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Walked past the gentle balmy breeze along the Bukit Timah Expressway. No palm trees though. There was just this sudden urge in me to walk. A long distance. Conquered Coronation Plaza. Next went on to Serene Centre, passing the newly furnished [vacant]shophouses trudging on to National Institute of Education. Unable to satisfy my urge, I plodded on and took a turn towards the direction of Orchard Road.

It was so refreshing. The unbeaten sun beat down upon the Hwa Chong uniform, epitomizing the essence of Mother Earth. Busses zoomed past, bringing along a punch of wind against my face. Yeah. Of course there was sweat involved in the process, but that was nothing in comparison to the satisfaction I got in return. Well... not much of a workout, an exercise or anything that remotely resembles the action, but much of a refreshed mind. Ahh. I shall do it more often from now on.

There was one point where I thought I could walk on forever. If only time allowed. The walk seemed never ending at first. I could walk all the way to Orchard Road, or just take on the Pan Island Expressway by foot all the way back home. Either way, I would have enjoyed myself thoroughly. But no. Time didn't permit me to do so. It would have taken me a couple hours to return home.

The feeling of watching vehicles zooming pass me along the expressway tingles my sensations. It sooths my overloaded veins and my punctured brain. Or rather, the feeling of being left alone in such a scenario appeals to me. I prefer solitary confinement. I might just walk all the way to Orchard Road next time.

- July 1999

Hahaha... it's always amusing to read your past entries, especially when you're trying hard to boost your writings with bombastic words and purposefully crafted complex structures. :P

It's amazing that 8 years down the road I'm walking down the same places once again... and this time round the shophouses aren't vacant anymore! Haha... and of course, I'm not in that beige uniform anymore though I see quite a lot of 'em at work. Hur hur hur.

Some things will never change I guess. I still like times of solitude... walking is fun man (I'm beginning to wonder if I'll enjoy scouts!). Hahaha... And yeah. I'm jotting this down here because I know I won't ever get to walk this route anymore. It sounds a bit crazy I know... but today I did walk from Hwa Chong (Bukit Timah) all the way to Capitol Building (Shenton Way) before my evening lesson.

Hahahahahaha....

Save up transportation cost! Haha... nah just felt like walking. cluny road, botanic gardens cluny gate entrance, tanglin gate entrance, tanglin road, grange road, great world city, havelock road, stopped by tiong bahru pao and bought some stuff to eat, walked down chinatown area then telok ayer street, zigzagged through those shophouses area and finally emerging at capitol building.

And now I really should get some rest. :P

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June 25, 2007
Teen triathlete collapses and dies after race
By Jeanette Wang & Lee Hui Chieh

A PROMISING teenage triathlete collapsed after crossing the finish line in a South-east Asia Games selection race yesterday and died soon after.

Thaddeus Cheong, 17, a first-year student at Raffles Junior College, had just swum 1.5km, cycled 40km and run 10km at Changi.

He clocked a personal best of 2hr 9min, and came in third. Then he collapsed.

The boy's parents, George and Angeline Cheong, both 46, were present and rushed to their elder son. Their younger boy, Thomas, 13, is also a triathlon enthusiast.

Mrs Cheong told The Straits Times last night: 'We did not know his heart had stopped beating. We kept calling him, but there was no answer.'

Thaddeus was unconscious and foaming at the mouth when he was taken to Changi General Hospital (CGH). Doctors were unable to resuscitate him and pronounced him dead at 10.55am.

Police have classified it as a case of unnatural death, and a coroner's inquiry will be held.

Family members, team-mates and friends were in shock as news of the teen's death spread yesterday.

By afternoon, his school and church friends had started posting messages of grief online in their blogs.

Yesterday's SEA Games trial was the first of two to decide the two men and two women triathletes to represent Singapore in the year-end regional sports meet.

Thaddeus was among eight men and three women who started the race at about 6.45am at the Tanah Merah Country Club's swimming pool.

