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Yesterday evening marked the last Remedial Training (RT) at Kathib Camp before the last IPPT (Individual Physical Proficiency Test) this coming Thursday evening. It's weird I know... but I just about got the hang of going by that place after the past two months of heading there twice to thrice a week, not to mention that it was only the past week or so that I dared stay back a bit after training to utilize the gym facilities. Oh wells. :)

RT has been fun actually... and I guess it's the only place where I can consistently come in first in all the runs, be it camp runs, track runs... and it's so weird today. I caught up all the way to the first runner and paced behind him... and then decided not to overtake him. Hur hur.

The most satisfying thing... is the vast improvement in my pull ups. From a zero fighter to doing about seven. :)

Still, I face technique problems when it comes to standing broad jump and shuttle run. And unless I really do something about them in the months to come, I forsee myself heading back to the same place again each year.... which isn't exactly a very bad thing. :P

Everytime I hand my 11B (army identification card) over the counter for in-processing, when I see that 18-year old 90kg mugshot and looking at where I am right now... it's still something quite unbelievable. There is just that little tinge of regret, that perhaps if I hadn't been so overweight in the past, I may not need to have that much trouble trying to put off the fats right now. Slow and steady bah. :)

Went to Char's house for a few more episodes of My Sassy Girl... she hasn't been all that well lately and yet she insisted on making gyozas from the ground up... I melt. Hur hur hur. Seriously, home cooked dinner and a nice show together with your loved one at home... it somehow has an amazing therapeutic effect that seems to ease off all that clings on for that moment. :)

I need prayers... loads of it for the next two months. Because there'll be a lot of things I know I can't do without His help. A lot of things that I'll wish I'll never have to do but I know I'll have to because they're responsibilities... they may not exactly entirely be my responsibilities... but I know I'll have to take them up anyway. And funnily through all these, I actually appreciate my maternal eldest uncle a little bit more, gaining first hand insight as to the responsibilities and the things that he had to do as the eldest son of his family.

Sometimes I wonder if it's fair... whereas most of my peers are busy pursuing their careers and relationships, here I am with pretty huge stuff upon my shoulders... and perhaps I wouldn't feel that bad sometimes if the rest can actually do their parts by living below means... it's just ironic that the one that bears most of it isn't the one with the issues but is the one trying hard to live below means.

But yeah. It's true that circumstances cause people to learn to be strong ya. And it's true that through these times I have come to appreciate God so much more for being my ever present help and Counsellor... and Char, who's been such a great support. :)

This has got to be the first December that I actually dread going through (besides dear Markudesu and Sue's wedding... haha)... yet at the same time there is this certain restedness within to know that everything will be fine.

Still.

Well. Tough times don't last... tough people do yes. Please pray that He will make this boy tough.

Sometimes satan sows the lie that nobody cares which I know to be false and yet still fall into the trap of feeling the way.

Well. :)

Things to look forward to: Dinner with Char and a few more episodes tomorrow (heh heh), lunches with some of my students, recording some demos, studio recording of the unrecorded songs... and most of all, His Presence, whenever He chooses to manifest it so tangibly.

And ya... Hahaha.. moving home. Without all the hassle of shifting, paper work, maid transfer procedures, yadda, yadda. Haha.

Why can't I be a kid a little while longer mah. Bleaaaah. :|

Hahahahahahaha.

You can my son. In me you'll always be that little kid. You know I'll see you through the next two months don't you? A little more trust... with all your heart, kiddo? ;)

Okay. You got to help me okay?

I am love. Whoever lives in love lives in Me, and I in him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment... Love never fails.

I have to confess that even with Your track record of Your unfailing love in my life over the past years, there's always the tinge of uncertainty...

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Okay I'll trust.

With all your heart. Lean not on your own understand. In all your ways acknowledge Me... I'll make your paths straight.

I'm sorry I hadn't been drawing close. :|

Seek me while I may be found; call on me while I am near...

Thank You so much. This is undeserving. :)

*smiles*

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So many things happened today.

Haven't prayed so much like today.

Knew from Gpp's site the night before about David, a 21 year old brother in Christ who's an old boy of HCI as well.

He just returned home from the hospice last Sunday... he's been battling stomach cancer.

Knew from Gpp not too long ago that he's just returned Home... this morning.

I was thinking of making a visit... pray with him after my remedial training this evening. Well.

He's so young... with such a bright future ahead. But what Gpp texted is true as well... at least we know where he is now. God in all His sovereignty knows best.

Had a phone conversation with one of my aunts this morning.

It didn't turn out as well.

But I guess it may be largely attributed to miscommunication on both our parts... but thankfully things are more or less settled.

This December... will be my busiest and most hectic December ever. There'll be many transitions to go through in that one month alone... and I guess I ought to start planning. These transitions... they're huge.

I foresee that there'll be lots of preparations work-wise. I may be stepping into uncharted waters... but it's going to be a really exciting journey nonetheless if what was told of me turns out to be my final jobscope. Perhaps one day I may be worn out since this will be the first time I'm taking up a full time position... but I'll trust in His strength and joy to carry me through all seasons... and busk in the joy and happiness of being able to be where I am right now. I seriously think that I'm going to love this job. :P

So that's transition number one. The larger transition comes in the form of shifting back home.

It's been two years since we've lodged at my aunt / grandpa's place. It's more convenient for mom when she has to go for physiotherapy since there is lift landing on the floor, whereas we have none.

I guess it's time we stop imposing on others... because of my family, my grandpa has to stay at my uncle's place and my aunt with another aunt and her family. My extended family has really gone out of their way to help in this regard, not to mention the financial help that they've been giving in supporting Aunty Witwit for mom.

And this will be the first time mom's heading back to our own home since June 2005! :)

It's going to be a huge transition for my family and I though... with all the packing, that aside, we have to now look into ensuring that our house is properly fitted with proper ramps so mom's wheelchair will be able to move freely.

