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With the permission from my wife, I'm currently in bed with my laptop writing this entry while she goes to sleep first. Thought I should jot down all these when things are still fresh in mind... including the emotions. By that, I don't mean I'm writing this under an intense emotional state... quite on the contrary, what I'm about to write is the product of the process of having gone through such a state... after I've gotten things sorted out, more or less. So... here goes.

The Commencement Dinner for the Batch of 2006-2009 Hwa Chong Institution (High School) came and went by in the blink of an eye at the Hilton Hotel just now. As much as it was a significant event to many, if not all, of the students who were there, it was too, to me. 2006 was the first year I re-entered my alma mater; I had the privilege of interacting with half of the secondary one cohort then for a period of a term or so. Subsequently was given the opportunity to interact with half the cohort once again two years later in their upper secondary years, with closer interaction with some of them in the capacity of a project or an affective mentor.

It has been both a sweet and a bittersweet experience with this very first batch... but I don't regret the way I've poured my energies into them, though I must confess that I seriously don't think I have that kind of physical and more importantly, the emotional capacity to do so for the subsequent ones. Well... till I get myself better attuned to my inner workings I guess! Haha...

Sweet because... even as a non-subject teaching 'teacher', even though there are no concrete 'exam' results to gauge if what you've been doing and teaching has indeed proven beneficial to the students' growth, I take their return of gratitude as a temporal indicator and feedback to know that they've at least gotten hold of something. A better indicator would definitely come in the years to come, in junior college for the short run, and in life for the long, when the roots are firmly anchored and when the trees have more or less grown up. For now, I've got to say that I've been surprised many a times by the wonderful gestures from some of them, some whom I've not had the chance to interact more with since their sec one days. Some of them wrote really heartfelt words (ie specfic, non-cliche) for my wedding and for teachers' day; some gave a little gift each year without fail.

Bittersweet because... there would be some who would make you feel that you're pouring water through a broken cistern; you don't exactly see results and you don't receive any form of an indicator at best... and at its worst, it makes you feel that all things said and done were in vain.

This post is dedicated to all the students in this batch who've made a positive difference in me through my stint these past few years. The songs presented at the dinner together with the montage - both were written specifically for such a time as the dinner, and it's definitely something original and belonging solely to the batch of 2006 - 2009.

It is inevitable to be losing a part of the familiarity you sense in school next year as this batch moves on over to the college section. Maybe it's something that veteran teachers have gotten used to... or maybe it's just the sentimental me. Even in the Boarding Programme, things are definitely not going to be the same. I already have an inkling as to who are the ones who would probably keep in touch when all the structures have been taken away... and who would move on and not return. Then again, I should just let time tell... (:

Okay it's finally time for bed. Originally wanted to come out with a list of students who've made me feel the work that I'm on and at as worthwhile... but I think that would take quite a substantial amount of time to do so... so I'll leave that out for now. Will write in time to come! :)

So... this is it. Thanks for the times!

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I am currently devouring a book on mentoring (it's been some time I've read a book this fast!) and this section came before all the other chapters. It is entitled "Please Mentor Me" - an open letter from the next generation. I am just wondering if this really reflects the heart of the youths today? And if this really is so... and if there really are life-giving mentors around, would the youths of today be willing to commit to an exciting journey of relating, learning... and multiplying?

Would you...?

It is an image indelibly etched into the American consciousness: four of the fastest men in the world poised at the start of the 4 x 100 relay at the 1988 Olympics. Comprised of a peerless group of atheletes, each a champion in his own right, it was inconceivable that the US team could lose. Yet as the final leg of the race approached, the unthinkable happened. The Americans dropped the baton. Quick as lightning it was over. The race and any hopes of a gold medal were lost. The crowd, electrified moments earlier, was struck mute. All the potential nullified because of a botched hand-off.