Triathlon Association of Singapore senior executive and assistant national coach Jerry Seah said Thaddeus looked confident, happy and ready to go before the flag-off.

Participant Sikhander Singh, who finished sixth behind Thaddeus, said: 'He looked fresh throughout the race. I had never seen him look better on the run.

'It was his best year so far in his triathlon career. I am very sad to see him go.'

Describing her son as an achiever, Mrs Cheong said: 'When he wanted something, he would work hard to get it.'

He was so keen to book a SEA Games slot that he had doubled his training stints to twice daily during the school holidays.

Raffles JC's cross-country teacher-in-charge, Mr Tay Meng Kiat, said: 'He was a very good child and well-liked by his team-mates.'

College principal Winston Hodge said: 'We are shocked and deeply saddened by Thaddeus' sudden passing, and our hearts and thoughts are with his family and friends.'

Among those who paid tribute online was a boy named Yao Khuan, who said they had been friends since Primary 5.

He wrote on his blog: 'Thaddeus, if you can hear me...I'd like to tell you that you're the coolest guy, and that I've always looked up to you, and I hope that it is a better place in heaven.'

Mrs Cheong said: 'Thaddeus is a very, very good boy. He is every mother's dream. He is a no-nonsense person, will tell you what he means, short and sharp and quickly.

'But now, he has just left without saying goodbye.'

I first came across the news on television and googled around and found articles and blogs concerning Thaddeus. Two thoughts, one as a CPR trained personnel and one as a human being simply.

It's quite scary to note that there is neither medical personnel nor a defibrillator present in a sporting activity, especially one that taxes the body to pretty much its maximum. And it saddens the heart to learn that none of the people on site knew the procedures of cardiopulmonary resuscitation, which if applied might have saved Thaddeus' life.

Perhaps the sports council will look into providing personnel at every event. Perhaps the associations will make it a requirement for every competitive participant to be equipped with the skill so that they would be able to help even if no formal medical personnel is present... just perhaps.

Well. This news kind of unearthed something that I hadn't given a serious thought to for quite some time... that you'll be exposing yourself to vulnerability as long as you have chosen to relate and build up relationships.

And being around with youths his age... I was just telling Char how I would just wind up in denial for some time should such a time comes. Even as a leader, brother, friend, I don't think I'll ever reach the point that I can be that detached. It's not about just knowing them personally... but for some, they're really family.

Having studied counseling psychology the past year, I know the process of grief is real - as a Christian, I am thankful for the assurance that there's a day where we'll all meet again in heaven... but I also know that the process of grieving is inevitable. Perhaps the stage of denial will be shortened and acceptance comes faster than those who do not believe in God... still.

Messaged a dear brother just now and asked him to inform me whenever he goes for a race. Yeah. He's a teen triathlete too.

And then there's this brother who goes around running even though he's sick and lapses into breathing difficulties from time to time...

Ultimately, have to trust His heart... that all things work for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, remembering that the "good" may not exactly be the good that we know in human terms.

Nothing stops us from cherishing the people and friends He's placed around us. Never stop doing that.

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Tian ah tian ah tian ahhhhhhhhh.... :|

Hahaha... Okay, so the work of an editor is really not that simple, all the more so if you're trying to tie up the works of a group of people into one seamless piece. You receive works of different writing styles and you must make sure that they all eventually flow as one.

Not to mention all the grammatical corrections, tenses.

Oh my tian oh my tiannn. Hahahaha...

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I couldn't help but flip out my camera phone to take a shot of Tim & 6 (the one on the right) after packing up the ground floor after today's Youth Sunday services. It speaks of what Matt spoke of in sermon today - space to grow. Looking at the two of them... and many others... I must say that it's really been a blessing to witness youths growing up in youth ministry, how the apathetic turned passionate at the touch of His spirit... it's weird, but I was trying hard to fight back tears as Matt tried to mimic Christabel in the first service and went on to talk about a few others... Hur.

