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I have a recent favourite food.

Starbucks chocolate scone. Heh.

I first bought it some weeks ago as it's one of the cheapest pastry in starbucks - brought a stack of test papers to mark while waiting for Char for dinner elsewhere.

Scones aren't exactly my favourites... but this chocolate scone makes a really good comfort food, especially when it's warmed up.

And I've eaten one more just. Took a bus with some of my boys to town - they were heading off for *scape for an event appreciation dinner. I dropped by the Starbucks nearby to park before moving on for my very, very last 'lesson' in Joo Chiat. The exam's coming right up - this Saturday morning... with the course closure happening two weeks from now.

I am rather ill-prepared for the written exam I must say. I do hope that I'm allowed to finish this well. Read through some notes just... gonna do more reading when I'm back home later. Mmmm. I must get used to the word 'home' all over again as I relate it to the boarding school apartment which I've just moved in officially the night before. Haha... seriously? I really don't know how it's going to be in the months to come. Shifting with added responsibilities in the evenings when it comes to looking after the boys... it basically means a shift in schedules and lifestyles too. In all these, I'll continue to trust that Pa will bring me through.

I've had a bunch of boys interview me today for their english biographical assignment. Basically I was asked the reason why I'm working as what I am right now. And so I related the whole story to them... which led to where I am now, as their coordinator.

And then I realised once again, that it is impossible to dichotomize my life with my faith. There is simply no way for me to mention my life story without the mention of God. My work... my relationships... my whole being.. it's all tied up in how He's so graciously found me seven and a half years ago.

It can be quite scary to think of it... but indeed, apart from Him, I can do nothing and am nothing (John 15:5). I was asked for my goal in life. I thought for a while and realised that it may not be comprehensible to answer "to live life for God's glory". And so I replied that I would want to grow in God's attributes. I think this answer stunned my interviewer as well. Haha... I shall see what comes forth from their assignment - it's going to be a biography after all, so I shall wait and read what they'll write. Perhaps I'll post them here when it's done.

And I'm ever thankful that through this interview, He's reminded me of how prior to knowing Him I never had the privilege of adults pouring their lives into mine apart from my parents... how many of them contributed much in my life in terms of incalcating good values and showing me the ropes in faith and in life. And yeah, as much as I'm blessed and given, I learn to bless and give. (:

And I really hope that in my spiritual walk, He will continue to pour forth His grace... that I may learn to grow up continually, standing upon His promises, leaning upon His word, that I may grow to be more and more like Him... for His glory.

Okay... off for my last lesson. Please pray that I'll be diligent to prepare amply for my exam this Sat... but more so, that I'll be diligent in my walk with Him.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

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Warning: This video skit may be life changing.

Amazing love, how can it be, that You my King would die for me...
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.

Jesus died for you and me... so that in that death, we may live, and have life abundant.

You may be subscribed to a religion, or are an atheist or an agnostic, etc. But it doesn't discount the fact that He loved and died for you.

Don't wait half a century, a decade, a few years, or a minute... Consider Christ when you're given the opportunity. Ask questions. Seek earnestly and have your doubts and questions processed through with those around you whom you know are Christians and whom you see something different in them.

Because it's a promise... that as you seek, you shall find.

(thanks God's little lamb for introducing the video)

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The Centre for Scholastic Excellence (CSE) is a programme that I coordinate at my workplace. It's a new system devised to "stimulate independent learning and to provide a safe virtual environment for them to engage in collaborative learning as well as knowledge building."

It's been a journey... it really has.

The task seemed daunting right from the start, with me playing 'form teacher' to about half the secondary three cohort who're in the programme. There were many details to look into... mostly administrative. At the end of the day, that was one of the reasons I was placed in the position - to take care of the administrative tasks so that the rest of the teachers could focus on what they could do best, that is to teach, and that mentors could focus on knowing their students.

