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Thank you all for asking and keeping Dori in prayer... she's still running a pretty high fever as of now (around 39 degrees celsius) which is pretty much due to the rashes that has practically evened out all over her body. Here's a brief background of her condition... and hopefully after that it'll be made clearer what's happening right now.

Dori's diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) eight years ago at the age of twelve. Unlike most childhood acute leukemia, CML is a chronic form of the blood cancer, meaning the cancer manifests slower. There were a few options given then - chemotherapy, bone marrow transplantation, etc. Dori eventually settled with inteferon treatment, whereby she had to self inject herself everyday at her abdomen area. She did that for three years... then the doctor found out that the treatment was getting ineffective - she was actually in remission... but the cancerous cells came back.

Her doctor recommended a new drug that was just approved to be consumed back then... it was an expensive drug - $35 per pill or so - and she had to take 3-4 pills back then. We're thankful that we were able to obtain 100% subsidy from the foundation administering the drug back then... and she entered into a season of remission again.

Along the way, the medication seemed to lose its effect and her dosage was increased... and due to some organisational shift of the foundation to have the local authorities administer the grants instead, we were told that we are no longer entitled to 100% subsidy... the maximum that we could get was 50%, which would potentially mean paying $37.8k per year.

Her doctor considered the waning effectiveness of the medication and our family condition.. and suggested that Dori go on a new clinical trial that is on its second phase of testing out a new medication, which will be provided free of charge to her in the duration of the trial phase, and should she be consuming it after that, it will be provided for her at no charge. The potential side effects were made known and all that she might experience bouts of nausea, vomitting, rashes, etc initially, but once her body gets used to the medication all would subside. But we really did not expect the side effects to be so drastic... if what she is currently experiencing is indeed a side effect of the drug.

She had been experiencing diarrhoea the past week prior to hospitalisation... then she started developing rashes a few days ago with an onset of fever. The rashes started to grow and the fever escalated to 40 degrees. It was then when she was sent to the hospital.

It's been two days plus.. her temperature remains around that region still and the rashes are still there. Thank God she manages to get rests in between medication and meals... and most importantly, that she's alert and talking.

We're currently waiting for her doctor to return from a medical conference on Sunday evening... till then, she's given basic medication like paracetamol and some antibiotics... she's off the trial drug for the past few days.

She'll most probably be staying till Tuesday... if you know her and if you'll like to make a visit, she's currently at Singapore General Hospital, Ward 77, Room 10, Bed 4.

Thanks to all who've been praying and who've visited Dori... I think for her every visit is heartfelt. :) Do continue to keep her in prayer, that the rashes will subside and the fever will go down fast... and for whatever that is to come with regards to the trial or whatever mode of treatment she'll have to take in the future. And financially... the past few days worth of fees will be borne by the trial if it is ascertained that her condition's linked to the trial drug, otherwise we'll have to bore the full costs. Do pray for provisions in this area as well.

That's all for it for now... all typed in the ward by Dori's bedside on the laptop connected to Wireless@SG. Mmm. :P

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Dori's my younger sister... younger by six years. She's currently on a new trial drug for her leukemia condition. We know about the possible onset of side effects but we really didn't expect that the effects can be so severe. She's been running very high temperatures and having bad rashes all over... Char and uncle drove Dori and my dad to SGH just now... while I was at my boarding apartment waiting for news, rushing to complete some backlogged work at the same time.

Am heading down now... please pray that everything will be alright.