Never stop hoping... never stop praying...

A reminder for myself. :)

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Matt called those of us in the discipleship group for a gathering before discipleship officially starts again next week... as the turnout wasn't that huge and that he's got the photos in his laptop, he decided to share about the trip to timor leste.

It's like unearthing something that's somehow been buried somewhere deep down in me... first it was the student trip to africa which I came to know about... and when we're asked to pray for compassion to arise as we closed in a time of prayer, everything seemed to come back again - the times I felt so much for a certain people group, the commitments I used to make...

The thoughts came to a sudden halt as I was suddenly jostled with thoughts of my family. It's like suddenly I'm brought "down to earth" kind of feeling... then again, nothing beats God's will. If it's meant to be, it will come to pass, He'll always be the one who'll provide.

Sidetrack a bit... this is a response to something I've read from one of the trippers, don't think he'll ever chance upon this (then again, who knows), but just as there're many out there whose hearts are filled with compassion, who'll like to do as many practical things that'll ease off the poverty in the regions, and as much as we're able to jumpstart sustainable programs that will help even a tiny bit, nothing beats them having that innate joy in their heart that is apart from their circumstances. That woman you saw with much joy whom you eventually call your hero... I'm sure if you would have asked her the reason for that joy in spite of her situation, she would have told you of her Hero. :)

We were then asked to give thanks and pray for the youths in WEB.

The last time I felt this way was when some of my guys responded to altar calls two years plus ago... I guess I really took many things for granted. It dawned upon me that they've actually grown so much in their faith and walk. Just the night before I shared and prayed with two of my Webbers (youth peer leaders) back to back... it would have been impossible for that to happen back then.

One of them has initiated discipleship with the group members under him - he's one of the five whom I spent alternate weeks with the year before going through materials which I hope they would in turn transfer to others... it wasn't a requirement - I just hoped that one day God would move them to understand the importance of passing it on, not just in materials, but in life, in action, word, deed. Frankly? I never expected anyone of them to ask me for the materials to disciple others so soon... and so you can imagine the jubilee inside. :P

"Joy, which was the small publicity of the pagan, is the gigantic secret of the Christian." - G. K. Chesterton

It's an open secret... come and taste. :)

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Hmmm... Maybe I should pick up the book by that title which I've seen a couple of times at the bookstore... see how. :P

Just like to share two passages from a material that I'm doing with some of the youths on the man after God's heart, David:

"I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. And the LORD is with him." - 1 Samuel 16:18

In two simple descriptions, God tells us volumes about a man after His own heart. We are shown that David had the tenderness and sensitivity of an artist. He was a musician and a song writer. David did not simply have talent. Talent alone could not have soothed the torment of Saul. David plucked the strings of his harp with tenderness and sensitivity. He chose melodies that ministered to the aching soul. Yet, we are also told he was a warrior, brave and strong. The fingers that gently plucked the strings of a harp could wind fiercely around a sling or a sword. We will see his gentle song turn into a public rebuke as he faces the Philistines.

David was a complex man. He could be both passionate and withdrawn; dependable and shocking; righteous and wicked - just like us.

We make a big mistake when we consider being gentle and being a man opposite things. My brother who has such a gift to play the piano could also put a basketball through the hoop, but he was told in junior high he had to make a choice between the two. He was forced to choose either band or sports. He went with his grater gift at the cost of being labeled effeminate.

Two qualities I've come to admire most in both guys and girls are tenderness and strength. I no longer see them as opposite terms. I've come to realize that one without the other leaves an individual incomplete. I deeply desire to be a woman of tenderness and strength because my dearest role model possessed both. Real men can risk being seen as gentle. (And guys, girls love gentlemen!)

Christ Jesus is the artist. He created the world with colors and textures human artists have tried for thousands of years to imitate. Christ Jesus is the musician. He gave the angels their voices. Christ Jesus is the tenderhearted, ministering to our every need.