He knows that administrative skills aside, my heart lies beyond simply that. And thankfully.. he knows too (haha...). And so as things happen and evolve, it's come to a point where I should be able to focus on knowing the boys more as well in time to come, with a personnel hired to handle the administrative tasks, which have been mostly set in place over the past half a year.

I guess I have to be realistic that at the end of the day, it will be impossible to know all 247 of them... add on to the fact that a new cohort is coming in next year. I'm trying hard... but there'll always be the differences in personality and temperaments. I got to know some of them better over the internet, some started to frequent my office... all which I'm thankful. There're some though whom I'll never have contact with unless I take the initiative to sieve them out during morning reading periods, which I haven't been really doing so.

Perhaps they think that it's better to keep to themselves, the lesser interactions with teachers, the better. I don't know... but well. It'll be a miracle if I suddenly see them popping by my place. Haha.. well.

Few more months to the end of the academic year... and soon they'll all don the beige uniform. 成长...成长。

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Laptop battery indicates that there's about 40 minutes or more to go before it dies out... so I reckoned that I can make use of whatever time that's left to write an entry. Haha I know it doesn't make sense... but yeah. :P

I'm currently in this particular place in school where it's absolutely quiet... and where no other person can have access to for now. It's an old lounge that's waiting to be converted into a place for rest and recreation (place to do homework peacefully for some) for the boys who have no more fixed classrooms of which they could call home to. The air conditioning got fixed along the way... now the tables have arrived. Took a little long, but yeah, it's getting done. Wireless access and network points to come in next... but the place can be opened effectively for productive rest. As much as it's away from the bustle... it's really a conducive place. I myself am thinking of taking a power nap later when the battery goes flat... before meeting Charmaine for dinner.

This week has been unusually packed as well, though the stress was much less. It'll escalate again very soon - my final exams is on next Saturday... and the boarding programme starts next Sunday. Yes, I'm shifting into boarding school very soon - supposedly sooner but the staff there needed the time to clean up the apartment and do some fixing... so it'll officially be ready this coming Wednesday.

I could never have imagined that I would undergo so many transitions within the course of a year plus. These few years put together - from my mom's condition onwards - it's really been one heck of a journey. Of which I can really only thank God for, for I know that many things wouldn't have been possible by my own measly strength.

There're many things that brought a smile to my heart this week. Had a really good outing to Central with Char for a start... it's been a long time since we had such an outing, eating and spending time with each other. (: And I've interacted quite a bit with different students - got to know some of them a little bit better. And just today, the library was supposed to close in the afternoon due to the half-day declared by my principal for the stellar performance of the school... I'd just finished a counselling session and was heading back to my room to pack up when I noticed that my room lights were still on. Turned out to be a bunch of guys from 2E using the room... and Justin. Haha... That class... they'll always remain a special bunch I guess, even though many of them still think that I don't know their names. Don't know why. Haha...

(ok the battery officially died at this point)

And so I'm typing from the comfort of my room now with the power adapter plugged into the laptop... hahah. Decided I should sleep early for once (again) - and start on a new jogging chapter (this sounds darn familiar... :( ) in the morning. Yes.

So sleep I shall. And probably start studying for the exam happening next Saturday.

Till a later post!

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Yeah... I've been doing some backlog photo-montaging - kind of spammed recent entries with photos rather than words. Haha... It's partially due to my inability to make time to blog a recent post on what's happening lately. If I am to sum it up simply in a statement, it'll probably be:

God is good. (:

Nah it's not so much of a cliche, but He is really good amidst the busyness and stresses. I wish that I'll be given time to jot down my thoughts properly though. Haha...

One more week of relief teaching to go; this batch of secondary ones are pretty good and responsive... do wish that I can continue to take them on, but I know I won't have the resources to do so given the amount of work that I already have. I've marked the term test papers of the three classes that have taken the test so far... and I have many of them scoring distinctions with quite a number of full marks. I'll think that most of them found the paper as no-kick. Haha... well. At least this will give them a boost for their overall subject score at the end of the year.