Not to mention all the shifting and cleaning.

Am thankful for how things are turning out. Though the days ahead are really uncertain... I'll trust that Pa knows best.

Spent two wholesome hours at Starbucks catching up on some readings before my remedial training this afternoon... and I'm reminded that He's with us through all seasons... through it all.

I'm playing a minus-one track of one of my songs on loop... a song that has yet to have its vocals recorded. Don't think the album will be ready for release by the end of the year... may have to push it to a few months later... that in itself is already a great blessing. I want to do it well... and I pray that He'll use it to touch hearts, especially those who've yet to know Him.

YOU'RE FAITHFUL, LORD

Jesus
You've searched me
You know what I'm going through
You see deep inside of me
The torn and tattered parts

Teach me to trust
In all my circumstances
That Lord, You know what's best
You hold the future
In Your sovereign hand
In You I can depend

You're faithful Lord
You're faithful Lord
You see me through the seasons
Through it all
And though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
I'll fear no evil
For You are with me

You're faithful Lord
You're faithful Lord
You carry me through times
When I can't see
When all else seems to fail me
I will pray and be still
And feel the hand
That's holding onto mine

This evening when I came back... One of my youths msned me and asked for my full name. She said her parents read my blog and wanted to make a contribution to my family.

I just recommitted the finances part to Him again these two days.

That came as a token of His promise and love.

Not forgetting how another of my youth's parents have graciously offered to help bear the fees for my sister's leukemia treatment.

And the cheque and message of encouragement from the parents of a student whom I'd taught and coached the year before.

And the constant support from Gpp. ( :) )

And the tokens that come in here and there... which I know I can never exactly repay.

That I may be faithful in living out the life He's called me to live.

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I went to SKS (Christian book warehouse) today to pick a book for a dear friend's birthday... I must say, the two hours or so spent there had been fruitful. One of which... was my coming across a little paperbag book entitled "Epic: The Story God Is Telling" by John Eldredge.

I'll let this little excerpt speak for itself. :)

Matrix. The Lord of the Rings. The films you love are telling you something very important, something essential about your heart.

Most of us haven't stopped to ask ourselves, Now why that heart? Why those longings and desires? Might we have been given our longings for love and adventure, for romance and sacrifice as a kind of clue, a treasure map to the meaning of Life itself?

Next, I want you to notice that all the great stories pretty much follow the same story line. Things were once good, then something awful happened, and now a great battle must be fought or a journey taken. At just the right moment (which feels like the last possible moment), a hero comes and sets things right, and life is found again.

It's true of every fairy tale, every myth, every Western, every epic - just about every story you can think of, one way or another. Braveheart, Titanic, the Star Wars series, Gladiator, The Lord of the Rings trilogy. They pretty much all follow the same story line.

Have you ever wondered why?

Every story, great and small, shares the same essential structure because every story we tell borrows its power from a Larger Story, a Story woven into the fabric of our being - what pioneer psychologist Carl Jung tried to explain as archetype, or what his more recent popularizer Joseph Campbell called myth.

All of these stories borrow from the Story. From Reality. We hear echoes of it through our lives. Some secret written in our hearts. A great battle to fight, and someone to fight for us. An adventure, something that requires everything we have, something to be shared with those we love and need.

There is a Story that we just can't seem to escape. There is a Story written on the human heart.

As Ecclesiastes has it,

He has planted eternity in the human heart. (3:11 NLT)

Look, wouldn't it make sense that if we ever did find the secret to our lives, the secret to the universe, it would come to us first as a story? Story is the very nature of reality. Like the missing parts of a novel, it would explain these pages we are holding, the chapters of our lives.

Second, it would speak to our hearts' deepest desires. If nature makes nothing in vain, then why the human heart? Why those universal longings and desires? The secret simply couldn't be true unless it contained the best parts of the stories that you love.

Yet it would also need to go deeper and higher than any of them alone.

Christianity claims to do that for us.

Not the Christianity of proper church attendance and good manners. Not the Christianity of holier-than-thou self-righteousness and dogmatism. Not another religion, thank God.

That is not Christianity. Oh, I know it's what most people, including the majority of Christians, think Christianity is all about. They are wrong. There is more. A lot more. And that more is what most of us have been longing for most of our lives.

A Story. An Epic.

Something hidden in the ancient past.

Something dangerous now unfolding.

Something waiting in the future for us to discover.

Some crucial role for us to play.

Christianity, in its true form, tells us that there is an Author and that he is good, the essence of all that is good and beautiful and true, for he is the source of all these things. It tells us that he has set our hearts' longings within us, for he has made us to live in an Epic. It warns that the truth is always in danger of being twisted and corrupted and stolen from us because there is a Villain in the Story who hates our hearts and wants to destroy us. It calls us up into a Story that is truer and deeper than any other, and assures us that there we will find the meaning of our lives.

What if?

What if all the great stories that have ever moved you, brought you joy or tears - what if they are telling you something about the true Story into which you were born, the Epic into which you have been cast?

We won't begin to understand our lives, or what this so-called gospel is that Christianity speaks of, until we understand the Story in which we have found ourselves. For when you were born, you were born into an Epic that has already been under way for quite some time. It is a Story of beauty and intimacy and adventure, a Story of danger and loss and heroism and betrayal.

"It is a world of magic and mystery, of deep darkness and flickering starlight. It is a world where terrible things happen and wonderful things too. It is a world where goodness is pitted against evil, love against hate, order against chaos, in a great struggle where often it is hard to be sure who belongs to which side because appearances are endlessly deceptive. Yet for all its confusion and wildness, it is a world where the battle goes ultimately to the good, who live happily ever after, and where in the long run everybody, good and evil alike, becomes known by his true name... That is the fairy tale of the Gospel with, of course, one crucial difference from all other fairy tales, which is that the claim made for it is that it is true, that it not only happened once upon a time but has kept on happening ever since and it happening still." (Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth)

But I rush ahead. Let's discover the Epic for ourselves.

