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Yep... I know. It's been some time since I've left an entry... or written a song... or recorded a song for that matter. Well... here's an entry! :)

I've been busy with quite a number of things after I came back from the trip to San Fran... preparing for a year-end closure for the centre that I'm coordinating in my workplace, preparing for the new competition for ThinkQuest... speaking of which, here's the website that I've done up that houses more information on ThinkQuest in the school's context - do hop by and take a look if you're free!

I've also been pretty caught up preparing a year-end video for the boys... took quite some time to make, especially when it's been some time since I've touched video creation software's... and yeah. It's finally out, and it should be screened to them some time now (at this point of writing... I'm out on course!)

The course that I'm attending is on coping with grief and loss... it's a topic that is pretty much close to my heart. It's ironic that as I'm listening to the tutor... that I can even relate this topic to my work.

There were certain incidents that happened along the course of the year that caused grief to my heart... some with colleagues, some with my boys. Along the way I realized it's due to the expectations that I hold of them, for my colleagues, it would be the way they communicated, the genuineness, the cordiality... and for my boys, it would be the grief that comes from misplaced trust... and also certain values that they carry that they really could consider doing without.

I guess the misconception that I have personally is that I could afford to place the whole lot of them in my inner circle when most of them would probably end up as within the masses in the end, not connecting, not getting really acquainted. Haha yeah... it's unhealthy to take everything upon self I realized!

I thank God for Char... who has been a great support, for being ever so patient with me and ever so loving. She's the tangible representation of love that God has blessed me with... and everytime I think about it I just find myself so undeserving... she helps me in normalizing my emotions... something that I'm not even sure she realizes. Haha... Passing my thoughts through her, I was able to get a better reflection of the big picture... and then hey, from the half-cup empty, I begin to see the half-cup full.

I'm thankful that there are colleagues who inspire me, whose way of teaching and leading the boys and caring for them nudges me on to do likewise. Also very thankful that through time there are individual students whom I've come to know much better, whom I share special bonds with. Like this boy who comes by and sits around.. then tell you I'm going already bye bye... Hahahahaha.

Two of my boarding boys were talking about leadership with me as they helped me unpack my newly purchased vacuum machine for the apartment the night before... haha oh we were all amazed at how powerful it is - now my white rug's WHITE again! Haha... yeah. One of them was saying that servant leadership's taking too long to take effect. It's interesting that this conversation came about as I personally have been thinking about it the past weeks... and how hard it really can be.

(anyways I'm now stuck at the Teachers' Network waiting for the rain to stop... sitting by one of the stairs to type this. PRETTY COOL. Literally too.)

I guess without much refute most would agree that Jesus Christ would be the epitome of servant leadership. It's something that I've been trying to grapple with all the time, how Jesus, Son of God, the Authority of all authorities, King of all kings, Lord of all lords, would be able to walk the earth and call His creations His friends. It has been said so many times that if you're gonna be a leader, you can't be a friend to the person you're leading. I don't know... as I look upon the last year, I guess some of them would recognize me as a friend, as someone whom they can open themselves to. But I'm not sure if anyone of them would perceive me as their leader. I'm not sure if I would be given the respect enough for them to follow.. and for one, I don't dare to ask.

As I read through the Scriptures, Jesus pretty much knew the way to go; he exudes love and yet was stern and resolute when the circumstance called for it.

I confess that I often internalize my sadness and anger and avoided scolding or outrightly confronting issues with people - then I realized that this doesn't really help the other party most of the time. I told one of my boarding boys when we met for one to one... that I don't wish to be a nice teacher and end up being an ineffective one. Some of the ways I do things have to go... and it will be an ongoing process of growth I guess. So yeah... perhaps my approaches may evolve with time... but it'll always be backed by the same foundation.

Lest I forget that we're called to become more like Christ each day, to give as He's given, love as He's loved, bless as He's blessed. :)

There are lots of people I have to apologize to I realized; family members whom I've been perceived as neglected, colleagues whose feet I'd unintentionally stepped upon due to miscommunication... sometimes I really hope things aren't as complex as they are... well. Haha yeah. It's cathartic to write... I ought to resume writing more... yeah, I guess I will. :)

A whole batch of my boys will be leaving for Beijing next week... time really flies. Soon they will be donning the beige uniform and long pants... and as a couple of them texted me to thank me for the video, I thanked them back... for the privilege to be able to journey along this portion of their lives with them. For without every single one of them, the video wouldn't be what it is... yup. Am just hoping that when they do return to school in their long pants, they would also appear more grown up in their actions and attitudes... it's amusing to think that our human brain will only be fully formed at the age of 25 or so - some adults may brush this off as bull, but I guess I can afford to give the benefit of doubt, to know that some of their actions (sometimes can be quite foolish) are a result of an incomplete brain. Wahahah yay I'm 26 this year!!! Hahahahha...

Okay just nice. Rain has stopped. Time to go!