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I had a good time hanging out with the kakis in the evening... would have been great if Gpp could make it but I think he's rather tied down with work.

It was a good break... it's been some time since I last had such good laughs... haha.

Ray and Jacq came by my apartment while we waited for Char to head down to Matty's place together to bai nian. Then we moved on to Novena area wanting to eat at the Hong Kong Cafe which we didn't get to two years ago I think... well, I think we really don't have affinity with the shop - it was closed. So we ended up eating chicken rice instead with some other dishes (the food, not the plates)... and before that, a lou hei.

Then we moved on to East Coast's "Playground" and parked at Old Town White Coffee... where we continued to chill and chat till it was time to call it a day.

Thanks Ray for ferrying us around all the while! (:

Gonna visit my secondary school chinese teacher (coincidentally Char's lecturer in NIE) with my secondary four classmates later on to bai nian! Haha... life then... it really did seem much simpler than what my charges are going through right now.

I wish I can provide some structures, some bonding, some good identity for the collective whole.. but well.

That's the way it is I guess...

I remember the story of the old man picking up starfishes stuck in the sand one by one, throwing them into the sea, giving them the new lease of life... and I'm reminded of the fact that it's impossible for the old man to pick up all the starfishes en mass and throw them all into the sea at once.

Whatever that's been given me... God I pray that You would empower me to do so for Your glory. Whomever that I've been given the privilege to mentor officially this year... God I pray that You would give me the strength, knowledge, wisdom, patience, tenderness, willingness and courage to challenge and the motivation to see them flourish in their individual and collective journeys this year.

Good night. (:

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Yeah... somehow, this is how I've been feeling of late.

Can't find myself to be properly engaged with people... don't really know why.

The good thing is that Char and I have decided to join a cellgroup and grow together. :)

I hope the juices will return so I can populate this place once again.

I know it's unbecoming.. but sometimes I still do feel a tinge of the past me asking "Who cares?"

I realised that more and more I won't be able to find that fulfilling feeling at work.

I realised that most of the joy the past years at work were derived from teaching the boys in the classrooms.

The nature of my work now... it doesn't give opportunity for me to have shared common experiences with the students. And when that doesn't happen... it basically means that I won't have much opportunities to connect (ah, maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm feeling like that these days).

Really glad for Char who's having a sec one form class, teaching them english, literature and moral education. That's a hefty number of periods with her students each week! They have class bonding time some more! Haha... envious la.

Which brings me to the crossways again. If I am to take up the teaching path, it would mean several more years of studying... well. Sometimes I really don't know where God is leading in all these. But as I look back from time to time, I am reminded that the fact that I'm in my alma mater working in such a capacity (wash toilet, make coffee...), it is in itself a miracle.

Preparations for the wedding is underway as well... guestlist has been quite a headache! Haha... just hoping that we'll have a comfortable runway till that day comes. Decided to ask some of my students to help as ushers... and every "yes" came as an encouragement. :)

Aye. I'll count my blessings and give thanks once again for a re-start. :P

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Happy Ox Year to everyone!! Haha... I think I'll have some time to update / backdate my photo albums section after bai nian-ing tomorrow and write a proper entry before work kicks in again!

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I shall post an entry before I call it a day.

I don't really know how to explain the stage where I'm in at this point of time. I sure do hope that it's not melancholy or anything of the sort... it's just that, I'm like at a point that I'm identifying so many blessings that He's given and yet not finding the strength to give back.

I question if it is work; yes, I still do spend time with the boys... but much of the time has been spent of late churning out documents upon documents instead in front of my computer. And even if it's time spent with them... it still doesn't justify how I've been neglecting others.

Today Char and I met up with Faith, our wedding coordinator, and Jacq, our florist and decor designer for the wedding venue. Faith has been a really wonderful coordinator, looking into details and making sure that we're on schedules along the way. We're really excited to see what Jacq would make of the decorations and floral arrangements that day... and just when we were going to go into budget discussion, we were given a hint that it would be taken care of... and I don't really have to guess much as to who's contributing.