For many of us who fall in the age group known as the "Millennials" or "Generation Y" (born between 1984 and 2002), this disastrous scene aptly describes the sense of loss we often feel entering adulthood. we are different than the last two generations. Searching desperately for mentors to teach us, yet not knowing where to look, we are left feeling like runners stranded at the starting gate without a baton. Some may characterize us as lazy "slackers", or "self-absorbed idealists," but the truth is... ours is a digital generation - we stare at a screen much of our day. We lack direction and identity; we're often missing a sense of continuity with our heritage. We are fuzzy because so many options lie in front of us. Some of us have been the "trophies" of our parents but they never let us grow up. Most of us move home after college. It underscores our need for mature men and women to come alongside us, to share their wisdom, and hand us the torch of leadership for our generation.

In the ancient scriptures, we find that a young man, to be considered a true Jew, was required to trace his lineage to Abraham. They knew their family heritage. Yet many of us growing up today scarcely knew our own fathers. we appear over-confident - but it's often a front. We're going every direction. We lack guidance and focus. We're confident about our dreams, but don't have much experience. We need you. When we appear distrustful, it is because we have been disappointed so often. We hunger for your friendship. We thirst after someone with strong character.

We ask ourselves: "Where are the men to accept us with no strings attached, to let us serve alongside them - without fear of failure? Where are the men willing to share their mistakes so that we might not repeat them? where are the men willing to love us enough not to leave us the way we are?"

Will you take a risk with us, and allow us to serve alongside you in the fight for values we all face? Will you let us share with you our burning passions, while receiving the treasure of your experience? Bridging the gap is not as hard as you might think... all we're really asking for is some coaching to help us get past our childhood and enter the adult world. Our generation will lead this culture into the next century. We need you to help us find out place in a confusing world. Please don't leave us standing at the starting gate.

Signed,
Looking for Mentors

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It's ironic how I'm beginning to feel the 'heat' just when the school holidays have started for the boys! Things started off pretty okay, but now I'm really feeling the toughness of having to juggle amongst the many hats, between family, work and studies. I actually have an essay that's due today... but there was really not much opportunity for me to work on it the whole of last month! Boo... thankful for the two-week extension provision, but even so, I have another essay that would be due in another month's time... wouldn't want things to snowball in this fashion!

I really wonder how one of my bosses does it. Heard that he would arrive much earlier in his office to work on his thesis; his workload is quite unimaginable, plus he has his wife and children at home... then I've got another colleague who's got so much on her plate as well... yet she's fully functional. Well, in a way I guess I've to be thankful that He's placed people before me to pave the road. Didn't really expect this road ahead would be that tough, but I'll be hanging on by His grace. (=

I've got a friend who asked me what my dream job is. It's funny how I've often been the one asking my students what their ambitions are and what they really want to be next time... when I have yet to provide a definite answer myself. Haha... but thing is, if this question is asked of me in relation to any particular vocation, then I really won't have a definite answer.

I am already in my dream job. Not that the conditions are the most ideal, but I'm enjoying the nature of my interactions with the students. It is a blessing and privilege to be able to be in a mentoring role. It's by no means a coincidence that I was asked this question again just some hours back in the midst of my course lunch break... as to what my long term plans are. "Counsellor?" he asked. I pondered a little while before uttering the word, "Youth work". So it isn't so much about counselling in general that I could possibly be doing in the long run, but it's more of getting myself equipped in this area so as to be a more competent helper amongst the age group.

Someone once mentioned that my current job isn't one to be admired, or would it be one that's sought after. I must confess that sometimes I still do struggle in the flesh when it comes to pondering over the amount of work that I have to do versus the amount that I'm getting, but I do know that this is an area which I am called to be constantly surrendering to Him, resting in His provisions as I learn to do my part in His grand masterplan.

The guys from 1A'06 invited me to their year end dinner gathering together with their secondary two form teacher. It amazes me still how I've been given the chance to interact with some of them over the course of the four years, formally or informally. I was glad that I remembered the names of all who were present that evening, even more so to have seen them grown over the past four years. Of the eight classes that I took briefly for infocomm studies in their secondary one year, I seemed to have the most affinity with this class, mentoring some of them for projects here and there, for four years even for some of them! Haha...