I went about taking class photos with them, as with previous batches. They're a really fun bunch I must say. I guess my only regret is that I won't get to know them the way I knew the previous two batches... well. Probably some of our paths will once again meet two years from now, that is if I'm still around. Hahaha... ah well. I think I will probably be unless I'm booted out first - I MUST see this batch of sec 3s move up and graduate from college section. They're the first batch of sec ones I first came to know of after all... and it's just heartening to be able to work with them again, this time round somewhat more closely.

But here lies the irony. I've taken class photos with those I've met only once per week for five weeks... and not with the bunch I've seen through for the past seven months. Taking class photos with this bunch of boys will be something that I'll really look forward to, yet I really don't know when's an opportune time to do so. Hmmm... well. I guess it'll take some planning.

In the meantime, here's this year's 1C, 1D and 1E. :) Click on the photos to access the entire collections:

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Been wanting to catch up with Christopher, David & Zebedee for some time but we never seem to find a common slot where all of us are free to meet... we finally did so today at my place - Aunty Witwit's off day today so I'm home this Sunday to take care of mom.

Didn't really know what to do initially... didn't have anything planned. Then God gave me a guiding passage from His Word to at least lead myself in possible things to chat about... the catch up turned out really well. (:

I told them today that through seeing them grow I managed to catch a little glimpse of why children are always children in their parents' eyes no matter how old they grow... haha. They're all secondary four now... but they're very much kids (as in the way I relate to them sometimes) - and it's really hard for me to imagine myself interacting with the sec fours in school on such a level... well, perhaps it can be so with a little bit more familiarity, but yeah. Haha. It's indeed a privilege to be able to witness their growth both physically and spiritually - and it heartens me to hear the evidences of growth through the things they share of how it's been for them over the months.

We set for the group a commitment to meet 6 times a year - 3 for such a time of sharing and prayer, and 3 for birthday meals. Mmm... and as for how long this shall last... as long as God wills it to be bah. :)

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My physical body finally gave up I guess... oh well. Skipped IDT today... think I shall sleep early for the first time in a really long time. It's a choice I know... and today I shall sleep before 12.

And subsequently take responsibility in taking care of my body... and that includes being consistent in exercising. It's taken a backseat since weeks ago. I don't know how many times I've actually jumpstarted exercise regimes... but I do hope that this time round it'll last a really long time... mmm. It's starting to get uncomfortable wearing jeans... oh well. Haha.

It's scary how time has become a rare commodity these days; there's simply no time to embark on things which I find meaningful (ie making the bookmarks)... and even engage in more meaningful interactions at work. This year's batch of sec ones are really good to teach... and somehow I feel that it's unfair for them... when it comes to the amount of time and effort I put in to know them. I know I won't have the luxury of time as before for the past two batches... well. As Pa leads ba. (:

My room bustled with activity the day before... I'm not sure why, but student traffic was HUGE yesterday... and I must say it's these unplanned and unassuming interactions, fun, lameness (haha...) that makes all the work worth the work... perks my day. Haha...

That's about it for now. I ought to sleep now. OH yes... I realised yesterday evening after receiving back my latest essay that I made a boo boo thinking I scored a "D" grade for my previous paper... turns out that it meant Distinction. LOL... Pa is good - 1 HD, 2 Ds with one more group paper to go which really looks like it'll get either the two grades... see how it goes for practicum, journal and final exam. Mugging mode needs to kick in real soon. It's more or less a 'final' leg of my studies for now - taking break off two semesters (on hindsight yes it's definitely a wise decision!) before continuing after the wedding next year.

Okay... that's all for a little update. Hope I can write and reflect more in time to come! Photos and what nots coming up real soon! :)

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I gather that my body's finally breaking down due to the overclocking and the lack of exercise... that's kind of like the worst form of combination eh. Haha... Guess I'll drink more water for a start. Been feeling really warm the past day... and having the feeling of phelgm stuck inside the throat.

