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The first month of 2010 didn't turn out the way I've hoped it would have been... actually, I didn't have great and high hopes for it, just that I really didn't expect to find myself going through what I've gone through. And even though my circumstances don't exactly qualify to be likened to that of the shadow of the valley of death, I would say that I've been on quite a ride.

I'm beginning to question my current station... I've begun asking a lot of questions of all that I've been doing of late. Somewhere down the line I believe that the line between work and purpose has been blurred somehow... and from time to time I think about those days when I was joyfully serving in both the youth and worship ministries, tough and heart wrenching at times, yet joyful. Something seemed to have died within me ever since I've left those days behind, moving on to what seemed to be a purposeful journey that God has for me, to meet new faces, to venture into new spaces.

I've had many wonderful memories the past two years seeing through a batch of students that's really close to my heart for reasons more than one... and of course, these two years have been special as well as to how God graciously brought Char and I together as a married couple. But from time to time in quiet moments... I'm beginning to see how I'm becoming a piece of jigsaw that just doesn't seem to fit into what's to be a beautiful picture. And in recent weeks this has become more stark, in that I'm not the only one thinking this way.

Haha well... and yea, as of this writing I have an essay that's undone, which I've applied a double extension for. Just last week I've actually contemplated another deferment of my studies... but I've decided not to in the end. If anything, this is one thing that I must finish... and finish well.

And I guess not many know... that my maternal grandpa passed away on the 15th. Apart from this current time that I'm sitting down to write... I realised that I don't even have the proper time to process through my grief, unlike five years ago when my grandma passed away.

I'm genuinely really glad for my dear friend Raymond when he tied the knot with another dear friend Jacqueline just yesterday. It was the first time that I had the honor of being a best man... when he asked me about it several months back I was actually quite surprised and thought that he probably would have many other choices other than me... then I realised how much this friendship meant for him. And as I was writing the best man's speech halfway through the night before the wedding, I welled up a little as I wrote how we met, along with Alex and Matty... how we actually met back then is now a little blurry.. but the process of knowing one another better and staying in touch all these years is something that I never thought I would have... or deserve.

I don't know how I got this 'undeserving' thingie going on in me actually.. but I do know that because of that, I'm learning more and more how to cherish such friendships, especially the one I have with Char.

Remember the part of me which I mentioned had died? I'll be seeking for a revival in that area soon enough... and I've come to be at peace with the fact that changes are but part and parcel of life. And as I look through my archives... I do miss writing the kind of entries I wrote back then.

So... we'll see how it all goes. (:

Time to continue on with the essay!

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This post is dedicated to Char, my family, gpp, sons, kakis, extended family, dear friends and students. :)

I took some time to read through my past years' year-end entries (2003, 2004, 2005, 2005's Thanksgivings, 2006 (1), 2006 (2), 2007, 2008 (of sort)) and realised that I haven't been as reflective of late... especially in the area of thanksgiving, ironic but true. And instead of rushing to finish my essay which will be finally due this coming Monday, I shall take this time on Christmas day to recount the blessings that God has given the past two years... yes, the past two years because I realised that I didn't exactly give a good account last year... Yep. So here goes. :)

2008 and 2009 have been remarkably different from previous years... I would say that 2008 marked the first huge change of phase for me ever since God came into my life in 2001. It was only after I've left WEB (my church's youth ministry) in early 2008 that I really realised how huge a part of my life the ministry and the youths have been to me the past many years. For the past years, it's always been interacting with the youths week in, week out, meeting them on weekdays for fellowship and discipleship, the weekends for service and more fellowship... all these changed in 2008 when I was led to move on. Today, I got to meet some of them at the Christmas service... they've all grown up now. Some have grown distant (as long it's not to God! Haha..)... whereas for some it's just a matter of catching up. Saw one of them who left but was here today because of an invitation from a friend... when God pursues there'll be no hiding! :)

Am thankful for the privilege to have served in WEB from 2002 - 2007. As I read through my past year's reflections, I realised how much God has taught me through the service in the ministry... and how much of what I'm currently doing in the various areas are seemingly an extension and continuation of that service, be it with youths... or in the area of music.

Which brings me to my current work at my alma mater. Come to think of it, it really can't be attributed to sheer coincidence I guess... how affective mentoring and boarding programme mentoring sprung forth exactly in the year which I entered the school officially, and how I eventually got the privilege to mentor a great bunch of students apart from my counselling work. For one, I'm really thankful and grateful to be blessed with a wonderful reporting officer and mentor who believed in me. It was a totally new initiative we were into... and as a newbie he probably did not have to take my words into consideration but he did - he made me feel very much part of the initiative and left me to do what I had to do... and it came as a total surprise for me in March this year when I realised I'd been given a very huge performance bonus (the *jaw drop* kind).

I have to confess that my introversion and my shyness (this I shan't hide) didn't really bode well for my relationship with my other colleagues. Not that they're bad (not at all!), but I would think that many of these relationships could have been better if I've actually taken the steps to energise myself to interact with them. Mmmm I'm beginning to think that I've been subconsciously saving these energies up for the boys instead! Haha... having said this, I'm thankful for the friendships that God has blessed me with some of my colleagues, especially those interested in throwing starfishes into the open seas! :P

I'm really thankful for my students. As much as I would like to reach out to know more, I'm beginning to find that this introversion is given me so that I may learn to focus on knowing lesser of them... but better. Still, I find it irky that I know quite a number of them and yet not really knowing, especially with this year's secondary three batch. It's something that I'm learning still, to take things as they come, and not force things to happen ie communicating with students for no rhyme or reason.

Really glad to have known a great bunch of them, be it in the midst of mentoring them in school, in projects or in the boarding programme. I'd some of them from my first graduated batch over at my place for a Christmas dinner gathering just two evenings ago; it's a joy to see many of them turning up and having a good time of catching up. It's hard to imagine that these bunch would become professionals in their respective fields in less than ten years with some probably getting married by then... it'll trully be a privilege to witness things as such - as much as transference is concerned, it really feels like parenting coming early! Haha...

Seriously? God has given me this bunch of people, that I may learn to articulate the gospel to them not so much in words, but in my everyday actions and interactions with them, to demonstrate Christ's attributes of love, grace, peace, patience and mercy giving unto them, and to pray for them... to trust that God would touch their individual lives in His perfect timing. Sometimes it's just so hard to articulate all my wishes for them apart from getting good grades and doing well in society in the future given the environment where certain things are to be muted of sorts... but in all these, I'll hope and trust that our heavenly Pa knows what's best. (:

Which brings me to Char... and natually so, which I'm really very, very glad about! :D A dear brother in Christ asked me how my marriage with Char has been when I caught up with him not long ago. I used a term not many would have used - redeeming.

I really can't imagine how this phase of life would have been without Char. She has been the best helpmate... my best helpmate, buddy and friend. God has blessed me with her as His earthly representation, walking with me through practically all areas of my life, especially in my family and in my work... and in my walk with God Himself. And as I looked back at how we first met many years ago and see how we've both individually grown so different from that first days we met, I'm just glad to see how He's been moulding us specially for each other. (: Even though we haven't got that many opportunities to be 'working together' in our service to God, I give thanks everytime we have the opportunity to do so. :)

To me, our wedding on the 30th of May this year bears testament to God's faithfulness in our lives, more than anything else. We would have opted for a small and hassle-free wedding... but God decided to stretch our faiths. Char and I decided to go ahead to invite as many of our friends and acquaintances as possible, knowing that apart from funerals, weddings are the one of two occasions we could invite so many people (and the only one with us around physically!) to witness God's faithfulness in our lives and perhaps have the opportunity to know Him better.

We are really grateful for the many who volunteered their services, from the planning stage all the way to the day of the wedding itself. Personally, I'm really wowed by my students' response in becoming ushers on that day... and for the string ensemble's request to play at our wedding luncheon... and also the two wonderful tier-ed cakes - the one at the luncheon prepared by a dear sister's mom and the one at the dinner by Char's grandma. Some people may attribute such goodness to good karma... but we know we're not deserving of all these. All good gifts are from above...

Char and I know that they're given as blessings, and as we've trusted, God provided. There were moments of doubt wondering if the sanctuary would really be filled, wondering if people would really come witness our matrimony, wondering if the entire costs would be covered... He showed his faithfulness through all these, and even with an entire empty table at our dinner, we were able to cover all wedding costs on the dot by the generous givings from our relatives and friends, no more, no less.

2009 also marks the year I return to complete the Masters phase of my postgraduate masters degree in social sciences (counselling). Am totally relying on His grace and mercy to carry me through... it's been some years since I've written serious acadmic writings, and doing them with all the references thrown in just isn't exactly my cup of tea... unfortunately! From time to time I'll still be casting doubt as to whether I'll be able to finish it successfully... He's been encouraging me thus far with a distinction and high distinction for my first two essays thus far. I'm currently procrastinating on the third one with the fourth one due very soon as well... every step in this area is really a step of faith. My graduation next August would therefore be yet another milesone that He'll be laying in my life, if it's His will.

I've also become more active with Oops! Asia this past two years or so, having the privilege of some of my songs being used to minister. God has given me, through this music ministry, the opportunity to fellowship with likeminded brothers and sisters in Christ who use music as a medium to communicate God's message of love to His children. More importantly, and I think all who're in the ministry would agree, that God has given us this ministry to draw ourselves first and foremost closer in our journeys with Him... and for that I can't be thankful enough. I'm spurred to be more involved! :)

Family wise, I'm thankful for the way God has sustained my parents and my sister despite a rather tumultuous year. Mom's condition has been stable through the year... and as for Dori, she's responding to the trial drug and remains in remission. Often stretched in our finances, I'm thankful for the generous givings by my maternal extended family and the love gifts by various ones through the years. God gave the opportunity for me to share my walk and my family's journey in the form of a workshop in a youth camp towards the end of the year... and it was personally a good time of consolidation for me. Amazingly, the usually stage-fright me didn't break a sweat as I recounted the journey thrice to three different youth crowds that evening. (:

Almost like a good end to an eventful year, 2009 marks the year I've completed a full marathon. This means a whole lot to me especially when it comes to my walking with God. Once again, He's shown me what's seemingly impossible for me to do can be possible, just as how He's led me to get out of my shell time and again the past years. More importantly, I'm reminded that it's not about just starting well... but to finish well. Gonna do more runs in the year to come! :)

Wow... this has got to be the longest entry I've ever typed this year! Haha... how will 2010 look like? I won't know for now... and actually given all the projected workload, I'm not really very much looking forward in this aspect, but then again there are many things to look forward to, like many more good days spent with Char, students to mentor, new students to meet, friendships to kindle and rekindle... and something in particular that God has placed in my heart to work on... all in Pa's hands ba! :)

Have a blessed Christmas (my 9th CHRISTmas thus far! :D) and a good 2010 ahead everyone!

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Hello! (: Just thought that it'll be good to drop a little entry to document this short holiday trip that Char and I had together with my in-laws... short entry because I'm kind of limited by the battery life of Char's mini notebook which is like dying out soon. :/ Haha... on the plane now on the way back to Singapore by the way! Very happy to have the seat beside me untaken, meaning that I've got extra space! :P

We arrived in Macau on Friday (11 Dec) morning.. loved the weather! Stayed at Taipa Square Hotel in Taipa, a more residential area than Macau's city centre. We got ourselves much acquainted with the bus system the five days we were there... also took advantage of the various hotels' shuttle services to get outselves around. :P

Visited Lord Stow's twice, this supposedly famous cafe and bakery place where the first portugese egg tarts were created. They serve the tarts freshly baked... which really makes all the difference - the crust incredible... and the filling... wah. Haha. Went to Hac Sa (black sand) beach the morning we touched down... was a little let down cause I was envisaging an entire beach that's black in colour like that of black sesame paste... it wasn't like that of course.

Walked down Senado Square twice on two separate days and did some shopping... the only thing I bought for myself on this trip is a pair of running shorts. I didn't think much till hours later after I bought the shorts... that it's actually quite significant for me to buy something sports related on a trip for myself! Haha... running in 2010... here I come!

Actually it's been very much a eat, shop, eat, rest, eat trip... Oh oh we went over to Zhu Hai (China) for a day as well - so now I have both the Macau and China chops on my passport. Haha... Good timeouts spent... wouldn't say that we've 'recharged' - it was quite tiring at times actually (so ironic right haha) but it was good time spent together. (:

Now that we're back, it's time to focus on getting ourselves prepped for the new year... as for me, it's the time to catch up and actually start writing my essays and yes, wouldn't want to miss the recollections and reflections over the Christmas season!

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With the permission from my wife, I'm currently in bed with my laptop writing this entry while she goes to sleep first. Thought I should jot down all these when things are still fresh in mind... including the emotions. By that, I don't mean I'm writing this under an intense emotional state... quite on the contrary, what I'm about to write is the product of the process of having gone through such a state... after I've gotten things sorted out, more or less. So... here goes.

The Commencement Dinner for the Batch of 2006-2009 Hwa Chong Institution (High School) came and went by in the blink of an eye at the Hilton Hotel just now. As much as it was a significant event to many, if not all, of the students who were there, it was too, to me. 2006 was the first year I re-entered my alma mater; I had the privilege of interacting with half of the secondary one cohort then for a period of a term or so. Subsequently was given the opportunity to interact with half the cohort once again two years later in their upper secondary years, with closer interaction with some of them in the capacity of a project or an affective mentor.

It has been both a sweet and a bittersweet experience with this very first batch... but I don't regret the way I've poured my energies into them, though I must confess that I seriously don't think I have that kind of physical and more importantly, the emotional capacity to do so for the subsequent ones. Well... till I get myself better attuned to my inner workings I guess! Haha...

Sweet because... even as a non-subject teaching 'teacher', even though there are no concrete 'exam' results to gauge if what you've been doing and teaching has indeed proven beneficial to the students' growth, I take their return of gratitude as a temporal indicator and feedback to know that they've at least gotten hold of something. A better indicator would definitely come in the years to come, in junior college for the short run, and in life for the long, when the roots are firmly anchored and when the trees have more or less grown up. For now, I've got to say that I've been surprised many a times by the wonderful gestures from some of them, some whom I've not had the chance to interact more with since their sec one days. Some of them wrote really heartfelt words (ie specfic, non-cliche) for my wedding and for teachers' day; some gave a little gift each year without fail.

Bittersweet because... there would be some who would make you feel that you're pouring water through a broken cistern; you don't exactly see results and you don't receive any form of an indicator at best... and at its worst, it makes you feel that all things said and done were in vain.

This post is dedicated to all the students in this batch who've made a positive difference in me through my stint these past few years. The songs presented at the dinner together with the montage - both were written specifically for such a time as the dinner, and it's definitely something original and belonging solely to the batch of 2006 - 2009.

It is inevitable to be losing a part of the familiarity you sense in school next year as this batch moves on over to the college section. Maybe it's something that veteran teachers have gotten used to... or maybe it's just the sentimental me. Even in the Boarding Programme, things are definitely not going to be the same. I already have an inkling as to who are the ones who would probably keep in touch when all the structures have been taken away... and who would move on and not return. Then again, I should just let time tell... (:

Okay it's finally time for bed. Originally wanted to come out with a list of students who've made me feel the work that I'm on and at as worthwhile... but I think that would take quite a substantial amount of time to do so... so I'll leave that out for now. Will write in time to come! :)

So... this is it. Thanks for the times!

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Just a short one... it's been a long week and I think I can make do with a nice good sleep before I embark on my essay which has been given an extension deadline. I shall remember this week as the buffet week - never in my life have I eaten buffet meals five days in a row locally (understandable if I'm on an overseas trip staying in a hotel with free breakfast buffets...). Had lunch buffet from Monday to Wednesday at Carousel as part of the MBTI certification course package... then two more days of buffet at the Changi Village Hotel for a staff planning retreat.

Managed to do a 25km jog mid-week... but I don't think that's enough to curb the damage done. :( Ah well... consider it as early carbo loading? Haha... Will have to watch what I'm consuming the next few weeks! I'm still quite uncertain if I'm able to complete the full marathon... but I'll give it a shot.

Amidst all that's happening, I've been doing some quiet evaluation of the times that's past... and I'm starting to wonder if there are things that I can consider doing less in the future, given how as a human race we're all moving towards maximum productivity with the most efficacious amount of effort. I wrote a 'newsletter' of sort for the graduating batch of students and in the midst of it left out my signature and the addressee part so that I can fill them in for each student after the photocopying. It probably is a small thing... but this led to quite a substantial amount of extra time and work. I asked Char if it would have made any difference if I'd placed in my signature before the photocopying and left out the addressee part; she said it would... now that they've been given out, I can imagine many of those copies unread, probably just chucked away somewhere. And the personalized photocards... and the writings behind.

I'm just not sure if it would have been better for me to spend the times working on my essay instead... but through and through, I've learned that some things take very long to see the littlest of results.

All I hope, is that all these would have played a part in the positive growth of a life, even if it's just one.

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I aim to sleep in 15 minutes' time... it's a quarter past midnight for now. Just returned from my lesson at Joo Chiat, will return there again in approximately 8 hours or so. But somehow I told myself I shall not hold back updating an entry any longer, even if it's a short one, so write I shall.

It's a tough season I must say. I am starting to feel the weight of having to juggle both work and study... going to and from lessons isn't a joke - takes an hour's worth of travelling time for each trip. But just as what a colleague mentioned... that God will see it through.

Okay left 10 minutes. Yah I know. I write slow. :(

Have spent some time tidying up this place; initially wanted to give the site a facelift, but in the end I decided to build upon the existing framework instead. Things that changed include the photo slideshow (which used to be just a random image with each load), the commenting layout, doing up the compositions section to include links to mp3s and chord files. There have been requests here and there for songs to be made downloadable... I think it's high time I rework that section to bring forth all my past works. Hope to put up at least two songs per week... that way I should be able to finish it in a quarter year's time. :)

Okay 6 more minutes!

I was in a contemplative mode on the way back on the bus... pondered about my current state, and realised that it's been some time I've really felt happy. Perhaps it's due to the plethora of responsibilities that I have... I'm not exactly very sure for now. I'm finding myself drifting from communicating with others... and I get disappointed more easily of late. One thing to be thankful for is that most of the boys made it to the phototaking session this morning. Nothing much, just wanted to have semi-formal photos with them as keepsake, especially amongst the graduating batch, before they move on. And I was glad that most of them responded and turned up. You can find some of the photos on the slideshow above.

Okay 6 minutes overshot. Haha... shall be disciplined and get some rest. Till then!

(pss: it's been a long time since people have used the commenting function on the site... if you happen to be reading this, will appreciate if you can leave a comment on this entry!)

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"I know I am great."

'nuff said.

Sigh.

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I'm currently on the bus on the way to Pasir Ris after my lessons to meet up with my jc classmates for a little bbq get together... thought I'll just make use of the time to write an entry. Haha yeah using my maxmobile. :)

Lesson wise, we're three quarters into Redecision Therapy, with Jessica (our lecturer and also our Clinical Director) touching mainly on the racket system and contract making. Rackets are basically the phoney behaviours that act out on an individual that would discount the self, others and the problem/situation itself. It is through identifying the racket feelings of an individual that the client would be able to identify his or her real suppressed feeling.

The good thing about studying counselling is that before you can help others, you yourself must be helped. So in the case of learning how to use the racket system, we were put through a process to identify our very own racket systems. We were asked to identify an incident whereby we felt unsatisfied or affected by in the past week or so. Somehow, some circumstances came to mind almost immediately. And it's interesting that it didn't happen just once, but thrice within these two weeks.

I've written rather long emails to some of my students, two of which I took steps out of my comfort zone to write what I felt would benefit the recipient, even though there may be a chance that whatever's written may not go down well on them. In the end, I received no reply whatsoever... and I realised that my resultant racket feeling was that of sadness... and the corresponding repressed feeling is that of hurt.

The core belief I identified for myself through this exercise is that what I say or do probably didn't matter. And I must confess that it's something that I grapple with from time to time, even though I know that it's faulty thinking. As I ponder on about the actions that I'd taken thus far, all the writing and doing and trying my best to relate... if I have to weigh the efforts versus results, economically speaking I probably would have been told that I'm engaged in a losing business. But somehow I just find myself at it time and again... haha. I actually took the step out of my comfort and surveyed the students if they would attend a year end life preparation course that I'm thinking of holding for them... and thus far the results were quite unexpected.

I suppose this struggle will be ongoing bah. But for as long as I'm called, I'll be trusting in Providence... that strength, encouragement, affirmations... will always be there in abundance.

Okay just nice. Reaching Pasir Ris now. I'm glad that my wife decided to accompany me in the end even though I know she'll be better off resting at home... *smiles* :)

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Things have been in a not so chirpy state these days due to an unending throng of work... then there's my essay which I can't seem to find a proper to write. And it still irks me to find how I'm finding myself more and more "hermitty" these days... just couldn't find that extra ounces of energy to step beyond and really get to know the new batch of boarders. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm expecting too much... then at times, I'm learning to let go still, to know that ah, there's a time and season for everything under the sun.

Haha.. before this entry turns out sounding melancholic again (hahaha...), I must say that there're lots to give thanks for. Have been taking walks and having meals with some from the graduating batch amidst all the hustle and bustle... some didn't turn out as well as I wished, and for some, it kind of cemented the friendship, you know, like there're some things you look back to and you'll smile, yeah that kind. =)

Not to mention the support that my wife's been giving me... really the 默默支持 kind, especially when I couldn't spend as much time with her this season of time. 8)

I was walking past the clock tower with one of my students this afternoon and the piano was playing... my mentee saw me (he told me thereafter) and switched to playing an all familiar tune... subsequently went back to look for him at the piano after my previous conversation ended some time later and found my other mentee with him too, both at the piano. There they went into a time of playing a number of all familiar tunes... this episode, though short and totally unplanned, would be one that I'll remember for a very long time.

As I returned to my apartment today, I picked up the guitar and started playing some of the songs... it has been quite some time since I've been engaged in such a manner. God has His ways... and I find it a blessing to be blessed by my students in such a manner, even though to them they might just be having a good time themselves playing those songs. Mm. :)

Here I am to worship,
Here I am to bow down,
Here I am to say that You're my God...
You're altogether lovely,
Altogether worthy,
Altogether wonderful to me...
I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon the Cross...

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Invited my godsons over the day before to celebrate lao san's much belated birthday... looking back, I can't really remember how we all came to be. If anything, it gives me the onus to journey along with them for as long as it lasts... and from time to time I'll think about the current sec four batch, and I wonder who would be the ones whom I'll be very much in contact with years down the road? It's true... that some things only time will tell. We'll see... we'll see. (:

I posted a status message on Facebook that resulted in someone asking me if I'm a teacher. Was so tempted to reply to say that a positive answer may be contentious. Haha... for those who see me as one, I am. For those who do not... then I am not... I guess.

Anyways ya. As the name of the title goes, I was sick again. Halfway through yesterday my muscles started to ache quite badly... then the fever came at night. Then I started to have the vomitty feeling but managed to supress. Took panadol flu max and tried to have an early night... the floodgates eventually opened at 2am. Having skipped dinner, I gathered what I threw up came from the afternoon... which means my body hasn't taken in any food at all for 08 September 2009. Yes, I actually wondered if I could lose some weight in the process (tian ah, right)... haha. Managed to have a good sleep throughout and woke up feeling weak still. Fever slowly came down... then went away altogether afternoon onwards.

So now I can go catch Group 2 in action at the Toastmasters course. :P

I know, this post is rather incoherent... will do a more coherent one in time to come!

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4th of September 2009 was a day at work that was rather different from the rest... because of the H1N1 situation, many of the pre-planned parent-teacher meetings were cancelled. As a result, an all-level combined meeting came about. The difference between this and the previous ones are that parents are to meet only the form teachers or mentors (for those in the centre that I was coordinating initially) at appointed timeslots.

Altogether, I had 7 of my mentees' parents wanting to meet me who booked slots. I ended up speaking to 10 sets of parents over the span of 9 hours... yeah, they happened to book slots that were pretty much very far apart. Haha...

It was a very tiring day frankly... but one which I enjoyed. It's not so much of the interactions that I enjoyed... but I guess when both parties come with a common interest, things just flow? On and on I could sense the parents' heart and concern for their children as we talked... got to know some things about my students I never could have known just by observing and interacting with them in school!! Haha...

Char and I were browsing through some books at the stall before the start of service this morning... then I came across this book titled "Parenting is Heart Work". Yes, a play with words... but it's as true as it can be. Mentoring is, as well. As I looked back on the days of youth ministry, I realised that I was given the opportunities to build up good relationships... but I was lacking in the necessary skills to groom and challenge their growth. Then it dawned on me that the training that I've been getting these years (and still at it) have actually helped me to be a better help to the guys at my workplace. The difference now is that it's harder in the relationship part.

Which is why I'm really thankful for all the recent initiatives that came about, first the mentoring, then the boarding programme... all of which opened up more opportunities to get to know some of them better. There were some which I know I should have taken more time to build before speaking into their lives... well, my hope is that it'll all make sense to them when the time comes.

At the end of the day, whatever that's been given me from above, I pray that He'll teach me constantly, to give as He's given... and love as He's loved. I told Char one night as we were walking along sunset way after dinner... something that I've recently resolved in my heart. It isn't very much guilt, but a part of me sometimes really hope to see people coming to know Christ through witnessing my life's testimony... but so far none after these many years. Now... I'm contented so long as He continues to use me to touch lives... not many, even just one... will do. Mm. :)

Haha okay... dinner time with Char's family now!

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I'm currently sitting in a cold-spot in the staff room after the Teachers' Day celebrations - throngs of students are swamping up in groups to the teachers who've taught them, giving them gifts and engaging in chatters... Haha. Actually I was already contemplating whether I should just siam the whole process after the celebrations and make my way back to the apartment... then I decided to stay nonetheless.

Some cards, some muffins, some chocolates... they came in trickles. It's funny to see how some of them approached me individually, mostly shy and not knowing what to say. Haha... but I'm really surprised how some of them managed to squeeze so much thought into a card or a gift... and I felt it, the genuity, the sincerity. It's amazing sometimes how even a smile would suffice... when the relationship's there.

Thank you guys... for making Teachers' Day 2009 a memorable one, even though I never got the opportunity to be a 'proper', 'proper' teacher. (:

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Tongue-in-cheek but absolutely true.

Common Sense -- We will miss you...

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion..

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason...

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

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Back for a very little while... for a good bathe... for a good sleep, before heading back to camp a couple hours later to settle the stores and do some cleaning up. Had spent the past few days in the fields in an exercise. There wasn't too much of action... and somehow, I actually miss my ex-ICT mates. Well... in a sense I requested for this transfer, so I suppose I'll have to learn to mix around with this new group of people. Mmm.

I returned to boarding school slightly after 1am and had my long awaited shower... wanted to check out what the guys have done to the study room and all and so went to take a look while having my water bottle refilled. First it was the TV area that was messy... then my heart sank further when I entered the study room and switched on the lights.

It's funny... I didn't feel angry. I felt shi(1) bai(4) instead... like I've failed.

I guess it'll probably do some good for me to have some sleep for now and treat it that I'm still on reservist... which I am.

Bleah.

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Less than 24 hours from now, I would be somewhere out in the fields... would have set up tentages and fed some mozzies... and it'll go on for another two nights before I'll see civilization once again. Haha... A proper entry is warranted in times like this... not. Just felt like doing a consolidation of the many things that's been happening.

I suck at being a friend. That would be the evaluation I would give myself. Char challenged my notion and questioned my thinking... one of the reasons why God placed her in my life. Haha... The reason why I habour that thought ongoingly... is because I find myself inapt at maintaining friendships. There are friendships that I cherish... but somehow because of the lack of maintenance, they start to wane... and it fizzles out to the extent that there's really nothing much to connect with when we do meet.

Through the processing, I came to realise that true friendships based on deep shared experiences (through difficult times together, through sharing of private thoughts, etc) wouldn't need much maintenance... and most of the time I felt bad was because I've placed expectations upon myself to maintain as really good friends with certain people and groups of people but never really get to feeling so.

Then Char questioned me... how many deep friends do I want... and how many can one realistically have?

I can count with one hand. Hahahahaha.... and true enough, they're the ones whom I can be sure that we would still be close and that we could still share freely and deeply our thoughts and lives even though we don't meet often. And most of the time, I realised that it has been God's leading in all these friendships... well for one, I can never imagine being a godfather! Hahaha... :)

Jack Neo recently directed an English series entitled "Happily Ever After"... it's just concluded its run in the Okto channel the day before. One of the reasons why I like his productions is not because of the directing per se... but more so the message that he wishes to push through each of his works. This time round, it was a message of lies adding upon lies, and that only relationships thriving on communicating truth to each other would last.

The truth can't go any further from that! And I'm thankful for how God has been leading Char and I to be absolutely frank to each other and for me... to be able to relate to her all that I am... my weaknesses and flaws especially. It had been the most liberating thing to do back then... to have nothing to hide, to know in full view how we can chart into the future. :)

Doubts and suspicions are relationship killers... if you ever want any relationship to work out, be sure to keep those two words far far away!

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It's close to 9pm and I'm currently feeling rather drained... I guess I ought to exercise a little self discipline later and sleep as soon as I'm able to.

Rumination and mulling over issues are the things that I can be susceptible to... let's just say that there were some unpleasantries that occured over the past few days (don't really know why they have to cramp together toward my in camp training? oh well...) and I being the cause of most of what happened. I am thankful for the forgiving environment... and yet at the same time I now have to contend with my own thoughts with regard to all these. I'm not sure how whatever happened would have caused the lost of trust, how the working relationship has been affected adversely... at the back of my mind I'm constantly telling myself that things are okay... but in reality, the war that goes on inside the brain can be rather draining.

Well... thank God for the time spent yesterday night with Char before I went for my first day of reservist today. I think it was the first time we'd actually walked that long a distance... had good dessert and then we continued walking again! Haha... and in the midst of it my chatty and ding dong (nonsensical) self surfaced... Haha. 77 DAYS!

:P

I wanted to write about my first day of reservist... in the end I ran out of time. :| Well, not much... just that I'm thankful that this new team that I'll be with seems rather cohesive. :) Shall look forward to the rest of it! :)

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*cough cough*

Sigh... this place so dusty again. Haha...

Yes, a busy season still... just to let the avid reader know that I'm very much alive and kicking. :P

It's a different kind of busyness from the start of the year though - what I had at the beginning wasn't that good - it was the routine kind of busyness working out all the admin for the year and looking at huge amounts of data... at least now things have moved on to becoming more people centred - mentoring, meeting with people, preparing for wedding, etc.

Yep.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to be officially involved in the mentoring process this year... ironically as it seems, my weakness (and yet perceived by most as strength) is in admin - not so much of the quality (which my perfectionist streak's causing my work to be pretty neat) but the consistency - I did not do a proper job last year with my documentations. This year, with the addition of official mentees from day school on top of my existing mentees in boarding school... it's become a real challenge to make sure that I update records consistently and that I do not delay updating for too long... less I forgot what transpired over each mentoring session.

It's been pretty good so far... but there's always room to improve and I know I've got to constantly make time to do my filings properly (ironically, I just chatted with one of my mentees regarding his perceived issue of a lack of self discipline, one of which was his lack of organisation, in filing, etc. Haha...)

I'm seeing a switch of focus at work as well... before the new school term starts I was still hoping that it's possible to do so, to look after two cohorts on a macro level and at the same time mentor individuals. I guess if I really want to I should be able to... but as how things are panning out now, I suppose it's best to take things naturally and not force myself to put on my burners... at the end of the day, I guess it's better to invest intentionally into the lives of a few and ensure that they grow, rather than thin my attention to everyone and at the end of the day not really achieving anything substantial for any individual.

Still, there's this part of me still wanting to... aye aye ayeeeeee.

Went with the volleyball team to CCK Sports Hall last week for the West Zone prize presentation... both the 'B' and 'C' divisions managed a third placing in their respective divisions... kudos! Glad to be part of the journey even though I was never really officially affiliated with the CCA.. (:

Wedding prep! HO HO! Haha... Gosh it's quite scary to know that we're into the last three months of preparations! Really thankful for the all the help that's been pouring in from all directions - Char and I would never have managed this on our own! I'm actually in the midst of designing our wedding website.. so I guess this hiatus will be extended quite a bit before I finish that site.

If it takes constant reflections for me to remember God's faithfulness... then I really hope I'll start pouring in more entries here each day. Say. Poke me at my tagboard for an update if this place stays stagnant again? ;)

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The Humanities Programme guys had their annual Chinese New Year Lou Hei celebrations today... glad to see the boys having fun tossing the stuff all over the place and relax a little in the midst of their heavy workloads. :)

But yeah... as I was going around taking photos... I just had that sense of unfamiliarity overcoming me. Hmmm well, I don't exactly know how to explain it... but it's an expected scenario, given that I don't teach them and my interaction with them has been cut down by a whole lot this year since passing most of the daily administrative tasks to my colleague (who's a really good helper!!! haha...).

Well.

Oh well.

0

I had a good time hanging out with the kakis in the evening... would have been great if Gpp could make it but I think he's rather tied down with work.

It was a good break... it's been some time since I last had such good laughs... haha.

Ray and Jacq came by my apartment while we waited for Char to head down to Matty's place together to bai nian. Then we moved on to Novena area wanting to eat at the Hong Kong Cafe which we didn't get to two years ago I think... well, I think we really don't have affinity with the shop - it was closed. So we ended up eating chicken rice instead with some other dishes (the food, not the plates)... and before that, a lou hei.

Then we moved on to East Coast's "Playground" and parked at Old Town White Coffee... where we continued to chill and chat till it was time to call it a day.

Thanks Ray for ferrying us around all the while! (:

Gonna visit my secondary school chinese teacher (coincidentally Char's lecturer in NIE) with my secondary four classmates later on to bai nian! Haha... life then... it really did seem much simpler than what my charges are going through right now.

I wish I can provide some structures, some bonding, some good identity for the collective whole.. but well.

That's the way it is I guess...

I remember the story of the old man picking up starfishes stuck in the sand one by one, throwing them into the sea, giving them the new lease of life... and I'm reminded of the fact that it's impossible for the old man to pick up all the starfishes en mass and throw them all into the sea at once.

Whatever that's been given me... God I pray that You would empower me to do so for Your glory. Whomever that I've been given the privilege to mentor officially this year... God I pray that You would give me the strength, knowledge, wisdom, patience, tenderness, willingness and courage to challenge and the motivation to see them flourish in their individual and collective journeys this year.

Good night. (:

0

Yeah... somehow, this is how I've been feeling of late.

Can't find myself to be properly engaged with people... don't really know why.

The good thing is that Char and I have decided to join a cellgroup and grow together. :)

I hope the juices will return so I can populate this place once again.

I know it's unbecoming.. but sometimes I still do feel a tinge of the past me asking "Who cares?"

I realised that more and more I won't be able to find that fulfilling feeling at work.

I realised that most of the joy the past years at work were derived from teaching the boys in the classrooms.

The nature of my work now... it doesn't give opportunity for me to have shared common experiences with the students. And when that doesn't happen... it basically means that I won't have much opportunities to connect (ah, maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm feeling like that these days).

Really glad for Char who's having a sec one form class, teaching them english, literature and moral education. That's a hefty number of periods with her students each week! They have class bonding time some more! Haha... envious la.

Which brings me to the crossways again. If I am to take up the teaching path, it would mean several more years of studying... well. Sometimes I really don't know where God is leading in all these. But as I look back from time to time, I am reminded that the fact that I'm in my alma mater working in such a capacity (wash toilet, make coffee...), it is in itself a miracle.

Preparations for the wedding is underway as well... guestlist has been quite a headache! Haha... just hoping that we'll have a comfortable runway till that day comes. Decided to ask some of my students to help as ushers... and every "yes" came as an encouragement. :)

Aye. I'll count my blessings and give thanks once again for a re-start. :P

0

Gee. Talk about creativity. I've spent quite some time going through some designs yesterday but ended back going back to the old design. Humpf. Out of juices somehow.

0

Just realised that there's little hope of getting all my old files back... 80+ entries... three months' worth of glibberish turned real glibberish... Oh boy. There's a reason to everything that happens though. I may be demoralised but I'm never defeated. Try harder... you'll never win.

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If you're wondering: Goodness gracious me... Where is the site that is all beige yellow in colour, full of words and photos and all that? Well, I've just been informed by Watson that the server where the site is hosted on crashed around yesterday afternoon. Hardwares are just so temperamental. Boy.

Worst of all, all of my stuff on that server were previously updated online... which means, there is no trace of any of the files on my own hard drive... Which means that whatever that's on the server, it's the master copy... and the only copy that exists in this world. Gosh. Hopefully the files are still in tact... that they'll be able to be recovered soon.

Lacking the motivation to create a new design for now. Perhaps I'll wait for the files to be recovered... perhaps I'll wait long enough to create a new design. Got quite a number of things to settle... including the scanning of my certificates, the fine tuning of my semi finals minus one song and of course the practising of the song before the actual day itself... which is... 8 days away! Gee.

Couple that with the work I'm doing in camp (compiling the commemorative video cds of the Military Medicine Conference), I really doubt that I'll have the time (and drive) to put up a new design anytime soon. I will, though, continue to throw in my thoughts daily and update you guys with any news regarding the old site (which is pretty new actually...).

Adios my files. Hope to be reunited with you guys soon.

0

For I am engulfed in the flames of study fever...

Strange. Mr. Thien (Math Tutor) cited three electrical appliances at home which served as the most successful distractions from studying for the promotional exams - telephone, refrigerator and the television. Curiouser and curiouser. To think I spend virtually all my time on the computer and the Internet.

Things have been settling down quite well though. I've started revising for the exams since last week and with my current endurence I should be able to scrape through. I'm pushing myself to get distinctions and hopefully I'll make it.

Many [and I mean it] things have happened ever since the last time I added a new journal entry. I'll try to summerise everything down for future references (I will be backdating after the promos so there's more to remember 1999 by).

The National Software Competition was held on the 18th of September 1999 at Singapore Polytechnic. I met up with Kaijie in the morning at MOE(Kay Siang Road) to submit our respective entries for the APEC Education Ministerial Meeting 1999 Website competition. Nevertheless to say, I was late. I guess that wasn't the way to meet a friend whom I've not seen in person since December last year. Donned in Anderson JC uniform, Kaijie looked different. Not to mention his parting which in a way enhanced his image. Augh. What else, apart from Photoshop, did he use for manipulation? [Read: Just Kidding. Do not take it to mind Kaijie.]

Admist our journey to Singapore Polytechnic, a pair of tourists came up to us and asked for directions to Sentosa. Ever wondered what irony is? Albeit the lack of knowledge of road directions, we managed to make our way to Singapore Polytecnic, leaving the pair in the middle of nowhere. Well, we really didn't know the directions. [To be continued]

Sidetracking.... Slimcea has this terrible fetish for Valen Hsu... so much so that he has splattered the class journal with loads of her photos.... Eks.

The news of the "retirement" of my alma mater's (The Chinese High School) Principal and Deputy Principals broke out a day after. Received a mail about it when I returned home from Kelvin's birthday dinner. There was this natural feeling of sunken heart. Mr. Tooh retiring at this point of time? Anxious to grab hold of more information, I entered channel #tchs and found heaps of nicknames on the sidebar. Great. To think that it was midnight. Near exams period. Rages flew, speculations spread like wild fire. [To be continued - look forward to a series of entries dedicated to this saga.]

So... I've started on my revision for the promotional exams. Everything went really well for the first few days until I started bearing symtoms of pre-exam stress. My nose ran wild and blocked itself, my throat went dry very often and all these accrued and culminated to immense asthmatic coughs and a phlegm-full throat. I had to stay bed-ridden (well, not really) for two days. A blessing in disguise perhaps, for I get to spend more time on my revision? [To be continued]

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Revision Status
[OOOOOOOOOO.........................] 20.0%

Overweight Status
[OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO] 98.0%

Hiak. The doctor says I should be working out more often, if not prepare for the arduous sufferings ahead. I am thinking twice about deferment from National Service. That means I'll need to earn a PSC Scholarship... Oh well, guess I should concentrate on the promos for now. No new journal entry till the end of it all. Definitely.

0

I was still digesting Physics at 2am today. Circular Motion and Gravitation to be precise [small random error, may not be close to true value (conversely true for accurate)]. v=rw, Centripetal Force = mv2/r = mw2r. Duh. To think I would need my linguistic ability to explain all these stuff for General Paper. Hah.

I should pay some attention to General Paper. After all, I would need a good GP grade for promotion. I wonder how I would have felt when I read this entry ten years down the road. General Paper? Hiak. I actually perused the guides to argumentative essays and comprehension on my way to school.

The questions weren't that hard, really, though I don't think I can score high. I attempted a very fresh approach at answering the questions. Completed the essay plan in ten minutes and chucked the essay to work on the comprehension paper. Left the summary section blank and went back to write the essay. After which I returned to complete the summary. Fresh yah? My mind jumped from one location to another and back and forth. Unhealthy. I don't think I'll use this tactic in the future. Do you call it a tactic?

No. You're not the only one feeling it. I've been keeping track of my deterioration of my linguistic ability. What's happening? Some aliens must have barged into my mind and scraped clean of my paraphernalia. You'll just have to bear with it until I go take up books and actually go read them again.

Slimcea's and Pizzaz's birthdays passed by quietly amidst the study period. To think that I actually forgot all about the dates. Well, since it's already late, let it be later. I shall buy them belated presents after the promos. Sigh. Studying makes you forget everything... But before I forget... Happy Birthday, Dom. I'm sure you did very well for General Paper today. Make that your present. Hee.

Oh well... I'm crossing my fingers for the Dutch ThinkQuest finals today... Hopefully, my entry will clinch one of the top prizes... As I've said... I'm keeping my fingers crossed... I still think the first prize belongs to Kaijie even though I can't help but hope for the best. I guess I need the prize money more than anyone else? =)

**********

Intermission. Resume transmission at 11pm.

**********

Well... it's 12:45am the next day already... Nothing much to say actually. A sense of loss. Numbness. ES2000 and Colour My World were ranked forth together. The fact that both sites didn't make it into the top three intrigued me. I hate to say this, but I guess the judges practiced favouritism. We shall sue them for malpractice! Just take a look at the top three sites and you will understand what I mean. Galvin, ten years down the road when you read this entry, I want you to understand that it's not a matter of losing out, but a matter of losing out to whom. Unworthy opponents? Undeniably, I feel damn disgusted for the time being. Time will heal everything, I strongly believe. Besides, I still have my promos to worry over. No use getting so worked up over such a frivolous matter. I shall let it rest as time covers it with new layers of dust.

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Revision Status
[OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............] 55.0%

Overweight Status
[OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO] 99.9%

Imagine stuffing three Zinger meals, one Big Mac meal and one McChicken meal in a week. Well, I didn't need to imagine. Too much studying will make Galvin a fatter boy. HAH.

0

I managed to catch a moment off the turbulent waves onto a drifting log for my journal entry. What else can you do in the wee hours while anticipating the smooth upload of two megabytes onto the ThinkQuest server? Yeah. Right. Guess I'll make quality use of time and summarize the frivolous thoughts that flashed past this week. I've got to admit that a week of constant TQing has given rise, to a huge extent, to my loss of linguistic paraphernalia. Now I'm stranded with a gargantuan manifestation of a mental block right in front of me. What the heck. I've always harbored this thought that I'll be back to square one no matter how hard I tried. Guess the time has come. On second thoughts, I reckon that an immediate siesta may very well foot the bill.

I'm just talking to myself.

Dad has been suffering from post travel syndrome. He has been spouting Japanese terms unknowingly ever since he returned from Osaka. He seeks every opportunity to top up a conversation with a snippet or two of his travel experiences. We're letting him write his own concluding chapter. He should have noticed how we accorded to reticence whenever a Japanese term fills the atmosphere around us.

Halfway through the upload.

The National Day parade never fails to facinate me. Halfway through the procession, while the ball of fireworks made its descend down to the stadium, I had this sudden realisation - of the true meaning of the celebrations. It is to spur Singaporeans on to soar in greater heights, higher even where fireworks are out of reach. The credible sum of Singaporeans' money spent on the extravagant fireworks was not for the sole purpose of ostentatious display, but for building a better tomorrow, where competition gets tougher as the second goes by. Year by year the fireworks got bigger. Singapore grew more prosperous. A diminution will only signify decadence. Hopefully there'll be bigger and brighter fireworks for the years to come.

A warm round of applause for His Excellency President Ong, who courageously attended the Parade despite the mourning. My heartfelt condolence.

**********

Thinkquest Status
[OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......] 89.9%
Time is running out.

Food of the Day
Century Egg Porridge

Colour of the Day
Black

0

There is at least a kenel of truth in this following adage, "Adages usually contain a kernel of truth". Dah.

Fatigue's the adjunct of stress. I accord the main portion to forgetfulness. My memory failed to register the fact that my sister would be left at home all alone waiting for the arrival of her dinner. She had to slouch in the sofa with a grumpy face till nine when I finally returned with two Long John Silvers packages. Well. At least that cheered her up a bit. My pocket's burnt. I've finished the fifty bucks my Grandpa stuffed into my hand two days ago, attributing to the fact that a considerable amount was spent feeding my Sis, who is a glutton in her own way. Heh. Ops.

Somehow I feel that my sentences don't flow.

Just withstood a reprimand from Mom for not remembering to wash the clothing. What can I do... my brain cells are depleting in a speed comparable to that of lightning. I suspect the reason to be the rocket fuel I've been drinking lately. Boosters helped propel me faster towards the end of my ThinkQuest journey. I'm feeling jubilant about it despite the immense stress.

My eyes are brutally challenging the brightness of the screen. I may switch off[the computer??] anytime.

I'm really gratified that I've got this bunch of friends who'd await the end of my club meeting and have dinner with me, only to find out that I couldn't make it, simply because I'd forgotten about my sister. This may seem insignificant, but I really appreciate your waiting. Thank you guys. And oh yes. Tender Fresh was closed so I'd to rush all the way down to catch the buses. No. I'm not so desperate as to gobble down human-infested containers with wheels and fuel and all that you know.

Consider this the first time I sneaked my way into the College compounds. [As usual] I was late by about a minute. I could have run all the way and still get to the line in time for the commencement of the National song, but I chose to evade the chances of getting caught for latecoming and alighted a stop earlier. Strolled slowly [sweat tricking] and panicked as I saw Mr. George Chong donned in Hwa Chong track pants and singlet running past me. For a moment I thought he would look back and recognise me (he was my Chemistry tuition teacher in Sec 4, doubt he'll remember that though) but he just continued his run into the swimming complex. Walked past the Chinese High clock tower. For no reason, my heels took speed and brought me behind the Jing Xian building which houses all the musical instruments of the various troupes. There I kept a constant lookout while I proceeded swiftly through the patches and stones into the hallow space below the Lecture Theatres. Two latecomers were awaiting the dismissal of the assembly while I took initiative and entered the classroom which renders occupancy for the first lesson. There I waited till the rest came along. And WALLAH. I wasn't late! =)

Realised I've been writing in anti-chronological order. Weird. Must be my brain cells working the other direction.

Jason. We may take more photos together after all. =)

Thinkquest Status
[OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......] 83.0%
Did some stuff like adding in Bio.
Not worth any percent though.

Food of the Day
Long John Silver's Chicken & Shrimp
Combo with extra CRUMBS.

Colour of the Day
White. I'm blanking out.

0

First Lady Mrs Ong Teng Cheong gave way to cancer. Funny how we never noticed her presence when she's around. Now I feel a sense of immense loss. Actually felt my heart sank whilst the interviews of people paying respect were being shown on television. The Indian mom on the verge on crying, the Hwa Chong Alumni member talking like he's sobbing, etc. Maybe Siow Lee Chin the renowned violist didn't know how to express herself well on screen, but her sinister smiles set me pondering if she's speaking from the bottom of her heart. Wondered how she could lock her wide grins in place when the subject matter was one of solemnity.

To think we actually laughed and speculated the idea of having a half day to go along with flags lowering to half the level. We must be insane. Or most probably too sad to remain sane. Either way, we laughed. That wasn't good. Detrimental to the upbringing of Singaporeans.

Few more days to National Day celebrations. Dampened spirits plague the nation. The song has to go on, we still need to perform. Let's win. Let's whip up some euphoria. Let's take on the stage by storm.

Once a while I feel a sense of satisfaction. ThinkQuested the whole day. Negligence of homework is unhealthy though, but till the 16th of August, I won't give a damn.

I'm still putting the guitar version of "Our Home" on loop.

I really believe in constant practice. I'm losing my touch. Terok English pays an uninvited visitation. I'm trying means and ways not to let it in. Ops. The door's broken. I need to keep up with my words. To do so, I shall enrich myself with Word Smart II. Let's await a better me (not mini me).

Glad the class's getting along fine. IRC more often. Dot one another even if you've got nothing to say.

I'm not supposed to write. It's 12:43am, 2nd August already. I already knew writing would cost me time during this tumultuous period. I should be sleeping now and waking into another ThinkQuesting day. Not to forget normal lessons in College.

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Thinkquest Status
[OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.........] 75.0%

Food of the Day
Zinger Meal

Colour of the Day
Undefined. No time for likings.

0

Two main events shrouded the day and they happened to differ in polarity, hence canceling out each other in terms of the effect each exerted on me. Technical eh? My brain's inclined to spewing technical terms as time crawls on with me burrowing in my math tutorials. I'm beginning to lose touch on flowery language, as if I had it at all in the past. Nevertheless, I'll still try my best to continue my voyage through poetic route and in the process envisage myself learning new expressions everyday. Definitely not at the expense of failing the much dreaded promos, which indeed I'll have every opportunity to flop. I realised I've forgotten to pull up my socks since I last talked about it. Oh well.

Oh yes, my resolution was answered and I wasn't late two days ago, nor a day ago, nor today. Cheers! (Which incidentally was the theme of the 25th Anniversary Dinner which I'm touching upon later on).

Depression. You know, a deep dent you get when you punch hard into a sheet of metal with infinite malleability. My stomach would be a more appropriate target. I practiced a hell lot for my Further Math test and it turned out to be another flop. I went totally blank. Must be the caffeine from McDonalds in the morning taking its toll. Stomach rumbling not from hunger pangs, and palms sweating not from intense heating (in fact, the Lecture Theatre maintained its reputation of being the coldest around), I just couldn't concentrate on any of the problems. Never felt this way before in a long time I reckoned. Had to cajole myself to practice "Our Home" right after the drastic defeat. Even so, I wasn't able to find my usual self. Those who were observant enough would have noticed my level of reticence in the container classroom, how I evaded the group singing and such... Oh well. Feigning ignorance shall be the best policy for now. I yearned to rush home and bury my head at certain points of time, especially when no one's interested in practicing. Sorry but I really mean that.

A change of tone would be refreshing.

What I felt was that I'd gained much more than the sixty dollars I'd paid for the entrance to the Hwa Chong 25th Anniversary Dinner at Westin Stamford. It was a worthwhile gathering which in one way and another strengthened bonds within our own CT and our senior batches. The obvious one was the bondage of the IRCers, in which every one of us (yes, US) donned batik shirts. Miraculously, I turned out quite alright with hibiscus motifs patching my shirt while some others looked quite emaciated (not to mention names) and inevitably funny. But what mattered most was that our uniformed turnout generated quite a heap of attention and that it'd boosted our ties. Even our tutor Mdm Siew identified with our fashion statement and wanted to purchase one for her son as well (wonder how old her son is).

Yeah. I strongly believe that a huge portion of the sixty dollars was spent on the extravagant lighting effects.

I actually went on stage and cavorted to the tune of Electric Dreams at the end of the dinner under the councilors' repeated appeals. Hah. I marvel at myself for my courageous feat, symbolising a stepping out of my inferiority complex. I hope the fire inside me continues to burn ad infinitum. Never felt so good (it cancels out never felt so bad).

A tour through the commemorative CD-ROM tingles my flow of thoughts, especially after viewing Mr. Tien's video footage, about him finding satisfaction in managing to help students pass the A levels, enabling them to complete University education. I hope for the same thing from him.

My resolution for tomorrow is to complete another ten percent of my ThinkQuest project. Time is running out fast. This is too obvious.

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Thinkquest Status
[OOOOOOOOOOOO...............] 50.0%
Choo Choo.... Zacky Zacky Zacky Zacky Choo Choo....

Food of the Day
Nine Course Meal at Westin Stamford. YUMMY!

Colour of the Day
Batik Blue! =)

0

My mind took an unexpected twist[ouch] and refused to work today. I refused to get out of bed even when the shrilling of the alarm clock came on. Something was amiss. Humpf. Actually, I was too tired to think of anything. Yeah. I'm feeling the fatigue still. So that renders me unthinkable(is there such a word??). Which means you're going to receive a load of crap from me.

The only reason I dragged myself to school today was because of the National Day programme rehearsal. We staged a pretty good performance I must say. Kudos to everyone who sang! Tried out harmonising and it actually worked! Guess we'll have to work on the English lyrics soon.

Guess I'll go indulge in a chapter of "The Hobbit" on my bed and conveniently slip into slumberland, since I'm feeling really tired. Duh.

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Have you ever felt being stuck in the forth dimension? Events keep looping before you , so seemingly integrated, that you seem not to keep a qui vive for iterations? One day you sit in this particular position, watching this particular sequence in action. Months later, you find yourself at this particular position again, watching the same thing over again. You search the back of your mind and try to retrieve past scenes that remotely resemble the present scenario. Usually you fail, and you shake it all off. Soon, the exact situation returns and you scratch the back of your head and blame your rotten brain for not registering the lucid details. Flummoxed yet? If not, do continue with my rattling.

Most probably it's just a black hole in my brain. Maybe I delve too much into my reveries. Most probably they are re-enactments of my [wildest?]dreams. Humpf. Do you experience such erratic feelings?

**********

Should everyone who reside in Singapore take the HIV test? Yeah... maybe... if the doctors come up with a better way to handle the anonymous system. In order words, the anonymous system has to be infringed should the test be made compulsory to all citizens. Unless the authorities want to face the danger of mixing up a positive's blood with a negative's particulars. Furthermore, I don't think the painful process of getting yourself pricked for blood for nothing (you know...) appeals to anyone out there.

In case you're wondering what I'm blabbering about, I'm supposed to crap about this topic tomorrow during GP lesson. Sigh.

**********

Thinkquest Status
[OOOOOOOOOOOO...............] 50.0%
The train leaves this Saturday.

Food of the Day
[Tai Zi] Fish & Chips

Colour of the Day
Black.