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With the permission from my wife, I'm currently in bed with my laptop writing this entry while she goes to sleep first. Thought I should jot down all these when things are still fresh in mind... including the emotions. By that, I don't mean I'm writing this under an intense emotional state... quite on the contrary, what I'm about to write is the product of the process of having gone through such a state... after I've gotten things sorted out, more or less. So... here goes.

The Commencement Dinner for the Batch of 2006-2009 Hwa Chong Institution (High School) came and went by in the blink of an eye at the Hilton Hotel just now. As much as it was a significant event to many, if not all, of the students who were there, it was too, to me. 2006 was the first year I re-entered my alma mater; I had the privilege of interacting with half of the secondary one cohort then for a period of a term or so. Subsequently was given the opportunity to interact with half the cohort once again two years later in their upper secondary years, with closer interaction with some of them in the capacity of a project or an affective mentor.

It has been both a sweet and a bittersweet experience with this very first batch... but I don't regret the way I've poured my energies into them, though I must confess that I seriously don't think I have that kind of physical and more importantly, the emotional capacity to do so for the subsequent ones. Well... till I get myself better attuned to my inner workings I guess! Haha...

Sweet because... even as a non-subject teaching 'teacher', even though there are no concrete 'exam' results to gauge if what you've been doing and teaching has indeed proven beneficial to the students' growth, I take their return of gratitude as a temporal indicator and feedback to know that they've at least gotten hold of something. A better indicator would definitely come in the years to come, in junior college for the short run, and in life for the long, when the roots are firmly anchored and when the trees have more or less grown up. For now, I've got to say that I've been surprised many a times by the wonderful gestures from some of them, some whom I've not had the chance to interact more with since their sec one days. Some of them wrote really heartfelt words (ie specfic, non-cliche) for my wedding and for teachers' day; some gave a little gift each year without fail.

Bittersweet because... there would be some who would make you feel that you're pouring water through a broken cistern; you don't exactly see results and you don't receive any form of an indicator at best... and at its worst, it makes you feel that all things said and done were in vain.

This post is dedicated to all the students in this batch who've made a positive difference in me through my stint these past few years. The songs presented at the dinner together with the montage - both were written specifically for such a time as the dinner, and it's definitely something original and belonging solely to the batch of 2006 - 2009.

It is inevitable to be losing a part of the familiarity you sense in school next year as this batch moves on over to the college section. Maybe it's something that veteran teachers have gotten used to... or maybe it's just the sentimental me. Even in the Boarding Programme, things are definitely not going to be the same. I already have an inkling as to who are the ones who would probably keep in touch when all the structures have been taken away... and who would move on and not return. Then again, I should just let time tell... (:

Okay it's finally time for bed. Originally wanted to come out with a list of students who've made me feel the work that I'm on and at as worthwhile... but I think that would take quite a substantial amount of time to do so... so I'll leave that out for now. Will write in time to come! :)

So... this is it. Thanks for the times!

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I'm currently sitting in a cold-spot in the staff room after the Teachers' Day celebrations - throngs of students are swamping up in groups to the teachers who've taught them, giving them gifts and engaging in chatters... Haha. Actually I was already contemplating whether I should just siam the whole process after the celebrations and make my way back to the apartment... then I decided to stay nonetheless.

Some cards, some muffins, some chocolates... they came in trickles. It's funny to see how some of them approached me individually, mostly shy and not knowing what to say. Haha... but I'm really surprised how some of them managed to squeeze so much thought into a card or a gift... and I felt it, the genuity, the sincerity. It's amazing sometimes how even a smile would suffice... when the relationship's there.

Thank you guys... for making Teachers' Day 2009 a memorable one, even though I never got the opportunity to be a 'proper', 'proper' teacher. (:

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The Humanities Programme guys had their annual Chinese New Year Lou Hei celebrations today... glad to see the boys having fun tossing the stuff all over the place and relax a little in the midst of their heavy workloads. :)

But yeah... as I was going around taking photos... I just had that sense of unfamiliarity overcoming me. Hmmm well, I don't exactly know how to explain it... but it's an expected scenario, given that I don't teach them and my interaction with them has been cut down by a whole lot this year since passing most of the daily administrative tasks to my colleague (who's a really good helper!!! haha...).

Well.

Oh well.

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Here you go... a rather half baked new design for the website.

The aesthetics aside, it is the first design template that I've created without the usage of the table tags... wholly cascading style sheets. Yeah... the old school me finally managed to move on a little with times. :)

There're much more to be done here not just in terms of sprucing up the designs - given my schedules, I guess I've got to work out a plan and roll the components out bit by bit, in manageable portions while I undertake other pressing matters as well.

Planning for the big day next May... it's been coming along pretty well I must say. Looking back, I still can't believe that it's happening!!! :D The latest that Char and I settled with regards to preparations are our wedding rings... have a really good feel of the chosen pair. :)

So much to do this holidays.. haha. Okay I'm going to be a little random (and a little cranky due to my accumulation of sleep debts) before I call it a night. I'll save a longer rant to another post in time to come.

I think I have weird feet. I realised that the unique way my shoes get worn out are at the front ends where my little toes are. Ah. Probably not weird feet but broad feet. Haha... man this is so random.

Glad to see Julian and Desheng today - they popped by the Hub after their papers. They're representative of a bunch of people whom I'm kind of missing. Haha... as for the two of them, really hope they'll do well... that they would still be able to be part of the family.

I wonder how next year will be when the population doubles to two levels.

I wonder... if I am able still to give the kind of attention that I really wish to give.

Mmm. Haha alright I think I better catch up with some sleep. Till then. :)

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That's what I spent the past three hours doing... answering email queries from parents and students concerning next year.

Woooooooooooooo I shall take a break, take a shower, then get back to finish off some more stuff.

It's the school holidays for the boys already... but it's just the beginning of a really busy period trying to settle things for next year before my official break one more month from now.

Seriously... I'd never have imagined the amount of behind-the-scene work my teachers have to do/prepare when I studied here in this same place ten plus years ago. Haha...

Blk F in the Boarding School really isn't Blk F without the boys. The whole place's so quiet... and no pinetree sprouting through my door every half hour... no uno blocks falling to the ground... no "very big, very big one... *Eiffel Tower!*" in Taboo... no banters... Haha. It's quite amazing actually. Two months' worth of memories... but they seem so much.

One more batch coming up next year... another exciting year ahead!

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I forwarded the previous post as a mail message to some of my colleagues at work to keep them informed... and I ended off with an afterthought... that I'm thankful to have people (colleagues) to update in school.

Haha yeah... it's not easy for an introvert to make acquaintances and friends for one. But I'm not using it as an excuse. I'm just thankful. Just listing some things that reflect the title of this post:

1. my boss and the concern he's always been giving be it in my work or in my personal life
   
2. colleagues who 'click' and who share the same passion.. call it like-mindedness bah. :)
   
3. students whom I've grown familiar with and who've grown familiar to me... like in more recent times:
   
   
   • one who tapped you to say goodbye when you're in the midst of a conversation with another person
     
   • one who scoured many Starbuck chains and finally got those chocolate scones... haha
     
   • one who gave a hidden wave in the midst of his duty as a regimental leader in front of his 'men' as you walked past
     
   • one who'll hang around and say goodbye (haha...)
     