Christ Jesus is also the warrior, forever leading us in triumphant procession, if only we follow (2 Cor. 2:14). In our greatest weakness, He is strong. Christ Jesus is the ideal example of both characteristics. He has set an example before us of true manhood and true womanhood. No greater person exists than one who is both tender and strong. David was such a man.

Our victory rests on faith in our God. We're often intimidated in battle because we are uncertain of our faith. We must remember we don't stand in victory because of our faith. We stand in victory because of our God. Faith in faith is pointless. Faith in a living, active God moves mountains. Moses acknowledged Jehovah as the living God and led multitudes to freedom from slavery. Joshua acknowledged Jehovah as the living God and led multitudes into the promised land. Daniel acknowledged Jehovah as the living God and the angel shut the mouths of lions. You serve the same God. Are you allowing Him to live smack in the middle of your life? If so, I bet you've crossed a few Red Seas, tumbled down a few walls, and escaped a few lions yourself. He is alive. He is active. He wants to make you living proof. Remember, the cross would have been God's worst defeat had the people not had cause to exclaim, "He's alive!"

Stories don't get any better than David and Goliath, do they? Stories like the one we've studied today caused the preschooler, who once listened from a baby bear chair, to stand in front of momma bear chairs and teach Sunday School. Some stories are worth retelling. A living God is worth believing.

From "DAVID: Seeking God's Heart" by Beth Moore

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There's something a dear brother once said that I held close to my heart till this day (haha I think I've mentioned this more than a million times hur hur) - that youths do not need another friend... they need a leader.

He was saying it in light of me being really involved in striking up friendships with youths and investing a lot of time and resources in them... I guess I didn't really have the balance back then. :P

I'm just thankful that by His grace things have struck a balance to some extent... and grateful for a bunch of youths who are able to find that balance as well, be it at work or in ministry.

I cherish the moment in the midst of conversing with one of my youth leaders, how we're able to chat and share freely... he said some things which weren't quite appropriate and respectful and I made a note of it - he cheekily commented that he's talking to his prayer partner then and not his leader. Haha... I accepted that based on the past records of him being serious and listening to me as needed. And yeah... I guess it's only through balancing these different hats that'll allow a leader to serve lives.

I had the opportunity to catch up with one of my ex students the night before on msn - messaged him after reading some rather pessimistic note he posted as his nickname. It turned out to be a really long conversation and sharing... the bulk of which would have not been shared had he not saw me as a friend than a teacher. For a secondary two student, his ability to differentiate between the different roles is pretty commendable... and frankly, I'll be glad to work with students like him who's able to see you in your different roles.

But the leadership role has to take precedence. Not to say that it'll be entirely worthless, but if the appropriate growth doesn't take place through the interactions (spiritual, academic, self management, self care, etc), then being a friend solely will not be as beneficial as it can be.

To the friend I chatted with the night before... thank you for sharing. ;)

Not to forget that the Greatest Leader of all time, the Alpha and the Omega, calls us as his friends as well. :)

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Kevin is a brother whom I don't really know in person... met him only once by chance (or is it? haha...) at Plaza Singapura's foodcourt a year or two ago (it's funny how I actually recognised him! haha..). Come to think of it, I've forgotten how we actually first got to know each other online! Haha... well. I must say that it's been a blessing to witness his journey with God through the past few years (and I didn't realise it's been that long!)... It's really amazing to see transformation from the inside out happening as a process, not that I know him well to know the before and after, but for all I can grasp from his past entries to the present ones, there is only one thing to do... that is to give thanks. :)

Is it because of age? Maybe... sudden revelations? Perhaps... Will of God? :)

There is a fine line drawn from a convert, to a believer and to a disciple. Essentially, there are many people who accept God as their Savior. They attend church every Sunday, don a crucifix on their necks and participate in weekly rituals but ultimately fail to put Christ as Lord over their lives. They lead double lives - holy on the weekends and otherwise on the weekdays. They never know anything about the great commandment or obey the great commission. Life is easy sailing and doing whatever that pleases their humane flesh.