Quite a number of things happened over the past two days and quite a number of photos and collages and videos to upload.. shall do them up in time to come after this busy period is done with. In the meantime, here are two video clips - one of Samuel winning the C Div 400m Hurdles event and the other of Hong Yi winning the C Div 200m event this morning at the Interschool National Track and Field meet... glad to have witnessed them. (:

Thanks to those who posted get well wishes over msn. (: Will probably be posting in another two days' time... till then!

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I wish a button can be pushed and that I be put in hibernation mode. Haha...

When melancholy strikes, it strikes. Void of reasoning, just the feeling of heaviness. For the first time I almost wanted to raise my voice in class over what is but a common bout of distraction while I was speaking... and I almost didn't want to proceed to take photos.

Thankful for His grace. Managed to regain composure enough to finish what was set out to finish. Mmm.

There were many moments I stared at the computer screen today not knowing what to do... Sigh.

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And so I've reached the point, 4:15pm in the late afternoon, the point of wanting to sleep and not wanting to do anything else... even though there's still much to be done. There's exams prep session later on at Joo Chiat - I suppose I can sleep on my way home bah... haha.

I attended the NIE (National Institute of Education) Convocation Ceremony (Teachers' Investiture) this morning... I think Charmaine did mention it to me before... but somehow neither she nor I took much notice of the significance, cause for one, we thought that there would be many of the graduating teachers who would be getting the grade... but whoa, we only realised today that of the entire cohort of 400 plus, only 16 scored the distinction grade.

Wooo!! Hahaha... SO PROUD OF MY DEAR DEAR!! xD

All glory to God! :) Whenever I look at her life, I would catch a glimpse God's grace working so surely, bringing her through all the seasons... (:

As to why I slept only one hour the night before... till next time! Hahaha...

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Was about to write a brief entry before taking a shower and continuing with work when dear dear pasted something on our msn window:

This morning, Pastor Edmund shared about 3 kinds of spirit that hinders us from offering ourselves freely to Him in the day of His power:

a) A stagnant spirit - one that has stopped growing & learning

b) A weary spirit - one that is experiencing constant fatigue

c) A overcrowded spirit - one that is distracted by life

It's a snippet from an email sharing by Edmund, our young adult ministry worker (the Edmund in the snippet is Rev. Edmund, my senior pastor). This little snippet came aptly - I was about to jot down a little bit of reflection that's touching on more or less the same thing.

By God's grace, a season's starting whereby I'm moving on in knowing Him through devotions and a daily dosage of His Word and nuggets of truth deposits... definitely not stagnant. Being weary and overcrowded... that can be a danger at this point of time though.

I parked myself at the poolside after library closing hours today... arranged a counselling supervision slot with Edmund (another one - this one my supervisor... hahah) in the evening at that venue, so I thought it'd be worthwhile to embark on some work in the meantime.

It's scary... to see that you've been working your whole way through and yet not getting the main agendas done, because there're just too many fringe work to do, and that they've got to be done as well, as much as the main ones have to be finished.

Saw some familiar faces - Spongebob, Wilfred, Guan Koi (who cut botak??!)... was so glad to have seen them and would have wanted to catch up a bit and at least show a bit of enthusiasm... but upon reflection I think I appeared quite 'dao'. Well. Energy seeped...

And I tend to let certain things slip off my mind lately... not that I want to.

Do pray that He'll help guard the time to spend meaningful time with loved ones... and at work, it'll mean spending time meaningfully with the boys too, not just getting engrossed with all the computer and admin work.

And I still have the group essay to write. :| Ho wells... nevermind. Shower first.

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I tried switching on my home laptop this evening... power came on a few seconds and went off. Tried it a couple of times... same thing happened. Gathered that it's motherboard problem or something. Well. I guess it's time. It's been faithful the past five years... even survived a hard disk crash.

My only hope is that the stuff in the disk is in tact. Will probably get an external drive casing and use the disk as a portable external drive. Time for some DIY...