   • one who'd come by more than once and said he noticed me so engrossed in my work I didn't even notice him around the area
     
   • one who came by my apartment and wanted to say his goodbye before he leaves for the holidays
     
   • yeah... just some recent memorable ones :)
   
   
4. Char my dear dear and fiancee... who shares the same passion for one, who encourages and help me put things in perspectives, especially when it comes to work related stuff.
   

Just came home from the hospital.. thanks Gpp for fetching us home! :)

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It's one of those days when you have quite a number of things piled up on your to-do list which you know you have to clear... like settling the finalization for wedding video, wedding venue, coming up with a new accounts template to supersede the old one that I've been using the past years, setting up an info site on CSE in lieu of parents' queries (figured it would be more efficacious to do one than to reply to many emails or calls), restarting Project FriendMarked... amidst other things.

I think I'll start on the accounts portion right after I'm done with my shower. Haha...

Hitched a ride from my boss early this morning to the airport to see the boys off for their trips - a batch to Shanghai and another to Beijing. Hope they'll adjust soon enough and enjoy their stay there. :)

The rest of the day was spent trying to come up with a layout for the info site... didn't have much done up though.

Dinner was rather good not so much of the food but the getting together; Darren, Yang and Alex came by my apartment and we had Oishi pizza with Island Creamery ice cream... Haha. One of those once in a blue moon thingies - heard Darren and Alex update us about their Tianjin trip and all the preoccupation with sanitation issues... haha.

Then they started talking about how things were when they were in sec one... they belong to the bunch whom I got know since then. I remembered writing Yang a note back then when I passed them their class photos... so as a passing thought verbalized, I asked if he still has it. There and then he whipped it out from his wallet... man. Touched. Seriously. :)

Haha okay. I better start work. Lots to do, lots to do... lots to do.

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Shall leave my thoughts to another entry... mmm. :)

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Yep... I know. It's been some time since I've left an entry... or written a song... or recorded a song for that matter. Well... here's an entry! :)

I've been busy with quite a number of things after I came back from the trip to San Fran... preparing for a year-end closure for the centre that I'm coordinating in my workplace, preparing for the new competition for ThinkQuest... speaking of which, here's the website that I've done up that houses more information on ThinkQuest in the school's context - do hop by and take a look if you're free!

I've also been pretty caught up preparing a year-end video for the boys... took quite some time to make, especially when it's been some time since I've touched video creation software's... and yeah. It's finally out, and it should be screened to them some time now (at this point of writing... I'm out on course!)

The course that I'm attending is on coping with grief and loss... it's a topic that is pretty much close to my heart. It's ironic that as I'm listening to the tutor... that I can even relate this topic to my work.

There were certain incidents that happened along the course of the year that caused grief to my heart... some with colleagues, some with my boys. Along the way I realized it's due to the expectations that I hold of them, for my colleagues, it would be the way they communicated, the genuineness, the cordiality... and for my boys, it would be the grief that comes from misplaced trust... and also certain values that they carry that they really could consider doing without.

I guess the misconception that I have personally is that I could afford to place the whole lot of them in my inner circle when most of them would probably end up as within the masses in the end, not connecting, not getting really acquainted. Haha yeah... it's unhealthy to take everything upon self I realized!

I thank God for Char... who has been a great support, for being ever so patient with me and ever so loving. She's the tangible representation of love that God has blessed me with... and everytime I think about it I just find myself so undeserving... she helps me in normalizing my emotions... something that I'm not even sure she realizes. Haha... Passing my thoughts through her, I was able to get a better reflection of the big picture... and then hey, from the half-cup empty, I begin to see the half-cup full.

I'm thankful that there are colleagues who inspire me, whose way of teaching and leading the boys and caring for them nudges me on to do likewise. Also very thankful that through time there are individual students whom I've come to know much better, whom I share special bonds with. Like this boy who comes by and sits around.. then tell you I'm going already bye bye... Hahahahaha.

Two of my boarding boys were talking about leadership with me as they helped me unpack my newly purchased vacuum machine for the apartment the night before... haha oh we were all amazed at how powerful it is - now my white rug's WHITE again! Haha... yeah. One of them was saying that servant leadership's taking too long to take effect. It's interesting that this conversation came about as I personally have been thinking about it the past weeks... and how hard it really can be.

(anyways I'm now stuck at the Teachers' Network waiting for the rain to stop... sitting by one of the stairs to type this. PRETTY COOL. Literally too.)

I guess without much refute most would agree that Jesus Christ would be the epitome of servant leadership. It's something that I've been trying to grapple with all the time, how Jesus, Son of God, the Authority of all authorities, King of all kings, Lord of all lords, would be able to walk the earth and call His creations His friends. It has been said so many times that if you're gonna be a leader, you can't be a friend to the person you're leading. I don't know... as I look upon the last year, I guess some of them would recognize me as a friend, as someone whom they can open themselves to. But I'm not sure if anyone of them would perceive me as their leader. I'm not sure if I would be given the respect enough for them to follow.. and for one, I don't dare to ask.

As I read through the Scriptures, Jesus pretty much knew the way to go; he exudes love and yet was stern and resolute when the circumstance called for it.

I confess that I often internalize my sadness and anger and avoided scolding or outrightly confronting issues with people - then I realized that this doesn't really help the other party most of the time. I told one of my boarding boys when we met for one to one... that I don't wish to be a nice teacher and end up being an ineffective one. Some of the ways I do things have to go... and it will be an ongoing process of growth I guess. So yeah... perhaps my approaches may evolve with time... but it'll always be backed by the same foundation.

Lest I forget that we're called to become more like Christ each day, to give as He's given, love as He's loved, bless as He's blessed. :)

There are lots of people I have to apologize to I realized; family members whom I've been perceived as neglected, colleagues whose feet I'd unintentionally stepped upon due to miscommunication... sometimes I really hope things aren't as complex as they are... well. Haha yeah. It's cathartic to write... I ought to resume writing more... yeah, I guess I will. :)

A whole batch of my boys will be leaving for Beijing next week... time really flies. Soon they will be donning the beige uniform and long pants... and as a couple of them texted me to thank me for the video, I thanked them back... for the privilege to be able to journey along this portion of their lives with them. For without every single one of them, the video wouldn't be what it is... yup. Am just hoping that when they do return to school in their long pants, they would also appear more grown up in their actions and attitudes... it's amusing to think that our human brain will only be fully formed at the age of 25 or so - some adults may brush this off as bull, but I guess I can afford to give the benefit of doubt, to know that some of their actions (sometimes can be quite foolish) are a result of an incomplete brain. Wahahah yay I'm 26 this year!!! Hahahahha...

Okay just nice. Rain has stopped. Time to go!

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看着这些照片...心里不知为何有一股冲动。

偶尔...还是会问自己，到底这一切值不值得。

对他们来说，拍照也只不过是拍照...而对我来说，这些照片价值可非凡。

每一班都有蛮多人没到场...而当中就有我以为会赏我的脸而出席的人。

看来...我错了。

庆幸的是大致上的人都到齐了。看他们拍得那么愉快，我也一起愉快起来了。哈哈...

下个星期有多一轮...希望出席率不会比今天逊色吧。：）

偶尔...又发现噢，值得的...值得的。

Mmm.

:)

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An ulcer grew on the bottom side of my tongue... of all places. I have to be extra careful when I drink or eat... lest I disturb that harmless looking white spot and send myself some shockwaves... oh well.

