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2008 seems to pass by pretty quickly... come to think of it.

It's funny to think of the days when you couldn't think of yourself growing up and turning 25 and beyond.

In a few months' time the number will turn 27. And subsequently my marital status will see a change as well.

It's scary... come to think of it!

Haha... you're reading the banters of a child-at-heart... what to do. Haha... but yeah. There're certain things that I could do in the past that I realised I couldn't do as efficiently now... like burning midnight oil. I stayed up the whole night after the replying of emails and worked on the front page of my centre's website... didn't want to lose the 'continuity of workflow'. It's done now... but not ready to be revealed until the entire new site is done, which I hope will be rather soon. Now the front page looks like a front page. :)

I'll have to 'suffer' the consequence of burning the midnight oil I guess... the day's packed. And I've got a project meeting to attend at 7am tomorrow... Hur Dear dear's going to scold me for not taking care of myself... :|

Work retreat's coming up Thursday - Friday... which reminds me - I think I have some presentation to work out and present at the retreat.

Back to office for a meeting for now. :)

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That's what I spent the past three hours doing... answering email queries from parents and students concerning next year.

Woooooooooooooo I shall take a break, take a shower, then get back to finish off some more stuff.

It's the school holidays for the boys already... but it's just the beginning of a really busy period trying to settle things for next year before my official break one more month from now.

Seriously... I'd never have imagined the amount of behind-the-scene work my teachers have to do/prepare when I studied here in this same place ten plus years ago. Haha...

Blk F in the Boarding School really isn't Blk F without the boys. The whole place's so quiet... and no pinetree sprouting through my door every half hour... no uno blocks falling to the ground... no "very big, very big one... *Eiffel Tower!*" in Taboo... no banters... Haha. It's quite amazing actually. Two months' worth of memories... but they seem so much.

One more batch coming up next year... another exciting year ahead!

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I forwarded the previous post as a mail message to some of my colleagues at work to keep them informed... and I ended off with an afterthought... that I'm thankful to have people (colleagues) to update in school.

Haha yeah... it's not easy for an introvert to make acquaintances and friends for one. But I'm not using it as an excuse. I'm just thankful. Just listing some things that reflect the title of this post:

1. my boss and the concern he's always been giving be it in my work or in my personal life
   
2. colleagues who 'click' and who share the same passion.. call it like-mindedness bah. :)
   
3. students whom I've grown familiar with and who've grown familiar to me... like in more recent times:
   
   
   • one who tapped you to say goodbye when you're in the midst of a conversation with another person
     
   • one who scoured many Starbuck chains and finally got those chocolate scones... haha
     
   • one who gave a hidden wave in the midst of his duty as a regimental leader in front of his 'men' as you walked past
     
   • one who'll hang around and say goodbye (haha...)
     
   • one who'd come by more than once and said he noticed me so engrossed in my work I didn't even notice him around the area
     
   • one who came by my apartment and wanted to say his goodbye before he leaves for the holidays
     
   • yeah... just some recent memorable ones :)
   
   
4. Char my dear dear and fiancee... who shares the same passion for one, who encourages and help me put things in perspectives, especially when it comes to work related stuff.
   

Just came home from the hospital.. thanks Gpp for fetching us home! :)

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Thank you all for asking and keeping Dori in prayer... she's still running a pretty high fever as of now (around 39 degrees celsius) which is pretty much due to the rashes that has practically evened out all over her body. Here's a brief background of her condition... and hopefully after that it'll be made clearer what's happening right now.

Dori's diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) eight years ago at the age of twelve. Unlike most childhood acute leukemia, CML is a chronic form of the blood cancer, meaning the cancer manifests slower. There were a few options given then - chemotherapy, bone marrow transplantation, etc. Dori eventually settled with inteferon treatment, whereby she had to self inject herself everyday at her abdomen area. She did that for three years... then the doctor found out that the treatment was getting ineffective - she was actually in remission... but the cancerous cells came back.