Sadly, there are lot of people out there who, in search of success and the feeding of egocentricity, reduce life's secret to a certain law, a certain formula, that when applied, assures you success in life.

Uncover that relationship that you can have with life's Author... and you'll understand that the secret isn't very much a secret at all.

And because of that restored intimacy, you know you can live a life that'll absorb all the fun but also weather all storms, because you know you have an Author whom you can trust, even in times when you cannot understand why things have to happen in a certain way.

Even if your family's striken with many diseases.

Even if a love one passes on suddenly.

Even if you do badly in your exams, projects, etc.

It's really like the ultimate insurance against all of life's what if's.

Yes... there'll be times we may be sad still. Lonely. Depressed. Grieve... but we can learn to move on because of that Relationship.

Not to mention that we'll all get to meet our loved ones who've passed on once again when the time comes.

:)

I confess that I haven't been reading His word... nor have I taken prayer very seriously lately. It's ironic yet predictable that man tends to do things out of his own strength - there're so many burdens upon my shoulders and all I do is to harp over them and think if I can do anything within my capacity to make a change, even in the case of bringing loved ones to Christ.

Today I felt a great surge inside as I stood by the shelves containing books on prayer.

I'm reminded again that the greatest action I can ever take... is to pray.

And to believe that One day Pa will make things beautiful in His timing... that those whom I will commit to pray for will one day enter into this relationship with Him that satisfies, that they'll grow... and live fruitful and purposeful lives in Him.

And hur... I think I really need strength and commitment that only He can give... since I foresee more names, more people to know in the years to come.

To my dear... I think I know the answer to the question you asked after watching that film many weeks back... finally. :)

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Jardon is the 8 year old primary three boy who was run over by a lorry in an accident in May 2007.

http://rememberingjadon.blogspot.com

My eyes can't seem to be kept dry with each entry.

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I've been waiting for so long to post this!!!! Hahaha.. this dear couple finally sent out their invitations... so, I can make this public now! Hahaha...

Mark and Sue... they're very dear friends to me though they're half a decade ahead of me. :P I have the privilege of serving with Markudesu the past five years or so in youth ministry... and this year, with the both of them in the pioneering senior youth ministry.

And this will be the first time I'll be a brother in a wedding!! Designer... backup vocalist... all done before. This is a first! Honored! :D

Looking forward to December together with you two! ;)

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No no... I'm not running away. Hahaha... I'll be running after this post, literally. It's funny how I've come to a point that I actually have urges to go for runs... I guess I should have signed up for the year end half marathon this year... Oh well. Let's see if I can try a full one next year. :P

Met Char at Clementi for the famous tang yuans yesterday after my meetings and after her lessons... then we bought some groceries before heading to her place. She cooked thai green curry for dinner. :) I washed the dishes. (Hahahaha...) Then we watched four episodes of My Sassy Girl together. :) Oh yah and there was a tub of Island Creamery's Blackforest ice cream which disappeared pretty quickly. :P And I was thinking... that'll be a rather nice way to spend evenings in the future after a long day at work. :)

Of course, with ample exercising to keep off the calories like what I'm about to do. Hahaha...

And speaking of work. I met my boss the morning before... The new year ahead is exciting yet a bit scary... but yeah. I guess it's true that for a person like me to be involved in pioneering projects through and through... it just has to be Him. Am thankful for my boss' candidness... the way he said that they've finally found a scale to pack me in, since I'm really kind of like one of the first kind to be employed.

Char calls me the short cut boy. I guess it's true to a certain extent... yet at the same time, I know I must be mindful not to take everything for granted.

:)

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Sing with me, how great is our God...
and all will sing how great,
how great... is our God...

Today God reminded me through this song of His greatness in the midst of youth service... that in the light of this greatness, the issues that I face are so, so miniscule.

I was about to leave for the awards dinner the day before when my eyes came across the little black book that's been sitting in the shelf for a long time, untouched. I took it down and placed it inside my bag and brought it along. Took it out on the bus and started reading the things I wrote in it since 2003. On and off I would jot down written notes to Him... and I must say, reading them once again helped put things in perspective once again.

There are issues in my life that are long standing. On certain days and periods of time I experience a close and intimate walk with Him.. yet there are times when everything lapses and happens all over again. I know it sounds generic and most of us face this in a way or two in our own journey with Pa regardless of the issue, but for me, there were days where I didn't even feel ashame or guilty for the way I was... well. Talk about His faithfulness. Big time. Reading those little nibblets in the booklet, those written pleas for help from on high... ah, those moments of desperations.

I didn't like the way I was... I really didn't. And that's really His saving grace for me, to know that what was me was really unacceptable. Family issues aside, it has really been a tough personal journey for myself... and everytime I think of the times when I had those mumbo jumbo feelings of inadequacies and insecurities as a result of the untendered roots, I give thanks to see how He's brought me so far. So very far.

The sharing of my ThinkQuest journey at the awards dinner meant a big deal to me. The fact that the audience laughed along, the fact that the senior management of Oracle came by and noted that they were inspired by the sharing, the fact that the MD passed me his card and asked me to contact him... one may contend that all these are part and parcel of training and natural growth, but deep down I know that if it's not for how He's helped ironed out the many things in my life the past many years, I would not have been able to learn how to step out of my comfort zones.

Today I helped facilitated the senior WEBs sharing time. Erika shared on how God has been moulding her through the past few years in her walk with Him, how He's helped her through the many down moments of her life and how He's ever faithful.

One application and observation I made to her at the dry run was that in the midst of the issues, she had been faithful as well as to turn to God and not run away from Him as a result of the issues.

