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There was a book which I came across many weeks ago while I was browsing in one of the Life Bookshops in town... Philip Yancey's latest offering entitled "Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference?". I remembered reading his "Reaching For The Invisible God" as a new Christian years back... never did finish a quarter of it - somehow it appeared a little chim back then. Wasn't until last year when I decided to read one of his other works entitled "What's So Amazing About Grace?" and found myself gaining a deeper insight into the meaning about the oft taken-for-granted word.

Bought it at SKS a couple of weeks ago while browsing for materials for some of the guys... and have been munching on it since then, albeit very slowly. I never have the habit of finishing reading books fast... let alone thick ones. But I'm trying... and I'm about two-thirds into the finishing pages.

I have to confess that desipite the many attempts along the seven years I still couldn't get down to maintaining a daily consistent discipline of reading the Word and praying, as in intentionally setting aside a portion of time to deliberate in His presence. That said, I'm just thankful for Him walking alongside all the while, always being there and never giving up on this ding dong.

This book does illumine quite a bit of my mind with regards to its subject matter... the little nuggets that are often overlooked or forgotten. Am currently on the chapter called "Unanswered Prayer: Whose Fault?". Must confess that sometimes it gets a bit wearying with all the tarrying... to see that most prayers are often left unanswered: I'll never know if these brothers will eventually turn back to Him, if this brother will one day realise the immense love He has for him and choose to commit his life and time in the proper places, if this friend will ever come to Him, if she'll ever realise that it's not in the material blessings that makes who He is, if he'll ever learn to manage His resources with wisdom, if she'll ever be totally sold out for Him, if He'll ever bless him with a partner to run alongside, if he'll ever be entirely healed of his condition...

To bring it closer to home, I really don't know if mom will ever walk again on her own or verbalise her thoughts... I give thanks for every positive sign of improvement - she has just gotten a smaller trachey tube - the doctors are finally trying to wind off the breathing tube on her throat by giving her one that's smaller in diameter. I don't know if Dori will ever be completely healed of her leukemia condition... she's just recently increased her dosage of medicine due to a relapse, and now the doctor's wanting to see her sooner due to some discrepancies in her test results stemming from her kidneys... so much uncertainty. And the foundation that's been administering her sky-high priced medication has decided to pull out of Singapore - leaving the 100% subsidy of the medication in limbo with the maximum prospect of 50% subsidy from next month onwards, translating to another $3000 coming from our (my, rightly put) side per month.

And with this month's deficit cashflow of about $2000... I guess it will give rise to panic for most people.

Pray... hope... be digilent in work and managing His resources... and trust that even if His provision doesn't come in the financial and physical sense, His presence alone shall be enough to sustain.

Haha... someone's trying really really hard to break me... but well, I guess that's the price to pay to be given faith as the top spiritual gift. To know that He has the end (akhareeth) in His hands... and that it is good, no matter how bad it looks like right now in human terms.

No... I won't blame God for unanswered prayers... because I know His will is sovereign, and whatever He wills, He wills. For every "Yes", I rejoice, for every "No", I pray that I'll not question His control, and for every "Not yet", I pray that He'll grant me the joy and patience for Him to bring to pass.

"My own emphasis in prayer has moved from petition to companionship, and I no longer agnonise over the issue of unanswered prayer as I once did." - Philip Yancey in Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? (pg. 208)

For the glory of my King... for who He is... and what He's done.

Appreciate all who've been lifting me and my family in prayer... and I hope that far beyond seeing see Him at work, the act of praying in itself has caused you to draw closer to Himself. Let's press on together yea? We're in this together. ;)