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Shall leave my thoughts to another entry... mmm. :)

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Those who know me personally will know that I rarely make purchases for myself.

This shall be an exception.

Mmm.

(:

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I was asking God on my way to the hospital for a heart that loves Him... a heart that desires Him. In my heart I was hoping for the kind of heart encounters I have with Him in the past, those precious times when you simply feel so broken and so loved at the same time. The songs in my iPod (thanks gpp... it's been put into much use (: ) played on... and just a few stops before I had to alight, Jeremy Camp's song started playing. Every word... every word represented what I wanted to say to Him:

MY DESIRE by Jeremy Camp

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the King

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by You

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
And I know my heart is to feel You near
And I know my life
It's to do Your will
It's to do Your will

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You

All my life I have seen
Where You've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped
And there's more left unseen

There's not much I can do to repay all You've done
So I give my hands to use

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You

Reached SGH's haematology centre at about 10:35am. Saw dad at the registration counter who told me that Dori's in one of the wards already. Yep.. she had a bone marrow aspiration appointment today. Her white blood cells are on the rise even with the increased dosage of the medication that she's been taking for the past five years or so... and so her doctor suggested that a bone marrow test be done to see if she would qualify for a clinical trial for a new form of drug used to treat chronic leukemias.

Went into the ward and saw Hui Fen (Dori's cellgroup leader) with her. The first thing Dori uttered to me was "no sedation". A nurse came by to explain that whereas she was given dormicum - general anaestesia - in the past, the hospital would not be giving it anymore as the drug might cause more harm than benefit.

I've not seen my sister so fearful before... she extended her left hand and asked me to hold it to see how cold and sweaty it was... and after which she teared amidst all the controlling.

She had a very bad experience the first time round eight years ago when she wasn't given general anaestesia... the pain to her was unbearable. Three nurses in all came to 'pacify' and tried to talk her to go without sleeping... in the end she insisted. One of them consulted her doctor, who agreed to give her the minimum dosage of the drug.

We proceeded to the room with the bed.. Dori changed her clothes and returned. We prayed... Prayed for her that God would take away all fears and doubts in her mind and that His peace and comfort be with her... that He would allow the procedure to be a quick and painless one.

I had to tilt my head upwards after ending the prayer... I had to keep quiet and keep still for that few moments to keep tears from spilling over the cornea.

The procedure went smoothly... Dori was awake enough after it to do some chatting before she took a little nap.

Yeah... I have a strong little sister. (:

We proceeded to Central for a very late lunch before she went to browse some books at Kinokuniya while I returned to boarding school.

I'm just glad that I'm allowed time-off today to be with my sis.

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Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

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The CSE Boarding Programme officially started exactly a week ago on the third of August. It was kind of a mad rush... rushed to collect birthday cake to celebrate Weilun and Jordy's birthdays, then Char suggested that we get some food and drinks for the boys for cluster discussion time... ended up cabbing to boarding school full of stuff.

Welcome briefing... welcome dinner... and soon everyone settled down and started studying for their coming tests.

This is definitely a new phase of life for me... a transition that I have chosen to take, and with it comes a number of changes, a shift in certain priorities, etc. In a way or two, work is no longer a "nine to five" - my schedules have to be relooked into... sacrifices have to be made.

I'm thankful though to be given this opportunity to get to know these thirty plus of them better (hopefully)... and more so the twelve under my care.

The boys have been exceptionally disciplined and well behaved for the first week - the showers were cleared after usage, rooms kept reasonably clean and tidy... they left for school early, studied when it's time to during study period... everything went rather well... then I caught one of them playing dota during study period.

I didn't know why I had such a strong reaction then. Perhaps it would have been better if he would acknowledge his mistake instead of just giving all sorts of excuses... but I guess I took it a little personally because I chose to give all of them the trust that they'd do things at the right times.

I know deep down he's a good boy, just like a number of others who appear not to be on the surface... well.

IDT (Intentional Discipleship Training) on Friday evening touched upon mentoring, in which many trinkets of knowledge and experience were shared. Pastor KK shared about how he and Pastor Ed played and worked together when they first started their mentoring relationship some twenty years back.. how effective mentoring comes forth by first building the relationship. Joshua and Matt subsequently went up to share a bit about their best practices when it comes to mentoring pre-teens and teens.

Joshua talked about earning the right to speak into their lives; Matt talked about the acronym YOU.T.H - whereby the "YOU" represents the genuineness one gives to them, just being who you are when you're with them, not putting on a facade in front of them when you're actually another person elsewhere... "T" stands for Training, training them in skills and values, that they may grow up with these skills and values ingrained in them... and "H" stands for Him. In the context of Christian mentoring, he meant pointing the youths to God... and whereas I can't freely do so at work, the next best thing I could and should do would be to lift them up to God in prayer and trust that God would watch over them and protect them even as they grow up and venture into new territories.

I don't know how many of these boys and the batches to come would grow up to fit the mold of being one who'd work his buttocks off for money and appear successful at work... then spend half the money on clubbing, cigarettes and alcohol just to give himself highs simply because life's never seem so empty and low and because he doesn't know what he's living for.

What I do know... is that between now and then, it matters... a whole lot.

Let's see how it'll all go bah. (: It's late... I better get some rest when I'm given the opportunity to do so... so yeah. Adios!

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Warning: This video skit may be life changing.

Amazing love, how can it be, that You my King would die for me...
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.

Jesus died for you and me... so that in that death, we may live, and have life abundant.

You may be subscribed to a religion, or are an atheist or an agnostic, etc. But it doesn't discount the fact that He loved and died for you.

Don't wait half a century, a decade, a few years, or a minute... Consider Christ when you're given the opportunity. Ask questions. Seek earnestly and have your doubts and questions processed through with those around you whom you know are Christians and whom you see something different in them.

Because it's a promise... that as you seek, you shall find.

(thanks God's little lamb for introducing the video)

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I gather that my body's finally breaking down due to the overclocking and the lack of exercise... that's kind of like the worst form of combination eh. Haha... Guess I'll drink more water for a start. Been feeling really warm the past day... and having the feeling of phelgm stuck inside the throat.

Quite a number of things happened over the past two days and quite a number of photos and collages and videos to upload.. shall do them up in time to come after this busy period is done with. In the meantime, here are two video clips - one of Samuel winning the C Div 400m Hurdles event and the other of Hong Yi winning the C Div 200m event this morning at the Interschool National Track and Field meet... glad to have witnessed them. (:

Thanks to those who posted get well wishes over msn. (: Will probably be posting in another two days' time... till then!

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"He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." - 2 Corinthians 5:21

Logan is a 13 year-old boy who lives on a ranch in a very small town in Nebraska. Logan listens to Christian Radio station 89.3FM KSBJ which broadcasts from Houston, TX. Logan called the radio station distraught because he had to take down a calf . His words have wisdom beyond his years.

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This is God's way of encouragement - He puts a song in your mind and keeps it playing and playing in the midst of your work even though you don't really know what the song is about and you can only remember a couple of words in the song, in this case, just the song title, "I Hope You Dance".

It kept playing on and on to the point where I finally got down to finding the lyrics and the video on YouTube... and then I realised it all makes sense.

Dedicating this song to all who're going through hard times as well... and to the friend who's probably feeling down from all that's happening. Much to learn in life... and I hope that one day, you'll learn how to "dance". ;)

By Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)