But the ironic thing... is that it's actually Him who keeps us faithful. It's in His faithfulness that we can be faithful... because He wills it so. (Ah sorry if this sounds a bit messy) And so for me to be walking thus far... it's not out of my own merit as to how much I want to be with Him or how much I want to know Him, but it's by His grace that He's allowed me to be prompted and moved towards that direction.

How great... how great. :)

Saw the way He touched 5 once again in the midst of the service... saw the faithfuless He has for 6 for his attendence in service once again... and how He's helped 7 through his papers and allowed him to obtain the highest score for his econs paper (woots! hehe)

And yeah. Char and I were supposed to attend a chill out session in the evening after the service but it was called off last minute. Ended up having dinner with the youths and spending some time with them at the yellow tables playing Cranium.

And you know what. It's been some time since I've felt that carefree with them... the fun at the kopitiam, the laughters while playing the game. I laughed till I teared when the answer to Char's charade was revealed. We are all thinking that she was referring to jelly... it turned out to be tofu. Hahaha... and 5's energizer bunny... HAIYOH. Hahaha...

Maybe I'll invest in a game of cranium and play it from time to time with my students next time. They should love the game. Hahaha... ;)

Everytime whenever I start to reflect on how He's led me through time after time, it always boils down to just one word.

Thankful.

:)

The splendour of a king
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
Let all the earth rejoice

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God...

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I was on the way to the ThinkQuest 2007 Local Awards Dinner & Ceremony at Pan Pacific Hotel when Dori called me... she sounded so exhilarated over the phone. Why? Haha... her team's (they've been spending countless weekends at our place burning midnight oil) shortlisted energy saving animation beat the rest of the teams in her school to emerge as champions... and apparently they're able to showcase the animation to the Prime Minister in time to come. WHOA. Hahaha... So proud of my sister!! Hehehe... and glad that the judges liked the concept, part of which is my contribution! :P

Okay, back to the awards. :)

It really brought back fond memories of the times when I was a student member... the dinner, the presentations and all... It's heartening to see the ThinkQuest scene in Singapore so vibrant again, now that Oracle's taking it up full force. Not to mention that we have a very enthusiastic coordinator from Oracle - Hui Seng - yesterday's dinner's success must have meant a lot to her. :)

And yeah. They were so shocked and surprised when I told them my age. Okay I admit I do look a little young for my age. Good or bad? Hahaha... well well.

Singapore maintains its status as one of the better performing countries in the contest, with 2 second place and 1 third place divisional winners, and a couple honorable mention winners. I had the privilege of meeting them yesterday at the awards event. :)

I shared with those present my journey in ThinkQuest... and really thank God for making my sharing on stage a candid one that brought intermittent laughters... if Galvin goes up there alone, all you'll hear is ..... ..... silence. Hahahahaha.

I really hope my students will finally get a taste of it all this year. Ask anyone who's been through it... they'll tell you that it can be quite addictive, especially when you've won. You'll want to take part in it again till you're not qualified to do so. Quite a number of them are repeated winners this year. They'd been to San Francisco last year for the international awards ceremony... and they're going there again this coming November.

And all I'm hoping this year... is that some of them will break into that cycle. They're more than capable... they just have to see the worth of the competition and commit themselves to it, which I guess most of them won't, since they're just so many competitions and programs vying for their attention at the same time.

Just hoping that there will be. :)

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Nopes, I don't know Sing in person - I was surfing around and found that someone posted the prayer for exams that I wrote last year in his own blog and decided to pop by... and read of his testimony, which really moved me. Good things such as this must share... so here it is. :)

Hi, my name is Sing. I born up from atheist family, my family doesn’t believe in God. I used to think that believing in God was only a cultural thing. God in my interpretation is only "things" that created to calm people heart and a place for loser to rely on.

My life before I received Christ was like ordinary guys; playing sports, flirting, chasing after beautiful girls and brag a lot. I always give help to people, I treat friends generously, I also like to tell jokes and acting funny faces to cheer up my friends. In my friend’s point of view I’m a trustful, caring, helpful, and a cheerful person. However they never know that most of the time I only help the girls, I also being sexual immorality, I tell lie, I cheat, I pretend gentlemen in front of people but I cursed them badly at their back, I’m only clean in outside but dirtiness in inside.My philosophy of life is “Whatever you do, Don’t get caught”!

When I’m alone back home I only feel the upset and emptiness in my heart, I always drink a lot alcohol alone during the night, without knowing my purpose of life.

I thought of to improve my personality and lifestyle. Therefore I decided to read a lot of self-motivation and self-improvement books. I read “how to get rich fast” books, I read a lot of “how to be a charming man” books, and I also read heaps of “99 ways chasing after girls” books. But it just doesn’t help me at all. I still feel upset, I still simply chasing after girls and got hurt, I failed my exams, I’m still got the frustration and emptiness in my heart. I always think that I’m such a useless person in this world.

Until one day a friend I met in Melbourne invited me to his church. I never thought of church can be helpful anyway but it’s because my friend kept inviting me to his church in many times in every single week, until I am shame to giving anymore excuses to reject him and force myself going church with him for once.

In my first impression I found that church people are really friendly and nice, but they all look naive and play many childish games. However I was strongly impressed by the pastor’s sermons that really reflect to my circumstances, it let me aware about my self-central ness, my sins, my relationships and my living purpose, it was a very good sermon. I start to think maybe instead of reading self-motivation books perhaps I should listen more to a bible teachings that could be helpful to me. Therefore I start going to church regularly.

It’s so surprisingly that every time I came to church, the sermons topic are always related to my weekly depression and frustration. I always got calmed and find peaceful in my heart every time I listening to sermons from Bible. I even suspected could the pastor read my mind?

I start going to church every week and I start to pray to God. It’s so unbelievable that God always answered to my prayers and questions. I thought it might be coincidence by once, but until I got so much coincidence in my prayers. I know it must be from the true God.