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I was asking God on my way to the hospital for a heart that loves Him... a heart that desires Him. In my heart I was hoping for the kind of heart encounters I have with Him in the past, those precious times when you simply feel so broken and so loved at the same time. The songs in my iPod (thanks gpp... it's been put into much use (: ) played on... and just a few stops before I had to alight, Jeremy Camp's song started playing. Every word... every word represented what I wanted to say to Him:

MY DESIRE by Jeremy Camp

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the King

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by You

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
And I know my heart is to feel You near
And I know my life
It's to do Your will
It's to do Your will

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You

All my life I have seen
Where You've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped
And there's more left unseen

There's not much I can do to repay all You've done
So I give my hands to use

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You

Reached SGH's haematology centre at about 10:35am. Saw dad at the registration counter who told me that Dori's in one of the wards already. Yep.. she had a bone marrow aspiration appointment today. Her white blood cells are on the rise even with the increased dosage of the medication that she's been taking for the past five years or so... and so her doctor suggested that a bone marrow test be done to see if she would qualify for a clinical trial for a new form of drug used to treat chronic leukemias.

Went into the ward and saw Hui Fen (Dori's cellgroup leader) with her. The first thing Dori uttered to me was "no sedation". A nurse came by to explain that whereas she was given dormicum - general anaestesia - in the past, the hospital would not be giving it anymore as the drug might cause more harm than benefit.

I've not seen my sister so fearful before... she extended her left hand and asked me to hold it to see how cold and sweaty it was... and after which she teared amidst all the controlling.

She had a very bad experience the first time round eight years ago when she wasn't given general anaestesia... the pain to her was unbearable. Three nurses in all came to 'pacify' and tried to talk her to go without sleeping... in the end she insisted. One of them consulted her doctor, who agreed to give her the minimum dosage of the drug.

We proceeded to the room with the bed.. Dori changed her clothes and returned. We prayed... Prayed for her that God would take away all fears and doubts in her mind and that His peace and comfort be with her... that He would allow the procedure to be a quick and painless one.

I had to tilt my head upwards after ending the prayer... I had to keep quiet and keep still for that few moments to keep tears from spilling over the cornea.

The procedure went smoothly... Dori was awake enough after it to do some chatting before she took a little nap.

Yeah... I have a strong little sister. (:

We proceeded to Central for a very late lunch before she went to browse some books at Kinokuniya while I returned to boarding school.

I'm just glad that I'm allowed time-off today to be with my sis.

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The past couple of hours were spent trying to get a few pieces of clothing ironed in between futile attempts at getting msn to work and work itself. Prior to that, I was doing a little bit of unwinding with Char at Vivocity, catching a breather over dinner and a movie... we caught "Meet Dave".

It's a joy to hear her laughter... the lightness of it. I must continue to work to make my deardear laugh amidst all the stress and work that's piling up for the both of us. Haha yeah. Her students are giving her a run of her energies.. when she's already been drained and sick these days. And my current schedules aren't helping much - we're practically stretched in terms of schedules... and sometimes when I'm done with what I have to do, it would have been her bed time already. The nature of my current job as a boarding master is as such - sometimes my work extends into rather late nights.

Which is why I'm thankful for the weekly "no compromise" day when we'll both spend the evening together.. something that we started quite a long time back, when we both still had quite a bit of time together each week. Have been missing a week or two of it over the past weeks due to prior arranged appointments... This was probably the first proper evening when we could spend some time together... still it seemed short.

I'm not sure how we can successfully maneuvre through this season of time... but I do know that Pa's in charge.

Thank you dear for being so patient with me.. for the sacrifices you made... simply because you chose to love me. I will continue to jiayou so that I won't forever remain as your lau pok wllg. Remember to drink more water at work k... and just do as Pa would ba. Praying for you... wdwllp...WAN! HAHAN! :D

It's been sometimes since I blogged an entry... lots happened over the past two weeks or so... guess the best is to let the pictures do the talking with me interspersing a couple of words here and there:

Finally took some pictures of Covenant Evangelical Free Church's Woodlands premises.. where Char and I would be holding our solemnisation and reception next May. Yet to confirm cause I've yet to do up the documentations... which reminds me, I should be doing it real soon! Haha... it's amazing to think of it still - the first time I stepped into compounds on 3rd August, my jaw dropped when I saw that the chairs at the fellowship area are in orange and green... exactly the colours we chose as our wedding theme! Haha... yeah. It'll take some time to get used to the place first though - have grown to have the familiarity with the Bukit Panjang compounds which exude a more homely feeling... but yeah, this new one looks really cool I must admit! (: Haha... ultimately, it's really not about the buildings or how well they look... nothing beats God's presence. Where two or three are gathered in His name, there He is. :)

