0

From just now...

"It's the last day of the fifth month of 2008... also marks one year to the day dear dear and I are to tie the knot... let the preparations BEGIN. Hahaha... I'm currently at Great World City's foodcourt typing this entry offline, we came here to check out Planet Fitness (in hope of engaging together in some anti-gastronomical but slightly more wasitline economical activity) but the prices appear a little too steep for comfort. Did a free trial lesson called "Body Balance" though... and gah it was tough. :| Haha... Verdict: we'll be checking out cheaper alternatives for classes - no worrying for gym facilities as the school one pretty much matches that of the commercial ones out there."

I'm currently blogging from Vivocity's Pacific Coffee Company... it's been a couple of hours since I'd typed the paragraph above. In between, we made a visit to SKS, a Christian warehouse bookstore, where we lingered quite a bit. It's really been a long time since I've had such a lazy day out. And it helps, it really does. :)

Glad to have stopped by SKS - browsing through books and soaking in the worship songs... it brought about a feeling that's seemingly lost or severely dormant in me these days. God created man to worship, and when the object of worship is correct, you get the kind of connectedness and oneness you won't find elsewhere, not in self, not in money.

Flipped through a yearly devotional book and read the 30th May entry, hoping that God would use it to speak to me. And it comforts me that He still does, in full splendour of His grace, despite all the inertia and things I've done (and not done) that I wouldn't imagine would grace any of these pages (at least not now).

I've traded God's abiding joy time and again with temporal things...  and from time to time I do get sick of using the excuse that I'm "just human"  and I'm supposed to be fallible. It's so easy to forget the great and wonderful moments basking in the immense presence of our Lord on high when you're faced with things and situations that'll bring about instant gratification.

Holy... that's how some of my students are seeing me. But the truth is I'm far, far from that. Somehow, I'd forgotten the reason to persevere on this road of sanctification, to be more like Jesus. Had it not for this lazy day out...

Now I'm reminded that joy comes forth as we strive to abide in Him. And there's no better time then now, as always. And I'm just thankful that He's sent someone so dear to walk alongside this journey with me. Not just her, but many others who're running alongside. :)

Having God in our hearts places things in perspective for us; what used to be an endless pursuit of happiness by means of getting caught in the rat race of life gets turned around, knowing that He is in control, and that joy is ever present in this constant relationship that we have with Him. Relationships in general take centrestage over getting things done, or in the world's context, using one another and backstabbing one another for selfish means.

I know this sounds like a pretty weird discourse... I meant this entry as a mid year review / reflection for myself, but well, however He leads me to write. :)

Char and I each bought a pocket version of the English Standard Version of the Bible. Hopefully it'll become very giam chai (salted vegetables) a year from now after being used many times. :P

Baby Esther

I paid a visit to Kel and Grace at Kadang Kerbau Hospital (KK Hospital) the day before... to witness God's grace at work. :P It's really a great feeling to see your dear friends beaming with joy! :) Really appreciate the catchup with Kel... and I'm eternally grateful to have a brother as such - from what used to be chats about studies, to girlfriends, to future, to marriage, to babies! Hahaha... I must qualify that I do not have many friends as such, as opposed to most who've got many peer friends.. like my dear dear and her sisters. :P

Will post photos once I've gotten them onto my laptop!

Celebration of Faithfulness

The Kakis met on Monday evening to celebrate my belated birthday. This is the 5th or 6th time round already... with Matty calling from Aussieland as per previous years. I really learn a lot from the friendship forged with these three brothers and now with Char and Jacq in the picture as well. This is one bunch of people I never found deserving to have, as in, there's really nothing much I'm doing in keeping it together. It stems from a common love and a common concern, and the commitment of a few individuals, so unwavering.... and the amazing thing is that I feel secure to know that it's not about the being together all the time that's going to keep us together, nor is it about all the doing... it's simply the being.. the commitment.