I came to know about Jesus from the Bible, I found out the true meaning of why Jesus death on the cross. God love us so much that he gives his only son Jesus that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Jesus death takes away all my sins, lie, cheating, sexual immorality and all the dirtiness in myself. I am unconditionally loved by GOD even how such a terrible person I am. I know God is with me all the way and I will never be alone. He has given me loved and church friends to help and encourage me along the way and knowing that others are praying for me is such a heart warming feeling.

I believe in Christ on 15th Feb 2006 at Central Chinese Baptist Church (CCBC), and Holy Spirit from God comes to me, I begin hungry want to know more about GOD. I start growing in my faith; I enjoy forgiveness. I don’t want blind myself with materialist, personal status, and relationship matter because those things don't last forever; those things can be changed and disappeared in anytime. But only rely my faith in God, put HIM in my first priority and have a healthy relationship with God. Because only God can look after me, taking care of my family, my career, relationships and I will not perish but have eternal life.

I don't have to pretend, to keep on reaching standards, to keep the routine of self-judgments, rather, I can be me, and GOD Says So. Yes, I also realize that there’ll need to be changes for my bad habits that will hurt me, but I am valuable, so much so that even when I kept on sinning, GOD reached out and offered to help me, cover my faults for me by paying all the penalties, and washes me clean, and YES, SET ME FREE. FREE To Be ME. It's really so touching.

So are you ready to inviting our heavenly God Jesus Christ in your life now?

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Sigh sigh sigh.

5 came over to my place to study for his 'O' level papers starting... tomorrow.

He brought along a box of festive cookies which I requested.

I... finished them in one sitting.

RAWR.

I initially wanted to exercise before Char comes over later and now instead of losing a couple of calories I gained a few hundred.

RAWWWWRRRR.

Aye. I asked for it. Nevermind I shall go do the exercise now nonetheless... and hope that it balances out the input.

The cookies were marvellous though. Hur hur hur.

Thank you 5 who is now studiously mugging at the dining table! :P

Okay... exercise!

Hehe... sorry for such frivolity. ;P

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1. Link to your tagger [Qifan] and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

1) I have three distinct scars and a line of needle holes on my body. One long scar on my left arm resulting from being cut by a broken fish tank back in primary school... the wound was infected... and the pus was quite bad. Heh. Second one resulted from a firecracker burn on my right hand. Third one's quite scary too - originated from sandfly bites and ended up leaving a slightly dented black mark on my right shin area. Then the long line of needle holes' from my combat medic course days... I'll get one every year still. Hoho. :P

2) I was the only student in my primary school to be given an A* for music because of my half past six experiements in playing out-of-repertoire tunes for the recorder test. One year I played to the tune of a local drama The Last Legendary Hero (zui hou yi ge da xia), also did the theme song of the Star Awards... and also 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head'. Come to think of it... I wonder why my experiementations only stopped at that? So sad that I can't do the same with my guitar now... and I can't play the piano, which I really want to. Bleah.

3) I have been overweight throughout my primary school to junior college years, peaking at 90kg. I took karate but stopped when I entered upper primary... holding a green belt brown tip on paper. Other than that, I guess I was rather inactive as a boy... then I kept on buying random stuff from the canteen to eat... and so I ballooned and ballooned. Decided to do something about it in J2, tried the Atkins Diet and lost about 20kg in about 4 months just before the 'A' level papers... no joke. Didn't really decide to seriously maintain a healthy body until a year ago when I started exercising regularly.

4) I keep all the notes, cards, little gifts that people give me in a rather nice box that I got some christmasses ago. Though input has tremendously lessened through these years (which is perfectly normal), I still do get them in drips and draps... and I do appreciate every single one of them. :)

5) I heart japanese food, especially all the tempuras and sashimis. Fried salmon skin is a must at every japanese meal. The garlic fried rice's nice too. Not forgetting everything that comes with unagi and salmon sashimi... Hmm. :)

6) I have been surviving on the koka brand of instant noodles for the past many months. I just ate a bowl of it for dinner just now in fact. Extreme measures in making ends meet. Hope that the ends of my hair will stay put though. :|

7) I have carved out a running / jogging route that is pretty much exclusive to me - I don't think anyone else takes the same route - house, bt panjang plaza, teck whye road, scdf building, dunearn secondary school, hong kah primary, dazhong primary, lianhua primary (my primary school!!! hahahaha...), hillview, bt timah road, diary farm road, pending road, back home... estimated 8-10km.

8) I used to plan quite a number of surprises for quite a number of people... but I guess I'm running out of ideas and steam as well. Looks like age does catch up on you... Hahaha. But I don't mind if people keep on springing surprises on me though. ;P

TAGGED:
max, justin, sponge, shaw, 2eSam, mingao, hongyi, ngp

(don't have to write as long as mine... I just took the opportunity to write. Hahaha...)

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FOR WHAT YOU'VE GIVEN ME
16 October 2007

I didn't know what's life
Till the One who made it showed to me
Opened up my eyes
Now I see the things I didn't see
How I used to strive
For the worldly things I didn't need
Now I've ceased to try
Because on Calvary's Cross I've been set free

For what You've given me

I'll learn to give like how You'll do
My Jesus, come empower me to be like You
That I may be Your tool
To seek and cheer up broken hearts
Encourage those who need a little fillin' up
And pray You'll fill their cups

For what You've given me...
Teach me to let it flow...
For how You've set me free...
So that the rest may know...