Anyway.

I've been working on a new ThinkQuest promotional website the past two days or so. It was then that I realised that I've grown rusty to the trade of web design - what used to be a breeze took me some time now.. and then I realised it's the same for all things - that things atrophy without regular practice; same with physical exercise, relationships, studies...

The saving grace is that most of the time it'll only take that bit of time to get back on track. And yeah... there're quite a bit of things I have to get back on track for... yep.

Thank God that the website's on its way to completion. :) But yeah - there're loads of other things to do and complete within the next two weeks or so... work is neverending. Haha...

I'm glad to be back... glad to see them... but I guess this kind of feeling's usually not reciprocable.

And somehow I'm affected by the knowledge of them being totally at ease of having vulgarities in their everyday speech, evidently shown especially in their casual self, either in speech with friends or in written form on blogs. I've thought through this quite a bit... and I've come to a preliminary conclusion that it isn't about going against rules... but simply a marring of the good impressions that I have of them. Everytime it happens it hurts, then I start to rebuild that impression myself, knowing that I'm in the end deceiving myself and that it would be more profitable to sit them down, talk about it and hopefully it'll all make sense and that they'll think about rethinking their values when it comes to vulgarities... and even perhaps, that they'll want to do something about it.

Well.

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I'm BACK! It's late though... so I'll just be posting the stuff I typed on the plane and then catch up with some rest. Work looms ahead... shall not think about it for now!

Here goes:

I'm currently on board SQ15 from Seoul, about five hours from touching down to Singapore once again.

Well, it's been a good trip on the whole, just that I didn't really get to have much personal time to rest - the schedule's practically packed from day one till the very last day - the only times I had was in the nights when I would take quick strolls and hang round the nearby supermarkets... Haha. I remembered how I enthusiastically wrote long journal entries for my '98 trip to Los Angeles... don't think I'm game to jot down everything in detail this time round... just some bits and pieces and the things that stood out.

The plane touched down at San Francisco International Airport Saturday afternoon... then we're ferried to the Parc 55 Hotel near Union Square where we checked in and immediately went out for a bus city tour. A very chilly experience crossing the golden gate bridge on the exposed second deck of the bus I must say! Haha... but I'm thankful... can still remember the thoughts I had the year before, that it would be great if I could make a visit someday either through ThinkQuest or a personal holiday... and here I am now. :) We had dinner (another thing to be thankful for, for the team and chaperones to be travelling and touring together) at the basement of Macy's, where I had a taste of Boudin, the apparently famous bakery chain. Took a little stroll around the area and enjoyed a bit of the cool and dry air that I last enjoyed ten years ago. Haha... yup, that pretty much summed up the first day.

ThinkQuest Live! officially started on Sunday morning - headed down to the Parc Ballroom where the event's held. There was this staff at the registration counter who recognised my name - she mentioned that she had been with ThinkQuest even before Oracle Education Foundation took over its running... Haha was quite surprised that I'm remembered! Met Hui, the Oracle Foundation staff from Singapore, who's mending one of the registration tables. Chatted a while before heading into the ball room for breakfast.

They have this area where they set up a network of computers connected to the internet for our usage - it was previously known (pre-Oracle days) as the Generator - now it's called the Think Tank. Took the opportunity to check mail first... haha. Ice-breakers came next... then the coaches had a separate "seminar" luncheon in one of the rooms that basically talked about facilitation and role of coaches in general.

The boys had their website showcase in the afternoon - they took turns to present their website while the rest went round the other booths to listen to the other teams. It's heartening to see the way they presented and explained their project to those who surrounded their booth - sure did bring back some memories of me doing the same thing ten years ago! Haha... Had a good chat with Hui exploring the ways we could extend the competition to more students and schools in Singapore in the midst of the showcase - there's this tugging of the heart to know that I could be more involved in the future... but for now, I know the station where I am to keep to, and as far as He has led, I'll just continue to trust in His leading and provision. Haha... yeah I know this sounds cryptic. :P

Welcome dinner was held at a yatch club near to the golden gate bridge... we were treated to some great sunset views of the area (check out the photos! (: ) before returning back to the hotel.

Monday marked the start of the workshop. The entire team opted together to attend the "Sustainable Design" workshop - we visited Argone, a kindergarten with 'green' architechture and also a private "showcase" apartment built entirely on 'green' concepts - very posh looking! The most amazing part is that it has a huge wind turbine that generates about two-thirds of the house's electricity needs.

We're tasked on the second day to think of sustainable house designs - each group was given a different area of the house to think about: energy, water, public stuff (living room, kitchen) and private stuff (toilet, bathroom). The groups were taught brainstorming rules and engaged in a time of disccussion before each team came up with their ideas. Ruijin and Fanghui were in the private stuff group... they invented this all-in-one self sustained toilet seating furniture that doubles up as toilet bowl, work space, shower... you get the idea. They later termed it as iPoot in their presentation to everyone on the third day... which brought much laughter in the hall. Most of them understood it as iPoop, as Poot isn't exactly a term that most would know. Haha... cheecky boys.

We went to the Alcatraz and the Exploratorium for our excursions... The audio tour in Alcatraz was interesting - it was an intersting sight too to see the throngs of tourists walking around the place in unison but in different paces, each listening to the audio device given to us. It's interesting too to note how money is being made now off a defunct prision facility... Haha. Exploratorium was cool though!! We were given two hours or so to explore the place... I didn't have time to finish all the science exhibits. Spent a little time in the shop before we were supposed to meet up again to return to hotel... was contemplating hard whether to make some purchases... there's this air pump gun that shoots out a strong puff of air which caught my attention... but I had to leave before I had enough time to clearly make a decision. Sigh! Now it feels like there's unfinished business... I want to get back there! Haha...

Met up with Jason!!! Haha... he's an American friend whom I've met face to face in 1998 - ever since then we've been in contact - had the privilege to have an extended stay at his place in San Diego back then... twice! Haha... Worked subsequently with his mom on a couple more winning projects in 1999 and 2000. He saw my Facebook status and knew about my location, popped a message to say that he's just forty plus minutes from my hotel... and so we arranged to meet on the only free afternoon I had - Wednesday afternoon, before the Awards ceremony in the evening. He came to the hotel... we took a walk round the area. He called Mrs. A (his mom) on his cellphone and we had a chat for about twenty minutes while walking... eight years since I've last heard her voice!! :D We bought Ben & Jerry's and headed towards Union Square to sit and chat... had a good time hearing from him about his work at Microsoft and his dances. Really appreciated him making his way down just to catch up! :)

Then the highlight of the week's events began - the Awards Dinner and Ceremony. It was held in some theatre - we had red carpet treatment complete with paparazzi-like photo taking... hats off to the people at Oracle Foundation. Haha...

I'm sure this has been quite an experience for the five of them, as well as for all the other privileged students. One of the students from India noted something on the last day during farewell dinner... which I resonated with very much in my heart, that ThinkQuest really has given much to those who've participated in it in its true form - the chance to taste international collaboration, and especially for the lesser privileged, the chance to travel and have their experience of a lifetime.

Which is why I really hope that this year the boys will learn to go beyond their personal comforts and their focus simply to win the contest, but be challenged enough to meet new friends from over the world and work on meaningful projects. Exciting days ahead...! :)

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Day 00 because it's a day before the official activities begin... Haha...

Hello from San Francisco! (:

The air journey was a rather smooth one - the plane's rather new I think... even the screens in the economy class section looked like they're first class... and most importantly, I managed to sleep accordingly... so... no jet lag issues!

Actually it's Sunday 11am now. We just had our first breakfast and a "Getting to know you" session... the boys are settling in quite well - two of them are going around picking up information from everyone else (an activity they've been 'tasked' to do). Mm. I'll probably write a more coherent summary when the whole event's over... currently uploading the first day's photos on flickr right now.

We made use of the free time after touch down the day before and toured round San Francisco on an exploration bus - those double deckers with the second deck exposed kind of bus. The golden gate bridge ride experience was whoa. SO COLD. Haha...

There'll be a lunch meeting for the coaches later on.. after which the teams will be engaged in a project showcase session before a welcome dinner in the evening.

More to come... think will spend some time to do some collages at night. Till then! :)

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Here I am at Changi Airport Terminal 3 using their free wireless internet service... there's still about 45 mins to the opening of the boarding gates, just nice for an entry before I leave for San Francisco. Yeap. This year's been amazing in terms of travelling... I know it's nothing for those in families who have the time and money to afford yearly getaways... Haha yeah. Australia in the second quarter, now United States in the third... and probably a trip to East Asia in the fourth quarter... I can never imagine myself to have such opportunities... well. What can I do... but to be thankful? Mmm. :) This trip is especially meaningful... I can never imagine myself to be immersed in the 'ThinkQuest' buzzword ever since I stopped taking part in it as a student member ten years ago... and now there're students from the school winning again, I hope it'll spell the dawn of another new era for the school. Mm. :)

Thank God for yesterday night's mid term checkup for my discipleship course... I was reminded in a very perculiar way... how He's always been around. Char came by my boarding apartment in the early evening and we were supposed to study for the test together... but I ended up doing some packing... time basically dragged. In the end I did not manage to revise any of the memory verses which I was supposed to revise. We took a cab to church... and on the way I was feeling apologetic... kept telling God that I was sorry that I did not put in the effort and make the time to study - work took its toll. I would do my best, knowing that this 'best' isn't exactly my best... if you get what I mean. And I was prepared to fail.

I almost froze when the paper was distributed - Ps. William suddenly mentioned that the memory verses section would take up more than fifty percent of the paper... which meant that even though I could score full marks in the other sections, I might still not be able to pass. Started doing the sections which I studied for... and then the memory verses.

The bulk of those tested came from the Psalms. We were required to write out full Psalms... and somehow I just wrote... and I kept on writing... and giving thanks as I wrote them out.

Despite my unpreparedness, God taught me something. You know, I've always been plagued with low self esteem and low self confidence, even if my outer shell doesn't show. To make things worse... I can be quite a perfectionist for my personality, sounds rather contradictory I know. Even in my walk, there are times when I doubted myself.. asking myself time and again if I've moved on or if I'm still dabbling in shallow faith.

Char is right. At least our results showed how much of His Word is internalised and not cramped up in a day or two... and I'm thankful. Not to mention that my marker was lenient and didn't penalised me too much... I was given 96 percent in the end.

I'm humbled on one end, knowing that it isn't a score that I should deserve, yet affirmed on the other, that quite a bit of His Word has been etched in my long term memory. Ever more thankful... because I have very poor short term memory.. and my dear dear can attest to that.

Mmm. :) Please pray for me... that I will make use of this trip fruitfully, the free times in between, that I'll be given times of refreshing in Him. And hopefully I don't have to deal too much with jet lag... haha.

Thankful for the two boys who sms-ed me well wishes for the trip and another couple others who msned... they've overturned the impression that I have that this generation of youths don't really know how to encourage and affirm. Haha... on the other hand, I know these boys are an exception to the norm la. So what to do. :)

Okay... time to go for now. I guess the next time I leave a post, I should be in San Francisco already... till then.

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That's how I feel sometimes.

Perhaps I should just disregard the burdens and let my communication remain on the cordial level.

Selfishness would dictate: Why waste your time when you know that the mindset's fixed and that your words would just go unheeded? Why jeopardize what could be a good relationship? Why spend such time, energy and resources pondering over these things?

But I can't.

It's draining to reason things out... or think of other ways for the matter, especially when you see that the interest's not there at all to look at one's self and the things that may not exactly be congruent.

I can't...

but I'll pray.

It's ironic and interesting at the same time to see how I'm driven to pray this season of time.

He calls me in for a purpose... and I'll just trust that He'll see everything through.

And that I'll be less selfish to confront, rebuke, correct... and guide.

I don't want to end up being nice but ineffective... that, would be a great disservice to my charges.

4

"Goodness without knowledge is weak and feeble, yet knowledge without goodness is dangerous, and that both united form the noblest character." - Samuel & John Phillips

"To educate a person in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." - Theodore Roosevelt

Oops. I realised it's been 8 days (*mind thinks of the radio jingle for a local magazine - "8 days every week...."*) since I've written anything here. Originally wanted to do up a collage of the photos taken before writing a post but I reckoned that it might take forever again. Haha... so yeah. I think I better write a post first. Then go for a jog. Yeah... I'm still at my boarding apartment on a Saturday afternoon... but it's intentional. It's the first time I realised I needed time alone, for myself. Call it a recharge bah.

It's interesting how many people around me started commenting about me ballooning... in a sense I'm thankful, that colleagues and students alike are frank enough to help keep me in check in a way. I'm not quite sure why, but I guess the new boarding school lifestyle (with all the less travelling and walking up the slopes, etc) might have caused me to neglect my weight watching. My shirts are starting to look oversized... and yeah, this is definitely not in line for the photoshoot lined up in December and the actual day in May next year. Haha... and so I've started my regime once more. With so many pairs of eyes keeping me accountable, I do hope that I'll be able to shed a couple of kilos along the way. Just hoping that I won't fall to sweet temptations... sigh. Haha.

I attended a two day character education course by Prof. Thomas Likona together with some like-minded colleagues. Introverted as I am, I think when it comes to work and a common vision, I do get energised when I identify colleagues around me who're on the same page with the same goals... and who believe in working as a team. And I'm thankful that God blesses me with such people around to think aloud with and to work with. It had been a fruitful course... and if anything, I think I'm beginning to find my niche in character education.

I'm always thankful when I come across individual students who have both performance character and moral character - they do their best and are respectful to others, their demeanor naturally pleasing. Some may not be faring as well academically, but the good attitudes they exude gives others the wanting to help them along even more... yeah, even as I'm writing this I can see faces flash across my mind... which is, good! Haha... then there are those who are academically strong but yet lacking in moral character... and it does puts others off sometimes. The insidious thing I realised... is that sometimes they themselves aren't even aware of their lacking, and that the way they do things and behave are self perceived as normal. My heart sours for these boys... as much as I can see the vast potential in them, sometimes I just don't know what can be done or said that would actually help.

It's true that as much as it took them ten over years to build up self formed (most probably) values and habits that mostly went unchecked and misconstrued (probably cases of over pampering or over disciplining), it may take that equal amount of time for them to rework their values and unlearn bad habits.

My heart sours... because I believe they're good boys at the end of the day, not the stereotypical guai kias (well behaved boys but with bad connotation), but those who can discern the right from the wrong, who can show proper respect, etc.

Well... I'm learning. The course is a good start I reckon. Ultimately, I pray that it'll be Pa who works miracles in lives. Which reminds me.. of a piece of good news I received a couple of days ago. I was meeting up with this boy and chatting with him when he said he had to leave soon for cell group. I took a double take and asked him - "cell group?". Then he confirmed that I wasn't hearing the wrong thing. It's a joy indeed... and yes, Pa answers prayers. :)

I believe in specific and professional skills in the area of affective and character education... but on top of that, I believe that He's gonna be the one who causes hearts to change for the better. He is love after all. Mmm. :)

Another highlight of the week would be the Projects' Day grand finals and awards ceremony. Chen lao shi (my sec 4 chinese teacher) was invited to be one of the judges... so it was a good opportunity to catch up a little with her and have a photo taken (yayyyy hahaha) with her. It's still quite amusing to know that she's taught Char as well in a different place and context. Haha...

Three of the teams that I'd coached went on stage for their high distinction wins... proud of each of the three in different ways - all three showed perseverance and the willingness to listen to critique and suggestions... but what's most important was their drive to finish their project... and to finish it well. Heartened to know that a number of them are waiting to start on next year's ThinkQuest project... at this juncture, I am beginning to see a glimmer of hope for the ThinkQuest baton to be finally passed on. *smiles*

I felt really proud (though I had no involvement at all hahahaha...) when the time came for the secondary three cohort to go up on stage to collect their trophies - I guess I'm the only one who would feel that way... hahaha. :)

We had a mini mid autumn festival celebration in our boarding programme yesterday evening where we had mooncakes, chips, tea... and a dose of my guitar playing and singing. Taught them to sing the song that you're currently hearing here (Thank You, My Friend) - I really don't know if it's too premature to teach them... but I'm hoping that this song would mean something to them, especially at the end of next year. Ya... THEY SANG! :)

Then we had the Myer-Briggs Temperament Indicator (MBTI) course in the morning where I ascertained my type as INFJ again, this time round officially. Yep... all that's happened till now. Char came by with her bestie Euns just now for lunch... we'll be meeting again to spend the evening together. It's been hard still, trying to get used to the new schedules, where gone were the days when we could walk slowly down the canal, when I could walk her home and then walk home myself... well. Haha... aye aye.

Alright. Shall be off to have a jog for now. Collages should be up at a later date... in the meantime, the photos have all been uploaded - click on "Photos & Videos" on the top menu bar to view.

I wonder still... if people actually read these entries in their entirety??? If you have read to this point (HAHAHAHAHA..... gosh this sounds so familiar), leave a comment or a tag?

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... should be renamed September Busy. lol.

I finally brought my guitar to my boarding school apartment... there are times when I really feel like reverting back to those good ol' times (not that it's that very long ago la) when all there was was coming back home to play the guitar and write new songs... and in a way, that was when I was spiritually very much filled too. But I know I should not rely on that to get my walk with Jesus goin... it should be in all circumstances... YEP. Still, I am glad that the guitar's here!!! (:

Went to catch ACJC Drama Elective Programme Year 1's exam pieces, "Inventio 2008", where 5's in one of the plays. The five bucks for the four plays... it's pretty worth the price - standard's there... don't play play. Haha... seriously. The play 5's in depicts the life of a family of which the daughter's stricken with cerebral palsy. Some of the feelings and frustration shown in the play were heartfelt... my mom and I were really close in the past. I being the quiet one (still very am), there would be times when I'm just sitting or lying by her bed in her room listening to her yak yak non stop... I would be the one following her around as she worked, from the music centres to all the kindergarten centres. There were many great moments we shared, even those times of just being in her centre, just the two of us...

Things just weren't the same anymore ever since mom had the brain hemorrhage and lays bedridden with a tracheotomy tube. There were many moments I had to guess if she actually understood whatever I was saying - every little nod or mouthing of word became so precious. Due to the nature of the brain bleeding, there is no way to assess what she knows or not know, what she remembers for has forgotten... there was a period of time I kept asking her to identify me by mouthing my name.. just to have a reassurance that she knows who I am.

Just a week ago, I decided to take a step forward and asked her if she knows where I am currently staying now as I told her about my school's boarding programme. All along the kind of responses I've been soliciting from her are those generic "yes", "ok" answers... and so I asked. She didn't respond first... so I went ahead and said "Bukit..."

Then she mouthed the word "Timah".

Haha... the part of the play whereby the daughter with cerebral palsy stood up and explained to the audience came to mind. In my mind I was imagining what my mom would be thinking then... like, crazy son... asking me such childish questions over and over again. Haha... I don't know if I share all my thoughts with her she would understand everything? I don't know... but I think I'll try that from now on everytime Aunty Witwit goes for her day off and I take over.

I hold on to the hope that she'll be well again and that I'll hear her voice once again... mm. :)

It's great to see the rest at the play too... I miss them. Yeah... I really do. The times... the fun... mm. I guess I can't help it that we've seemingly drifted - it's something that I'm still trying to comprehend, how some relationships are kept in tact in spite of the lack of regular meetups and some just aren't. Well... well well.

One of my students got involved in a road traffic accident and was warded in NUH. Thank God it wasn't a serious case... he was still bubbly and very much himself (haha... yeah this boy has quite a unique personality) as he recounted to me the story when a couple of us visited him (and his forth time recounting that day). He was crossing the road when he was hit by a front view mirror of a lorry. According to him, his view was blocked by a bus... his recounting really reminded me of a piece of news I read as a young child that kind of stuck with me all the while, whereby a school student was hit and sent flying twenty metres or so as he was dashing across the street in front of a stationary bus.

I don't suppose that my student was jaywalking at the traffic lights - if not the bus nearest to him would have been moving and not stationary. And so... thank God that he wasn't running across... if not his whole body would have met the lorry head on. Mm. Really relieved to see him at his usual self... haha.

I wouldn't know how I'll react or respond if anything serious happens to my family, friends or my students. I wouldn't know how I'll perform as a counsellor in such times... and I can only hope I won't be found in such situations. So... yeah. Hope you'll get well soon. ;)

Char had her gown selection!! My dear dear's gonna look mature as she walks down the aisle... and princessy at the dinner! Hur hur... Her gowns selection took a couple of hours while mine took 15 minutes. Hahaha... we decided upon a chinese collared coat since I already have a normal collared one... so that gives us more selection for photoshoot and for the day itself. Time flies... 8 more months. It's quite scary to think of it, with so much of the preparations undone... but yeah, really thankful thus far for all the stuff that's covered, and really thankful that we've got a planner who's really responsible and "on the ball". More updates soon in time to come. :)

Ok. Dinner time.

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I'm currently at Singapore General Hospital's Polar cafe... Dori and I were supposed to meet at 10am (and so I rushed and I huffed and I puffed from Bukit Timah all the way down... okok I didn't run but I did rushed) then dad decided to come along last minute.. and they only got onto a bus from home at 10am. So here I am waiting... being thankful that I have my laptop with me.

I have been clearing spam off my site's comments... it has since become a daily routine. Spam bots would flood my comments with loads of junk posts and thankfully, this version of Movable Type has the capability to screen off most of them before they could be published. Still, I'll have to log into the system and remove them.

Then I realised... that there's a lot of spam in life too, things that are thrown into our lives which we do not necessarily need. All the messages and what nots... the only thing is that sometimes we get spam that's alluring and enticing and instead of trashing them we find ourselves keeping them and letting them clutter up our lives.

Hmm. It's a good time to do a self check. I'll need to rid myself off unwanted spam.

Hahaha I hope this makes sense.

The topic of love languages was briefly touched upon again yesterday at the marriage preparation course session. It's a good refresher and a reminder of how faithful God is for me personally. For those who may not be in the know, Gary Chapman has coined the term and lists five forms of love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Gifts and Physical Touch. We all give and receive love in these five forms, some responding more to particular forms, some less.

The interesting thing about Char and myself is that we have rather differing forms of love languages... so there were many moments in the past where we couldn't sense our love for one another when we were actually giving it in forms that the other party couldn't quite appreciate at that time. It was weird to talk in through initially for me... but now with the understanding, we are able to see and identify when we're expressing love in our language and we are able to reciprocate and respond in a way the other party will understand.

I respond to acts of service most somehow... and naturally I find myself expressing love and reciprocating concern with acts of service as well. Words of affirmation comes next, followed by gifts, quality time and physical touch.

There was this time when Char was asleep while I began to do up the laundry at her place... I know it sounds weird but I actually had a good time doing so. Haha...

Which is why I guess I enjoy my work in school... seeing the things I do as a form of service to the boys. And when they reciprocate in kind, I found myself especially touched. Like some of the boys who volunteered to help out at the parent teacher gathering last minute... when they didn't have to. Haha.. I bet they didn't even think it meant so much.

I went down to the CSE Hub (it's an old staff lounge now converted into a resting place and office space) to take a look before coming to the hospital - the furniture's in and the sockets and network points are in place. The next thing is to shift my stuff down from my library office... perhaps it'll spell a new season with a change in office space and environment... I don't know. But we'll see. :)

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Thanks to Shannon & Oswald who smsed... Siheng and Yaonian who wrote on my wall on Facebook.

I smsed Ms. Tan, my primary six form teacher who's a principal now, on Friday... today she replied "Happy trs' day too :) Hope all is well w u". Haha... It's weird receiving back the same greeting from whom you've been giving all these well... with some colleagues as well who were my teachers. I wonder how many of my boys would end up in this profession as well? That would be meaningful. :)

Received sms greetings from Banky and Zheng Xiang, two current J2 students in the college section whom I mentored two years ago in a project. Was rather surprised that they actually remembered me. :)

Spent most parts of the day in the apartment with Char - she's making use of this term break to ensure that she gets a good rest. I spent some time doing up results analysis for the boys... then we proceeded for our third marriage preparation course session in the evening.

Will be accompanying Dori (my sis) to the hospital tomorrow for her checkup.. and afterwhich spend some time together before meeting Char and the rest of the people whom I have not met for a LONG LONG TIME to catch 5's drama exam at ACJC.

Till then.

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Well well... looks like certain struggles are meant to be age-old - it's there to remind me that at every stage I have a choice to respond accordingly, to take on the right posture.

The topic for this week's discipleship training came timely... less I forget, that I'm constantly put through the growth process. I confess that I was rather affected that the usual people whom I felt I was closer to didn't even bother to message. But yeah. It's my issue to settle.. and one which was rightfully pointed out by point number 9 below.

Well... that I may learn to take on the right posture at all times.

There are many thoughts and emotions that plague our human existence. One of these I want to deal with more specifically is the issue of INSECURITY. It often corrupts our posture before God and brings about fear and anxiety. Go through the following scenarios and examine your posture:

1. When I crash and fail, is my posture one of "ADMIT MY MISTAKES AND LEARN" or "QUIT AND BLAME OTHERS"?
2. When I am being criticized or corrected, is my posture one of "IMMEDIATE DEFENSIVENESS" or "WELCOME LISTENING"?
3. When I am not given credit for a job done, is my posture one of "ENVY" or "I AM JUST GLAD TO SERVE GOD!"? Alternatively, do I carelessly take credit for what others say or do?
4. When I am challenged to come out of my comfort zone, is my posture one of "I DON'T WANT TO FAIL AND LOOK BAD" or "I CAN DO THIS WITH GOD'S HELP"?
5. When I cannot agree with God's given authority over me, is my posture one of "I MUST FIGHT FOR CONTROL" or "I CAN LET GO AND TRUST GOD"?
6. When a situation goes out of control, is my posture one of "KAN CHEONGNESS" or "MAKE THE BEST OF IT"?
7. When I lose my temper, is my posture one of "I WANT TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS" or "I MUST EXERCISE SELF CONTROL AND KEEP MY SPIRIT IN CHECK"?
8. When I disagree with the way things are done, is my posture one of "I THINK THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING" or "I NEED TO CLARIFY AND UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT THIS"?
9. When I feel others do not cherish or value me, is my posture one of "THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST UNGRATEFUL AND BLIND" or "I DO NOT FIND MY WORTH SOLELY IN THE AFFIRMATIONS OF OTHERS BUT ON THE APPROVAL OF GOD"?
10. When circumstances become difficult and I feel like quitting, is my posture one of "I THINK IT'S POINTLESS TO GO ON BECAUSE NOBODY APPRECIATES WHAT I DO" or "I MUST REVIEW MY COMPASS AND CALLING AND NOT BE SWAYED BY THE CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES"?

A certain kind of disciple adopts a certain kind of posture. It's a choice between the way of the flesh (giving in to temptations ie of lust, spewing of expletives, etc) or the way of the cross. It is marked by brokenness before God, meekness in God and openness to God... May out inner posture bring pleasure to God rather than pain to Him and others!

(adapted from IDT Module 4 Week 7 notes - Cultivating Posture)

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Zi Song - Thanks for the rochers and for replenishing the cookies in my room! And yeah, for the effort in scouring the area for Starbucks trying to get the chocolate scone! Haha... ;)

Nic Low - Thanks for the two chinese books! You Jin happens to be my favourite local chinese author!! :)

Shaojie, Shane & Kel - You guys will see me using the cup in CSE Hub in the future... haha. Thanks!

Plus rest of 3E1 - Thanks for the card!

Chong We - Thanks for the cutest present la - was never tempted enough to get a CJ7 plush toy for myself and now I have one! Haha... thanks!

Zhi Hao - Heartfelt message in the self made card... Thanks dude. Must remember to jiayou. (:

Wee Shuen - Thanks for the markers and the card! :)

Mark - Yay now I can get a book from Borders!! Haha.. thanks!

Timtam - Really touched dude... and the cookies taste really good! Thanks so much! :)

Eng Way - You too dude... for the extra alcohol content brownies. Hahaha... The bunch of you from 1G'06.. kudos. ;)

Wei Lun, Leonard and Jianyang - for the smses. :)

I was just telling my boss the other day that I would probably not pursue the subject teaching track so I could focus on the affective mentoring / adminstrative track... as I was walking out of school today, one of them wished me "happy teachers' day even though you're not a teacher". I laughed it off and said a thanks... then I thought. Hey. So perhaps the bulk of them never regretted me as a teacher at all... and so teacher's day's irrelevant for me. Haha... probably that's why... Mmm. Nevermind.

Sometimes I do hate myself for the way I feel about things... sometimes.

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I was heartened when most of the boys in my cluster indicated that they would like to continue with the boarding programme after the three month window period.

I told one of their dads at the parent-teaching gathering last Friday... that the 34 who opted for the pilot programme basically had a taste of CSE in its entirety - it is kind of the missing piece to the whole jig-saw... the place where cross-consortia and cross programmes bonding occurs, the place where joy is emphasized.

Not that they get what they want, but it is the place where they learn how to help one another out, mix around... and engage in informal interactions, especially in the interstices.

We celebrated Hongwei's birthday towards the end of our cluster meeting... it took some time (the bonding and joy, that is), but I guess each photo does speak a thousand words.

Mmm.. yeah. Observing their interactions and how they're beginning to know one another better kinda cheered me up a little in the midst of turbulence.

The only things that would stand in their way in staying on would be their grades and attitudes... of which I'll trust that they'll really learn the co-dependence in the midst of independence which CSE stands for.

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The past couple of hours were spent trying to get a few pieces of clothing ironed in between futile attempts at getting msn to work and work itself. Prior to that, I was doing a little bit of unwinding with Char at Vivocity, catching a breather over dinner and a movie... we caught "Meet Dave".

It's a joy to hear her laughter... the lightness of it. I must continue to work to make my deardear laugh amidst all the stress and work that's piling up for the both of us. Haha yeah. Her students are giving her a run of her energies.. when she's already been drained and sick these days. And my current schedules aren't helping much - we're practically stretched in terms of schedules... and sometimes when I'm done with what I have to do, it would have been her bed time already. The nature of my current job as a boarding master is as such - sometimes my work extends into rather late nights.

Which is why I'm thankful for the weekly "no compromise" day when we'll both spend the evening together.. something that we started quite a long time back, when we both still had quite a bit of time together each week. Have been missing a week or two of it over the past weeks due to prior arranged appointments... This was probably the first proper evening when we could spend some time together... still it seemed short.

I'm not sure how we can successfully maneuvre through this season of time... but I do know that Pa's in charge.

Thank you dear for being so patient with me.. for the sacrifices you made... simply because you chose to love me. I will continue to jiayou so that I won't forever remain as your lau pok wllg. Remember to drink more water at work k... and just do as Pa would ba. Praying for you... wdwllp...WAN! HAHAN! :D

It's been sometimes since I blogged an entry... lots happened over the past two weeks or so... guess the best is to let the pictures do the talking with me interspersing a couple of words here and there:

Finally took some pictures of Covenant Evangelical Free Church's Woodlands premises.. where Char and I would be holding our solemnisation and reception next May. Yet to confirm cause I've yet to do up the documentations... which reminds me, I should be doing it real soon! Haha... it's amazing to think of it still - the first time I stepped into compounds on 3rd August, my jaw dropped when I saw that the chairs at the fellowship area are in orange and green... exactly the colours we chose as our wedding theme! Haha... yeah. It'll take some time to get used to the place first though - have grown to have the familiarity with the Bukit Panjang compounds which exude a more homely feeling... but yeah, this new one looks really cool I must admit! (: Haha... ultimately, it's really not about the buildings or how well they look... nothing beats God's presence. Where two or three are gathered in His name, there He is. :)

Keepying and Kaijie are two pals I made through ECCube, my high school's computer club. Some pretty fond memories we shared together... like how we visited the zoo and night safari for our project.. which eventually won us the accolade of being the first local secondary school to win a particular international competition. One went on to a poly and another to another jc... we kept in touch here and there - met with them individually in the past. Ten years passed... and we finally met together once more as a group. Had dinner at poolside, a place where we never went to while we were here as students. Brought them on a little night tour of the school... and as we reached Kah Kee Hall, Kaijie paused and had the expression of being overwhelmed that he's back in school once again.

Haha... I wonder if the current batches would have such feelings of nostalgia, of good memories ten, twenty years down the road. The Chinese High has been a special place... not the academic competitiveness, not the teachers' lectures... more so the people, the friends, the day to day experiences. I guess that did play a part in me choosing to be back bah. :)

Hahah oh oh... the graduate diploma phase of my professional counselling course has officially ended. (: In all, one high distinction and four distinctions for all assignments and final exam... with a commendation for practicum. Wouldn't have been possible if not for Pa's sustenance and grace... and Char's constant encouragement... and Gpp's prayers. :P This course really helped in allowing me to be equipped with practical skills to help the boys... but with all the mad schedules, I have to defer the masters phase for probably two semesters. Of course, I really won't know how Pa will lead in the months to come... there's a time to plan... and also a time to trust. We'll see how. :)

My dear sister has graduated from her Diploma in Multimedia course at Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts!! She looks good in her grad gown man!! :D Haha... It's been a journey for her.. and I'm just glad that she pulled through - talk about strength and resilience. :) And yeah, glad to bump into Ah Hao, my first mentee of sorts whom I have not met for a VERY LONG TIME. Haha... fond memories, that man shall not live on bread alone but by the Word of God... Haha.

If you're reading this bro... I do hope that I'll get to see you more often in the future. ;)

Attended the school's chinese drama production last Saturday after dinner with Dori and dad... Kudos for a job well done! Enjoyed all the six mini-plays. Great to see so many familiar faces in the plays! :)

It's been three weeks since the boarding programme started... I've grown to see my cluster as 'family' though I would think not all of them would think that way. At the back of my mind I know that some of them would most probably leave after the 'try out' period, probably not because the programme's not good, but just because they would find the full length of stay too long. Well... in any case, I'll just have to make use of whatever time there is to get to know them better. This bunch of boys have been amazing and the most disciplined - something that I really didn't expect. Toilets are always kept clean, rooms are all generally well kept.. have yet to do a spot check this week though... shall do it soon. Heh heh heh....

And yeah, some of them have begun their tennis lessons which they'd opted for as part of the boarding programme. I'm supervising one group... they were having so much fun they got carried away with time on the first day. Haha... in any case, there were conflicting feelings then - was really glad to see them having fun and gelling together in that sense... yet on the other hand it wasn't right to drag beyond the lesson time as the coach and the lifeguard who manages the lightings of the court have to call it a day. It was a good opportunity to observe the level of discipline in each of the participants though! Haha...

Alright... guess I'll take a little rest for now. There're quite a number of pressing matters to settle at work later on - preparing for the parent-teacher gathering on Friday, settling next term's timetables and venues, fixing and sprucing a portal that I'd set up...

Till then. :)

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The CSE Boarding Programme officially started exactly a week ago on the third of August. It was kind of a mad rush... rushed to collect birthday cake to celebrate Weilun and Jordy's birthdays, then Char suggested that we get some food and drinks for the boys for cluster discussion time... ended up cabbing to boarding school full of stuff.

Welcome briefing... welcome dinner... and soon everyone settled down and started studying for their coming tests.

This is definitely a new phase of life for me... a transition that I have chosen to take, and with it comes a number of changes, a shift in certain priorities, etc. In a way or two, work is no longer a "nine to five" - my schedules have to be relooked into... sacrifices have to be made.

I'm thankful though to be given this opportunity to get to know these thirty plus of them better (hopefully)... and more so the twelve under my care.

The boys have been exceptionally disciplined and well behaved for the first week - the showers were cleared after usage, rooms kept reasonably clean and tidy... they left for school early, studied when it's time to during study period... everything went rather well... then I caught one of them playing dota during study period.

I didn't know why I had such a strong reaction then. Perhaps it would have been better if he would acknowledge his mistake instead of just giving all sorts of excuses... but I guess I took it a little personally because I chose to give all of them the trust that they'd do things at the right times.

