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One more day to to the next planning meeting... three more weeks to its grandiose execution. There were flashing thoughts of doubts here and there these days asking me if it's really worth it. Money wise, this will seem like a really foolish step to take, considering that I'm able to earn the same amount at a more relaxed and less stressful pace sticking to doing design projects.

Well. Then again, I'm reminded that it isn't so much about anything else but the calling that's given. It's still a miracle that I'm where I am right now... ever will be a miracle. And I must say... the only thing that sustains me humanly in this endeavor is the thought of working with them again.

I was given the student listings today. As I looked through the file, I came across many familiar names that brought smiles to my face and lifted my otherwise heavy heart... Haha. Well, guess they'll never know how I'm so looking forward to establishing contact with them again after my brief stint teaching them for a term back in 2006.

If you're entering CSE next year and you're actually reading this right now, chances are that I've come across your name and smiled at the thought of being given the opportunity to know you better for the next two years. ;)

Then again... nah. Don't think anyone of them would actually be reading this. Haha.

As of this writing, Dori's on her way to Nihongoland on a near-month long mission trip. I feel really happy and glad for my little sister that she's finally able to realise part of her dream - the Lord placed in her heart a burden for the people of this land since she was just fifteen. Four years... and here she is on her very first trip with full support raised very much in time. The way she bounced through the departure gate... Hahaha that's really what we call excitement that can't be contained. :P

While waving goodbye to Dori by the departure gate, dear said something that caused a great stirring in my heart. I was telling her hopefully there'll be a chance to fly next November... and she actually said cannot. Because she wouldn't want to be crying at the departure gate.

Just one sentence... and it brought me back to the day... the early morning nine years ago when I was about to leave for Los Angeles for my very first ThinkQuest finals in 1998.

And then I realised how blessed a boy I was... and a man now I am.

To have two women in my life who love me so much... so much.

(poem from 1998)

Etching Tears

Waiting anxiously for the cab, I failed to catch
a glimpse of you.
I neglected how you felt at that
very moment, my heart pounding,
mind blanking out, I really couldn't
think of anything except for the fact
that the cab was late. Damn late.

The cab arrived half an hour late, enraged,
numbness devoured.
I never felt how you felt about me even
when you and I are just side by side
in the taxi bound for Changi.
Silence prevailed in the darkness of dawn,
my only thoughts were but selfish ones:
Would I get there on time or would I be late
and result in the postponement of
my very first departure?

The air con hummed,
breathing artificial air down both of us, spreading
an aura of misty cool around you and me.
Was it my imagination, or did you turn your head
and look at me?

We arrived at the airport right on time,
You paid the fare while I proceeded to
my luggage. I wondered
how you felt when you hand over
the excess denomination to
that driver. He kept refusing
the offer. For if he should accept,
I would be most willing to tear his triceps.

We waited together for the time
for me to pass the gates. Front and back
we paced together, dragging and rolling
the luggage along. We exchanged few words
in that half hour which seemed pretty like forever.

The time came for me to depart.
A tingling sensation unsurpassed,
I rolled the luggage through the gates
And had my passport chopped.
I dared not look back. Unable to restrain,
I turned around and bid my last good byes,
For it would be ten days later when
We would next meet.

There you stood rooted, gentle swells
in your pearly eyes. All seemed clearer
through the thick glass panes. Every inch
of you, from top to toe, the panes reflect.
Your eyes to mine, I see your mind.
Hush now, don't cry.

Emotions within broke through panes
And touched the very kernel of my heart.

Do not weep for I'll not be gone
for too long. Ten days wouldn't make
much of a difference in your life,
would it?

I began to realize
the importance of you, as at
this very moment, I
discovered the insecurity swirling
around me.

I wished I could backtrack
the gates and give you
a hug, a kiss.
An embrace
I
Love
You.

A slight wave of my weakly hand,
I turned back once more
and continued my path to the plane.
The journey seemed so unimportant.
For I missed you.
A hell lot.

Swallowed hard.
Emotions unfurled from within.
I left a stain on a seat
of the United Airlines Economical Class.
On the Twentieth of November.
1998.

For my Mom.