0

I had the urge to run this morning... it's been a long while since I've had a good run/jog along that all familiar route because of my current remedial trainings in camp. But yeah, I woke up with the great urge to run this morning... then the skies turned dark. Checked the weather forecast - it was initially "showers with thunder"... then it downgraded to just "showers". Contemplated a while... then Max (one of my students) suggested that I could jolly well run in the rain anyways. Then Char reminded me that I could bring along my ez-link card just in case. AND SO... off I went, traversing down that all familiar route... and, I was feeling all so happy while doing that though I was panting in between. Haha... Ran for half an hour and walked / jogged for the second half. It started drizzling towards the end... and I must say, it's a nice experience runnin' in the rain. (:

I think the Galvin seven years ago will call me siao(4) lang(2) (crazy person). Who can imagine someone who never liked working out, who got so fat when he was young... turned out to be someone who likes running now? Haha... Actually, so much has changed. So much... Come to think of it, everything's changed ever since He entered my life. :)

Anyway.

Attended a Meet-the-MP session this evening. Peter (one of my dearest boys in church)'s dad kind of helped arranged a meeting. My family's currently undergoing a period of financial uncertainty now that the 100% subsidy that my sis usually gets for her expensive medication is no longer in effect. The subsidies were administered by an international foundation initially, but it has its operations transferred locally this year, and the new ruling states that the maximum subsidy that we can get is 50%. Even with 50% subsidy, we will have to fork out at least $2500 per month for the medication, which, given the current situation, will be a tremendously heavy burden.

Spent a good couple of hours consolidating my family's finances to present a better picture of our inputs and expenditures to Dr. Teo Ho Pin... and by the time I printed the final copy of the consolidation, I was pretty in awe.

Because the fact is it's impossible for us to get by even with the current expenditures, not to mention with the further add on.

But somehow, we have been getting by month after month, with income coming in from design jobs here and there, contributions coming in here and there...

It really puts God's grace into perspective.

One of my students' doctor parents whom, upon reading about my Friendmarked article on Sunday Times months ago, sent me a cheque and a written note of encouragement. Peter's parents have offered to look into Dori's medical expenses. Not forgetting Gpp who has been so quietly and faithfully helping out all the while. Raymond who's been offering financial advice, the many who have been praying and encouraging me on...

The only way I can think of repaying His grace through all these giving is to give.

Given to give... I'm just thankful that He's allowed this to be manifested so tangibly in my life. And for that, I must constantly learn how to give.

:)

And yeah... thanks Sponge for the songs! Been searching for some recent english songs (been pretty out of touch)... asked him if he happens to have the one I'm looking for. Now I have a few more to listen to. Hahaha. :)

0

Hur hur hur.

It's quite amazing actually to see how a little idea gets worked out into reality. Can still remember vividly the call that Tim (one of my dear brothers) made to me months ago asking for an idea for his batch's graduation mural... something that'll commemorate the 1st IB Batch and also the 1st Student's Council in the school.

Thought it would be meaningful for each student to leave their mark.. so toyed with the idea of having a master design sliced into tiles for classes to write their stuff on.

After weeks of fixing together, the mural now hangs at a "prominent wall" in the school, which I hope I'll have the chance to make a visit in the future to take personal look at it. :P

And yeah. Happy graduation Tim and Joe... (and Hans and the other Tim... haha). All the best for the IB papers! ;)

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This is the first school anthem that I've ever come across that strikes me as truly inspiring. Very fitting... since it's a school that's set up with a definite purpose to excel in the areas it's called to excel in.

Not to mention that the school has the privilege of having it's school anthem penned in not so long ago... so it really has that modern inspirational feel.

Ah. I am toying with the idea of writing one for my school. Hahaha... After all, we can have a school song that never changes... and a school anthem? Hmmmmm... Hahaha.

Singapore Sports School Anthem
Click to listen

We will rise to the challenge
The Sports School as one
with pride and with passion
in the journey we run
Every step leads us closer to our goal
And a voice keeps telling us to stay strong
To keep on walking cause it won't be too long
Till we can soar
Beyond our fears
We've been living for this moment
We've been dreaming all these years
It's gonna be worth the struggle
It's gonna be worth the fight
We can hear the crowds roar
Upon our wings we soar

0

It's something that's been a recurring theme these few days.

Had a chat with a young friend this evening.

Now that I'm a counsellor always in constant training, I know that the most I can do, as a professional counsellor or as a friend, is to lay out the options and put things in perspective, yet leaving the decision with the person with regards to the directions and course of action to take.

I know that my responsibility stops at informing, providing personal opinions and encouraging towards positive actions, whether in the professional setting or not.

And should the person chooses otherwise, oft seen as following own desires, taking the path of least resistance, or simply a lack of self control, I must remind myself that I've done my best and that I mustn't feel too sad about it, especially if the person in question is someone dear, someone whom I know personally.

It's happened so many times in the past... and I know it will continue to happen.

They who think that joining street gangs will give them a better sense of identity, a sense of belonging... they who constantly get caught in performance trap, of esteem issues, who avoid further contact because they just can't see how they can fit in anymore... they who never actually want change and carry on having unhealthy relationships with members of the opposite or same gender...

He wills that some will listen to sound instruction... yet some will have to get burnt somehow in order to learn.

I just hope that He'll be gracious not to let me encounter any person personally in this lifetime who will traverse beyond the point of no return.

There has been a recent spate of me asking quite a number of youths to arrange a meet up / catch up with me.

And in my heart I'm asked to prepare myself to receive no response at all from any of them.

And for my personality, I have to constantly learn how not to take it personally.

And I can only go back to Pa and say Pa... I've tried. Hard. And there's really nothing else I can do but to keep this in prayer... and trust that You are sovereign in each and every one of their lives, that You will keep them save no matter the decisions they make in their lives...

It's ironic come to think of it... that I can trust Him with regards to my own journey and how He'll watch over my family and myself... and that I find it harder to do so when it comes to trusting the same for others.