And I just want to say again that hey. Can never thank you bunch enough. I finished the other half of the tiramisu cake the very next day. HUR HUR HUR. 8)

ThinkQuest

The results for this year's ThinkQuest competition came out 4am this morning. One of my teams clinched a 2nd placing in the 15 and below division and another clinched an honorable mention in the same division. It's a sort of yet another ThinkQuest "vindication" personally, to know that Hwa Chong is capable, if only the students are willing to try and give of their best. Am personally excited at the prospect of being able to travel again... hur hur. It's been quite an amazing year, first to Australia, now America, and a possible visitation trip to the United Kingdom at the end of the year. Again, those from well to do families may never understand where I'm coming from... and I can only attribute all these to a Papa who watches over His children and gives abundantly and exceedingly. :) 

Really hope that those who didn't manage to win anything this year will press on - they've put in so much more work this year! Mmmm... let's see what can be done. :)

A little more reflection and I shall be done...

Dear dear's been patiently reading her book while I type on...  hur. Okay. Srsly. I don't know what's going to happen the next half of the year with so many things going on and changes coming along the way. I do hope that my job scope will stablize in the next two terms... but I don't know. I've offered to help my colleague take over his classes once again as he goes overseas for student recruitment... but this means more work next term for me, on top of my new scope as a boarding master (yes, I'm shifting to boarding school - that will warrant a post on its own which I will write some other time). It's one which I'm taking on willingly though - it exposes me to at least seven secondary one classes... and who knows how these relationships would help in the future in the course of their journeys. I can only hope that He'll grant me the strength and the joy, to be able to see through His eyes, especially when I meet boys who are seemingly problematic. Haha... thing is, they often end up as friends. ;)

I'll appreciate every prayer that you can pray for me, and my family, and for the one that is to come. Many transitions to go through... and then I remember the mission statement of my home church, that is to grow Christ's disciples who will master life's transitions, to know that God is the constant, the never changing, the ever faithful One, and as I'm reminded through one of my students' msn nickname, the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, that in Him love, joy and peace shall permeate.

Okay la. That's it for now. If you've read everything in full do drop a comment or a tag! ;)

4

I'm not sure if this can't be deemed a prioritizing of time... but I know that if I don't have it done now, it'll never get done. So, yeah... the website's finally in this new address after slightly a day's worth of slogging and not sleeping.

My sleeping pattern has turned upside down... and it's only two days into the school holidays. It's always tempting to get more done over here, with the many integrations to do (Project Friendmarked, songs, etc)... but I've got other commitments that'll require more urgent attention. Till I get the rest settled... I guess it's the best policy to have things go slow over here. :)

Try out the comment function kay - leave one. At least I'll get a gauge on how many people actually reads. :)

0

Yep I know... it's the school holidays. But it doesn't really make much of a difference when it comes to work. Will be back in school for the first week to settle some program and timetabling matters on top of results analysis... there's a stay-in program planning retreat on the third week... and reservist on the last week before school officially starts again. Not to mention that I've got to sneak in time to complete an individual essay, a group essay and a backdated journal log for my studies in between. Mmm. :)

I've been wanting to give this site a teenie weenie revamp... looks like it's going to take a back seat for some time.

I know. It's scary to see how so many things are clamouring for the time I'm given. I can afford to give more time to do what's to be done, to spend on people whom I should be spending time on... ah well.

I know I did mention an entry every two to three days... but yeah. Pardon me for this on-and-off hiatus mode for the month to come, till I get more things settled before the start of another school term.

I've been asked by one of my boys if I like my job.

I told him as a matter of factly that I would have quitted, or rather, wouldn't have joined in the first place, if they're not there.

Then he asked a rhetorical question.

"So you like us??"

:)

And I can only hope that one day they'll stand on their own feet, own and conquer the program that they're in and not bow out in defeat.

Heartening to witness how some of them have found that resolve from within to push forward. That to me is half the battle already won. The other half lies in the discipline and sheer determination.

We can do it. Can you hear...? WE can do it.

0

Something one of my colleagues mentioned over email sums it all up when I asked to postpone an arranged meeting due to the surge of work all of a sudden.

Jovial with a slant of cheekiness... definitely with a tinge of resignation.

"Welcome to Hwa Chong!"