Then I managed to head down to Hougang Sports Hall one of the days to catch HCVB 'B' Division in action. These guys are a special bunch; caught them in action first when they were in 'C' Division... and it's heartening to see how they're growing as a team. I've contemplated on many occasions to take them officially, seeing the potential in all of them to becoming all rounders not just in their sport, but academically and affectively as well... well. Not bad to be mentoring some of them already for a start? :P

I do look forward to the days when these guys grow up and become active contributors to society... I really do. Even with those peeps whom I'd got the privilege to lead some years back in WEB... it'll be interesting to see where God's gonna lead them in the future. In the meantime, I'm reminded once again to be faithful in the sowing or watering - He'll take care of the growth.

It's funny how I suddenly thought of some of them in the midst of my lesson this afternoon... and I started smsing some of them, asking about their end of year results. Zeb was the first to reply telling me he's scored rather well for his promos (quite expected la actually haha...) - he's been the bright spark amongst the lot and usually the quiet one; still quite hard to imagine that he's actively serving in his school's student council! Haha... (: in his reply he asked for a suitable date to meet up with him and the rest of the dg; shall look forward to the meetup! Then I actually bumped into him in town hours later after my lesson while I was on the way to meet Char for dinner... that's too much for a coincidence man. But yeah, it was great to be talking to him face to face. :)

This entry took the span of the entire day to be written - first on the way for my lesson, then a little more on the way to town for dinner after the lesson, and now finishing it up on the bed before I sleep. Time is getting scarcer and scarcer for any productive reflection to take place, for contemplation, for quiet time... I pray that Pa will grant me the heart first and foremost to want to make such times... and protect them. It is only then will we find more entries coming up as well. If you would, you could pray for me in this light.

Photos of the mentioned even will be up in due time. In the meantime... time to sleep! :)

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4th of September 2009 was a day at work that was rather different from the rest... because of the H1N1 situation, many of the pre-planned parent-teacher meetings were cancelled. As a result, an all-level combined meeting came about. The difference between this and the previous ones are that parents are to meet only the form teachers or mentors (for those in the centre that I was coordinating initially) at appointed timeslots.

Altogether, I had 7 of my mentees' parents wanting to meet me who booked slots. I ended up speaking to 10 sets of parents over the span of 9 hours... yeah, they happened to book slots that were pretty much very far apart. Haha...

It was a very tiring day frankly... but one which I enjoyed. It's not so much of the interactions that I enjoyed... but I guess when both parties come with a common interest, things just flow? On and on I could sense the parents' heart and concern for their children as we talked... got to know some things about my students I never could have known just by observing and interacting with them in school!! Haha...

Char and I were browsing through some books at the stall before the start of service this morning... then I came across this book titled "Parenting is Heart Work". Yes, a play with words... but it's as true as it can be. Mentoring is, as well. As I looked back on the days of youth ministry, I realised that I was given the opportunities to build up good relationships... but I was lacking in the necessary skills to groom and challenge their growth. Then it dawned on me that the training that I've been getting these years (and still at it) have actually helped me to be a better help to the guys at my workplace. The difference now is that it's harder in the relationship part.

Which is why I'm really thankful for all the recent initiatives that came about, first the mentoring, then the boarding programme... all of which opened up more opportunities to get to know some of them better. There were some which I know I should have taken more time to build before speaking into their lives... well, my hope is that it'll all make sense to them when the time comes.

At the end of the day, whatever that's been given me from above, I pray that He'll teach me constantly, to give as He's given... and love as He's loved. I told Char one night as we were walking along sunset way after dinner... something that I've recently resolved in my heart. It isn't very much guilt, but a part of me sometimes really hope to see people coming to know Christ through witnessing my life's testimony... but so far none after these many years. Now... I'm contented so long as He continues to use me to touch lives... not many, even just one... will do. Mm. :)

Haha okay... dinner time with Char's family now!

2

We are prone to ignore what cannot be seen... the intangibles.

We marvel at the grandiosity of the Taj Mahal, the Empire State Building, the unique architecture of our very own 'durian' Esplanade. While we stand in awe at the magnificence of their superstructure - the distinctive shape, height, design, etc - the most important element, the substrcture which enables the buildings to stand firm and maintain its magnificence, is entirely ignored - because it is completely unseen.

In life, we gravitate toward the visible and the spectacular - our accomplishments, stellar academic grades, overstuffed portfolio with recorded achievements and experiences, etc. Some get themselves overly stressed in order to add one more fresh coat of glittery paint over the walls of the building.

