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Less than 24 hours from now, I would be somewhere out in the fields... would have set up tentages and fed some mozzies... and it'll go on for another two nights before I'll see civilization once again. Haha... A proper entry is warranted in times like this... not. Just felt like doing a consolidation of the many things that's been happening.

I suck at being a friend. That would be the evaluation I would give myself. Char challenged my notion and questioned my thinking... one of the reasons why God placed her in my life. Haha... The reason why I habour that thought ongoingly... is because I find myself inapt at maintaining friendships. There are friendships that I cherish... but somehow because of the lack of maintenance, they start to wane... and it fizzles out to the extent that there's really nothing much to connect with when we do meet.

Through the processing, I came to realise that true friendships based on deep shared experiences (through difficult times together, through sharing of private thoughts, etc) wouldn't need much maintenance... and most of the time I felt bad was because I've placed expectations upon myself to maintain as really good friends with certain people and groups of people but never really get to feeling so.

Then Char questioned me... how many deep friends do I want... and how many can one realistically have?

I can count with one hand. Hahahahaha.... and true enough, they're the ones whom I can be sure that we would still be close and that we could still share freely and deeply our thoughts and lives even though we don't meet often. And most of the time, I realised that it has been God's leading in all these friendships... well for one, I can never imagine being a godfather! Hahaha... :)

Jack Neo recently directed an English series entitled "Happily Ever After"... it's just concluded its run in the Okto channel the day before. One of the reasons why I like his productions is not because of the directing per se... but more so the message that he wishes to push through each of his works. This time round, it was a message of lies adding upon lies, and that only relationships thriving on communicating truth to each other would last.

The truth can't go any further from that! And I'm thankful for how God has been leading Char and I to be absolutely frank to each other and for me... to be able to relate to her all that I am... my weaknesses and flaws especially. It had been the most liberating thing to do back then... to have nothing to hide, to know in full view how we can chart into the future. :)

Doubts and suspicions are relationship killers... if you ever want any relationship to work out, be sure to keep those two words far far away!