Haha... having said that, I must qualify that I do enjoy where I am and the work that I do. :)

0

Jotting an entry before going for my make-up lesson at Joo Chiat in the evening... well. It's been a tiring day. Spent the good half of the morning trying my best to revise a topic that I was to relief... Kind of ran out of time to plan a proper lesson by the time I managed to have a better grasp of the concepts. Tried my best to deliver the content... but yeah. Didn't have the energy to do proper classroom management. Some of the boys didn't give face at all... came out all drained and demoralised. Another lesson tomorrow... I know I'll spend the wee hours today trying to do some proper planning, but I seriously don't know if it's worth it.

Agreed to help another colleague relief a lesson on Thursday as well, and the topic is one that I know I'll have to spend some time getting acquainted with again. Gosh. I don't know.

Spent some time resorting forms to be disseminated... administrative wise it still remains a mayhem. And the best part was that I didn't even know that the helper who's been assisting me with attendance has fulfilled his contract and left... and he did not even inform me about it. Oh well... win already.

And then there's this to settle, that to settle...

And to know that there isn't going to be much of a school holidays left for me next month... it isn't helping.

Looking on the bright side, I woke up early and did weights for the first time in a really long time. And I have watched my diet till now thus far. Don't think I'll partake of the dinner food given by the centre later... Probably get myself something healthier, if I can make it down on time.

Sorry 5 for missing your all important exam piece performance... couldn't get myself excused for this make-up lesson as there won't be anymore make-up for it. Eeeyerrr how come today so like that.

Haha okay done. Time to go.

(back home)

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Be joyful always.

Pray continuously.

Give thanks in all circumstances.

For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

It's at such points in time where the basics and the core sustains.

And I am thankful that no matter how shallow I think I've layered on the foundations over the years, He's faithful to remind me through life's circumstances itself that He's indeed faithful.

And so I can smile. :)

Haha... not bad. Now I become pokemon master (insider's story). Hahaha... I do look forward to boarding school days should this bunch of people get in. Should be quite fun. :)

0

There was once upon a time when my comments were working when I had a great time interacting with readers beyond the tagboard... dear dear showed me a website the day before that showed such an interaction.

Hmmm... I think it's high time for a good revamp? Hopefully I'll be able  to find the time bah.

:)

0

Well well... what can I say. It's been a really draining week... hopefully I don't get so many things packed on my hatchday week next year. Hmm. But then again, I think I will be tremendously busy next year this period of time. *insert scary music* Haha... :)

Went through an intensive course on Choice Theory / Reality Therapy (CTRT) with fifteen other colleagues on Mon, Tue, Thu and Fri... took leave on Wed to attend my clinical attachment with Mount Elizabeth - Charter Behavioural Health Services. I must say it's been a week of really great learning - took away with a lot of nuggets (not literally ya) which I hope I'll be able to share with the guys in time to come.

The counselling course was particular enriching; not only was I able to use it as another approach in my counselling work, the personal takeaway by far outweighs the professional work benefit.

In choice theory, we talk about an individual's "quality world", whereby it's made up of people and things that will fulfill the person's basic needs in life, deemed as the following five in CTRT - that of survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun.

Come to think of it... I realise I've got quite a number of people in my quality world. I guess it explains why I felt the elation over the course of the few days as certain people did certain things for me for my birthday... and why I felt the opposite end as well when no news came from some who're considered close to the heart. It's good to know that whereas I cannot control my feeling and physiology, the way I think and act can be. And so I chose to take joy and gladness in those things that the people did. Dear dear did so much! :) Then the bunch of boys who did up the board... Leonard who stuck the board to the wall and wrote the ending words, Ernest who told whoever to get green colour for the board, all those who wrote the notes, however long or short, and the mystery boy who mooted the whole idea and gotten it out. They seem quite adamant not to let me know... Haha.

Okay my head's spinning for now... shall hope for a good night's sleep. Till then!!

0

Thank you Justin and Longjian for making me fat. Haha... one box of mini dumplings of all things. :| Haha... but it came on time - didn't have time to have lunch in between the current course that I'm attending and so had three of them straightaway. And thanks Guan Koi for the greeting too!