Though gratifying, this outward superstructure is however not where our primary energies should be expended. It is in the substructure, the unseen foundation, that our true strength lies.

Who we are, what we do when no one sees, form the substructure of our life.

With the right foundation that is firm, deep and stalwart, the structures will hold together firmly, and the superstructures can then rise to great heights without peril. Even if one desires to live simply and not aim to be the world's tallest superstructure, building a firm substrcture ensures a foundation that will withstand immense stress and strain for the building, tall or short, ensuring the safty of its occupants in times of stormy weathers, tsunamis and earthquakes.

Built upon the substructure are the structures - the supporting beams and columns - which fit together to form the framework around which the facade and usable floor area are built. These structures are the areas that we need to guard in our personal life. Time with family. Time with kindered-spirit friends. Time to unwind. Without these in the proper places, the building would be a haphazard jumble of awkward planes and dead spaces.

The superstructure represents the outward accomplishments of our life. It is built by competence and skill, with excellence. It is worthy only when the substructure is solid and the surface structures are set in place. For it is upon these that the strength, beauty and permanance of the superstructure depend.

Likewise in a tree, the roots are often unseen... but they're the very parts of the tree that holds itself up as the tree continues to grow tall and majestic.

You can train very hard in a skill... but if you are not well versed in the foundations, you may improve through rigourous training, but you may never find your form.

Who are you...? What do you do when no one sees you... are you one prone to taking short cuts? Or do you appear cordial in front of others and yet you're really someone who's cursing everyone away and stabbing people in the back? Do you partake in vices when no one's looking? What's your life built upon? Do you have personal values... what are they based upon?

What have you been spending the most time and conscious effort in building - the substructure, the structures or the superstructure of your life? Why?

What should you be focused on building at this point of time? If the building has to proceed concurrently in all 3 areas, which is the area that is of most concern to you? How can you allocate your resources (time)... How can you build in this area?

"Do you wish to be great? Then begin by being. Do you desire to construct a vast and lofty fabric? Think first about the foundations of humility. The higher your structure is to be, the deeper must be its foundation." - Saint Augustine

"The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty." - Zig Ziglar

Adapted from:
Chan, E. (2008). Mentoring Paradigms - Reflections on Mentoring, Leadership and Discipleship. Singapore: CEFC.

0

A message that I wrote to my boys...:

Hey guys,

It's been some time I know. And I won't write long. Just some takeaways that I've had the past few weeks in the midst of my interactions which I thought would be good for me to share with all. It'll apply not just to your studies, but your CCAs, your competitions... and probably your life in general.

It's a consolidation of thoughts; paragraphs may not exactly link perfectly and they definitely do not refer to any individual, but they should form a common thread.

All of you are independent learners.

For those of you who play computer games or cards for the matter, you probably would have been introduced to the game by a friend or the media. You saw how fun playing it could be. You start to play... when learning curve became steep, you either asked your friends or you began doing your own search for the answers using guidebooks or the internet.

There can be many other examples: learning a musical instrument, etc. In all these, you would have been motivated by your interest in the subject.

Looking back at your academic subjects, you would naturally find yourself faring well for those subjects which you're really interested in. But I reckoned that for most studying the subjects is an obligation rather than an interest. What teachers can do is to do their best to enthuse you in the subjects. Apart from that, you would perhaps have to search for a motivation to excel.

Why are you studying in Hwa Chong... What are you studying for... and for whom?

And this applies to all other things you may be involved in as well.

You do not get what you set out to achieve... because you never really wanted to get it in the first place, or you've never wanted it bad enough.

Be it your grades, a competition, a match... any goal, for the matter.

When you sense that things are not right or can be improved, you choose status quo and nonchalance when you could be the one to make a change for the better.

Someone else will do it... someone else should do it.

You think that you may be labelled an extra for highlighting these things... then perhaps the thing/s your stood for where the issues stem from may not exactly mean as much to you... which you may think is a lot.

It's ironic I know, how you've been asked to do reflections upon reflections for every possible subject and topic and project... but most of the time ending up with generic replies. Perhaps you can afford a little bit of time to truly look deep within... and clarify for yourselves your goals, ambitions and aspirations, be it in your present studies, or a project, a competition... and even for life.