Ah well.

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"He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." - 2 Corinthians 5:21

Logan is a 13 year-old boy who lives on a ranch in a very small town in Nebraska. Logan listens to Christian Radio station 89.3FM KSBJ which broadcasts from Houston, TX. Logan called the radio station distraught because he had to take down a calf . His words have wisdom beyond his years.

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I'm just done with marking 2 sets of assignments for 4 classes... 3 more to go. Yeah, in between listening to the lecturer. Hur hur. Not that I'm trying to justify my actions... but this is the second time I'm going through the same lesson by the same lecturer - the previous time in my previous diploma course. :P

I've submitted my decision form to defer the masters phase of the course for probably two semesters after the graduate diploma phase ends in a month's time. With my shifting into boarding school, marriage prep course and all... I hope this would be a wise move. Certain priorities take place, and in any case, it'll always be relationships first if a win-win situation cannot be achieved. Prayed as I took the bus to the centre this morning... that I be given the peace that surpasses all understanding with regards to this decision. As of now... it has come. I'm beginning to see how the freed up time can be used. Hehe... the clinical director also happened to talk about the rigour of the masters phase, and I just got to know that there're certain days when I have to take leave to attend full week-day lessons. Mmmm. July 2009 then. :)

Modifying Dysfunctional Beliefs

DB: If I don't do as well as others, I'm a failure.
MB: If I don't do as well as others, I'm just human.

DB: If I ask for help, it's a sign of weakness.
MB: If I ask for help when I need it, I am showing problem-solving abilities (which is a sign of strength).

DB: If I fail in my work, I'm a total failure as a person.
MB: If I fail in my work, it's not a reflection of my total being. Also, failure is not always a permanent state.

DB: I should excel be able to excel in everything I try.
MB: I shouldn't be able to excel at something unless I am gifted in it, and able to devote considerable time and effort in it, often at the expense of other things.

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In class now! Haha...

All or Nothing Thinking

Black and white thinking, dichotomous

No shades of grey

Since I didn't get the promotion, I must have been an incompetent worker.

Selective Abstraction (Mental Filter)

Focusing on just one negative/weakness until the whole situation/person appears only negative.

Because I have a negative feedback, it means I am doing a lousy job! (He was nominated worker of the week).

Fortune Telling / Catastrophizing

Predicting negative outcome without considering other more likely ones

Husband did not compliment her cooking, the dishes must have been terrible.

Magnification / Minimization

Magnifying the negatives, minimizing the positives

Getting a good grade does not mean I am smart. On the other hand, a mediocre grade means I am stupid.

Emotional Reasoning

Drawing conclusion based on feelings rather than facts

When I felt anxious at work, it must mean that I am incompetent.

Overgeneralization

Making sweeping statements and judgement that go beyond the current situation

Since I failed this test, I am going to fail the whole course.

Mind Reading

Believing you know what others know without first considering other more likely possibilities.

My boss is so quiet, he must be thinking how dull a worker I am

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There was once a great and noble King whose land was terrorized by a crafty dragon. Like a massive bird of prey, the scaly beast delighted in ravaging villages with his fiery breath. Hapless victims ran from their burning homes, only to be snatched into the dragon's jaws or talons. Those devoured instantly were deemed more fortunate than those carried back to the dragon's lair to be devoured at his leisure.

The King led his sons and knights in many valiant battles against the dragon.

Riding alone in the forest, one of the King's sons heard his name purred low and soft. In the shadows of the ferns and trees, curled among the boulders, lay the dragon. The creature's heavy-lidded eyes fastened on the prince, and the reptilian mouth stretched into a friendly smile.

"Don't be alarmed," said the dragon, as gray wisps of smoke rose lazily from his nostrils. "I am not what your father thinks."

"What are you, then?" asked the prince, warily drawing his sword as he pulled in the reins to keep his fearful horse from bolting.

