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I told Char I hope I could fly to the moon alone and stay there for a week.

I've been trying really hard to keep abreast.

I've never been in a season where I have a million and one things clamoring for my attention.

I bumped into a colleague just now and he asked me why I looked so grumpy.

I could only tell him that I've got lots to do.

But it really isn't about the doing.

I've tried to work round my schedules to craft time for and with Char. But I'm failing.. utter failure. It saddens me whenever I see her so affected. It saddens me when she has to inconvenience her just to be where I am. It saddens me that she's getting sick so often because of doing that.

I teared when my sister messaged me last night to ask if I'm going for 5's drama exams alone and when she informed me that tuesday's her hospital appointment. It has been ages that I've last accompanied her... and I know she needed me too.

Yesterday night the boarding masters had a meeting. My colleagues are concerned about my day offs, not knowing if it was right for them to cover my duties, concerned too that my boys would take it in the wrong light, concerned that some of my actions may jeopardize myself in the programme.

Then I have boys who seemingly are going against whatever that's set, not that they mean it. And I know for one, that there may be word going around that I've been too lenient, too soft. I really don't know how this has jeopardized possible good working relationships with certain colleagues.

Today, I received a mail with the subtle tint of blasting me off from a colleague due to a feedback I feedbacked.

It's funny that in this world, as much as you'll want to be out of politics, you are inevitably in it, not that you want to.

All the things I'm experiencing and causing me great discomfort, for the very reason that everything's contrary to the personality that I've grown up with.

I think I've mentioned enough times how I wished I never needed to grow into an adult... but I can see the areas of growth that God wants me to grow in this season of time.

He wants me to take responsibility. But far more to that, He wants me to trust in Him and cling entirely unto Him, not upon my own resources.

I'm learning.

But am I given the time and space?

Psalms 121 comes to mind - I lift up my eyes to the hills... where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He does not let my foot slip... He neither sleeps nor slumbers... the Lord watches over you.. keeps you.

And I can only trust.

My thanksgiving comes in that Char decides to love me in spite of all the inconveniences that's caused to her.

That my sister's grown in her understanding of how her brother really wishes to spend time with her and yet is in a season of immense i-have-no-word-to-describe.

That God's blessed me with a boss who cares and listens and most importantly, believes in me.

That he's gotten an administrator to relieve me of my loads.

That I have my kakis who really care - Gpp who constantly keeps me in prayer, Raymond who just called to ask if I needed help to move stuff into the apartment, and Matty who drops msn messages here and there.

That most of my boys are understanding... and appreciative.

And ultimately... that I have a God who walks by me, lives in me... and works through me.

Will appreciate your prayers.