And that becomes my issue... that my faith is to be enlarged. Haha.. ah. How ironic. :)

And yeah. Thankful for youths who labor along in this journey... I must say that I am most encouraged this week when a dear brother told me how he spent the entire day reading His word and how he discovered for himself what "grace" meant to him personally. Also most encouraged by another dear brother who's been taking a firm stand of following Christ even though certain areas of his life pose as a struggle. Ever so encouraged by two young sisters in Christ who've just finished their EOYs... I think we can meet up soon for our long long overdue meal ya mei meis!!!! XD

Youths who choose to follow after God are tremendously rare assets, especially in this generation.

When the music fades... when all is striped away... When the ra-ra-ness is gone... when fellowship dissipates...

Will He see that heart of worship?

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If there were teachers out there who started off as student centred and oriented... but with time decided to switch to be simply subject oriented as a means of protecting oneself emotionally.

Haha.. it's definitely much easier to just be a subject centred educator. You teach the subject, mark the scripts, lecture your subjects into producing stellar results and move on to the next batch... and the next, and the next.

Because being student centred and oriented brings you to a totally different playing field.

It's good when they do respond to you... but it's a totally different story when they don't, even if you've tried your best.

When it comes to working with youths, learning when to let go and the letting go itself... they're things that I find hard to do in actual practice... but in order to be an effective instrument, I know I'll have to do so.

There's much that I have to learn from Christ.

He gave me the freedom to choose and do what I want... He didn't enslave me with a tight reign of control and bind me with rules and laws.

He gave me mercy and grace. Calls me by my name.

I fall... I make stupid mistakes. Decisions that are uncalled for. Sometimes I just run on and on in circles.

He has the patience to look at me and yet not intrude, knowing that I'll have to make my own choices, that inner resilience is something that can be built up only by the self.

Even though it might have been grieving and hurting Him much to see the way I lived my life, He chose to simply stand by.

But He's always close enough to catch me before I have a devastating fall.

Close enough to sweep me off my feet and carry me through times when He knows for sure that I can't do so on my own.

Close enough.

Come to think of it... that's how our relationship grew. :)

0

I came out of my job interview all smiling. :)

Everything just fits in so nicely... so snugly.

A conversation with kindered spirits bears more satisfaction than one can imagine.

Money can get you much in life... luxurious affluent living with endless delicacies and entertainment.

But people end up caught in a vicious cycle... because money's never enough.

And there are just so many things that money cannot buy.

Love.

True friendship.

Trusting is a continual process when it comes to provision. But I must put it in a proper perspective, less I end up giving the misconception that those trusting in providence do nothing but simply wait for money and other resources to drop from the sky.

Rather... as you set your heart to seek what's upon His, and as you seek His Kingdom first and follow whatever direction He's pointing you to, it becomes a process of trust that in all circumstances, He'll provide.

Of course, it takes a lesser degree of trust if He calls one to a position of high power and financial status.

As for me and where I'm called to for now and with all the financial woes in the family, I know I'm in for an extended period of faith stretching and trust testing.

And that explains the many accounts of blessings here and there, with the recent major one from one of my youths' parents, who have offered to offset Dori's medical expenses which will otherwise be quite a substantial burden.

I know who holds tomorrow...

I know He holds my hand.

And I declare myself the world's happiest person for the day... because of the way He has answered one of my prayers in a really, really big way.

A life that seeks to thread closely with God... I don't think it'll ever get boring. Hur.

:)

0

Yesterday I stayed at Char's place till pretty late to finish writing a last post to my students on the messageboard.

I didn't expect a lot of them to read it, not at least until after the exams, since the messageboard can be considered "history" since programming lessons have officially ended.

Today I received a lengthy response from one of them on the messageboard.

I was rather speechless after reading it... and all I can say is... I'm thankful... and humbled. I didn't expect anyone of them to respond... let alone respond with such a long reply. To that student... thank you for affirming that the things done were not done in vain... at least to you. :)

Then there's another one who's always been an encouragement... and today I was encouraged once again simply by his inner resolve, to work hard for his exams because he wants to, to do his best even though he may not fare as well in subjects that he's not that good in.

Tell you a secret. I was just looking for an excuse to treat you. Hahahaha...

;)

To all who're taking their exams still - ALL THE BEST!

0

So... this is it. I think I've written about this quite a number of times before, but I guess it won't hurt to write it just once more. This should make a closure to this season of teaching... as for whether I'll be taking the next batch for the same module again... well, we'll see. Haha.

Really enjoyed this season. Really. Really really. Of course there were many moments of frustrations and disappointments when students got themselves caught up in their own world (a pretty lenient term for selfishness. Hahahaha...) to care to listen... which can be quite worrying, because it simply means that they have yet to include learning within their own world.

It's ironic actually. A little retrospection reveals that students of the past were actually more independent learners as compared to nowadays, even though the concept of independent learning started only recently. Perhaps it's the "too many eggs in a basket" situation again I guess... causing students to lose focus, making them think that they can max out all areas of their capabilities when they really have that aptitude and ability to truly max out in one or two areas.

Which is why I'm a little worried for ThinkQuest again. I have yet to find students who are dedicated and focused to win. I know I will once again have to contend with the plethora of programs and competitions and projects and this and that. Well... we'll see. :)

In my year, students sought out competitions to take part, took ownership and owned. Having gone through this season, I'm just thankful that there are those students out there who know what they want... and yeah, am hoping that there'll be those out there who'll choose to place ThinkQuest at the forefront. I'll want to coach those kind of students. :P

Hur digressed. Am really thankful for the opportunities to know the students more personally this time round... I think I'll be really glad when the time comes for me to return them that piece of paper upon their high school graduation. Till then, I'll hope that I'll still get the chance to interact with them here and there. :)

Thank you 1A, 1B, 1C, 1D, 1E, 1F and 1G for your attention and efforts!

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Thought that I could end this season on a good note... oh well. Nopes, it didn't come from a student. Though I know that ultimately I might not exactly be the target of contempt, but the way that it was put through... oh well. :)

I just learnt on tuesday in my skilled helper lesson to listen for "the message within a message".