Then we went off to Mark & Sue's place for a little birthday gathering for Mark... had a sumptuous home cooked meal and stayed on to play two of the board games that he has. As we're walking to catch a cab back, they offered to settle certain aspects of our preparations, knowing how daunting it can be as everything adds up.

And the various individuals who've offered their help in one way or another...

And the greatest earthly blessing that He's given... there's this constant nag to know that I've not been giving Char all that she deserves of late - it's been pretty hard to spend time together the way we did during the holidays, with both of us equally taxed in our respective workplaces... the consolation and joy that I hear from her is that she's gotten a rather good class and had a rather good start with them... but I know that the lack of quality time spent together is causing her strain.

Well... I'm learning to trust in the things that's He's redepositing into my heart... and I know just what I need to do... as I was writing the second paragraph to this entry, it was spoken.

That I need to be filled in order to give not out of my own strength.

And I'm given the choice... as always.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship... and it's all about You.. it's all about You, Jesus...

And I was wondering why 5 would message me all of a sudden asking for the chords and lyrics to that song when he could get them himself.

All things piece together... don't they?

(:

I have this feeling that 90% who reads this entry won't understand what it's saying. Hahahaha...

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Hey people. (:

Nah... I wasn't gone. It's just that there's so many things happening... it's really been the busiest december - january period I've ever had in my entire life... surely hoping that it'll be the busiest and that it won't get any busier the same time next year! Haha...

Time became so scarce for me that blogging became a luxury... it's funny how I am resisting the urge to launch photoshop to do a little photo montage of all the things that's been happening! Haha... but seriously, so many things went by so fast these few weeks... am just thankful that I was able to squeeze time to upload them and categorize them properly.

It's been the busiest (oh no I just realised I've just reiterated it) season thus far... and it was till this afternoon that I was able to take a little breather at work even though there's much left to be done... but somehow I just did - took the breather, that is.. and feeling good about it. Haha... it was a mayhem in december before the new school term started. Information came in late... I wasn't able to create what I ought to create... there were things that had to be done manually... in an awfully painful manner that no one can really understand until he's actually doing it... but hey, I'm thankful for my boss who saw me through the times. The weekend after school reopening? I think he stayed up with me to work through certain documents... when he didn't have to.

Then there's this event which I thought I wouldn't be directly involved in after assigning the respective roles... but there were loopholes and gaps that I saw which I couldn't simply just ignore... it fell through eventually still... seemingly. As I scoured through the web all I found were negative comments... but I'm still hoping that all that's done had benefited some in a right manner, even though it can be quite intangible for now. Cryptic paragraph I know... well.. yeah. :)

My sec four boys are all wearing the college beige uniform and long pants... it still gives me a rather 欣慰 feeling when I see them in this new outfit. Sometimes I wonder if I would feel the same for subsequent batches after this one... the very first whom I've known since they were in sec one.

I am thankful for the privilege of working with them... there are a couple of them whom I've grown closer with through the four years of knowing one another... seeing them grow, partaking in their joys and their sorrows. I am thankful for how He's allowed me to get to know some of them better and subsequently earned the right and trust to speak into their lives, knowing that I bring no ill intentions but what I feel is best for them. Some worked out for the better while some turned sour in my opinion... and funnily, it's still something that I harp on from time to time, wondering if I could have used a different approach, wondering if I should have worked on building a deeper relationship and friendship before speaking. Well... at the end of the day, I must remind myself of how tumultuous a period (15-18 years old) this is for them.

I am constantly mindful of the possibility of neglecting the incoming batch of sec threes; I wonder at the possibility of knowing each of them (253 of them) given my workload and schedules... and I think I'll be arriving at the decision of simply relying on God's strength to do so in His timing. I don't think I can be intentional about knowing everyone... but what I can do is to constantly step out of my introvert shell and initiate small talks when the opportunities arise.

It can be a rather exciting time if things work out come to think of it... I shall be committed to the boarders under my mentorship and also my mentees in school, all whom I have yet to meet up officially this year. And then I'll probably be getting a couple of new mentees as well... just hoping that I won't be bogged down by other things at work so that I can properly plan and work out my time with them... see how bah. :)

Thankful for the short trip of respite with Char and her family to Pulai Springs in Johore over the Christmas weekend.. it was a good time of refreshing, of getting away from the work that was blaring down. Secret Recipe in Malaysia's so cheap la!! Ate meals complete with a Secret Recipe cake and still it costs less than ten bucks per person! Haha.. visited Kukup after ten plus years.. I think we went to the same seafood place that I went to back then! Haha...

Then it was Senior WEB's "At The White Line", a celebration to see the seniors moving up to RAYs, the young adult's ministry in church. It's amazing to see how everyone has grown... and more than just the age... the maturity. (:

School reopened... the new batch of sec threes came in. There were so many things to settle administratively I didn't have the time to properly mix around... some of my sec four boys observed that I had been rather emotionless... and it's true - there were times when all I could afford was a little wave and a little "hello"... I jokingly told some of them that I needed to conserve my energies... hahaha ah well. Or is it a sign of growing older... sigh.

Hahaha... hai.

Met up with the sons to celebrate Sam's 15th birthday at the same place where we celebrated his 14th last year... I wonder how it'll look like when it's his 25th. I don't even know if we're able to celebrate such occasions together without fail.. but if anything, I'm learning all these from someone who's been doing so for me faithfully for the past many years. Thank you... you know who you are. :)

Met up with Chris, David and Zeb to celebrate Zeb's 17th birthday last weekend after church service... and again it's amazing just how He brings people together. They were the quietest ones in my group last time and I would never imagine that I could build up something concrete with them... and all I heeded at that point of time years ago was a call to gather them to work with their individual walk with God. And as I was chewing on the sushi (ah, sounds wrong but nevermind) then... it dawned on me how much God had worked in and through me... because I knew that it really couldn't have been me doing those things years ago.

Perhaps I'm wired this way... there are many things happening around me that aren't exactly good circumstantially, but still I find it hard not to give thanks.

I used to wonder about my testimony... used to think that wow look, they have such wonderful life changing stories in Jesus Christ and yet I wasn't able to see my own... that everytime if I had to share, it would be my entire family's testimony, but never one of my own.

Then I realised that hey, there had been many transformations in my life... in my mind... in my heart. It's been many years since I've kept 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 in my heart... a verse that says: Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for it is God's call for you in Christ Jesus (paraphrase mine). More and more I begin to realise that whereas a situation can be the same for both persons, both have the choice to see the circumstance in different perspectives... and for me, I've learnt (or rather He's blessed) to see the thanksgiving in every situation... which I'm thankful for (SEE! Hahah...)

I have been sloppish with my spiritual disciplines of late... readings have been close to zilch whereas praying took on a more impromptu basis with me never spending time to purposefully keep others in prayer. They say confession is bad for the reputation but good for the soul... well, I guess there's really nothing to hide. There are areas in my life which I have been wrestling with... still am, and I've come to terms that I may have to wrestle with them in the long haul.

All I ask this year... is that I'll make constant and conscious choice to choose what's right and what's best, and rely on God's grace and strength to see me through.

It's true. As you grow older, more things make sense... especially the things of God. There is a reason why God calls us to take on a childlike faith... because sometimes it's really hard to believe how dire situations can change for the good.

Then I realised... that it's not about how much you can trust in a God or deity to grant you your wishes... but rather it's how much you can trust in Him who knows best... who's walked with you faithfully through the years.

Thankful. :)

Dear God,

In Jesus' name. Amen.

Thanks to all who've been dropping by. :)