Went back to office this morning and took photos of the board... reading through the notes bring about a therapeutic effect man. Lol.

Thanks guys. :)

0

不求回馈的付出，才是真正所谓的付出。我，还在学习当中。

想必这样的感觉不惜有...有了却感到有点惭愧。

心里有点酸溜溜的感觉...脑子里却做了选择，不因如此而破坏自己及他人的情绪。

Afterall, 确实是感受到了众人所给予的爱戴及激励。在此致谢。:)

Dear dear arranged a birthday ramen dinner with dad and Dori today at Central without my knowledge... it's been a long time since we've all sat at the same dining table.

:)

0

Dear God,

It is with much contemplation and deliberation that I finally settle down to create a new "prayer" category on this website of mine. There are things meant for the prayer closet... and I will keep more private prayers to that, but Lord, I believe that there are some that I can afford to share here, so that those who drop by may have a better idea of how prayer is like, and for those who've been prayed for, for them to know that they've been prayed for. And personally, I guess this will definitely help in allowing me to engage with You on a more constant basis. :P

First off, thank You for sustaining my day. I'm not quite sure why I've been getting so physically worn out lately - head's been quite heavy, and I've been constantly dozing off on the buses, something that really isn't the norm. Teach me to maintain proper self care amidst the busy schedules, that I may be reminded that I can only give properly when I'm personally well rested. It's a job hazard to be burnt out especially in helping professions... this is where I know I cannot make it on my own - ask that You'll keep the tabs and for whatever work You've called me to do, I will continue to trust that You will attribute the corresponding time, resources, abilities and health for me to do just so.

Thank You... for being the God who neither sleeps nor slumbers, for being the ever present help. :) Lift up dear dear and Kate's session with Aunty Lian into your hands and trust that You have given them a really fruitful and insightful time. :)

Pray Lord for the boys in OB Sabah (Kelvin, Yiteng, Shannon, Binglin, Greg, Yongzhi...), that Lord You will grant them journey mercy and protection, and that experiences and learning points that they reap from this trip will surpass their expectations. Lifting Chee Wee into Your hands as well, that You will allow all of them to have a good time together before returning home this weekend. Committing the boys at Gunung Tahan into Your hands as well (Yang Cheng, etc), that You'll grant them protection as well, and that they'll enjoy the ascend.

Lord I commit Peter, Jan and Syahir into Your hands as well; even as they prepare for their respective performances that are to come, pray that You'll be the One sustaining them and giving them the strength and joy in the midst of the preparations... and that it be in their agendas to lift their performances into Your hands for Your glory. It's a joy to see how they've all grown so much Lord... and even as they enter the tumultuous period of late adolescence, I pray that You will be merciful and allow them to journey through this stage of life and transition properly, that they'll turn out to be fine young men after Your own heart.

God I reiterate a prayer written for Joash two years ago and trust that You are in the business of growing and watching over him, that You will make Joash a boy... a man after Your heart in Your good timing. Keep him safe from all harms and hurts, be it physical ones (especially over all his tri trainings and competitions) or emotional ones... let him find You, that he'll know he's found in You.

Constantly committing Raymond, Xavier, Teck Liang and Junjie into Your sovereign hands... and trust that Your promises for them will never fade.

Committing Bryan into Your hands as well, that You'll alleviate whatever sickness he has.

Pray Lord for Eunice and Sarah, that even as they mug mug for their O levels they'll not forget the purpose. Pray that You will grant them clarity of mind and above all, wisdom, not just in their studies, but in living out their everyday lives.

Just want to also commit my dad into Your hands Lord, to know that it hasn't been easy being pretty much by himself the past two years plus with mom in this state... I just want to thank You for all the work that You have done in my family, for the understanding, the wisdom, the love, in spite of the circumstances thrown at us.

Thank You that Dori has come to the point of graduating from her course... I pray that You will continue to lead her and show her the next route to take, but above all these, that You will continue to grant her a wholesome and intimate walk with You. I know that uncertainty is something that creeps up all the time - pray Lord for faith to arise, to know that You have plans to proper and not to harm, that all things work for the good of those who love You and are called according to Your purpose.