"I am pleasure," said the dragon. "Ride on my back and you will experience more than you ever imagined. Come now. I have no harmful intentions. I seek a friend, someone to share flights with me. Have you never dreamed of flying? Ever longed to soar in the clouds?"

Visions of soaring high above the forested hills drew the prince hesitantly from his horse. The dragon unfurled one great webbed wing to serve as a ramp to his ridged back. Between the spiny projections, the prince found a secure seat. Then the creature snapped his powerful wings twice and launched them into the sky.

The prince's apprehension melted into awe and exhilaration.

From then on, he met the dragon often, but secretly, for how could he tell his father, brothers or the knights that he had befriended the enemy? The prince felt separate from them all.

Their concerns were no longer his concerns. Even when he wasn't with the dragon, he spent less time with those he loved and more time alone.

The skin on the prince's legs became calloused from gripping the ridged back of the dragon, and his hands grew rough and hardened. He began wearing gloves to hide the malady. After many nights of riding, he discovered scales growing on the backs of his hands as well. With dread he realized his fate were he to continue, and so he resolved to return no more to the dragon.

But, after a fortnight, he again sought out the dragon, having been tormented with desire. And so it transpired many times over. No matter what his determination, the prince eventually found himself pulled back, as if by the cords of an invisible web.

Silently, patiently, the dragon always waited.

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7 classes in all... 2 periods each. 5 weeks... 1st week... 4 more to go.

This will probably be the last time I'll be taking the sec ones for lessons in that subject content. My scope of work would have exploded beyond recognition by the time the same month comes again next year. Hahahahaha...

I can't imagine yet seeing this batch of sec threes don on their beige uniform and long pants next year and the new batch of sec threes (some whom I've taught before last year) moving up. Can't imagine yet how it'll be like coordinating two batches as opposed to the current one batch. Shall just take it as it comes... and trust that sustenance and strength will come.

I enjoyed all the 7 classes; I don't think I've ever felt that kind of joviality previously when I'm teaching - perhaps it's the familiarity of the subject content and the classroom setting... I found it easier to connect and to teach. It's not easy to get to know them at half the time given me as compared to previous years... but I'll try. Not good to be going round the school with sec ones greeting you and smiling at you and you not knowing their names... cannot cannot. Quite a difficult feat I know, roughly 200 of them... well. See how it goes. :)

The only thing I'm dreading is the marking of the homework.

OH MAN.

Haha... having said that, shall be off for dinner... then it's marking time. :P

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Ever thankful for how things have been picking up in my life. No, the demands and stresses are still there, but He's been renewing the spirit in me slowly but surely. And now I just want to spend some time in His presence through a time of guitar playing and worship before I hit the sacks. Yar. 1am plus I know... just a little while ba. :P

Had a nice time out with dear dear the evening before going for a swim and after which a nice lil dinner before we return to our lesson prepping and what nots. The past two classes went pretty well; had a menthos moment today - my powerpoint slides were corrupted and refused to load. Would have freaked out... but didn't. Used the slides I created for last year's batch and did some quick changes... thankful. :) Came back home and updated the newer version for the next few classes. Looking forward to them. It's amazing that the past two classes were attentive and most of them tried to work on their assignments and projects.

More challenges ahead this day - got an overdue favor to complete, get mom's medication towards the evening... then doing some catching up with one of my dear brothers over dinner. Those are the major stuff... with many minor ones scattered in between. I'm learning still. :)

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This is God's way of encouragement - He puts a song in your mind and keeps it playing and playing in the midst of your work even though you don't really know what the song is about and you can only remember a couple of words in the song, in this case, just the song title, "I Hope You Dance".

It kept playing on and on to the point where I finally got down to finding the lyrics and the video on YouTube... and then I realised it all makes sense.

Dedicating this song to all who're going through hard times as well... and to the friend who's probably feeling down from all that's happening. Much to learn in life... and I hope that one day, you'll learn how to "dance". ;)

By Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)