Today I heard this in my mind inferred from the words I heard - lousy you, you are so incapable of keeping the class quiet, so incapable of keeping classroom discipline. Haven't you read of the complaints made that they are disrupting the classes below...?

Yeah... darn my introverted fragment of imagination.

The thing was, I was about to address the situation with the class when the external intervention came.

The rest of the time in class went pretty well. The class showed me that they could actually keep quiet even though they are one of the rowdier classes that I've taught.

Well. The thing that really caused a sentiment to arise from within was when certain words were spoken to the class that would have put them down even further.

If only we have an environment where we learn what it really means to build up one another.

I am beginning to see the ripples form in what I perceived as a calm utopian river when it comes to my new job in the future. After all, I already have been given the notice that my new scope of work does not entail interaction with just the student body.

God help me especially when it comes to upward leadership... when it comes to interacting with those whose values and perspectives do not exactly belong to this present generation.

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Well... didn't expect the new version of Movable Type (publishing system) to have such a steep learning curve. It was quite an effortless task in the past to do a similar implementation of the project that I'm currently working on... now it seems that I'll have to relearn the whole process of template editing in the new version all over again. Sob... don't how how many strands of hair I lost yesterday. :| Hahaha... and well. That basically means that I wasn't able to complete what I initially set out to do. Hope to finish it soon. :)

Work aside, it was a pretty good day spent yesterday. Initially wanted to pop by Char's place to spend some time with her and do some readings in the evening, but got there earlier because she wasn't feeling all that well. In the end it was very much her working on her laptop and me working on mine on the same table... Haha, I guess that's how it's like when we both have work to do and when we both have deadlines to meet. But yeah... somewhere down the line I realised that hey, that could possibly be a scenario where we'll come across pretty much in the future! Haha... not that it's bad, as long as we both know when to work and when not to! We paused work for dinner at a nearby foodcourt, walked a bit before heading back to continue on. From time to time she would bounce off her thoughts with regards to the lesson planning that she's doing for her mock class... and yeah, this thankfulness that we're in more or less the same line of profession yet somewhat different - it's something that I really can't explain in words. :)

And yeah. She tried to take away my packet of muruku... but I got it back eventually! Hur hur... guess it'll be my last time eating muruku in a long time... I didn't intend to finish the entire huge packet but I eventually did. And in the end I got the kind of feeling when you eat too much of something... so yes. Maybe I'll touch muruku again next year. Hahaha.

Second last day of teaching.

I'll miss the students and the teaching.

The consolation is knowing that I'll still be meeting some of them out of classroom context. :)

Alright. Time for early lunch!

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A person's social support system determines four tenth of the possibility of positive change to occur in his or her life.

It makes a huge difference for a youth who wants to quit smoking to have family and friends who support him. Imagine heading back home to a family where everyone smokes and jokes about you quitting the cigarette.

Or a boy who's just released from probation for gang fight, only to return to fighting again because he has no other form of social support other than his "friends" from the gang.

I will do my best to max out the rest of the sixty percent.

Yet at the same time I must remember to let go of those who have no intention of changing. I know this will be something that I will have to contend with in the days to come... well. Till that time comes then I'll see how. Hahaha.

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I looked through all my past years' October 1st entries... and realised that I have yet to write something on Children's Day before. Funny. Haha... yeah. To all children out there (and my students included though they don't exactly celebrate this day anymore) - HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY! XD

As an adult, it's easy for me to be sucked into the monotony and stresses that adulthood may entail - but ultimately, we all know that despite all the things that life throws at us, much of how we react and respond depends very much on the perspective that we have of life.

Certain things, once said, will always remain in the heart. Perhaps it was a desire so genuine and longed for... that He's heard and so graciously made it part of my life... and I'm just thankful and hopeful that even when it's ten or twenty years down the road, He'll still allow it to be part of who I am in Him.

What is it? Haha...

I once told a sister in Christ (who is now faithfully serving Him in a faraway land... Hahaha) that I really hope that the childlikeness that I had then would never fade away as I grow up... Haha. Yeah. I actually feared that I would grow up to be a jaded young man, get myself caught in the silly rat race, go to work and yet not knowing where I'm going, settle into the mundaneness of life... and worst of all, find myself drifting from Him, that as I grow I will not be able to go before Him as transparent as before, as childlike as before anymore.

I guess Children's Day each year's a pretty good day to do a self check and evaluation. I really wonder why I didn't think of this the past years. :P

"He (Jesus) called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'" - Matthew 18:2-4

Faith like a child. I remember a faint analogy that speaks of the president as the most powerful figure in the country, yet his baby toddler can simply crawl into his office in the midst of a meeting, climb up unto the table, smile at his father and instead of being carried away, receive a hug from his dad.

"Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them.

Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.' When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there." - Matthew 19:13-15

Faith like a child. Children represent the purity of heart - they have yet to be tainted by the things of the world. Innocence is their prized possession.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." - Matthew 5:8

Peter, one of my dear youths (who is in the midst of taking his JC1 promotional exams), always like to make use of Matthew 19:13-15 to justify his childish acts sometimes... Haha. Lightheartedness aside, I really hope that as he grows up, that childlikeness in him for Him shall remain. He's starting to feel the stresses like never before as a junior college student... and as one grows older and responsibilities get dumped upon one's shoulders, it just gets tougher each day. So yeah. Jia you! :)

"At that time Jesus said, 'I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.'" - Matthew 11:25-26

That I may come before You Pa always... like a child. :)

That you may go before Him always too... like a child. One day. :)

LIKE A CHILD
by Jars of Clay

Dear God, surround me as I speak,
the bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
you've held me close to you
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing into the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
and my eyes can't see your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I walked in light of you

"I've got joy like a fountain!"
"Be kind one to others"
"In Jesus Christ Your son"

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
with faith like a child