in school)

Had a really good project meeting with one of the teams this morning - interesting topic, motivated team - the first one that kept me occupied for the whole hour and a half (well, almost)! So many ideas just popped out even in the midst of talking - am looking forward to seeing something substantial coming forth from this one. :)

(nus)

Popped by to wait for char for her lesson to end... wanted to go to the central library to do my readings and spend some time journaling... but wah. The whole atmosphere of the sea of people studying was too suppresive and depressive for me. The last time I went it was empty lor. :|

And so we went to the coffee club express near her lecture theatre... she spent some time doing her reading before going off for lecture while I plodded on with my text. Then spent some time doing today's "Experiencing God".

And there... in all caps... it says:

"GOD DOES NOT GIVE UP ON YOU."

And then I remembered what I typed just the day before... the exact same words of what He spoke through the time of worship at cellgroup.

Eyes popped out big big. Like this -> /O_O\

Then I journalled... Gave thanks for all the things that has passed this day up to that point... wrote some prayers for others (for Pa to heal this boy who's been having a prolonged cough, for Him to touch some hearts one day, giving thanks for allowing mei mei to enter the top express class in her school [woots!]...)

And then He placed a song in my heart... a chorus which I managed to complete on the bus towards Vivocity. Think I'll continue writing it in chinese instead... but if any case, I'll post the english chorus at the end of this entry - it'll kinda wrap up this post, interestingly. :)

(carl's junior)

Yay I got my very first taste of carl's junior after so long!!! Haha... wanted to have a go at it the previous week but the queue was super millipedily (self coined... just. Copyright okay.) long... it was sweet of char to suggest getting it this week. Hur hur... and so we did. I took the cheapest combo... but even then the burger was already gargantuan. :P Tasted good though - we had our dinner at the roof top garden appreciating the potted plant that was just right in front of us. Hahahahaha...

But yea. I think this will most probably be the last time I'll be having carl's junior... can't afford such a lifestyle. Wallet can't... stomach lagi can't. I think I seriously need to look into reconditioning myself to kickstart my jogging and stay at that for good. :|

(deathnote)

Originally wanted to catch it with dori but she caught the show earlier without me. :( Haha... but yeah. Thankful that char agreed to catching it though I know it's not exactly the type of movie she'll like to catch. :)

I was hoping that there'll be the scenes where Light and L meet in school without Light knowing who L was... the tennis matches and all that - but I guess there's got to be give and takes in the movie version. Haha... I used to keep up with the manga and even printed the english versions off the net... but somehow I stopped - think dori kept the chinese collection though.

It's not that I have a knack of relating the movies I watch to faith... but somehow a statement which Light made in the beginning of the movie stayed registered in my mind... that "there is a limit to the law", which was why he took on the role of "justice" and killed off the criminals with the deathnote.

And as for how the story weaves... a classic example of what happens when a human is imbued with powers that's beyond himself.

Power grows and overtakes.

And it's the world's mentality that a savior comes and wipes off evil by killing those who commit evil... not realising that there's no real benchmark to determine the level of sin that deserves death.

And less we forget... He abhors sin... and loves the sinner.

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished." - Matthew 5:17-18

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. - Romans 13:8-10

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. - 1 John 4:10

And here's the chorus that'll aptly close this entry... I hope. :)

He's Jesus Christ, God's only Son
He knew it all since time begun
The task that He was called to do
To die for me and you
He had the choice to let it pass
But He loved us very much
He endured the pain and shame that came
And on the cross He gave

The crown of thorns upon His head
The nail pierced hands, all for our sake
His very last words on the cross
was forgiveness for the loss
And on the third day He arose
The Lamb's upon His throne
And He's reaching out, inviting us
To live the life He's reconciled...

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I didn't really want to attend cellgroup today... but to cut the long story short, I went.

And I was blessed. By the fellowship... the worship... and ultimately, the words He said.

One thing I can be assured of... is that He never gives up on us.

Yes... He never does.

:)

Sometimes it's really hard to trust when one prays... and sometimes it seems that much more can be done then to just pray.

And I'm reminded today of the reason that we pray...

That is, to know Him and His heart more than anything else.

The heart of God. The heart that abhors sin and yet loves the sinner to the extent of sacrificing His very own as a propitiation for humankind so that we may receive salvation and be reconciled back to Him.

The personal relationship with God is something so unique and personal that no one can explain for another how it is like.

I'll pray... and learn to trust for the day to come. :)

And ultimately, when the music fades... and all is stripped away... and all that's left is between you and God, no family, no church, nothing else... what will you say?

longing just to bring something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart...

I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus...

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And this is faith.

And it's scary how warfare comes so fast.

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We were on our way out for dinner after youth service... there at the foyer area I spotted two boy scouts talking to the security guard. It was pretty weird to find them in such a setting at such a time... didn't really think much.

They were carrying quite some stuff on their backpack and some poles... and some folders. Walked past one of them... and I eventually asked the security guard what they were here for.

It turned out that they were having some navigation exercise (most probably the same one that 7 went through not too long ago) and they might have chosen the church as a landmark to sketch... or something like that.

At this point of time there was some stirring in the heart to want to approach them.

But I let it pass.

I walked quite a distance with my boys towards the dinner place... the stirring didn't die down. It's one of those if - you - don't - do - it - you're - not - gonna - sleep kind of thing.

It was there and then when I decided to walk back towards the church building that I realised how much there still is with regards to having my comfort zones trampled upon.

They were in front of the gates, just about to leave.

I went up to the both of them...

and I forgot to introduce myself. :|

And then I forgot to ask for their names.

:|

I learned that they're from a school somewhere in the north doing their navigation exercise and that they're not believers... but yea, it was really quite an awkward conversation with quite a number of pauses.

Ultimately told them that it's by no chance that they were there... and passed them the invitation card for the cafe we're organising in just another two weeks plus or so.

Frankly, I really don't know if I'll ever see the both of them ever again.

But I'll learn to leave the consequences to God.

And it's really not so much about coming to church.

But to Him.

And I can only pray and hope that the day will come for the two of them to know Him for who He is.

And yeah... talk about faith journey.

There're so many people whom I'll like to invite... but for the first time, I'm actually bounded.

I know prayer is the greatest work... but sometimes I really wish that I can do more than pray.

Lord... reveal Your will.

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Pride is subtle... and sometimes not easily detected.

Even the definition of the word itself is ambiguous - we must be mindful of both the neutral and negative connotations:

Positive & Neutral:

a reasonable or justifiable self-respect

delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship

Negative:

inordinate self-esteem : CONCEIT

proud or disdainful behavior or treatment : DISDAIN

ostentatious display

It basically forms the biggest stumbling block in us coming to know God for who He is.

Is there any lurking in your heart?

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compasssion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasp, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and become obedient to death - even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, for the glory of God the Father." - Philippians 2:1-11

I know of two youths (who happen to be really dear brothers) who've memorized the above verses... and I give thanks. Because I know His words of truth transform people... more so when internalized. :)

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I don't forsee that I'll be able to record this soon... but yeah. Thought I'll post it... and I hope He'll use the lyrics to speak.

If you are walking in a living relationship with our living God... real... personal... and tangible, never take that for granted, because that is pure grace.

Pure grace.

God is not a far fetched concept.

Jesus Christ didn't die on the cross for us so that we may live for eternity primarily.

He died so that we may be reconciled back into the love relationship with God that we have with Him.

You may have a million and one reservations concerning believing in Him.

The good news is He's actively persuing that love relationship with you.

And this song is borne out of the belief and faith that one day you too will understand what it means to be in such a position.

It took me 24 years - 18 years of not knowing and accepting, and 6 years of knowing - to be where I am now.

And I pray that whatever the timing He has for you, He shall be faithful to see it through.

:)

IN YOU I TRUST

Privileged to be touched by You this way
To know it not just in my mind
but in this heart of mine

To be changed in Your likeness everyday
I pray that You'll empower me
For all the world to see

That it's You, Jesus Christ, You in me
I believe You will come and You will set free
Spirit fall in this place
All earth will rejoice and stand amazed
I believe You are God and mighty to save

That I'll be faithful to pray
I know I'll finally see the day
When Your love will sweep them away
When it's more than words can say

Lord teach me to trust
That Your plan will come to pass
That Your grace is more than enough
Oh Lord
In You I trust...
In You I trust