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I'm currently on the bus on the way to Pasir Ris after my lessons to meet up with my jc classmates for a little bbq get together... thought I'll just make use of the time to write an entry. Haha yeah using my maxmobile. :)

Lesson wise, we're three quarters into Redecision Therapy, with Jessica (our lecturer and also our Clinical Director) touching mainly on the racket system and contract making. Rackets are basically the phoney behaviours that act out on an individual that would discount the self, others and the problem/situation itself. It is through identifying the racket feelings of an individual that the client would be able to identify his or her real suppressed feeling.

The good thing about studying counselling is that before you can help others, you yourself must be helped. So in the case of learning how to use the racket system, we were put through a process to identify our very own racket systems. We were asked to identify an incident whereby we felt unsatisfied or affected by in the past week or so. Somehow, some circumstances came to mind almost immediately. And it's interesting that it didn't happen just once, but thrice within these two weeks.

I've written rather long emails to some of my students, two of which I took steps out of my comfort zone to write what I felt would benefit the recipient, even though there may be a chance that whatever's written may not go down well on them. In the end, I received no reply whatsoever... and I realised that my resultant racket feeling was that of sadness... and the corresponding repressed feeling is that of hurt.

The core belief I identified for myself through this exercise is that what I say or do probably didn't matter. And I must confess that it's something that I grapple with from time to time, even though I know that it's faulty thinking. As I ponder on about the actions that I'd taken thus far, all the writing and doing and trying my best to relate... if I have to weigh the efforts versus results, economically speaking I probably would have been told that I'm engaged in a losing business. But somehow I just find myself at it time and again... haha. I actually took the step out of my comfort and surveyed the students if they would attend a year end life preparation course that I'm thinking of holding for them... and thus far the results were quite unexpected.

I suppose this struggle will be ongoing bah. But for as long as I'm called, I'll be trusting in Providence... that strength, encouragement, affirmations... will always be there in abundance.

Okay just nice. Reaching Pasir Ris now. I'm glad that my wife decided to accompany me in the end even though I know she'll be better off resting at home... *smiles* :)