No wonder the bible says that a Christian life is pretty much like a servant life. Who on earth, enjoys the idea of being a servant anyway?

These two paragraphs from him speaks volumes as to how he's grown by and in God's grace. Brother... I can only say, press on in doing His will for His glory... that you'll finish this race well which you've started. And yah... you'll never be alone. ;)

What you see here in the video, I believe, is pretty much a journey that he's taken. Be blessed. :)

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I was supposed to look up 1 Timothy 4:12 at Bible Gateway when Tim messaged me the verse... I mistyped the reference and read up 1 Peter 4:12 instead:

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you."

I laughed man. HAHAHAAHAHA... Pa always has a tinge of humor with Him. :P

All I know now is that I'm living an exchanged life. I think if I am to be living this life on my own still at this moment, I seriously might have been so jaded with life, suffer acute depression even I think. Haha...

Those present at the first session of the retreat heard what I'm about to type. It's a written entry in my pre-Christian years dated 25 June 2000 (Sunday). I was rummaging through all my mostly half-filled written journals in the past, hoping to share bits and pieces with the guys and gals to encourage them... but I ended up sharing this chunk only, which really presents a stark difference, an entirely different set of thinking in the past. When I finished, one of them said, "so... this is our Spider (spiritual leader)..." Hahaha... God is good la. :)

I'm back to writing in this book. Today has been a really unfruitul day. Woke up at 11am plus to find no one at home (on a Sunday, which is pretty unusual). Dad's at work and Mom went off with sis to the church carnival. 4:30pm: Just received a call from sis. She has joined a cell group. Yes. A cell group. Who would have thought about her getting into such things without prior discussion with the family? Asked her to return home earlier and she said she had to mend a carnival stall. I'm giving up hope on her.... Perhaps joining a cell group may do good to her. But this is definitely not the time. She's ruining her life. GOD, bless her, show her that it's not the time... why would she want to join a cell group? It's the company - you know that. Guide her to the right path, show her the way to obtain high scores for her PSLE. Tying her down with Sunday activities wouldn't do her much good...

I was actually quite appalled with who I was when I read that. Gosh... the difference between sanctified thinking and one that's not... it's HUGE.

And every time when I look back to see who I was, as I ponder over who I am right now and who I will be in the future... I can only see His hand graciously holding mine along, even through those times I so wilfully tried to walk on my own.

:)

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I have a name.

I am a son to my parents.

A brother to my sister.

Friend to my friends.

I was a child.

Then a teenager.

Now an adult.

An elderly in the future.

Was a student.

Am still a student, working at the same time.

I am a project coordinator.

A graphic designer.

Songwriter.

Teacher.

Perhaps called to other professions in the future.

A youth leader.

Was fat.

Am not so fat now.

Not too sure if I'll ever be fat again.

Most probably will be a father, then a grandfather.

An uncle perhaps.

Was an introvert.

Still very much one.

There's only one that'll last.

From the beginning to the end.

I am a witness.

I am a Christian.

Dearly loved.

Redeemed.

:)

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Haha... How should I put it. So much has happened... so much so that I'll really want to find a good time to jot everything down in thanksgiving. Thing is, time seems to be quite scarce these days as well to write a proper entry... but yes, I'm not going to do a shortchanged entry - but I'll just jot down briefly the things that's worth every bit of thanksgiving to the Lord on high. :)

1) I have received permission for the release of my scholarship funding to pursue whatever courses I want at the Lee Wei Song School of Music. :D

2) There is a possiblity that I may end up working full time in my alma mater with a portfolio consisting of things I really really desire to do. :D

3) Had a wonderful time spent with Char at Sentosa amidst the many things around me. Had a wonderful display of double rainbows from God from where we sat. :D