Her doctor recommended a new drug that was just approved to be consumed back then... it was an expensive drug - $35 per pill or so - and she had to take 3-4 pills back then. We're thankful that we were able to obtain 100% subsidy from the foundation administering the drug back then... and she entered into a season of remission again.

Along the way, the medication seemed to lose its effect and her dosage was increased... and due to some organisational shift of the foundation to have the local authorities administer the grants instead, we were told that we are no longer entitled to 100% subsidy... the maximum that we could get was 50%, which would potentially mean paying $37.8k per year.

Her doctor considered the waning effectiveness of the medication and our family condition.. and suggested that Dori go on a new clinical trial that is on its second phase of testing out a new medication, which will be provided free of charge to her in the duration of the trial phase, and should she be consuming it after that, it will be provided for her at no charge. The potential side effects were made known and all that she might experience bouts of nausea, vomitting, rashes, etc initially, but once her body gets used to the medication all would subside. But we really did not expect the side effects to be so drastic... if what she is currently experiencing is indeed a side effect of the drug.

She had been experiencing diarrhoea the past week prior to hospitalisation... then she started developing rashes a few days ago with an onset of fever. The rashes started to grow and the fever escalated to 40 degrees. It was then when she was sent to the hospital.

It's been two days plus.. her temperature remains around that region still and the rashes are still there. Thank God she manages to get rests in between medication and meals... and most importantly, that she's alert and talking.

We're currently waiting for her doctor to return from a medical conference on Sunday evening... till then, she's given basic medication like paracetamol and some antibiotics... she's off the trial drug for the past few days.

She'll most probably be staying till Tuesday... if you know her and if you'll like to make a visit, she's currently at Singapore General Hospital, Ward 77, Room 10, Bed 4.

Thanks to all who've been praying and who've visited Dori... I think for her every visit is heartfelt. :) Do continue to keep her in prayer, that the rashes will subside and the fever will go down fast... and for whatever that is to come with regards to the trial or whatever mode of treatment she'll have to take in the future. And financially... the past few days worth of fees will be borne by the trial if it is ascertained that her condition's linked to the trial drug, otherwise we'll have to bore the full costs. Do pray for provisions in this area as well.

That's all for it for now... all typed in the ward by Dori's bedside on the laptop connected to Wireless@SG. Mmm. :P

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Dori's my younger sister... younger by six years. She's currently on a new trial drug for her leukemia condition. We know about the possible onset of side effects but we really didn't expect that the effects can be so severe. She's been running very high temperatures and having bad rashes all over... Char and uncle drove Dori and my dad to SGH just now... while I was at my boarding apartment waiting for news, rushing to complete some backlogged work at the same time.

Am heading down now... please pray that everything will be alright.

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It's one of those days when you have quite a number of things piled up on your to-do list which you know you have to clear... like settling the finalization for wedding video, wedding venue, coming up with a new accounts template to supersede the old one that I've been using the past years, setting up an info site on CSE in lieu of parents' queries (figured it would be more efficacious to do one than to reply to many emails or calls), restarting Project FriendMarked... amidst other things.

I think I'll start on the accounts portion right after I'm done with my shower. Haha...

Hitched a ride from my boss early this morning to the airport to see the boys off for their trips - a batch to Shanghai and another to Beijing. Hope they'll adjust soon enough and enjoy their stay there. :)

The rest of the day was spent trying to come up with a layout for the info site... didn't have much done up though.

Dinner was rather good not so much of the food but the getting together; Darren, Yang and Alex came by my apartment and we had Oishi pizza with Island Creamery ice cream... Haha. One of those once in a blue moon thingies - heard Darren and Alex update us about their Tianjin trip and all the preoccupation with sanitation issues... haha.

Then they started talking about how things were when they were in sec one... they belong to the bunch whom I got know since then. I remembered writing Yang a note back then when I passed them their class photos... so as a passing thought verbalized, I asked if he still has it. There and then he whipped it out from his wallet... man. Touched. Seriously. :)

Haha okay. I better start work. Lots to do, lots to do... lots to do.