Keepying and Kaijie are two pals I made through ECCube, my high school's computer club. Some pretty fond memories we shared together... like how we visited the zoo and night safari for our project.. which eventually won us the accolade of being the first local secondary school to win a particular international competition. One went on to a poly and another to another jc... we kept in touch here and there - met with them individually in the past. Ten years passed... and we finally met together once more as a group. Had dinner at poolside, a place where we never went to while we were here as students. Brought them on a little night tour of the school... and as we reached Kah Kee Hall, Kaijie paused and had the expression of being overwhelmed that he's back in school once again.

Haha... I wonder if the current batches would have such feelings of nostalgia, of good memories ten, twenty years down the road. The Chinese High has been a special place... not the academic competitiveness, not the teachers' lectures... more so the people, the friends, the day to day experiences. I guess that did play a part in me choosing to be back bah. :)

Hahah oh oh... the graduate diploma phase of my professional counselling course has officially ended. (: In all, one high distinction and four distinctions for all assignments and final exam... with a commendation for practicum. Wouldn't have been possible if not for Pa's sustenance and grace... and Char's constant encouragement... and Gpp's prayers. :P This course really helped in allowing me to be equipped with practical skills to help the boys... but with all the mad schedules, I have to defer the masters phase for probably two semesters. Of course, I really won't know how Pa will lead in the months to come... there's a time to plan... and also a time to trust. We'll see how. :)

My dear sister has graduated from her Diploma in Multimedia course at Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts!! She looks good in her grad gown man!! :D Haha... It's been a journey for her.. and I'm just glad that she pulled through - talk about strength and resilience. :) And yeah, glad to bump into Ah Hao, my first mentee of sorts whom I have not met for a VERY LONG TIME. Haha... fond memories, that man shall not live on bread alone but by the Word of God... Haha.

If you're reading this bro... I do hope that I'll get to see you more often in the future. ;)

Attended the school's chinese drama production last Saturday after dinner with Dori and dad... Kudos for a job well done! Enjoyed all the six mini-plays. Great to see so many familiar faces in the plays! :)

It's been three weeks since the boarding programme started... I've grown to see my cluster as 'family' though I would think not all of them would think that way. At the back of my mind I know that some of them would most probably leave after the 'try out' period, probably not because the programme's not good, but just because they would find the full length of stay too long. Well... in any case, I'll just have to make use of whatever time there is to get to know them better. This bunch of boys have been amazing and the most disciplined - something that I really didn't expect. Toilets are always kept clean, rooms are all generally well kept.. have yet to do a spot check this week though... shall do it soon. Heh heh heh....

And yeah, some of them have begun their tennis lessons which they'd opted for as part of the boarding programme. I'm supervising one group... they were having so much fun they got carried away with time on the first day. Haha... in any case, there were conflicting feelings then - was really glad to see them having fun and gelling together in that sense... yet on the other hand it wasn't right to drag beyond the lesson time as the coach and the lifeguard who manages the lightings of the court have to call it a day. It was a good opportunity to observe the level of discipline in each of the participants though! Haha...

Alright... guess I'll take a little rest for now. There're quite a number of pressing matters to settle at work later on - preparing for the parent-teacher gathering on Friday, settling next term's timetables and venues, fixing and sprucing a portal that I'd set up...

Till then. :)

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My family just experienced a breakthrough. My sister and I hugged each other after the "ordeal"... and we engaged in silent weeping... joyful weeping. This was the first time I hugged her so closely... both of us making occasional sobbing sounds. Why...

Because a prayer was in the process of being answered.