4) Saw this brother raise his hand in the midst of altar call today... it is of much significance, and I can only hope that God will continue to move mightily in him, that he too become like King David, a man who might have been rather small in stature but definitely one who longs for God's heart, becoming a servant and not ancient history before turning 30. :)

5) Two years... :) Two years ago I initiated and started this little study with this brother... which never took off after our first meeting. Two years later he's asking to resume the process of discipleship. God is teaching me something very precious in the area of waiting here... and yeah, I don't think anyone can imagine the joy that lept from within when I saw on the conversation screen that request just before I end my day... what a good closure. To that brother: even if it's five or ten years, it'll still be worth the kind of wait. Looking forward to times of catching up eh. ;)

6) And woo... it was a cool experience being involved in shooting a film. :P Helped out some students who'd been requested to produce a video to showcase the school as how it'll be like in the future - had some nice interaction with some of the jc1 student cameos who played the students while I played the teacher. Well. We were actually just playing out our actual roles I guess... Haha.

7) Really encouraged to see how the guys have been spending time to plan for the upcoming WG retreat. Really looking forward to the time spent knowing them better. :)

Yup... think I'll find a better time to write an entry proper. Shall go rest in light of another long day tomorrow. God bless! :)

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Spent some time and updated the songs portion... FINALLY. Haha... it's going to take some time though, and I haven't been diligent in producing the lyrics and chord sheets for the latest songs, will do them up in time to come - sorry for those who've been waiting. :|

I'm thankful for the opportunity to share and pray with one of my youths every wednesday night (well, almost all la)... I joked with him just now that I appreciate those moments because that's when I hear the mature and serious side of him. Hahaha... well, that's true anyway. No, it's not because he's walking well with God that I'm thankful... but on the contrary, it's the genuineness of the sharing of the struggles, the battles and how he asks to be prayed for... and how he prays that had me lifted up unto higher ground.

And I don't think he'll realise that he's actually encouraged me by just that, being himself, genuine before the Lord. ;)

Okay off to bed for now... going to school later on to do some filming! Hahahaha... first time!!! Hahaha....

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"God loves Kelvin and Grace very much!" - Char

Haha... Indeed, indeed. :) I was to present a special item for the couple, singing a song for them and guess what! A sore throat had to develop the night before... hur hur. Was a little frantic trying to down vitamins and stuff to make sure I won't wake up voiceless. I'm reminded that God loves them and will preserve my voice to deliver the song... and yeah, it went okay. :P

Really privileged to witness the holy matrimony. :) Some memories are just stuck there in your mind somehow... it's really like not so long ago when I was walking down selegie road when he called me. Haha... I remembered that I was literally stopped in my tracks and I had to pace up and down along paradiz centre as we deliberated whether or not he should ask her that day to be his girlfriend. Wahahaha... and now they're married! Mr and Mrs. Kelvin Tan Kok Soon! :P

The beginning of another phase of life... together in Christ. Hope that you two will illumine the way as a couple so that others behind you may be encouraged to follow suit! :)

And yeah, met so many old acquaintances at the wedding! There's Yanchang, whom I presented a song with at a concert years ago while in JC2, Weichu, my senior from TCHS and HCJC... and people from VCF whom I know... :P

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Haha... my diploma in counselling course group met up for the first (and most probably the last) time outside class setting for our final group assignment before we graduate. I must say that though it came late, it's definitely one of the highlights! :) And yeah, really thankful for the whole bunch for being so enthusiastic when it comes to working as a team! Thanks to Penny and husband for the dinner treat... the rest who brought snacks (I brought my mouth hur hur hur...). Our discussion lasted three hours or so... what's left now is the writing of the paper. Group One jia you!! :P

Been busy the past few days finishing up the video and powerpoint presentations for Kelvin and Grace's wedding... happening in about twelve hours' time!!!!!! Haha... Shall go have a rest for now - update again after the wedding! :)