I know this can be a ceaseless entry if I am to go on... but I'll stop here for now. Lord You know what's on my heart and what weighs it down, those names... those faces. Committing all of them into Your hands - I know it's no use pondering and wondering - just want to surrender them to You, and as much as You remind me to, pray Lord that You'll empower me to keep on standing in this gap, till the time comes for each of them to enter into that personal relationship with You.

For Gpp as well... that You will continue to bless him at work and in his studies, that You will continue to be his Sustenance, his ever present help.

Let Your light shine and Your presence manifest in the littlest and most insignificant of things Lord. In Jesus' most precious name. Amen.

0

Well. A quarter of a century plus one. Kind of hard to believe it but I guess everyone has to grow up. (:

I was actually recounting the past years on my way back home yesterday evening... how each year I would always have a bunch of people "making it my day", how I would always spoil their surprise plan... Haha. Then as I pondered I realise it's a challenge for myself personally to know that such moments won't come every year. We all grow up... and especially for this year - Have been taking a break off youth ministry and thus have not been with the people there regularly... and then it happens so that we're having the sabbatical week in school where many of the boys aren't exactly around. So yeah. Mentally prepared myself to know that it'll be a pretty quiet affair. Dear dear had actually treated me to TCC the day before. (:

I remembered on the way home on the bus that I had to buy toilet paper home... and so I went to the mall before heading home, bought the stuff and walked home pretty slowly, still recounting the past (haha)...

Walked to the traffic light junction just below my block. It was quite funny actually. Saw dear dear with Joe, Gid and Jerrold and said hi to them.

THEY LOOKED SO DISAPPOINTED.

I asked the three of them where they're headed. They said they're going on a date.

Seriously. I didn't plot to bump into them. It was really amusing... but I guess they never knew that my heart sprung with much joy the moment I saw them. (:

And so we went up home together. Went into my room... and realised that my corkboard has been decorated and filled with cards with notes. Yes. My dear dear knows my love language and went around getting people to write notes... 8)

I froze though, when 5 & 6 popped into my room with a cake. That meant a whole lot, much more that they could imagine. Not the cake, not the cake. Haha... man.

Thank you dear dear... and to Joe, Jerrold, Gid, 5 & 6: thanks for making my 26th birthday eve a really, very memorable one. :)

12am struck and I received an sms from gpp. He never fails to be the first one for the past years. :) Thank you for all that you are and for all that you've done in my life. :)

Dear dear sent the first msn msg. Hur hur. Thank you Eunice mei, Matty flower and Wee Shuen for the well wishes as well online! :)

Thank you to the following for your smses: Denis, Zhun Song, Timtam, Shaun, Dommi, Kenneth Tan, Nigel, Tim Seow, Alex, Willie, third aunt, Polodudeo, Si Heng, Paxton, Nicodemus, KelKoh... yup.

Apparently some people have been circulating smses in school... I wonder who. :| Haha...

Thank you dad for the well wish and the offer to have dinner - am stuck in evening lesson. Bleah bleah. Haha.

Rushed to my office room in the morning... wanted to send an urgent email before heading back for my ongoing course in school. It was unlocked as I didn't have the chance to lock it the day before. Rushed up the stairs, opened the door, and there I saw Leonard acting suspiciously in the room with the lights switched off. He hurriedly left the room without saying much.

Turned around and got a shock. The boys did up a board for me with messages written by some of them.

What to do. Heart f[m]elt man. (don't aww me)

Ended up spending some time to read the messages... 37 of them in all, around the number to make up slightly more than a class. The interesting thing is that the make up of those who wrote are pretty random... but yeah. You guys made my day.. thank you so much for the effort and the time! :) Shall take some shots of the board tomorrow and thank the individuals accordingly. :)

Typing all these at Plaza Sing's Starbucks before heading down for evening lesson... if not I'll never have the time. Yep... Thanking God for all of you. :) It's been a busy and weary period... but I know I'm never going through all these by myself. ;)

0

I'm currently at Vivocity's Pacfic Coffee tapping on its wireless internet... the Americano tastes quite bitter, but that's because I purposely didn't add sugar. Hahaha... frivolous introduction.

Dear dear and I decided to come here to work a while before we meet her family for an early mother's day dinner since we'll be at the Global Day of Prayer tomorrow evening @ the Indoor Stadium. Missed last year's one... so shall not miss this year's. :P

This space used to hold a few paragraphs of a little venting, but they've since been taken down thanks to dear dear's wisdom, knowing that writing those paragraphs wouldn't have helped. Just some moments of disappointments and frustrations. Mmm.

Well. These moments do cause me to revisit the purpose of where I am and what I am currently doing... and I know that all these are part and parcel of growth. Just hoping that Pa will continue to allow such situations to be within bearable limits. Haha...

Hopped by UniSIM's website and took a look just now at the bachelor programmes. May consider taking one up after my masters degree to keep the teaching option open. Mmm. A lot of people have the perception that I'm earning quite a bit given the positions and portfolios I'm currently handling in my workplace... the truth is nowhere close to that. Haha... I'm currently paid according to my diploma in counselling psychology.

:)

My boss will be approaching me in time to come to see how I'll like to be developed, whether it be in the administration or in teaching. Not too sure what contributes to this fickle mindedness, but I'm keeping the options open for now. Initially chucked the teaching path away because of the forseen extra work that's got nothing to do with students at all... but then again, I realised that it's through the classroom interactions where one would be able to impart more, be it in knowledge of in life.

I don't know how my boys see me. I'm like someone who's there but not there, virtual even. I have no regular meetings with them, neither the need to have them. It's hard to find out their quirks, how they're like in large groups... well.

Having said all these, I'm really amazed at how God has led thus far. I'll probably get to know those in the boarding programme better, especially those under my mentoring... shall wait and see. Yup, I will be shifting to boarding school in time to come as a boarding master of a pilot project of my school... and that would be our place of residence when the knot is tied next May. That in itself is another story that'll take another time to write. Haha... but yes, I feel blessed to have a partner with a similar calling in life, and it'll be interesting to see how it all plays out in the community in time to come. :)

We rented "Freedom Writers" (starring Hilary Swank) to watch a couple of nights back... inspired. :)

Okay... battery's running low. Shall write another time. Please give yourself a pat on the back and leave a tag if you've actually read this entry in full. ;)

0

Was chatting with a student when he told me he'd seen me on video in school...:

GOSH. I forgot about this totally. GOSH I can't recognize myself. Hahahaha...

0

GRACE@WORK MAIL 18/08
Visit http://www.graceatwork.org
[May 2, 2008 Edition]

Commentary: Happiness is Overrated
By Soo-Inn Tan

"If I had remained in Melbourne, I would have been happy and that is all I would have been."

We were having dinner with a new friend a few evenings ago. A Malaysian, he shared about his time in Melbourne. It was a significant time. He went to university there. He found the Lord/the Lord found him, there. He was part of a dynamic growing church in Melbourne which did so much to nurture his faith. Now he was back in Malaysia, working, and trying to find his feet in a number of key areas in his life. And so we asked him why he hadn't stayed back in Melbourne. That was when he told us that if he had remained in Melbourne he would have been happy, but not much more. He believed the Lord wanted him back in Malaysia and so he came back.

His answer blew us away because it was both unexpected, and unexpected from one so young. (He is in his twenties.) When you get to my age, you probably would have come to realize that happiness is overrated. But we didn't expect such wisdom from one raised in the hedonistic atmosphere of modern consumer culture where many assume that happiness is a right. (The young continue to amaze me and give me so much hope for the future.)

In a review article in Utne Reader, Julie Hanus reminds us that:

[As recently as 50 years ago, Americans considered sadness a normal response to social circumstances: I am sad because something in the world is not right. The emotion was appreciated for its transformative quality. It could inspire resolve, help people patch up their lives, help them correct wrongs, and in some cases, promote greater connection and community. Today, for every tear shed there seems to be a self-help book enshrining our unalienable right to happiness. ("Embracing the Blues," Utne Reader, May-June 2008, P.67)]

The bible has always recognized happiness as "a by-product of a greater value."