I know deep down he's a good boy, just like a number of others who appear not to be on the surface... well.

IDT (Intentional Discipleship Training) on Friday evening touched upon mentoring, in which many trinkets of knowledge and experience were shared. Pastor KK shared about how he and Pastor Ed played and worked together when they first started their mentoring relationship some twenty years back.. how effective mentoring comes forth by first building the relationship. Joshua and Matt subsequently went up to share a bit about their best practices when it comes to mentoring pre-teens and teens.

Joshua talked about earning the right to speak into their lives; Matt talked about the acronym YOU.T.H - whereby the "YOU" represents the genuineness one gives to them, just being who you are when you're with them, not putting on a facade in front of them when you're actually another person elsewhere... "T" stands for Training, training them in skills and values, that they may grow up with these skills and values ingrained in them... and "H" stands for Him. In the context of Christian mentoring, he meant pointing the youths to God... and whereas I can't freely do so at work, the next best thing I could and should do would be to lift them up to God in prayer and trust that God would watch over them and protect them even as they grow up and venture into new territories.

I don't know how many of these boys and the batches to come would grow up to fit the mold of being one who'd work his buttocks off for money and appear successful at work... then spend half the money on clubbing, cigarettes and alcohol just to give himself highs simply because life's never seem so empty and low and because he doesn't know what he's living for.

What I do know... is that between now and then, it matters... a whole lot.

Let's see how it'll all go bah. (: It's late... I better get some rest when I'm given the opportunity to do so... so yeah. Adios!

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I have a recent favourite food.

Starbucks chocolate scone. Heh.

I first bought it some weeks ago as it's one of the cheapest pastry in starbucks - brought a stack of test papers to mark while waiting for Char for dinner elsewhere.

Scones aren't exactly my favourites... but this chocolate scone makes a really good comfort food, especially when it's warmed up.

And I've eaten one more just. Took a bus with some of my boys to town - they were heading off for *scape for an event appreciation dinner. I dropped by the Starbucks nearby to park before moving on for my very, very last 'lesson' in Joo Chiat. The exam's coming right up - this Saturday morning... with the course closure happening two weeks from now.

I am rather ill-prepared for the written exam I must say. I do hope that I'm allowed to finish this well. Read through some notes just... gonna do more reading when I'm back home later. Mmmm. I must get used to the word 'home' all over again as I relate it to the boarding school apartment which I've just moved in officially the night before. Haha... seriously? I really don't know how it's going to be in the months to come. Shifting with added responsibilities in the evenings when it comes to looking after the boys... it basically means a shift in schedules and lifestyles too. In all these, I'll continue to trust that Pa will bring me through.

I've had a bunch of boys interview me today for their english biographical assignment. Basically I was asked the reason why I'm working as what I am right now. And so I related the whole story to them... which led to where I am now, as their coordinator.

And then I realised once again, that it is impossible to dichotomize my life with my faith. There is simply no way for me to mention my life story without the mention of God. My work... my relationships... my whole being.. it's all tied up in how He's so graciously found me seven and a half years ago.

It can be quite scary to think of it... but indeed, apart from Him, I can do nothing and am nothing (John 15:5). I was asked for my goal in life. I thought for a while and realised that it may not be comprehensible to answer "to live life for God's glory". And so I replied that I would want to grow in God's attributes. I think this answer stunned my interviewer as well. Haha... I shall see what comes forth from their assignment - it's going to be a biography after all, so I shall wait and read what they'll write. Perhaps I'll post them here when it's done.

And I'm ever thankful that through this interview, He's reminded me of how prior to knowing Him I never had the privilege of adults pouring their lives into mine apart from my parents... how many of them contributed much in my life in terms of incalcating good values and showing me the ropes in faith and in life. And yeah, as much as I'm blessed and given, I learn to bless and give. (:

And I really hope that in my spiritual walk, He will continue to pour forth His grace... that I may learn to grow up continually, standing upon His promises, leaning upon His word, that I may grow to be more and more like Him... for His glory.

Okay... off for my last lesson. Please pray that I'll be diligent to prepare amply for my exam this Sat... but more so, that I'll be diligent in my walk with Him.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

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The Centre for Scholastic Excellence (CSE) is a programme that I coordinate at my workplace. It's a new system devised to "stimulate independent learning and to provide a safe virtual environment for them to engage in collaborative learning as well as knowledge building."

It's been a journey... it really has.

The task seemed daunting right from the start, with me playing 'form teacher' to about half the secondary three cohort who're in the programme. There were many details to look into... mostly administrative. At the end of the day, that was one of the reasons I was placed in the position - to take care of the administrative tasks so that the rest of the teachers could focus on what they could do best, that is to teach, and that mentors could focus on knowing their students.

He knows that administrative skills aside, my heart lies beyond simply that. And thankfully.. he knows too (haha...). And so as things happen and evolve, it's come to a point where I should be able to focus on knowing the boys more as well in time to come, with a personnel hired to handle the administrative tasks, which have been mostly set in place over the past half a year.

I guess I have to be realistic that at the end of the day, it will be impossible to know all 247 of them... add on to the fact that a new cohort is coming in next year. I'm trying hard... but there'll always be the differences in personality and temperaments. I got to know some of them better over the internet, some started to frequent my office... all which I'm thankful. There're some though whom I'll never have contact with unless I take the initiative to sieve them out during morning reading periods, which I haven't been really doing so.

Perhaps they think that it's better to keep to themselves, the lesser interactions with teachers, the better. I don't know... but well. It'll be a miracle if I suddenly see them popping by my place. Haha.. well.

Few more months to the end of the academic year... and soon they'll all don the beige uniform. 成长...成长。

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Yeah... I've been doing some backlog photo-montaging - kind of spammed recent entries with photos rather than words. Haha... It's partially due to my inability to make time to blog a recent post on what's happening lately. If I am to sum it up simply in a statement, it'll probably be:

Nah it's not so much of a cliche, but He is really good amidst the busyness and stresses. I wish that I'll be given time to jot down my thoughts properly though. Haha...

One more week of relief teaching to go; this batch of secondary ones are pretty good and responsive... do wish that I can continue to take them on, but I know I won't have the resources to do so given the amount of work that I already have. I've marked the term test papers of the three classes that have taken the test so far... and I have many of them scoring distinctions with quite a number of full marks. I'll think that most of them found the paper as no-kick. Haha... well. At least this will give them a boost for their overall subject score at the end of the year.

I went about taking class photos with them, as with previous batches. They're a really fun bunch I must say. I guess my only regret is that I won't get to know them the way I knew the previous two batches... well. Probably some of our paths will once again meet two years from now, that is if I'm still around. Hahaha... ah well. I think I will probably be unless I'm booted out first - I MUST see this batch of sec 3s move up and graduate from college section. They're the first batch of sec ones I first came to know of after all... and it's just heartening to be able to work with them again, this time round somewhat more closely.

But here lies the irony. I've taken class photos with those I've met only once per week for five weeks... and not with the bunch I've seen through for the past seven months. Taking class photos with this bunch of boys will be something that I'll really look forward to, yet I really don't know when's an opportune time to do so. Hmmm... well. I guess it'll take some planning.

In the meantime, here's this year's 1C, 1D and 1E. :) Click on the photos to access the entire collections: