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The first month of 2010 didn't turn out the way I've hoped it would have been... actually, I didn't have great and high hopes for it, just that I really didn't expect to find myself going through what I've gone through. And even though my circumstances don't exactly qualify to be likened to that of the shadow of the valley of death, I would say that I've been on quite a ride.

I'm beginning to question my current station... I've begun asking a lot of questions of all that I've been doing of late. Somewhere down the line I believe that the line between work and purpose has been blurred somehow... and from time to time I think about those days when I was joyfully serving in both the youth and worship ministries, tough and heart wrenching at times, yet joyful. Something seemed to have died within me ever since I've left those days behind, moving on to what seemed to be a purposeful journey that God has for me, to meet new faces, to venture into new spaces.

I've had many wonderful memories the past two years seeing through a batch of students that's really close to my heart for reasons more than one... and of course, these two years have been special as well as to how God graciously brought Char and I together as a married couple. But from time to time in quiet moments... I'm beginning to see how I'm becoming a piece of jigsaw that just doesn't seem to fit into what's to be a beautiful picture. And in recent weeks this has become more stark, in that I'm not the only one thinking this way.

Haha well... and yea, as of this writing I have an essay that's undone, which I've applied a double extension for. Just last week I've actually contemplated another deferment of my studies... but I've decided not to in the end. If anything, this is one thing that I must finish... and finish well.

And I guess not many know... that my maternal grandpa passed away on the 15th. Apart from this current time that I'm sitting down to write... I realised that I don't even have the proper time to process through my grief, unlike five years ago when my grandma passed away.

I'm genuinely really glad for my dear friend Raymond when he tied the knot with another dear friend Jacqueline just yesterday. It was the first time that I had the honor of being a best man... when he asked me about it several months back I was actually quite surprised and thought that he probably would have many other choices other than me... then I realised how much this friendship meant for him. And as I was writing the best man's speech halfway through the night before the wedding, I welled up a little as I wrote how we met, along with Alex and Matty... how we actually met back then is now a little blurry.. but the process of knowing one another better and staying in touch all these years is something that I never thought I would have... or deserve.

I don't know how I got this 'undeserving' thingie going on in me actually.. but I do know that because of that, I'm learning more and more how to cherish such friendships, especially the one I have with Char.

Remember the part of me which I mentioned had died? I'll be seeking for a revival in that area soon enough... and I've come to be at peace with the fact that changes are but part and parcel of life. And as I look through my archives... I do miss writing the kind of entries I wrote back then.

So... we'll see how it all goes. (:

Time to continue on with the essay!

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I went to the school admin office today for some meetings, first up with my counselling supervisor, who happens to have returned to be my colleague this year! Haha... it was a very good opening session, the sense of familiarity, the warmth in the conversation. This iron is looking forward to its sharpening... :)

Came out into the admin office again and saw this boy waiting by the counter. He saw me and smiled... I asked him what he's there for and he said he's there to receive his re-exam result slip. Asked him how he fared - he smiled, said 'A2' and then in an all familiar fashion mentioned that he's going off to a soccer game.

He's one boy who'd left an impression in my first year of work... the one who attempted to kick his soccer ball around in the computer lab. Got to know him a little better in upper secondary when I had a little opportunity to work with him.

All these came forth in the midst of me taking my shower at night and recollecting the day's events... and somehow I was led to pray for that particular boy, and subsequently the various individuals whom I've met today. Actually, not too bad to make this a routine! :P

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This post is dedicated to Char, my family, gpp, sons, kakis, extended family, dear friends and students. :)

I took some time to read through my past years' year-end entries (2003, 2004, 2005, 2005's Thanksgivings, 2006 (1), 2006 (2), 2007, 2008 (of sort)) and realised that I haven't been as reflective of late... especially in the area of thanksgiving, ironic but true. And instead of rushing to finish my essay which will be finally due this coming Monday, I shall take this time on Christmas day to recount the blessings that God has given the past two years... yes, the past two years because I realised that I didn't exactly give a good account last year... Yep. So here goes. :)

2008 and 2009 have been remarkably different from previous years... I would say that 2008 marked the first huge change of phase for me ever since God came into my life in 2001. It was only after I've left WEB (my church's youth ministry) in early 2008 that I really realised how huge a part of my life the ministry and the youths have been to me the past many years. For the past years, it's always been interacting with the youths week in, week out, meeting them on weekdays for fellowship and discipleship, the weekends for service and more fellowship... all these changed in 2008 when I was led to move on. Today, I got to meet some of them at the Christmas service... they've all grown up now. Some have grown distant (as long it's not to God! Haha..)... whereas for some it's just a matter of catching up. Saw one of them who left but was here today because of an invitation from a friend... when God pursues there'll be no hiding! :)

Am thankful for the privilege to have served in WEB from 2002 - 2007. As I read through my past year's reflections, I realised how much God has taught me through the service in the ministry... and how much of what I'm currently doing in the various areas are seemingly an extension and continuation of that service, be it with youths... or in the area of music.

Which brings me to my current work at my alma mater. Come to think of it, it really can't be attributed to sheer coincidence I guess... how affective mentoring and boarding programme mentoring sprung forth exactly in the year which I entered the school officially, and how I eventually got the privilege to mentor a great bunch of students apart from my counselling work. For one, I'm really thankful and grateful to be blessed with a wonderful reporting officer and mentor who believed in me. It was a totally new initiative we were into... and as a newbie he probably did not have to take my words into consideration but he did - he made me feel very much part of the initiative and left me to do what I had to do... and it came as a total surprise for me in March this year when I realised I'd been given a very huge performance bonus (the *jaw drop* kind).

I have to confess that my introversion and my shyness (this I shan't hide) didn't really bode well for my relationship with my other colleagues. Not that they're bad (not at all!), but I would think that many of these relationships could have been better if I've actually taken the steps to energise myself to interact with them. Mmmm I'm beginning to think that I've been subconsciously saving these energies up for the boys instead! Haha... having said this, I'm thankful for the friendships that God has blessed me with some of my colleagues, especially those interested in throwing starfishes into the open seas! :P

I'm really thankful for my students. As much as I would like to reach out to know more, I'm beginning to find that this introversion is given me so that I may learn to focus on knowing lesser of them... but better. Still, I find it irky that I know quite a number of them and yet not really knowing, especially with this year's secondary three batch. It's something that I'm learning still, to take things as they come, and not force things to happen ie communicating with students for no rhyme or reason.

Really glad to have known a great bunch of them, be it in the midst of mentoring them in school, in projects or in the boarding programme. I'd some of them from my first graduated batch over at my place for a Christmas dinner gathering just two evenings ago; it's a joy to see many of them turning up and having a good time of catching up. It's hard to imagine that these bunch would become professionals in their respective fields in less than ten years with some probably getting married by then... it'll trully be a privilege to witness things as such - as much as transference is concerned, it really feels like parenting coming early! Haha...

Seriously? God has given me this bunch of people, that I may learn to articulate the gospel to them not so much in words, but in my everyday actions and interactions with them, to demonstrate Christ's attributes of love, grace, peace, patience and mercy giving unto them, and to pray for them... to trust that God would touch their individual lives in His perfect timing. Sometimes it's just so hard to articulate all my wishes for them apart from getting good grades and doing well in society in the future given the environment where certain things are to be muted of sorts... but in all these, I'll hope and trust that our heavenly Pa knows what's best. (:

Which brings me to Char... and natually so, which I'm really very, very glad about! :D A dear brother in Christ asked me how my marriage with Char has been when I caught up with him not long ago. I used a term not many would have used - redeeming.

I really can't imagine how this phase of life would have been without Char. She has been the best helpmate... my best helpmate, buddy and friend. God has blessed me with her as His earthly representation, walking with me through practically all areas of my life, especially in my family and in my work... and in my walk with God Himself. And as I looked back at how we first met many years ago and see how we've both individually grown so different from that first days we met, I'm just glad to see how He's been moulding us specially for each other. (: Even though we haven't got that many opportunities to be 'working together' in our service to God, I give thanks everytime we have the opportunity to do so. :)

To me, our wedding on the 30th of May this year bears testament to God's faithfulness in our lives, more than anything else. We would have opted for a small and hassle-free wedding... but God decided to stretch our faiths. Char and I decided to go ahead to invite as many of our friends and acquaintances as possible, knowing that apart from funerals, weddings are the one of two occasions we could invite so many people (and the only one with us around physically!) to witness God's faithfulness in our lives and perhaps have the opportunity to know Him better.

We are really grateful for the many who volunteered their services, from the planning stage all the way to the day of the wedding itself. Personally, I'm really wowed by my students' response in becoming ushers on that day... and for the string ensemble's request to play at our wedding luncheon... and also the two wonderful tier-ed cakes - the one at the luncheon prepared by a dear sister's mom and the one at the dinner by Char's grandma. Some people may attribute such goodness to good karma... but we know we're not deserving of all these. All good gifts are from above...

Char and I know that they're given as blessings, and as we've trusted, God provided. There were moments of doubt wondering if the sanctuary would really be filled, wondering if people would really come witness our matrimony, wondering if the entire costs would be covered... He showed his faithfulness through all these, and even with an entire empty table at our dinner, we were able to cover all wedding costs on the dot by the generous givings from our relatives and friends, no more, no less.

2009 also marks the year I return to complete the Masters phase of my postgraduate masters degree in social sciences (counselling). Am totally relying on His grace and mercy to carry me through... it's been some years since I've written serious acadmic writings, and doing them with all the references thrown in just isn't exactly my cup of tea... unfortunately! From time to time I'll still be casting doubt as to whether I'll be able to finish it successfully... He's been encouraging me thus far with a distinction and high distinction for my first two essays thus far. I'm currently procrastinating on the third one with the fourth one due very soon as well... every step in this area is really a step of faith. My graduation next August would therefore be yet another milesone that He'll be laying in my life, if it's His will.

I've also become more active with Oops! Asia this past two years or so, having the privilege of some of my songs being used to minister. God has given me, through this music ministry, the opportunity to fellowship with likeminded brothers and sisters in Christ who use music as a medium to communicate God's message of love to His children. More importantly, and I think all who're in the ministry would agree, that God has given us this ministry to draw ourselves first and foremost closer in our journeys with Him... and for that I can't be thankful enough. I'm spurred to be more involved! :)

Family wise, I'm thankful for the way God has sustained my parents and my sister despite a rather tumultuous year. Mom's condition has been stable through the year... and as for Dori, she's responding to the trial drug and remains in remission. Often stretched in our finances, I'm thankful for the generous givings by my maternal extended family and the love gifts by various ones through the years. God gave the opportunity for me to share my walk and my family's journey in the form of a workshop in a youth camp towards the end of the year... and it was personally a good time of consolidation for me. Amazingly, the usually stage-fright me didn't break a sweat as I recounted the journey thrice to three different youth crowds that evening. (:

Almost like a good end to an eventful year, 2009 marks the year I've completed a full marathon. This means a whole lot to me especially when it comes to my walking with God. Once again, He's shown me what's seemingly impossible for me to do can be possible, just as how He's led me to get out of my shell time and again the past years. More importantly, I'm reminded that it's not about just starting well... but to finish well. Gonna do more runs in the year to come! :)

Wow... this has got to be the longest entry I've ever typed this year! Haha... how will 2010 look like? I won't know for now... and actually given all the projected workload, I'm not really very much looking forward in this aspect, but then again there are many things to look forward to, like many more good days spent with Char, students to mentor, new students to meet, friendships to kindle and rekindle... and something in particular that God has placed in my heart to work on... all in Pa's hands ba! :)

Have a blessed Christmas (my 9th CHRISTmas thus far! :D) and a good 2010 ahead everyone!

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It took some time after the initial strains and exhaustion upon completing the 42.195km that gladness started to set in. There came a point my emotions were high till I almost welled up... no kidding. Haha... Who would have imagined that a person who's obese through his adolscence, sedentary and all... would eventually pick up jogging and complete a marathon thereafter? All things are possible through Christ who strengthens us yeah! ;)

Stayed over at my in-law's place the night before; woke up at about 4am and had breakfast comprising a sandwich, a granola bar and a berocca drink. It's really different this time round compared to the half marathon I did four years ago in 2005 - it was rather haphazard then without much preparations before or during the race. There's quite a bit of planning this time round. Was a bit concerned of the need to go poo poo in the middle of the race if I don't do so before... but thankfully the need didn't come. Haha...

And this year it's like a family affair with Dad (in-law), Dear dear and Charlene taking part as well! I was really inspired to seriously consider running a full one after seeing Dad complete his very first marathon at the age of 50 last year. :)

Dad drove us there - we parked at SMU and walked over to the Esplanade where we (Dad and I) joined in the throngs of blue (I'm one of the odd ones clad in orange running vest haha) towards the starting point. It probably took us fifteen minutes or so after the official start time before we actually reached the starting line.

Images from my 2005 half marathon started flashing back somehow as I started the race... and I kept telling myself not to end up in the state of walking long distances like what I did then. The plan of taking short planned breaks in between worked out pretty well, though it was a little hard to keep to the scheduled breaks towards the end because I usually ended up needing them earlier than expected... :X

One huge revelation for me is that I've been under-running; I've been using the Nike+iPod for the past year to gauge my runs and timings... brought it along to the race to track my timings. The device gave a further distance reading than the actual distance covered; it read about 4km when I had only ran past the 3km signboard. Was quite demoralising at the start upon this realisation... then I decided to focus on the actual distances and use the device to track timing. Who knows... the device stopped recording halfway through and automatically paused itself once in a while. :( So on top of inaccurate distance, it stopped giving me accurate timing as well... bleah. I think it would have been quite amusing noticing this person looking at his device and pressing it every once in a while while running... hahah.

The plan was to take scheduled walk-breaks 6-5-5-4-4-4-3-3-3-3-2... I think I only followed the first half. Haha... There wasn't any drink station at the 11km mark though, so in the end it turned out to be more like 6-6-5-5-then anyhow whack already. Kept on drinking, kept on eating the power gels... still can't really stand the salty taste of what are supposed to be sweet flavours??

The huge difference this time round is that I didn't run out of breath... it's more of the legs not having the matching strength I guess. And so... running resolution for 2010 would be to lose a decent amount of weight (so I don't have that much to carry while running) and to train up the legs. I've probably hit 5hrs or so this time round... will only know the actual timing two days later. Shall aim for 4:30hrs or so for next year ba. :)

Dad bettered his timing from last year... Dear and Charlene finished their 10km rather comfortably. We're all finishers! :D One of the reasons why I picked up long distance running is because of its parallelism to life, how life is just like a long distance marathon... where at times you'd need to pace yourself, take a rest, rehydrate... encourage others on... and most importantly, knowing that you'll cross the finishing line. I probably can go on to do more marathons to come... but the one marathon that I hope I can persevere in finishing well would be the marathon of life, that at the end of the day I would be able to say that "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." (2 Timothy 4:7-8)

Which finishing line are you heading to?

Life without Jesus is like running a marathon blindfolded. The route is unmarked and you have no idea where the finish line is.

Life with Jesus is like running the same marathon.
But you have a buddy who can see and is constantly giving you water, nutrition and directions... and all the while telling you what a great job you are doing and how wonderful the party afterward will be! - Tracy K

Life without Jesus is like running on a treadmill going nowhere and bored silly. Life with Jesus is like running the marathon in the Olympics and winning the gold. - Julie G

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders/ and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith - Hebrews 12:1,2

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Just a short one... it's been a long week and I think I can make do with a nice good sleep before I embark on my essay which has been given an extension deadline. I shall remember this week as the buffet week - never in my life have I eaten buffet meals five days in a row locally (understandable if I'm on an overseas trip staying in a hotel with free breakfast buffets...). Had lunch buffet from Monday to Wednesday at Carousel as part of the MBTI certification course package... then two more days of buffet at the Changi Village Hotel for a staff planning retreat.

Managed to do a 25km jog mid-week... but I don't think that's enough to curb the damage done. :( Ah well... consider it as early carbo loading? Haha... Will have to watch what I'm consuming the next few weeks! I'm still quite uncertain if I'm able to complete the full marathon... but I'll give it a shot.

Amidst all that's happening, I've been doing some quiet evaluation of the times that's past... and I'm starting to wonder if there are things that I can consider doing less in the future, given how as a human race we're all moving towards maximum productivity with the most efficacious amount of effort. I wrote a 'newsletter' of sort for the graduating batch of students and in the midst of it left out my signature and the addressee part so that I can fill them in for each student after the photocopying. It probably is a small thing... but this led to quite a substantial amount of extra time and work. I asked Char if it would have made any difference if I'd placed in my signature before the photocopying and left out the addressee part; she said it would... now that they've been given out, I can imagine many of those copies unread, probably just chucked away somewhere. And the personalized photocards... and the writings behind.

I'm just not sure if it would have been better for me to spend the times working on my essay instead... but through and through, I've learned that some things take very long to see the littlest of results.

All I hope, is that all these would have played a part in the positive growth of a life, even if it's just one.

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It's ironic how I'm beginning to feel the 'heat' just when the school holidays have started for the boys! Things started off pretty okay, but now I'm really feeling the toughness of having to juggle amongst the many hats, between family, work and studies. I actually have an essay that's due today... but there was really not much opportunity for me to work on it the whole of last month! Boo... thankful for the two-week extension provision, but even so, I have another essay that would be due in another month's time... wouldn't want things to snowball in this fashion!

I really wonder how one of my bosses does it. Heard that he would arrive much earlier in his office to work on his thesis; his workload is quite unimaginable, plus he has his wife and children at home... then I've got another colleague who's got so much on her plate as well... yet she's fully functional. Well, in a way I guess I've to be thankful that He's placed people before me to pave the road. Didn't really expect this road ahead would be that tough, but I'll be hanging on by His grace. (=

I've got a friend who asked me what my dream job is. It's funny how I've often been the one asking my students what their ambitions are and what they really want to be next time... when I have yet to provide a definite answer myself. Haha... but thing is, if this question is asked of me in relation to any particular vocation, then I really won't have a definite answer.

I am already in my dream job. Not that the conditions are the most ideal, but I'm enjoying the nature of my interactions with the students. It is a blessing and privilege to be able to be in a mentoring role. It's by no means a coincidence that I was asked this question again just some hours back in the midst of my course lunch break... as to what my long term plans are. "Counsellor?" he asked. I pondered a little while before uttering the word, "Youth work". So it isn't so much about counselling in general that I could possibly be doing in the long run, but it's more of getting myself equipped in this area so as to be a more competent helper amongst the age group.

Someone once mentioned that my current job isn't one to be admired, or would it be one that's sought after. I must confess that sometimes I still do struggle in the flesh when it comes to pondering over the amount of work that I have to do versus the amount that I'm getting, but I do know that this is an area which I am called to be constantly surrendering to Him, resting in His provisions as I learn to do my part in His grand masterplan.

The guys from 1A'06 invited me to their year end dinner gathering together with their secondary two form teacher. It amazes me still how I've been given the chance to interact with some of them over the course of the four years, formally or informally. I was glad that I remembered the names of all who were present that evening, even more so to have seen them grown over the past four years. Of the eight classes that I took briefly for infocomm studies in their secondary one year, I seemed to have the most affinity with this class, mentoring some of them for projects here and there, for four years even for some of them! Haha...

Then I managed to head down to Hougang Sports Hall one of the days to catch HCVB 'B' Division in action. These guys are a special bunch; caught them in action first when they were in 'C' Division... and it's heartening to see how they're growing as a team. I've contemplated on many occasions to take them officially, seeing the potential in all of them to becoming all rounders not just in their sport, but academically and affectively as well... well. Not bad to be mentoring some of them already for a start? :P

I do look forward to the days when these guys grow up and become active contributors to society... I really do. Even with those peeps whom I'd got the privilege to lead some years back in WEB... it'll be interesting to see where God's gonna lead them in the future. In the meantime, I'm reminded once again to be faithful in the sowing or watering - He'll take care of the growth.

It's funny how I suddenly thought of some of them in the midst of my lesson this afternoon... and I started smsing some of them, asking about their end of year results. Zeb was the first to reply telling me he's scored rather well for his promos (quite expected la actually haha...) - he's been the bright spark amongst the lot and usually the quiet one; still quite hard to imagine that he's actively serving in his school's student council! Haha... (: in his reply he asked for a suitable date to meet up with him and the rest of the dg; shall look forward to the meetup! Then I actually bumped into him in town hours later after my lesson while I was on the way to meet Char for dinner... that's too much for a coincidence man. But yeah, it was great to be talking to him face to face. :)

This entry took the span of the entire day to be written - first on the way for my lesson, then a little more on the way to town for dinner after the lesson, and now finishing it up on the bed before I sleep. Time is getting scarcer and scarcer for any productive reflection to take place, for contemplation, for quiet time... I pray that Pa will grant me the heart first and foremost to want to make such times... and protect them. It is only then will we find more entries coming up as well. If you would, you could pray for me in this light.

Photos of the mentioned even will be up in due time. In the meantime... time to sleep! :)

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It's been yet another long time since I've updated... I'm starting to believe I'm losing the streak to blog. I glanced through the dates and realised that at my peak (March 2003 - February 2007) I'd been averaging about 30+ posts a month. Now there're times I wanted to write, and I would launch my text editor to type... then erase everything altogether. I also don't know why. Haha...

I JUST WROTE TWO LINES AND I DELETED THEM. See what I mean see what I mean. Sigh... hahahaha.

Lessons and the topics we cover in the masters phase are definitely much more challenging. From time to time I ask myself if I could actually last till next August; on one hand I really appreciate the opportunity given me to be equipped so that I become a better helper... on another, I do wish I don't have that much to do. Rusty me takes a long time to write quality essays... but I cannot refute the fact that it is through the process of the writing that I get myself refined in the theories and yes, I do feel the positive effects. Well at the end of the day (which I find myself saying this a whole lot of times - kind of my latest 'kou tou chan'), I'm reminded that it's about my availablity and not my ability, because God would be the one who'll lead me through this season, as He's always had previously.

Which brings me to the topic of this entry. The topic of friendship pops up rather frequently of late; it was a hot topic at the recently concluded Toastmasters speech contest organised to celebrate the boys' journey through the public speaking learning process... thereafter some of us talked about it here and there. Char and I talked about it as well recently... and she brought forth a term that was relatively new to me - relationships of convenience. Upon some searching, I realised that this is something that Aristotle had talked about.

I remember about the best friends, good friends, bad friends... gold, silver, bronze... all kinds of labels we give to our friends back then in primary school. I can't deny that I had good memories of having fun with some of them. Our commonality was that we belonged to the same class and we happened to share the same interests... and that was how we gelled. But they were friendships of convenience - once the structures were broken and we go our different directions, we stopped pursuing one another's friendships. We moved on.

There're not many people who would take up the constants in our lives... there're not many people who would see us for who we are and choose to be with us anyways. A title of a book that Char and I read in our courting days stuck to me... that "love is a decision". It is through the decision to commit in a friendship/relationship that we start to see the relationship take root; it is through this commitment from both parties that we see the relationship bear fruit.

The irony in life is that there would be occasions when one commits wholeheartedly and the other doesn't, or does so half heartedly. I confess that I am guilty on both ends... still in the process of learning to give to the nonresponsive and at the same time learning to appreciate more and more those who are giving unto me.

I went on some 'last walks' with some of my students before their final exams and before they move on next year. These moments are what I would cherish... and yet at the back of my mind I know that for most, they would remain purely as memories. Our relationships aren't exactly tested because they're very much bound by structures till now. Wait till next year... the next next year. There's one of them who actually asked if there would be another walk after the exams... that moment I deeply cherish. He's also one who surprised me with a teachers' day card entirely filled with words. In fact, quite a number of them wrote to me this year... really came as a surprise. Then again, I'm not so sure if we would eventually be keeping in touch. It can be a bit tiring being on the end that keeps on with the initiating.

Had a meal with a student some weeks ago; taught him briefly in secondary one and never had any other official interactions with him thereafter. We chatted from time to time over msn in the past... I remembered some phone chats in which he called. I have confidence that we'll be keeping in contact for a long while. And I realised the difference lies in the other party taking the initiative, however big or small it is.

And it's sobering to know that Jesus is always there waiting, always committed, always taking the initiative in extending his hand of friendship and help. I have to confess that even in this regard I'm beginning to see the level of relationship of convenience that I actually have in this - how I used to feel so close to Him through those days of active participating in cellgroup and serving in youth ministry. I'm slowly coming back... and though I long for how it used to be, I am looking forward to establishing a more mature relationship with Christ in time to come. Kudos to my dear dear for modelling this for me. (:

And yes... once again thankful for the wonderful friendships He's blessed me with. The smell of the tea and toast at Bukit Timah's Old Town White Coffee still lingers on. ;)

Okay time to get some exercise done... been trying to get back in shape so that I'll look nice in photos at the commencement dinner. That would probably be the only time when students actually take the initiative to ask to take photos with me so yes, must not disappoint their cameras. Hahaha...

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This must have been the longest period of time that I've ever written a post here... I realised that I didn't write one even when I was on my 7-day ILI medical leave... ><" Haha... well. Life's gotten really, really busy... that's for one. And no, I don't think that it's because of my new marital status. Somehow there just seems to be more and more to do at work, so much so that I've had lesser and lesser time to focus on the majors in life.

And the irony... is that somewhere down the line I got perceived as not doing much, and in a bid to help justify my existence, I was given this and that, that and this... well. Thankful thing is that this should be ironed out soon... and that those who need to know what I'm doing know what I'm doing.

Frankly... perhaps I should have fought harder for the retention of the hub. I thought I could bolster the effects.. but now that I'm feeling it, it made me wonder if it really would have been better if I asked to stay put there. All forms of informal chats and meetings with the guys have been cut as a result, and given the non classroom teaching nature that I have with them, it basically means that there's no more official reason or need for us to communicate anymore. In an age when their reliance on structures supersedes that of their ability to construct, I'll just have to make do with whatever that's been built. Even in the boarding programme, I can see how with the new cycle and the breaking up of floors for the previous batch, we've kind of lost the kind of communication that we used to have... as individuals and as a group.

It's a general feel that my communications with them have taken a dip... and I must confess that it's taking a little toil to build up new structures with new batches... only to know that they may not last and would be broken up before they expire naturally (ie graduation). Oh well... In any case, I shall and must be back to trust that wherever I'm led to, there I must give of my best... and the rest, I know is not in my hands. Just that everytime I look back, I would miss the times of familiarity...

Which brings me to those who somehow went beyond those structures... some needed a little structure in the beginning but soon stepped beyond. These are the ones I know I'll probably see for a pretty long while... perhaps even lifelong. But I'm learning not to take it for granted and will seek 'to aspire to inspire before I expire", something that's been carved in my heart ever since I learnt of it at LEE Community College. For the majority of them, I've considered myself to have expired already. Kind of had it affirmed when one student frivolously gave the impression that my words and counsel lack substance to most of them... and even though he insisted that he was just joking and I was taking it too seriously, I know there's a tinge of truth to what's said. After all, I am lacking in a personal relationship with most of them. To most, I'm just an online presence whom they would just walk by without an acknowledgement in real life. Some might have seen and appreciated the efforts... but at the end of the day, there is probably no efficacy to the words written. Well.. whereas subject teachers are able to gauge their effectiveness in their teaching by their students scores in tests and exams and counsellors by the specific changes of the counsellees, there isn't much, in this context, that I can base on to know if all that's been said and done actually mattered... and to what extent.

Which is causing this ambivalence in me these days whenever I wanted to write to them. And with the increased amount of work, it seemed pretty convenient for me to use busyness as a reason not to eventually write... even on this site.

Well... now that I've broken this inertia, let's see how it'll go. Things will only get busier now that I've resumed my masters course (with thick books to read and essays to write)... but yeah.

I AM BACK. :D For those who somehow had a smile on your face upon reaching this line, please indicate it on the tagboard as a form of feedback for moi. Thx very much.

Okay... now it's time to sleep. There're much more things that I'll like to write about in time to come... me picking up baking for one, dabbling into the world of forex is another, then there's this current plan to finally lose weight and train up for the Stanchart Marathon which I'll be running at the end of the year... Hopefully I can get some level of accountability by blogging it down here so the people around me can help spur me on... hope la. Haha...

In any case, I'll like to thank my wife who's always been there supporting me through... today's our 3rd month anniversary! xD

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Hello. (:

I've been away with Char for the past two weeks in Koh Samui for our honeymoon... probably won't get to post photos here due to time constraints, but for those who're linked in Facebook, you can check out the albums over there. I must say it'd been a good break of sort... but yeah, I've put on some weight. Quite terrible actually. Must try to get back in shape again! Haha...

It's been meeting after meeting right after we're back... tonight we caught the movie "Dance, Subaru!" together with our sisters and Char's parents at Orchard Cineleisure.

It's getting harder and harder for me to make new postings... cause time after time I've found nothing post"worthy" to write... or perhaps it's due to the limited time that I have to let my mind wander these days, nothing really hits me hard enough for me to write an entry on. I've got some afterthoughts after watching this manga-turned-movie... so I thought it'll be good to jot them down here.

In short, the movie depicts a girl (Subaru) with a passion for dancing... and how her perseverance paid off in spite of all the hardships and heartaches that she went through from young (loss of mother, brother, and a really good mentor and friend). Just two takeaways...:

Subaru's mentor who coached her from young refused to sign her up for a dance competition under her wing and be her dance coach even though that would mean losing her (shan't disclose too much lest it becomes spoiler)... her words hit home: "there's nothing left that I can teach her".

Letting go is never easy... and I realise that it's a fine line of being selfish or for the other party. Years ago, I didn't understand... but now I do. There are seasons when I'll be called into people's lives... and sometimes it's easy to be tempted to stretch the time beyond my expiry date because of the bonds forged. That's where I've to keep reminding myself that whereas the seasons may be gone, the bonds, Lord willing, would go on.

We had a rather late dinner at the BBQ Chicken outlet there thereafter... and as those afterthoughts twirled round and round my mind in the midst of eating and chatting with deardear, our sisters and my new set of parents, I just felt thankful... that how God has been so good all the while, in that He places wonderful people in my life through and through to encourage me on.

(:

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I've just gone through the two biggest days of my life. Don't think I'll write long... but just to jot down the highlights.

29th May was filled with last minute packing and preparations for the wedding. There was so much to do and settle I thought I wouldn't be able to get the ample rest that everyone's asking me to have... but thank God, I managed to get to rest at about 10-ish. It was hard getting to sleep... partly because of the constant flow of smses that just kept coming in... and me having the tendency to read and reply to them... Haha. Managed to get 5 - 6 hours of sleep eventually.

I started 30th May pretty much on a blank state of mind... I guess I was quite overwhelmed by all the things that was to come... so my mind kind of went into autopilot mode? Haha... Deardear looked beautiful. :)

For all the things that happened, I could only thank God for making them happen, blessing Deardear and I with so many wonderful brothers, sisters and friends around us, most who went out of their way to ensure that the day's proceedings went well. The list of people whom we want to thank is very, very long.. and this wouldn't be the best of avenue for me to list them. We would probably spend time over our honeymoon to work them out. :) But seriously... we give thanks for the graciousness and love that our Heavenly Dad has shown us through the sacrificial love many others have showered upon our lives. :)

And yeah... am especially thankful to see so many of our students being a part of this very special occasion, both the helpers and the attendees. :)

We were going through the red packets when I came across one given by my student. The red packet contained a folded up piece of foolscap paper... on which was a note which he'd written for me. I almost teared la. Haha... I guess it wasn't so much of what he'd written for me, but it's a joy to see how they've slowly but surely learnt to express themselves and in doing so, benefitting themselves and others along the way. Yes... I am touched... and your writing didn't sux. ;)

Which brings me to 31st May 2009. The Integrated Boarding Programe held her last programme for the cycle - the IBP Family Day, which marked the end of the batch's stay in the programme. The guys presented some special items... let's just say that I am extremely thankful not to have missed them. It really has been a blessing to be part of this initiative, to have this kind of opportunity and environment to grow along with this bunch of wonderful youths... but more so, it would be a constant joy to see how they grow along in life and fulfill their life's calling in the future... and to have prodded along with them this leg of their journeys. Programmes may end, people may part... but just as how I've been in contact with some of the WEBs people, albeit not as frequent anymore, I hope that out of this batch of people there would be some whom I would be able to keep in long term contact.

And I hope that each day... that He would constantly tutor me to constantly look at life with a cheerful and thankful heart, no matter what the circumstances may be, good or bad, happy or sad.

Deardear and I prayed together this morning before heading down for breakfast... I don't really know how to explain this, but it makes me even more thankful that it happened, because I know that I definitely couldn't have done so by myself. :)

Haha okay the laptop battery's running low... shall return it to the staff and go back to the hotel room already. Till the next entry! ;)

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It's funny how it's been mistaken on both celebrations that I'm turning 26 this year... haha yeah I know it's hard to imagine by looking at my face that I'm growing old. Haha...

It's been some time since I've felt so overwhelmed. And it's the first time that I'm not playing the photographer... didn't take a shot with my camera at all. And so I won't have any photos to show until those who've taken them send me theirs... haha. It's been one of the most memorable birthday celebrations, and one of the most meaningful ones I must say, given that this shall be my last one as a bachelor.

The day started at 12am with Zisong and Gordon already in my living room. Quite amusing I must say, with Zisong asking me all sorts of weird questions from half an hour ago, trying to keep me 'occupied'. Then when 12am came random sounds started to appear near the entrance... the birthday song came... the cake came... a self made new york cheese cake baked by Zisong and Alex. I didn't manage to count how many of them came into the room... but I think it was quite a handful. Think I can only count when I see the group photos taken. Haha... Then came the gift... which was really unexpected - 26 ikea PINE wood photo frames with a photo of a student and a message that he has for me each. I didn't want to read them then in front of everyone not knowing how I would react there and then... haha.

Managed to read them after everyone left... and seriously, it's been some time since I've felt so affirmed. Some of their messages were really heartfelt... and for some, I really didn't know that they actually took notice of the things I did or said... since I had no real chance of knowing all of them individually. Especially for this year when my portfolio took a little change and when I know myself that I've not been as interactive with them as compared to the previous year, I really wasn't expecting anything much.

To the 26 whose words and pictures were selected by the panel (Zisong?) to be worked out into the photo frames (Wei Xiang, Derrick, Yong Xiang, Alex, Si Heng, Timtam, Ng Peng, Yong Hwee, Darren, Chong We, Alwyn, Yang Cheng, Nic Heng, Sze Yuan, Ying Cong, Kuah, Ben Chin, Troy, Shane, Wen Hao, Meng Ying, Jon Foo, Zhao Hong, Jason, Bing Lin & Kenneth) - thanks so much for the words of affirmation. You guys have spurred me on indeed. (:

Zisong insisted that the "best has yet to come", so I went to work in the morning, a little expectant. It turned out that the bunch of them had gotten some of the classes to write notes to be consolidated for me. Some of them were really meaningful... thanks guys. :)

To Zisong, Alex & Darren (again): Thanks so much for everything... you guys sure did made it a really memorable one. :)

To Weilin my hao bang shou: Thanks for the card and gift! :)

Dear dear arranged a spa appointment for us in the evening... a wedding gift from two of her friends. I was actually bought into the idea of us spending the evening there already... then I started feeling a bit weird when she was not for the idea of meeting her somewhere near there earlier to have dinner, etc. She said it was early and she wanted to drop by the apartment first... and even offered to buy me the empty dvds which I said I needed. Haha... yeah she came by with cheese fries and a bart simpson cupcake! Haha... she started talking about having craving for potatoes and wanted to eat rosti at Buddy Hoagies located at Bukit Timah Shopping Centre before heading down for the spa after dinner. As the venue wasn't exactly the most convinient for us to head down for the spa thereafter, I suggested we go elsewhere but she seemed quite insistent. So I started smelling something fishy... but decided to keep my suspicions at bay.

We eventually reached Buddy Hoagies... Frankly? I was prepping myself to see familiar faces there but nopes, it wasn't to be. We settled down, ordered and ate our food. I was looking at the time, mindful not to be too late for our spa appointment... then I noticed her looking out and laughed slightly. I couldn't help but turned around toward the direction where she was looking at... and there I saw Mark and Sue outside. Ah hah. Haha... This order of appearance was rather important - it made me think that dear dear probably organised a triple couple dinner... but it wasn't to be too! A little while after chatting with Mark and Sue, she pulled me out of the place and told me that something rather embarrassing had happened to her and she would like me to accompany her to the toilet for her to check it out while I wait outside the toilet.

She smsed me not long after she went to the toilet, "Galvs is done with food you can mk him do whatever!".

FWA HA HA. Hahaha... as per tradition, a boo boo occured. She smsed it to me instead of the rightful recipient, whom I assumed to be Mark. But yeah... I started wondering who else would be turning up... then I gathered that the dear ones who hadn't sent any message the whole day... I probably would see them... there was this little hope la.

To cut the long story short, I played along and there was quite a long drag... but eventually she came out... and we walked back to Buddy Hoagies. Even though I'd prepped myself to see some people... the impact of seeing them there was still strong. And the turnout was really, really unexpected. It wasn't some... it was many. And it's especially meaningfully because in my heart I was thinking that there wouldn't be such a gathering ever anymore since it's been some time I've really connected with this bunch of people... so yeah. Was extremely touched that all of them took time off to celebrate for me... extremely touched that my dear dear went to such great lengths... extremely touched that 5 did all the contacting.

Thank you all who've made my 27th birthday such a memorable and meaningful one. You guys have done more than you can imagine.

And in all these I see His faithfulness, His love... once again.

Mmm. :)

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I went with some colleagues to attend the wake of two of our students' mom who passed on (not away) this evening.

I didn't really say much there. For one, I don't really know them... but for the most part of it, I was at a loss of words... and probably a little overwhelmed.

Their mom and my mom share the same age if I'm not wrong.

With the experience of nearly losing her four years ago and knowing how it felt like, I really didn't know what I could offer besides saying a prayer for them and their family.

But yeah. Reality dawned on me that I'm really out of touch with this current batch. It's still something that I'm trying to grapple with, and at the same time knowing that I won't be able to achieve that without thinning myself out...

Well. I suddenly remember something remarkable that one of my boys mentioned before regarding forests and trees.

When I first started out with the first batch, I had the resources to focus on the trees.

Now, I must work for the forest.. but with the individual trees in mind and as the motivation.

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A message that I wrote to my boys...:

Hey guys,

It's been some time I know. And I won't write long. Just some takeaways that I've had the past few weeks in the midst of my interactions which I thought would be good for me to share with all. It'll apply not just to your studies, but your CCAs, your competitions... and probably your life in general.

It's a consolidation of thoughts; paragraphs may not exactly link perfectly and they definitely do not refer to any individual, but they should form a common thread.

All of you are independent learners.

For those of you who play computer games or cards for the matter, you probably would have been introduced to the game by a friend or the media. You saw how fun playing it could be. You start to play... when learning curve became steep, you either asked your friends or you began doing your own search for the answers using guidebooks or the internet.

There can be many other examples: learning a musical instrument, etc. In all these, you would have been motivated by your interest in the subject.

Looking back at your academic subjects, you would naturally find yourself faring well for those subjects which you're really interested in. But I reckoned that for most studying the subjects is an obligation rather than an interest. What teachers can do is to do their best to enthuse you in the subjects. Apart from that, you would perhaps have to search for a motivation to excel.

Why are you studying in Hwa Chong... What are you studying for... and for whom?

And this applies to all other things you may be involved in as well.

You do not get what you set out to achieve... because you never really wanted to get it in the first place, or you've never wanted it bad enough.

Be it your grades, a competition, a match... any goal, for the matter.

When you sense that things are not right or can be improved, you choose status quo and nonchalance when you could be the one to make a change for the better.

Someone else will do it... someone else should do it.

You think that you may be labelled an extra for highlighting these things... then perhaps the thing/s your stood for where the issues stem from may not exactly mean as much to you... which you may think is a lot.

It's ironic I know, how you've been asked to do reflections upon reflections for every possible subject and topic and project... but most of the time ending up with generic replies. Perhaps you can afford a little bit of time to truly look deep within... and clarify for yourselves your goals, ambitions and aspirations, be it in your present studies, or a project, a competition... and even for life.

And perhaps once you've gotten it sorted out, you'll find things flowing more smoothly, heavy hearts lightened... triumphs more frequent... and smiles more often.

Journeying alongside,
Mr. Sng

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It's been the third day since I've been trying out a new weekday routine... so far so good. Because of the nature of my work, my working hours in the day had been augmented to start from 10am and end at 3pm... but yes, there are time constraints aplenty. I've recently taken in new mentees in school... and it's a pretty hopeless situation to have them meet me in between my official working hours either as individuals or in groups.

And so... you know those 'mentos' moments? Haha... in lieu of marriage life which is to come soon (hur hur hur), it would be better to make good use of the morning time - would be meaningless for Char to wake up by herself and go off to work while I sleep in.. yeah. So now I've been waking early the past few days... quite a refreshing experience I must say, having not done so for quite some time. My daily dose of mini breakfast now comprises a cup of freshly brewed oolong tea and a piece (or two) of digestive biscuits. If time permits, I'll do my daily devotion before meeting my mentees in school (about 5-8 minutes walk)... or I'll do so after meeting them, like what I'm doing now, back in the apartment.

I've been trying to fit in exercise into the next slot... so far so good. Gonna wrap this up soon and stick to my exercise schedules! Haha... hopefully I'll slim down considerably before the big day comes. :P

Then it's back to school for work... nowadays I find it getting more and more administrative like and I do sense that my exposure with the boys is shrinking considerably... something that I have yet to be comfy with. But I know that I cannot afford to spread my energies too broadly, lest I shortchange those who are under my charges officially. Even in boarding school... I feel pretty bad that I've been enclosing myself in a shell these days. There are many things which I want to do but am not finding that energy to do so... good thing is that some of them take initiative to chat up and drop by to chill in the midst of their busy workload... some simply keep to themselves; well.. there are many things which I miss... many things which were so last year, which were not so as this new year starts. We all grow and have different priorities I guess.

I miss the bunch of kids in church. Those memories of spending time together, sharing thoughts... fragments of days past seem distant, yet near. I am heartened though... to see and know that most of them are still walking the walk, getting together... and I was genuinely touched when how one of them messaged to say that the whole bunch of them couldn't wait to see Char and I tie the knot. Haha...

Changes. I must keep on reminding myself that we go through changes all the time. Seasons change... people change. Just as how hard it was to let go of what used to be.. the wonderful times serving in youth ministry... I must constantly learn to let go and let God. This sec four batch would graduate... the current sec three batch would move up... a new sec three batch would be formed... the dynamics would be very different then. Then again, how things change, I wouldn't know. Then there's back to studying... the setting up of a new family... new dynamics, new seasons... in all things, it's a comfort to know that the everlasting God remains faithful through it all.

I haven't been the best of a disciple or a follower these days... some days I really feel like the prodigal son.

The only difference is that he didn't know that his father was waiting with open arms.

He didn't just wait with open arms... He ran... He ran towards his son.

Haha... God must be planning this weird little discourse, from writing about new routines to this!

In all circumstances... give thanks. :)

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I shall post an entry before I call it a day.

I don't really know how to explain the stage where I'm in at this point of time. I sure do hope that it's not melancholy or anything of the sort... it's just that, I'm like at a point that I'm identifying so many blessings that He's given and yet not finding the strength to give back.

I question if it is work; yes, I still do spend time with the boys... but much of the time has been spent of late churning out documents upon documents instead in front of my computer. And even if it's time spent with them... it still doesn't justify how I've been neglecting others.

Today Char and I met up with Faith, our wedding coordinator, and Jacq, our florist and decor designer for the wedding venue. Faith has been a really wonderful coordinator, looking into details and making sure that we're on schedules along the way. We're really excited to see what Jacq would make of the decorations and floral arrangements that day... and just when we were going to go into budget discussion, we were given a hint that it would be taken care of... and I don't really have to guess much as to who's contributing.

Then we went off to Mark & Sue's place for a little birthday gathering for Mark... had a sumptuous home cooked meal and stayed on to play two of the board games that he has. As we're walking to catch a cab back, they offered to settle certain aspects of our preparations, knowing how daunting it can be as everything adds up.

And the various individuals who've offered their help in one way or another...

And the greatest earthly blessing that He's given... there's this constant nag to know that I've not been giving Char all that she deserves of late - it's been pretty hard to spend time together the way we did during the holidays, with both of us equally taxed in our respective workplaces... the consolation and joy that I hear from her is that she's gotten a rather good class and had a rather good start with them... but I know that the lack of quality time spent together is causing her strain.

Well... I'm learning to trust in the things that's He's redepositing into my heart... and I know just what I need to do... as I was writing the second paragraph to this entry, it was spoken.

That I need to be filled in order to give not out of my own strength.

And I'm given the choice... as always.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship... and it's all about You.. it's all about You, Jesus...

And I was wondering why 5 would message me all of a sudden asking for the chords and lyrics to that song when he could get them himself.

All things piece together... don't they?

(:

I have this feeling that 90% who reads this entry won't understand what it's saying. Hahahaha...

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Hey people. (:

Nah... I wasn't gone. It's just that there's so many things happening... it's really been the busiest december - january period I've ever had in my entire life... surely hoping that it'll be the busiest and that it won't get any busier the same time next year! Haha...

Time became so scarce for me that blogging became a luxury... it's funny how I am resisting the urge to launch photoshop to do a little photo montage of all the things that's been happening! Haha... but seriously, so many things went by so fast these few weeks... am just thankful that I was able to squeeze time to upload them and categorize them properly.

It's been the busiest (oh no I just realised I've just reiterated it) season thus far... and it was till this afternoon that I was able to take a little breather at work even though there's much left to be done... but somehow I just did - took the breather, that is.. and feeling good about it. Haha... it was a mayhem in december before the new school term started. Information came in late... I wasn't able to create what I ought to create... there were things that had to be done manually... in an awfully painful manner that no one can really understand until he's actually doing it... but hey, I'm thankful for my boss who saw me through the times. The weekend after school reopening? I think he stayed up with me to work through certain documents... when he didn't have to.

Then there's this event which I thought I wouldn't be directly involved in after assigning the respective roles... but there were loopholes and gaps that I saw which I couldn't simply just ignore... it fell through eventually still... seemingly. As I scoured through the web all I found were negative comments... but I'm still hoping that all that's done had benefited some in a right manner, even though it can be quite intangible for now. Cryptic paragraph I know... well.. yeah. :)

My sec four boys are all wearing the college beige uniform and long pants... it still gives me a rather 欣慰 feeling when I see them in this new outfit. Sometimes I wonder if I would feel the same for subsequent batches after this one... the very first whom I've known since they were in sec one.

I am thankful for the privilege of working with them... there are a couple of them whom I've grown closer with through the four years of knowing one another... seeing them grow, partaking in their joys and their sorrows. I am thankful for how He's allowed me to get to know some of them better and subsequently earned the right and trust to speak into their lives, knowing that I bring no ill intentions but what I feel is best for them. Some worked out for the better while some turned sour in my opinion... and funnily, it's still something that I harp on from time to time, wondering if I could have used a different approach, wondering if I should have worked on building a deeper relationship and friendship before speaking. Well... at the end of the day, I must remind myself of how tumultuous a period (15-18 years old) this is for them.

I am constantly mindful of the possibility of neglecting the incoming batch of sec threes; I wonder at the possibility of knowing each of them (253 of them) given my workload and schedules... and I think I'll be arriving at the decision of simply relying on God's strength to do so in His timing. I don't think I can be intentional about knowing everyone... but what I can do is to constantly step out of my introvert shell and initiate small talks when the opportunities arise.

It can be a rather exciting time if things work out come to think of it... I shall be committed to the boarders under my mentorship and also my mentees in school, all whom I have yet to meet up officially this year. And then I'll probably be getting a couple of new mentees as well... just hoping that I won't be bogged down by other things at work so that I can properly plan and work out my time with them... see how bah. :)

Thankful for the short trip of respite with Char and her family to Pulai Springs in Johore over the Christmas weekend.. it was a good time of refreshing, of getting away from the work that was blaring down. Secret Recipe in Malaysia's so cheap la!! Ate meals complete with a Secret Recipe cake and still it costs less than ten bucks per person! Haha.. visited Kukup after ten plus years.. I think we went to the same seafood place that I went to back then! Haha...

Then it was Senior WEB's "At The White Line", a celebration to see the seniors moving up to RAYs, the young adult's ministry in church. It's amazing to see how everyone has grown... and more than just the age... the maturity. (:

School reopened... the new batch of sec threes came in. There were so many things to settle administratively I didn't have the time to properly mix around... some of my sec four boys observed that I had been rather emotionless... and it's true - there were times when all I could afford was a little wave and a little "hello"... I jokingly told some of them that I needed to conserve my energies... hahaha ah well. Or is it a sign of growing older... sigh.

Hahaha... hai.

Met up with the sons to celebrate Sam's 15th birthday at the same place where we celebrated his 14th last year... I wonder how it'll look like when it's his 25th. I don't even know if we're able to celebrate such occasions together without fail.. but if anything, I'm learning all these from someone who's been doing so for me faithfully for the past many years. Thank you... you know who you are. :)

Met up with Chris, David and Zeb to celebrate Zeb's 17th birthday last weekend after church service... and again it's amazing just how He brings people together. They were the quietest ones in my group last time and I would never imagine that I could build up something concrete with them... and all I heeded at that point of time years ago was a call to gather them to work with their individual walk with God. And as I was chewing on the sushi (ah, sounds wrong but nevermind) then... it dawned on me how much God had worked in and through me... because I knew that it really couldn't have been me doing those things years ago.

Perhaps I'm wired this way... there are many things happening around me that aren't exactly good circumstantially, but still I find it hard not to give thanks.

I used to wonder about my testimony... used to think that wow look, they have such wonderful life changing stories in Jesus Christ and yet I wasn't able to see my own... that everytime if I had to share, it would be my entire family's testimony, but never one of my own.

Then I realised that hey, there had been many transformations in my life... in my mind... in my heart. It's been many years since I've kept 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 in my heart... a verse that says: Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for it is God's call for you in Christ Jesus (paraphrase mine). More and more I begin to realise that whereas a situation can be the same for both persons, both have the choice to see the circumstance in different perspectives... and for me, I've learnt (or rather He's blessed) to see the thanksgiving in every situation... which I'm thankful for (SEE! Hahah...)

I have been sloppish with my spiritual disciplines of late... readings have been close to zilch whereas praying took on a more impromptu basis with me never spending time to purposefully keep others in prayer. They say confession is bad for the reputation but good for the soul... well, I guess there's really nothing to hide. There are areas in my life which I have been wrestling with... still am, and I've come to terms that I may have to wrestle with them in the long haul.

All I ask this year... is that I'll make constant and conscious choice to choose what's right and what's best, and rely on God's grace and strength to see me through.

It's true. As you grow older, more things make sense... especially the things of God. There is a reason why God calls us to take on a childlike faith... because sometimes it's really hard to believe how dire situations can change for the good.

Then I realised... that it's not about how much you can trust in a God or deity to grant you your wishes... but rather it's how much you can trust in Him who knows best... who's walked with you faithfully through the years.

Thankful. :)

Dear God,

In Jesus' name. Amen.

Thanks to all who've been dropping by. :)

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First off, pardon me for this rather long hiatus... haha. On one hand I really didn't know what to type everytime I had the opportunity to drop by... ever since I included the "frivolity" section I am mindful not to write an entry that would eventually be classified under that... Hahaha. But yeah... rather, I find that the scarcity of free time these days has resulted in lesser reflections on my part... and even at this point of writing, my schedules are already packed into the new year with just one more short break (thank God for Char - she is right la... if it's not for her I would be staring at the computer screen 24/7 this season in time... Pa is good. (: ) And yes... I should be sleeping now because I'll have to wake up very early later and make a trip back to the apartment to dump some stuff before heading down to Nick & Beck's wedding... am leading worship.

But I guess certain things that transpired casually over the course of a very good dinner tonight... they're worth a mention and an entry here - something that made me ponder... and probably would serve as a good reminder.

Char and I went for a little housewarming at a friend's place... man we were treated to a really good feast! We eased into the food and conversation began amongst those present... as stories went around, it was mentioned of a Major in an army unit whose ambition seemingly was to tekan (torment) the people under him, treating them like underlings. He would use foul words (he's a university graduate if I'm not wrong) on them and give unreasonable tasks for his men to complete... and as though there was a need to strike a balance off the negative tangent, it was then said of him that he's really devoted in his faith and goes to Bible studies four days a week.

I had a chill pass through me when the latter part was being told over the dinner table... my insides were like, eeyer... why like that...

Lest I become judgmental! Haha... I am reminded that we are all creations of God, all under construction.

The pitfall is that whereas many call upon Jesus as their Saviour, many don't quite catch the implications of the second part, when they are to acknowledge Jesus as their Lord and grow to being more and more like Him, where the fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness... to name a few.

I have my fair share of personal encounters, especially this year, when I officially hold a full time job and get to interact with more people beyond church, both adults (colleagues) and youths (students).

There are colleagues who are believers whom I had rather peculiar not-so-pleasant encounters with... I had to be reminded by my immediate boss (whom I am really thankful to God for... having him as my immediate superior and mentor is like adding a thousand dollars to my salary!! Haha... :P) that I have to learn to be discerning - not all Christians are Christians - I was like. HOR. That makes sense... but I'll rather believe that they've called upon Jesus as their Savior, but perhaps not so much of acknowledging that He's Lord and that they need help in becoming more like Him...

And I must admit that I must constantly check the planks in my eye - I may not be filled with many prickly traits and attitudes on the outward, but I am reminded that God sees me from the inside out... and only He knows how irky it can be sometimes. :|

And youths? It's always been the case that it is more tolerable for me to look beyond the ignorance and incongruence for the professing youths... they are after all growing in their faith and learning what it means to follow Christ and carry His Cross. It's a joy that I'm given the opportunity even to witness the transformational power of the Cross in the lives of individuals who took that step of faith... and beyond that, got themselves discipled along the way. :)

And that... will be the mark of God working and growing us to becoming more like Him. The next chapter of the Major's life has yet to be written... probably somewhere down the road that transformation would occur. And it will probably be so for others... myself as well. And for those who've yet to know Jesus personally and not just knowing about Him from hearsay, friends, media, books and literature... there'll probably come a time as well.

Knowing Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior can be the greatest service you'll ever do to yourself.

Another Christmas is coming in a few days' time... it'll be yet another time of good cheer, of gift exchanges, of merry making, of love, joy, peace... then come January, everything returns to square one.

Or does it have to?

Know Christ... know Christmas. No Christ... you get mas. mas selamat. Haha...

Head down to Orchard Road these few days (19-25 Dec) and soak in some true spirit of Christmas! ;)

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Char and I took a bus to town after church service this morning... we went there to meet up with Uncle Wee Boon (her dad) who's running his maiden full marathon at the Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon this year. Boy am I inspired! (: His sole purpose was to complete one... and he's done so at the age of 50!

Mmm looks like I should start putting words into action and aim to complete my first marathon in time to come... next year's Singapore Marathon bah. My longest thus far was the half marathon done in 2005 in the same event... Guess it's time. :)

If you've noticed, there's this Nike+ widget that I've been displaying on the new templated design - I've recently bought the Nike+ device that tracks the distance one covers using iPod... and they've this "challenge" section where you select personal running challenges to motivate yourself to run more... I've chosen this challenge set by another person to run 170km before the year ends. So far I've covered 100km or so... and so after witnessing so many runners doing their thing in the afternoon, my heart felt itchy... went back to boarding apartment where my running stuff are and set out to do a half marathon.

The sky was threatening to rain... and the weather forecast said so too. But I went anyways... and as I began to run, I just had the sense that He would hold back the rain till I'm done. It was a rather good start... then something happened halfway through. My iPod jammed. 6.22miles (approximately 10km) of record lost just like that... meaning that the 10km I just ran wouldn't be registered. For a moment I felt a bit sian hoping that I could recover that data... gave up in the end and restarted the device. Ran another 5km before returning to the apartment.

It would be great if I can continuously shave off my timings with each run... but for now, I'll be really contented if I can complete my first marathon next year... Mmm. Anyone wants to work towards completing a marathon next year too? :)

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I've been putting off writing this entry for some time... I can't exactly pinpoint the reasons to this inertia... but yeah, I'm back. :)

I've been waiting... waiting for a turning point somewhere down the road the past months, a defining moment of sort - it hasn't really been the best of seasons; I lived through a terribly undisciplined season, not just spiritually, but really in all aspects. There were days in the boarding school apartment where I gave up ample amount of sleep because I was onto some work which I wanted to complete... and as a result I was unable to function fully the next day.

Yesterday was one such day. I ended up not being able to concentrate during the counselling seminar that May (my school's full time counsellor) signed up for me and another colleague as part of the counselling team... kept dozing off. :|

The person most affected would had been Char; met up with her to spend the evening with her... and she had to bear that dead-pan look of mine... well. Thankful it ended off well though. :) She threw me a surprise that I didn't manage to catch beforehand! Haha... we caught "Catching Adam Cheng" at the Action Theatre. I caught a little news on this local play over Channel Newsasia some weeks ago while commuting on the bus... never thought I'd actually catch it! Didn't communicate the thought of wanting to watch it to Char or whatsoever... so it's pretty amazing how we ended up catching it! Haha... yeah, catching dramas... that'll be one of our nice pastimes. :)

Returned home and crashed immediately after showering. It's Aunty Witwit's day off today... so it's my turn to look after mom. Am actually typing this in her room right now with her looking at me... heh. I showed her High School Musical 1 & 2 on the laptop in the morning! Haha... I was on the other computer looking through my past entries (those in 1999) and categorizing them... it was quite a surreal feeling. It was really reading through the entries of a person of the past... was quite appalled by my own worldview back then! And all the pompous and superfluous vocabularies... hahaha. I think most of my boys write so much better than I did back then!

Reading them brought back memories... mostly good ones (thankful!). I relived some school scenes back in those days of 99S31... brought some smiles to my face. :)

One thing that's outstanding from my writings back then though... is that I found myself to be really self-absorbed. Talk about empathy... I myself didn't have much back then as well, and here I am fretting over the boys not being empathetic to the people and situations around them... is it really a phase of life that all teenagers go through? Mmmm I guess in the end it's circumstantial bah. They should all grow up alright. Haha... :)

Everytime I look back... I'm just thankful that He's the God of the second chances.

As with this entirely new design without a tinge of the previous beige one and its similar-colored predecessor that lasted the past five years or so... here's a new chapter in the life of someone who knew he could never make it in this life without his Maker watching over him.

:)

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Here you go... a rather half baked new design for the website.

The aesthetics aside, it is the first design template that I've created without the usage of the table tags... wholly cascading style sheets. Yeah... the old school me finally managed to move on a little with times. :)

There're much more to be done here not just in terms of sprucing up the designs - given my schedules, I guess I've got to work out a plan and roll the components out bit by bit, in manageable portions while I undertake other pressing matters as well.

Planning for the big day next May... it's been coming along pretty well I must say. Looking back, I still can't believe that it's happening!!! :D The latest that Char and I settled with regards to preparations are our wedding rings... have a really good feel of the chosen pair. :)

So much to do this holidays.. haha. Okay I'm going to be a little random (and a little cranky due to my accumulation of sleep debts) before I call it a night. I'll save a longer rant to another post in time to come.

I think I have weird feet. I realised that the unique way my shoes get worn out are at the front ends where my little toes are. Ah. Probably not weird feet but broad feet. Haha... man this is so random.

Glad to see Julian and Desheng today - they popped by the Hub after their papers. They're representative of a bunch of people whom I'm kind of missing. Haha... as for the two of them, really hope they'll do well... that they would still be able to be part of the family.

I wonder how next year will be when the population doubles to two levels.

I wonder... if I am able still to give the kind of attention that I really wish to give.

Mmm. Haha alright I think I better catch up with some sleep. Till then. :)

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2008 seems to pass by pretty quickly... come to think of it.

It's funny to think of the days when you couldn't think of yourself growing up and turning 25 and beyond.

In a few months' time the number will turn 27. And subsequently my marital status will see a change as well.

It's scary... come to think of it!

Haha... you're reading the banters of a child-at-heart... what to do. Haha... but yeah. There're certain things that I could do in the past that I realised I couldn't do as efficiently now... like burning midnight oil. I stayed up the whole night after the replying of emails and worked on the front page of my centre's website... didn't want to lose the 'continuity of workflow'. It's done now... but not ready to be revealed until the entire new site is done, which I hope will be rather soon. Now the front page looks like a front page. :)

I'll have to 'suffer' the consequence of burning the midnight oil I guess... the day's packed. And I've got a project meeting to attend at 7am tomorrow... Hur Dear dear's going to scold me for not taking care of myself... :|

Work retreat's coming up Thursday - Friday... which reminds me - I think I have some presentation to work out and present at the retreat.

Back to office for a meeting for now. :)

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Yep... I know. It's been some time since I've left an entry... or written a song... or recorded a song for that matter. Well... here's an entry! :)

I've been busy with quite a number of things after I came back from the trip to San Fran... preparing for a year-end closure for the centre that I'm coordinating in my workplace, preparing for the new competition for ThinkQuest... speaking of which, here's the website that I've done up that houses more information on ThinkQuest in the school's context - do hop by and take a look if you're free!

I've also been pretty caught up preparing a year-end video for the boys... took quite some time to make, especially when it's been some time since I've touched video creation software's... and yeah. It's finally out, and it should be screened to them some time now (at this point of writing... I'm out on course!)

The course that I'm attending is on coping with grief and loss... it's a topic that is pretty much close to my heart. It's ironic that as I'm listening to the tutor... that I can even relate this topic to my work.

There were certain incidents that happened along the course of the year that caused grief to my heart... some with colleagues, some with my boys. Along the way I realized it's due to the expectations that I hold of them, for my colleagues, it would be the way they communicated, the genuineness, the cordiality... and for my boys, it would be the grief that comes from misplaced trust... and also certain values that they carry that they really could consider doing without.

I guess the misconception that I have personally is that I could afford to place the whole lot of them in my inner circle when most of them would probably end up as within the masses in the end, not connecting, not getting really acquainted. Haha yeah... it's unhealthy to take everything upon self I realized!

I thank God for Char... who has been a great support, for being ever so patient with me and ever so loving. She's the tangible representation of love that God has blessed me with... and everytime I think about it I just find myself so undeserving... she helps me in normalizing my emotions... something that I'm not even sure she realizes. Haha... Passing my thoughts through her, I was able to get a better reflection of the big picture... and then hey, from the half-cup empty, I begin to see the half-cup full.

I'm thankful that there are colleagues who inspire me, whose way of teaching and leading the boys and caring for them nudges me on to do likewise. Also very thankful that through time there are individual students whom I've come to know much better, whom I share special bonds with. Like this boy who comes by and sits around.. then tell you I'm going already bye bye... Hahahahaha.

Two of my boarding boys were talking about leadership with me as they helped me unpack my newly purchased vacuum machine for the apartment the night before... haha oh we were all amazed at how powerful it is - now my white rug's WHITE again! Haha... yeah. One of them was saying that servant leadership's taking too long to take effect. It's interesting that this conversation came about as I personally have been thinking about it the past weeks... and how hard it really can be.

(anyways I'm now stuck at the Teachers' Network waiting for the rain to stop... sitting by one of the stairs to type this. PRETTY COOL. Literally too.)

I guess without much refute most would agree that Jesus Christ would be the epitome of servant leadership. It's something that I've been trying to grapple with all the time, how Jesus, Son of God, the Authority of all authorities, King of all kings, Lord of all lords, would be able to walk the earth and call His creations His friends. It has been said so many times that if you're gonna be a leader, you can't be a friend to the person you're leading. I don't know... as I look upon the last year, I guess some of them would recognize me as a friend, as someone whom they can open themselves to. But I'm not sure if anyone of them would perceive me as their leader. I'm not sure if I would be given the respect enough for them to follow.. and for one, I don't dare to ask.

As I read through the Scriptures, Jesus pretty much knew the way to go; he exudes love and yet was stern and resolute when the circumstance called for it.

I confess that I often internalize my sadness and anger and avoided scolding or outrightly confronting issues with people - then I realized that this doesn't really help the other party most of the time. I told one of my boarding boys when we met for one to one... that I don't wish to be a nice teacher and end up being an ineffective one. Some of the ways I do things have to go... and it will be an ongoing process of growth I guess. So yeah... perhaps my approaches may evolve with time... but it'll always be backed by the same foundation.

Lest I forget that we're called to become more like Christ each day, to give as He's given, love as He's loved, bless as He's blessed. :)

There are lots of people I have to apologize to I realized; family members whom I've been perceived as neglected, colleagues whose feet I'd unintentionally stepped upon due to miscommunication... sometimes I really hope things aren't as complex as they are... well. Haha yeah. It's cathartic to write... I ought to resume writing more... yeah, I guess I will. :)

A whole batch of my boys will be leaving for Beijing next week... time really flies. Soon they will be donning the beige uniform and long pants... and as a couple of them texted me to thank me for the video, I thanked them back... for the privilege to be able to journey along this portion of their lives with them. For without every single one of them, the video wouldn't be what it is... yup. Am just hoping that when they do return to school in their long pants, they would also appear more grown up in their actions and attitudes... it's amusing to think that our human brain will only be fully formed at the age of 25 or so - some adults may brush this off as bull, but I guess I can afford to give the benefit of doubt, to know that some of their actions (sometimes can be quite foolish) are a result of an incomplete brain. Wahahah yay I'm 26 this year!!! Hahahahha...

Okay just nice. Rain has stopped. Time to go!

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It's hard when you put a melancholic in a position of coordination / leadership.

It's even harder when he's imbued with a personality that seeks perfection.

It's easier for someone with the natural flair to lead to do just so and then work in the compassionate part.

It's hard the other way round, for fear of hurting the other party and hurting self in the process.

And it happened to me.. but I had to do so. Perhaps someone down the road would have done it for them at an opportune time... perhaps.

I ask myself why do I get so bothered over these things... and the only reason I can think of... is because they matter.

Can I take the names thrown at me? Well... I guess if I am to remain, I'll have to learn to get used to them in time to come.

The glass is three-quarters full... and I have to learn to make do with the quarter of emptiness, fill it up if possible, but not mull over it and instead celebrate the fact that it's three-quarters full.

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Marked by experiences... not physical age.

And so I'm thankful that I've been put through various experiences - humbling ones, painful ones, happy ones, sad ones... that I may grow.

There was this instance the past week when the question was asked of a supernatural power that one would like to have imbued in oneself. It was with some thought that I noted that I would like to have the power to heal.

Not because I have a messianic complex.

Perhaps one could probably be able to better empathize if one should know that I have a bedridden mom who had a brain hemorrhage, a younger sister who's currently facing the dilemma of taking up a new clinical trial due to her losing response to the current medications for her chronic leukemia, and a dad who's suffering from diabetes mellitus... who's currently on heart medication for a suspected heart attack.

Yeah...

But nothing compares still to the power of inner healing, the healing of the heart.. to see hearts and relationships restored.

And I realised that given my own capacity, there's just so much I can do, and so many I can reach out to... for I'm a simple person and I frown when I meet complex people or those who put on facades or are bent to make things complicated.

His grace is enough... His grace is enough. :)

1

Here I am at Changi Airport Terminal 3 using their free wireless internet service... there's still about 45 mins to the opening of the boarding gates, just nice for an entry before I leave for San Francisco. Yeap. This year's been amazing in terms of travelling... I know it's nothing for those in families who have the time and money to afford yearly getaways... Haha yeah. Australia in the second quarter, now United States in the third... and probably a trip to East Asia in the fourth quarter... I can never imagine myself to have such opportunities... well. What can I do... but to be thankful? Mmm. :) This trip is especially meaningful... I can never imagine myself to be immersed in the 'ThinkQuest' buzzword ever since I stopped taking part in it as a student member ten years ago... and now there're students from the school winning again, I hope it'll spell the dawn of another new era for the school. Mm. :)

Thank God for yesterday night's mid term checkup for my discipleship course... I was reminded in a very perculiar way... how He's always been around. Char came by my boarding apartment in the early evening and we were supposed to study for the test together... but I ended up doing some packing... time basically dragged. In the end I did not manage to revise any of the memory verses which I was supposed to revise. We took a cab to church... and on the way I was feeling apologetic... kept telling God that I was sorry that I did not put in the effort and make the time to study - work took its toll. I would do my best, knowing that this 'best' isn't exactly my best... if you get what I mean. And I was prepared to fail.

I almost froze when the paper was distributed - Ps. William suddenly mentioned that the memory verses section would take up more than fifty percent of the paper... which meant that even though I could score full marks in the other sections, I might still not be able to pass. Started doing the sections which I studied for... and then the memory verses.

The bulk of those tested came from the Psalms. We were required to write out full Psalms... and somehow I just wrote... and I kept on writing... and giving thanks as I wrote them out.

Despite my unpreparedness, God taught me something. You know, I've always been plagued with low self esteem and low self confidence, even if my outer shell doesn't show. To make things worse... I can be quite a perfectionist for my personality, sounds rather contradictory I know. Even in my walk, there are times when I doubted myself.. asking myself time and again if I've moved on or if I'm still dabbling in shallow faith.

Char is right. At least our results showed how much of His Word is internalised and not cramped up in a day or two... and I'm thankful. Not to mention that my marker was lenient and didn't penalised me too much... I was given 96 percent in the end.

I'm humbled on one end, knowing that it isn't a score that I should deserve, yet affirmed on the other, that quite a bit of His Word has been etched in my long term memory. Ever more thankful... because I have very poor short term memory.. and my dear dear can attest to that.

Mmm. :) Please pray for me... that I will make use of this trip fruitfully, the free times in between, that I'll be given times of refreshing in Him. And hopefully I don't have to deal too much with jet lag... haha.

Thankful for the two boys who sms-ed me well wishes for the trip and another couple others who msned... they've overturned the impression that I have that this generation of youths don't really know how to encourage and affirm. Haha... on the other hand, I know these boys are an exception to the norm la. So what to do. :)

Okay... time to go for now. I guess the next time I leave a post, I should be in San Francisco already... till then.

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I was asking God on my way to the hospital for a heart that loves Him... a heart that desires Him. In my heart I was hoping for the kind of heart encounters I have with Him in the past, those precious times when you simply feel so broken and so loved at the same time. The songs in my iPod (thanks gpp... it's been put into much use (: ) played on... and just a few stops before I had to alight, Jeremy Camp's song started playing. Every word... every word represented what I wanted to say to Him:

MY DESIRE by Jeremy Camp

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the King

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by You

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
And I know my heart is to feel You near
And I know my life
It's to do Your will
It's to do Your will

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You

All my life I have seen
Where You've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped
And there's more left unseen

There's not much I can do to repay all You've done
So I give my hands to use

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You

Reached SGH's haematology centre at about 10:35am. Saw dad at the registration counter who told me that Dori's in one of the wards already. Yep.. she had a bone marrow aspiration appointment today. Her white blood cells are on the rise even with the increased dosage of the medication that she's been taking for the past five years or so... and so her doctor suggested that a bone marrow test be done to see if she would qualify for a clinical trial for a new form of drug used to treat chronic leukemias.

Went into the ward and saw Hui Fen (Dori's cellgroup leader) with her. The first thing Dori uttered to me was "no sedation". A nurse came by to explain that whereas she was given dormicum - general anaestesia - in the past, the hospital would not be giving it anymore as the drug might cause more harm than benefit.

I've not seen my sister so fearful before... she extended her left hand and asked me to hold it to see how cold and sweaty it was... and after which she teared amidst all the controlling.

She had a very bad experience the first time round eight years ago when she wasn't given general anaestesia... the pain to her was unbearable. Three nurses in all came to 'pacify' and tried to talk her to go without sleeping... in the end she insisted. One of them consulted her doctor, who agreed to give her the minimum dosage of the drug.

We proceeded to the room with the bed.. Dori changed her clothes and returned. We prayed... Prayed for her that God would take away all fears and doubts in her mind and that His peace and comfort be with her... that He would allow the procedure to be a quick and painless one.

I had to tilt my head upwards after ending the prayer... I had to keep quiet and keep still for that few moments to keep tears from spilling over the cornea.

The procedure went smoothly... Dori was awake enough after it to do some chatting before she took a little nap.

Yeah... I have a strong little sister. (:

We proceeded to Central for a very late lunch before she went to browse some books at Kinokuniya while I returned to boarding school.

I'm just glad that I'm allowed time-off today to be with my sis.

4

"Goodness without knowledge is weak and feeble, yet knowledge without goodness is dangerous, and that both united form the noblest character." - Samuel & John Phillips

"To educate a person in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." - Theodore Roosevelt

Oops. I realised it's been 8 days (*mind thinks of the radio jingle for a local magazine - "8 days every week...."*) since I've written anything here. Originally wanted to do up a collage of the photos taken before writing a post but I reckoned that it might take forever again. Haha... so yeah. I think I better write a post first. Then go for a jog. Yeah... I'm still at my boarding apartment on a Saturday afternoon... but it's intentional. It's the first time I realised I needed time alone, for myself. Call it a recharge bah.

It's interesting how many people around me started commenting about me ballooning... in a sense I'm thankful, that colleagues and students alike are frank enough to help keep me in check in a way. I'm not quite sure why, but I guess the new boarding school lifestyle (with all the less travelling and walking up the slopes, etc) might have caused me to neglect my weight watching. My shirts are starting to look oversized... and yeah, this is definitely not in line for the photoshoot lined up in December and the actual day in May next year. Haha... and so I've started my regime once more. With so many pairs of eyes keeping me accountable, I do hope that I'll be able to shed a couple of kilos along the way. Just hoping that I won't fall to sweet temptations... sigh. Haha.

I attended a two day character education course by Prof. Thomas Likona together with some like-minded colleagues. Introverted as I am, I think when it comes to work and a common vision, I do get energised when I identify colleagues around me who're on the same page with the same goals... and who believe in working as a team. And I'm thankful that God blesses me with such people around to think aloud with and to work with. It had been a fruitful course... and if anything, I think I'm beginning to find my niche in character education.

I'm always thankful when I come across individual students who have both performance character and moral character - they do their best and are respectful to others, their demeanor naturally pleasing. Some may not be faring as well academically, but the good attitudes they exude gives others the wanting to help them along even more... yeah, even as I'm writing this I can see faces flash across my mind... which is, good! Haha... then there are those who are academically strong but yet lacking in moral character... and it does puts others off sometimes. The insidious thing I realised... is that sometimes they themselves aren't even aware of their lacking, and that the way they do things and behave are self perceived as normal. My heart sours for these boys... as much as I can see the vast potential in them, sometimes I just don't know what can be done or said that would actually help.

It's true that as much as it took them ten over years to build up self formed (most probably) values and habits that mostly went unchecked and misconstrued (probably cases of over pampering or over disciplining), it may take that equal amount of time for them to rework their values and unlearn bad habits.

My heart sours... because I believe they're good boys at the end of the day, not the stereotypical guai kias (well behaved boys but with bad connotation), but those who can discern the right from the wrong, who can show proper respect, etc.

Well... I'm learning. The course is a good start I reckon. Ultimately, I pray that it'll be Pa who works miracles in lives. Which reminds me.. of a piece of good news I received a couple of days ago. I was meeting up with this boy and chatting with him when he said he had to leave soon for cell group. I took a double take and asked him - "cell group?". Then he confirmed that I wasn't hearing the wrong thing. It's a joy indeed... and yes, Pa answers prayers. :)

I believe in specific and professional skills in the area of affective and character education... but on top of that, I believe that He's gonna be the one who causes hearts to change for the better. He is love after all. Mmm. :)

Another highlight of the week would be the Projects' Day grand finals and awards ceremony. Chen lao shi (my sec 4 chinese teacher) was invited to be one of the judges... so it was a good opportunity to catch up a little with her and have a photo taken (yayyyy hahaha) with her. It's still quite amusing to know that she's taught Char as well in a different place and context. Haha...

Three of the teams that I'd coached went on stage for their high distinction wins... proud of each of the three in different ways - all three showed perseverance and the willingness to listen to critique and suggestions... but what's most important was their drive to finish their project... and to finish it well. Heartened to know that a number of them are waiting to start on next year's ThinkQuest project... at this juncture, I am beginning to see a glimmer of hope for the ThinkQuest baton to be finally passed on. *smiles*

I felt really proud (though I had no involvement at all hahahaha...) when the time came for the secondary three cohort to go up on stage to collect their trophies - I guess I'm the only one who would feel that way... hahaha. :)

We had a mini mid autumn festival celebration in our boarding programme yesterday evening where we had mooncakes, chips, tea... and a dose of my guitar playing and singing. Taught them to sing the song that you're currently hearing here (Thank You, My Friend) - I really don't know if it's too premature to teach them... but I'm hoping that this song would mean something to them, especially at the end of next year. Ya... THEY SANG! :)

Then we had the Myer-Briggs Temperament Indicator (MBTI) course in the morning where I ascertained my type as INFJ again, this time round officially. Yep... all that's happened till now. Char came by with her bestie Euns just now for lunch... we'll be meeting again to spend the evening together. It's been hard still, trying to get used to the new schedules, where gone were the days when we could walk slowly down the canal, when I could walk her home and then walk home myself... well. Haha... aye aye.

Alright. Shall be off to have a jog for now. Collages should be up at a later date... in the meantime, the photos have all been uploaded - click on "Photos & Videos" on the top menu bar to view.

I wonder still... if people actually read these entries in their entirety??? If you have read to this point (HAHAHAHAHA..... gosh this sounds so familiar), leave a comment or a tag?

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... should be renamed September Busy. lol.

I finally brought my guitar to my boarding school apartment... there are times when I really feel like reverting back to those good ol' times (not that it's that very long ago la) when all there was was coming back home to play the guitar and write new songs... and in a way, that was when I was spiritually very much filled too. But I know I should not rely on that to get my walk with Jesus goin... it should be in all circumstances... YEP. Still, I am glad that the guitar's here!!! (:

Went to catch ACJC Drama Elective Programme Year 1's exam pieces, "Inventio 2008", where 5's in one of the plays. The five bucks for the four plays... it's pretty worth the price - standard's there... don't play play. Haha... seriously. The play 5's in depicts the life of a family of which the daughter's stricken with cerebral palsy. Some of the feelings and frustration shown in the play were heartfelt... my mom and I were really close in the past. I being the quiet one (still very am), there would be times when I'm just sitting or lying by her bed in her room listening to her yak yak non stop... I would be the one following her around as she worked, from the music centres to all the kindergarten centres. There were many great moments we shared, even those times of just being in her centre, just the two of us...

Things just weren't the same anymore ever since mom had the brain hemorrhage and lays bedridden with a tracheotomy tube. There were many moments I had to guess if she actually understood whatever I was saying - every little nod or mouthing of word became so precious. Due to the nature of the brain bleeding, there is no way to assess what she knows or not know, what she remembers for has forgotten... there was a period of time I kept asking her to identify me by mouthing my name.. just to have a reassurance that she knows who I am.

Just a week ago, I decided to take a step forward and asked her if she knows where I am currently staying now as I told her about my school's boarding programme. All along the kind of responses I've been soliciting from her are those generic "yes", "ok" answers... and so I asked. She didn't respond first... so I went ahead and said "Bukit..."

Then she mouthed the word "Timah".

Haha... the part of the play whereby the daughter with cerebral palsy stood up and explained to the audience came to mind. In my mind I was imagining what my mom would be thinking then... like, crazy son... asking me such childish questions over and over again. Haha... I don't know if I share all my thoughts with her she would understand everything? I don't know... but I think I'll try that from now on everytime Aunty Witwit goes for her day off and I take over.

I hold on to the hope that she'll be well again and that I'll hear her voice once again... mm. :)

It's great to see the rest at the play too... I miss them. Yeah... I really do. The times... the fun... mm. I guess I can't help it that we've seemingly drifted - it's something that I'm still trying to comprehend, how some relationships are kept in tact in spite of the lack of regular meetups and some just aren't. Well... well well.

One of my students got involved in a road traffic accident and was warded in NUH. Thank God it wasn't a serious case... he was still bubbly and very much himself (haha... yeah this boy has quite a unique personality) as he recounted to me the story when a couple of us visited him (and his forth time recounting that day). He was crossing the road when he was hit by a front view mirror of a lorry. According to him, his view was blocked by a bus... his recounting really reminded me of a piece of news I read as a young child that kind of stuck with me all the while, whereby a school student was hit and sent flying twenty metres or so as he was dashing across the street in front of a stationary bus.

I don't suppose that my student was jaywalking at the traffic lights - if not the bus nearest to him would have been moving and not stationary. And so... thank God that he wasn't running across... if not his whole body would have met the lorry head on. Mm. Really relieved to see him at his usual self... haha.

I wouldn't know how I'll react or respond if anything serious happens to my family, friends or my students. I wouldn't know how I'll perform as a counsellor in such times... and I can only hope I won't be found in such situations. So... yeah. Hope you'll get well soon. ;)

Char had her gown selection!! My dear dear's gonna look mature as she walks down the aisle... and princessy at the dinner! Hur hur... Her gowns selection took a couple of hours while mine took 15 minutes. Hahaha... we decided upon a chinese collared coat since I already have a normal collared one... so that gives us more selection for photoshoot and for the day itself. Time flies... 8 more months. It's quite scary to think of it, with so much of the preparations undone... but yeah, really thankful thus far for all the stuff that's covered, and really thankful that we've got a planner who's really responsible and "on the ball". More updates soon in time to come. :)

Ok. Dinner time.

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I'm currently at Singapore General Hospital's Polar cafe... Dori and I were supposed to meet at 10am (and so I rushed and I huffed and I puffed from Bukit Timah all the way down... okok I didn't run but I did rushed) then dad decided to come along last minute.. and they only got onto a bus from home at 10am. So here I am waiting... being thankful that I have my laptop with me.

I have been clearing spam off my site's comments... it has since become a daily routine. Spam bots would flood my comments with loads of junk posts and thankfully, this version of Movable Type has the capability to screen off most of them before they could be published. Still, I'll have to log into the system and remove them.

Then I realised... that there's a lot of spam in life too, things that are thrown into our lives which we do not necessarily need. All the messages and what nots... the only thing is that sometimes we get spam that's alluring and enticing and instead of trashing them we find ourselves keeping them and letting them clutter up our lives.

Hmm. It's a good time to do a self check. I'll need to rid myself off unwanted spam.

Hahaha I hope this makes sense.

The topic of love languages was briefly touched upon again yesterday at the marriage preparation course session. It's a good refresher and a reminder of how faithful God is for me personally. For those who may not be in the know, Gary Chapman has coined the term and lists five forms of love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Gifts and Physical Touch. We all give and receive love in these five forms, some responding more to particular forms, some less.

The interesting thing about Char and myself is that we have rather differing forms of love languages... so there were many moments in the past where we couldn't sense our love for one another when we were actually giving it in forms that the other party couldn't quite appreciate at that time. It was weird to talk in through initially for me... but now with the understanding, we are able to see and identify when we're expressing love in our language and we are able to reciprocate and respond in a way the other party will understand.

I respond to acts of service most somehow... and naturally I find myself expressing love and reciprocating concern with acts of service as well. Words of affirmation comes next, followed by gifts, quality time and physical touch.

There was this time when Char was asleep while I began to do up the laundry at her place... I know it sounds weird but I actually had a good time doing so. Haha...

Which is why I guess I enjoy my work in school... seeing the things I do as a form of service to the boys. And when they reciprocate in kind, I found myself especially touched. Like some of the boys who volunteered to help out at the parent teacher gathering last minute... when they didn't have to. Haha.. I bet they didn't even think it meant so much.

I went down to the CSE Hub (it's an old staff lounge now converted into a resting place and office space) to take a look before coming to the hospital - the furniture's in and the sockets and network points are in place. The next thing is to shift my stuff down from my library office... perhaps it'll spell a new season with a change in office space and environment... I don't know. But we'll see. :)

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Can anyone live passionately for Jesus and yet live a life unchanged... untransformed in His likeness...?

I am appalled... that such incongruence exists.

Either that... or the prior might just be a facade.

Why must I always learn things the hard way? Sigh... I took people's comments with a pinch of salt, believed that perhaps it really isn't so.

Till I have to have a taste of it's own for me to really understand it myself.