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Shall leave my thoughts to another entry... mmm. :)

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Yep... I know. It's been some time since I've left an entry... or written a song... or recorded a song for that matter. Well... here's an entry! :)

I've been busy with quite a number of things after I came back from the trip to San Fran... preparing for a year-end closure for the centre that I'm coordinating in my workplace, preparing for the new competition for ThinkQuest... speaking of which, here's the website that I've done up that houses more information on ThinkQuest in the school's context - do hop by and take a look if you're free!

I've also been pretty caught up preparing a year-end video for the boys... took quite some time to make, especially when it's been some time since I've touched video creation software's... and yeah. It's finally out, and it should be screened to them some time now (at this point of writing... I'm out on course!)

The course that I'm attending is on coping with grief and loss... it's a topic that is pretty much close to my heart. It's ironic that as I'm listening to the tutor... that I can even relate this topic to my work.

There were certain incidents that happened along the course of the year that caused grief to my heart... some with colleagues, some with my boys. Along the way I realized it's due to the expectations that I hold of them, for my colleagues, it would be the way they communicated, the genuineness, the cordiality... and for my boys, it would be the grief that comes from misplaced trust... and also certain values that they carry that they really could consider doing without.

I guess the misconception that I have personally is that I could afford to place the whole lot of them in my inner circle when most of them would probably end up as within the masses in the end, not connecting, not getting really acquainted. Haha yeah... it's unhealthy to take everything upon self I realized!

I thank God for Char... who has been a great support, for being ever so patient with me and ever so loving. She's the tangible representation of love that God has blessed me with... and everytime I think about it I just find myself so undeserving... she helps me in normalizing my emotions... something that I'm not even sure she realizes. Haha... Passing my thoughts through her, I was able to get a better reflection of the big picture... and then hey, from the half-cup empty, I begin to see the half-cup full.

I'm thankful that there are colleagues who inspire me, whose way of teaching and leading the boys and caring for them nudges me on to do likewise. Also very thankful that through time there are individual students whom I've come to know much better, whom I share special bonds with. Like this boy who comes by and sits around.. then tell you I'm going already bye bye... Hahahahaha.

Two of my boarding boys were talking about leadership with me as they helped me unpack my newly purchased vacuum machine for the apartment the night before... haha oh we were all amazed at how powerful it is - now my white rug's WHITE again! Haha... yeah. One of them was saying that servant leadership's taking too long to take effect. It's interesting that this conversation came about as I personally have been thinking about it the past weeks... and how hard it really can be.

(anyways I'm now stuck at the Teachers' Network waiting for the rain to stop... sitting by one of the stairs to type this. PRETTY COOL. Literally too.)

I guess without much refute most would agree that Jesus Christ would be the epitome of servant leadership. It's something that I've been trying to grapple with all the time, how Jesus, Son of God, the Authority of all authorities, King of all kings, Lord of all lords, would be able to walk the earth and call His creations His friends. It has been said so many times that if you're gonna be a leader, you can't be a friend to the person you're leading. I don't know... as I look upon the last year, I guess some of them would recognize me as a friend, as someone whom they can open themselves to. But I'm not sure if anyone of them would perceive me as their leader. I'm not sure if I would be given the respect enough for them to follow.. and for one, I don't dare to ask.

As I read through the Scriptures, Jesus pretty much knew the way to go; he exudes love and yet was stern and resolute when the circumstance called for it.

I confess that I often internalize my sadness and anger and avoided scolding or outrightly confronting issues with people - then I realized that this doesn't really help the other party most of the time. I told one of my boarding boys when we met for one to one... that I don't wish to be a nice teacher and end up being an ineffective one. Some of the ways I do things have to go... and it will be an ongoing process of growth I guess. So yeah... perhaps my approaches may evolve with time... but it'll always be backed by the same foundation.

Lest I forget that we're called to become more like Christ each day, to give as He's given, love as He's loved, bless as He's blessed. :)

There are lots of people I have to apologize to I realized; family members whom I've been perceived as neglected, colleagues whose feet I'd unintentionally stepped upon due to miscommunication... sometimes I really hope things aren't as complex as they are... well. Haha yeah. It's cathartic to write... I ought to resume writing more... yeah, I guess I will. :)

A whole batch of my boys will be leaving for Beijing next week... time really flies. Soon they will be donning the beige uniform and long pants... and as a couple of them texted me to thank me for the video, I thanked them back... for the privilege to be able to journey along this portion of their lives with them. For without every single one of them, the video wouldn't be what it is... yup. Am just hoping that when they do return to school in their long pants, they would also appear more grown up in their actions and attitudes... it's amusing to think that our human brain will only be fully formed at the age of 25 or so - some adults may brush this off as bull, but I guess I can afford to give the benefit of doubt, to know that some of their actions (sometimes can be quite foolish) are a result of an incomplete brain. Wahahah yay I'm 26 this year!!! Hahahahha...

Okay just nice. Rain has stopped. Time to go!

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It's hard when you put a melancholic in a position of coordination / leadership.

It's even harder when he's imbued with a personality that seeks perfection.

It's easier for someone with the natural flair to lead to do just so and then work in the compassionate part.

It's hard the other way round, for fear of hurting the other party and hurting self in the process.

And it happened to me.. but I had to do so. Perhaps someone down the road would have done it for them at an opportune time... perhaps.

I ask myself why do I get so bothered over these things... and the only reason I can think of... is because they matter.

Can I take the names thrown at me? Well... I guess if I am to remain, I'll have to learn to get used to them in time to come.

The glass is three-quarters full... and I have to learn to make do with the quarter of emptiness, fill it up if possible, but not mull over it and instead celebrate the fact that it's three-quarters full.

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看着这些照片...心里不知为何有一股冲动。

偶尔...还是会问自己，到底这一切值不值得。

对他们来说，拍照也只不过是拍照...而对我来说，这些照片价值可非凡。

每一班都有蛮多人没到场...而当中就有我以为会赏我的脸而出席的人。

看来...我错了。

庆幸的是大致上的人都到齐了。看他们拍得那么愉快，我也一起愉快起来了。哈哈...

下个星期有多一轮...希望出席率不会比今天逊色吧。：）

偶尔...又发现噢，值得的...值得的。

Mmm.

:)

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An ulcer grew on the bottom side of my tongue... of all places. I have to be extra careful when I drink or eat... lest I disturb that harmless looking white spot and send myself some shockwaves... oh well.

Anyway.

I've been working on a new ThinkQuest promotional website the past two days or so. It was then that I realised that I've grown rusty to the trade of web design - what used to be a breeze took me some time now.. and then I realised it's the same for all things - that things atrophy without regular practice; same with physical exercise, relationships, studies...

The saving grace is that most of the time it'll only take that bit of time to get back on track. And yeah... there're quite a bit of things I have to get back on track for... yep.

Thank God that the website's on its way to completion. :) But yeah - there're loads of other things to do and complete within the next two weeks or so... work is neverending. Haha...

I'm glad to be back... glad to see them... but I guess this kind of feeling's usually not reciprocable.

And somehow I'm affected by the knowledge of them being totally at ease of having vulgarities in their everyday speech, evidently shown especially in their casual self, either in speech with friends or in written form on blogs. I've thought through this quite a bit... and I've come to a preliminary conclusion that it isn't about going against rules... but simply a marring of the good impressions that I have of them. Everytime it happens it hurts, then I start to rebuild that impression myself, knowing that I'm in the end deceiving myself and that it would be more profitable to sit them down, talk about it and hopefully it'll all make sense and that they'll think about rethinking their values when it comes to vulgarities... and even perhaps, that they'll want to do something about it.

Well.