[Any person who makes his own happiness to be the top priority of his life will experience only frustration. Jesus clearly indicated that anyone who selfishly grasps his own life actually forfeits any chance of experiencing real life. (Creath Davis, "Happiness," Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, Walter
A. Elwell, Editor, Grand Rapids, MI:Baker Book House, 1984, p. 493)]

Jesus was asked as to how one could inherit eternal life (Luke 10:25). I understand "eternal life" here as referring, not just to some idyllic state after
death, but also to a quality of life, a full life, a joyful life. Jesus answers by affirming that true life consists of the two primary loves: to love God and to love neighbour, and to express those loves by sacrificially caring for others (Luke 10:25-37). Happiness then is a byproduct of being in right relationship with God and with neighbour, and in blessing others. This is affirmed by other parts of Scripture where we are also taught that happiness comes from being in right relationship with God (Psalm 144:15), and from having mercy on the poor (Proverbs 14:21).

This is one of the secrets of life: Chase happiness and never find it. Pursue a right relationship with God and live for others, and you get happiness thrown in. And if this is true, then sadness has a place as well.

As Hanus reminds us, sometimes sadness is a reminder that something is not right with the world. We remember Jesus weeping at the tomb of Lazarus His friend (John 11:35). We remember Him weeping over Jerusalem when He realized what horrors the inhabitants were to experience (Luke 19:41-44). If we are people who truly love God and neighbour, there will be times when we weep over the sad condition of our broken world. Like the rest of creation, we groan "as in the pains of childbirth (Romans 8:22 TNIV)" while we await the coming of the new heavens and the new earth, where there will be no more tears (Revelation 21:4). To belong to the community that will inherit the realm of "no tears" is to belong to a community that weeps because we are not there yet.

Hanus also points out that sadness can also have a "transformative quality." It can help us grow and mature. Paul would agree. In 2 Corinthians 7: 2-13, he notes that a letter he had written had saddened his readers but he does not regret what he did because the sorrow led to their repentance. There is a godly sorrow that "brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret... (2 Corinthians 7:10a TNIV). We note that Paul also mentions a worldly sorrow that leads to death (v.10b). We think of Judas, saddened by his betrayal of Jesus, who, instead of repenting, chooses to take his own life (Matthew 27:3-5). Sorrow, by itself, may not have much value. We need to sorrow for the right reasons and respond to sorrow in the right way. But sorrow has a place in our life this side of heaven.

So I applaud my young friend for making a key decision that revealed that the pursuit of happiness was not the true north of his life. I am sure there are times when he wonders if he did the right thing. Life is tough. This is one of the reasons we are committed to the ministry and the practice of friendship. When the going gets tough, the tough need true friends to walk with.

Therefore, where we can, we want to encourage our friend in his journey of obedience. And if the occasion presents itself, I will try to tell my young friend that if he had chosen to remain in Melbourne, just to be happy, he may have found that he may not have been happy in the end. But by choosing what was for him the more difficult path, he will discover God, and growth, and joy. That's life.

0

It's been some time since I've last posted something... so first off, apologies to all who've been popping by and finding no updates after so long... not very characteristic of me or this site I know. :P The good news is as part of discipline building, I'm committing to updating the site at least once every two days, no matter how busy my schedules can get. Just hoping that it won't degenerate to simply lists containing of the things done for the day. Hahaha. :)

If I am to gauge my spiritual walk to the number of times I've read the Bible lately and to the amount of time spent praying, I'll probably liken myself to be in the pits... it's really God's grace that I'm being sustained through all that I'm going through. I haven't been faithful in the disciplines of reading, thinking of His Word I must confess.. and I can see how that translates to certain compromises of late.

He spoke through a book that dear passed to me, a book that I've read before some years ago - "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg. As I reread the first chapter, I was amazed at how I was able to identify with the author's introductory chapter, especially the following:

"I am disappointed that I still love God so little and sin so much. I always had the idea as a child that adults were pretty much the people they wanted to be. Yet the truth is, I am embarrassingly sinful.... I have other ones (sins), darker ones, that I'm not ready to commit to paper. The truth is, even to write these words is a little misleading, because it makes me sound more sensitive to my fallenness than I really am. Sometimes, although I am aware of how far I fall short, it doesn't even bother me very much. And I am disappointed at my lack of disappointment.

Where does this disappointment come from? A common answer in our day is that it is a lack of self-esteem, a failure to accept oneself. That may be part of the answer, but it is not the whole of it, not by a long shot. The older and wiser answer is that the feeling of disappointment is not the problem, but a reflection of a deeper problem - my failure to be the person God had in mind when he created me. It is the 'pearly ache' in my heart to be at home with the Father."

It's ironic that you long and desire to have that close communion with God and yet you can't seem to find yourself engaging in the very acts and disciplines that'll cause you to draw close. It's ironic that you desire to be pure and blameless, clinging to the promise in His word that those "pure in heart will see God", and then the very next moment you find yourself fallen... well.

Started on a weekly book study with dear alongside our wedding preparations... and I'm just thankful how God finds me at where I am all the time. It's been a tremendous journey these seven years or so as a Christian I must say... for without which, it's really hard to explain and account for all the things passed and happening now.

I've learnt to count my blessings - giving thanks has become second nature to me, not that I engage in frivolous thanksgiving (if there's such a thing), but He's given me the grace to identify His provisions in everything. This Macbook Air that I'm typing on now which I've won as a prize, the scholarship money that allowed me to pursue my studies... I don't discount material blessings that He's given - it's biblical - just that I know that in all things He gives for a purpose and takes away for a purpose - never to fulfill personal wants and desires but more so to fulfill His sovereign will. Am reminded that I'm but a steward of the resources entrusted to me - time, money, etc, till He calls me home.

I'm more so amazed at how He's blessed me with wonderful relationships and friendships, especially so when I'm an introvert to begin with. Haha... it's a joy that more of the students at my workplace are opening up to me, and that I've gotten to know a little better of those whom I've known for a longer period of time. :)

Visited Sue's grandaunt yesterday afternoon together with Mark, Sue, dear and most of the senior Webbers (youth peer leaders). It's been three months or so since I've taken a break off WEB ministry - I really missed the youths there but yet I knew I'm not in the best of condition to be serving there for the time being. Thankful for making this trip together with them - it's really a joy to see them and catch up with them once again, this bunch of God loving youths who seek authenticity in their journeys with Him in spite of life's struggles and temptations.

Sue's grandaunt is a perfect example of an ordinary folk mightily used by God simply by her devotion and obedience. She's ninety two this year (I hope I got it right!)... and as she recounted her life stories and testimonies, I could feel the faith ignite in me again. Hers is a life filled with tribulations... and time and again she overcame not of her own strength.

This visit really tied in with the question posted to us during IDT (discipleship training) - "What do you desire as the greatest legacy of your life?".

I hope to be remembered as the ding dong who's tried his best living his life for God, and that he's brought many to know His Maker not by mere words, but exemplified by the way his life's lived and by actions congruent to God's attributes, that of love, mercy, grace and forgiveness.

And after all that's been happening lately, I'm thankful for the reorientation of thoughts, to know that all I'm called to do is to be faithful in my own walk, in knowing Him more, and He'll take care of the rest.

Am restarting on certain disciplines this day forth... and if you would pray for me, pray that God will be the One granting me the strength to maintain and keep to them, taking small steps that'll eventually grow, both in duration and regularity.

Thanks. ;)

And I'll learn to trust that one day they'll all understand the meaning of it all, that perhaps I'll have to wait ten, twenty years down the road to hear of good news... then that I be given the perseverance to keep on lifting them up to Jesus.

Alright... time to get some rest.

Jesus, God incarnate, chose to trust and hence became helpless, not that he chose to trust because he was helpless.

David, mighty king, chose to trust and hence became helpless, spending endless days crying before God, imploring on God's resources, not that he chose to trust because he was helpless.

"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him." - Jim Elliot

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot