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The first month of 2010 didn't turn out the way I've hoped it would have been... actually, I didn't have great and high hopes for it, just that I really didn't expect to find myself going through what I've gone through. And even though my circumstances don't exactly qualify to be likened to that of the shadow of the valley of death, I would say that I've been on quite a ride.

I'm beginning to question my current station... I've begun asking a lot of questions of all that I've been doing of late. Somewhere down the line I believe that the line between work and purpose has been blurred somehow... and from time to time I think about those days when I was joyfully serving in both the youth and worship ministries, tough and heart wrenching at times, yet joyful. Something seemed to have died within me ever since I've left those days behind, moving on to what seemed to be a purposeful journey that God has for me, to meet new faces, to venture into new spaces.

I've had many wonderful memories the past two years seeing through a batch of students that's really close to my heart for reasons more than one... and of course, these two years have been special as well as to how God graciously brought Char and I together as a married couple. But from time to time in quiet moments... I'm beginning to see how I'm becoming a piece of jigsaw that just doesn't seem to fit into what's to be a beautiful picture. And in recent weeks this has become more stark, in that I'm not the only one thinking this way.

Haha well... and yea, as of this writing I have an essay that's undone, which I've applied a double extension for. Just last week I've actually contemplated another deferment of my studies... but I've decided not to in the end. If anything, this is one thing that I must finish... and finish well.

And I guess not many know... that my maternal grandpa passed away on the 15th. Apart from this current time that I'm sitting down to write... I realised that I don't even have the proper time to process through my grief, unlike five years ago when my grandma passed away.

I'm genuinely really glad for my dear friend Raymond when he tied the knot with another dear friend Jacqueline just yesterday. It was the first time that I had the honor of being a best man... when he asked me about it several months back I was actually quite surprised and thought that he probably would have many other choices other than me... then I realised how much this friendship meant for him. And as I was writing the best man's speech halfway through the night before the wedding, I welled up a little as I wrote how we met, along with Alex and Matty... how we actually met back then is now a little blurry.. but the process of knowing one another better and staying in touch all these years is something that I never thought I would have... or deserve.

I don't know how I got this 'undeserving' thingie going on in me actually.. but I do know that because of that, I'm learning more and more how to cherish such friendships, especially the one I have with Char.

Remember the part of me which I mentioned had died? I'll be seeking for a revival in that area soon enough... and I've come to be at peace with the fact that changes are but part and parcel of life. And as I look through my archives... I do miss writing the kind of entries I wrote back then.

So... we'll see how it all goes. (:

Time to continue on with the essay!