And perhaps once you've gotten it sorted out, you'll find things flowing more smoothly, heavy hearts lightened... triumphs more frequent... and smiles more often.

Journeying alongside,
Mr. Sng

0

Since I've been asking my mentees to do reflections... I ought to raise the bar myself right. Haha... The past three weeks have been filled with mentoring sessions ranging from twenty minutes to over an hour... I am thankful that most of them took it seriously and not for granted... am especially touched when they actually remembered the appointments without prompting or reminding and turned up ready to chat.

Seeing through the lens of my personality and putting on the perfectionist in me, it was easy for me to be put off by the nonchalance of some who seemingly don't care - they either miss their sessions, or they don't submit what they're supposed to submit.

Well... was a little put off initially, then I was reminded that we may find extremes even in small sample sizes. Putting things in perspective, I really ought to be thankful for the bulk of them who're taking it seriously which I translate in part as a form of respect... and I am. :)

Just had an hour long session with one of my boarding programme mentees... I would usually jump straight into discussing progress... but somehow I decided to keep it open ended from the start and asked if he'd anything to talk about.

Whatever that transpired... well. If only every session is as such - being frank and talking about things that really matter. Well okay... there were such sessions with others as well... just that they're pretty rare bah.

Haha... alright that's all I want to jot down for now... till next time! (actually I'm cutting this short.. my head suddenly starts to spin by itself.. time to rest!!)

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Yep... I know. It's been some time since I've left an entry... or written a song... or recorded a song for that matter. Well... here's an entry! :)

I've been busy with quite a number of things after I came back from the trip to San Fran... preparing for a year-end closure for the centre that I'm coordinating in my workplace, preparing for the new competition for ThinkQuest... speaking of which, here's the website that I've done up that houses more information on ThinkQuest in the school's context - do hop by and take a look if you're free!

I've also been pretty caught up preparing a year-end video for the boys... took quite some time to make, especially when it's been some time since I've touched video creation software's... and yeah. It's finally out, and it should be screened to them some time now (at this point of writing... I'm out on course!)

The course that I'm attending is on coping with grief and loss... it's a topic that is pretty much close to my heart. It's ironic that as I'm listening to the tutor... that I can even relate this topic to my work.

There were certain incidents that happened along the course of the year that caused grief to my heart... some with colleagues, some with my boys. Along the way I realized it's due to the expectations that I hold of them, for my colleagues, it would be the way they communicated, the genuineness, the cordiality... and for my boys, it would be the grief that comes from misplaced trust... and also certain values that they carry that they really could consider doing without.

I guess the misconception that I have personally is that I could afford to place the whole lot of them in my inner circle when most of them would probably end up as within the masses in the end, not connecting, not getting really acquainted. Haha yeah... it's unhealthy to take everything upon self I realized!

I thank God for Char... who has been a great support, for being ever so patient with me and ever so loving. She's the tangible representation of love that God has blessed me with... and everytime I think about it I just find myself so undeserving... she helps me in normalizing my emotions... something that I'm not even sure she realizes. Haha... Passing my thoughts through her, I was able to get a better reflection of the big picture... and then hey, from the half-cup empty, I begin to see the half-cup full.

I'm thankful that there are colleagues who inspire me, whose way of teaching and leading the boys and caring for them nudges me on to do likewise. Also very thankful that through time there are individual students whom I've come to know much better, whom I share special bonds with. Like this boy who comes by and sits around.. then tell you I'm going already bye bye... Hahahahaha.

Two of my boarding boys were talking about leadership with me as they helped me unpack my newly purchased vacuum machine for the apartment the night before... haha oh we were all amazed at how powerful it is - now my white rug's WHITE again! Haha... yeah. One of them was saying that servant leadership's taking too long to take effect. It's interesting that this conversation came about as I personally have been thinking about it the past weeks... and how hard it really can be.

(anyways I'm now stuck at the Teachers' Network waiting for the rain to stop... sitting by one of the stairs to type this. PRETTY COOL. Literally too.)

I guess without much refute most would agree that Jesus Christ would be the epitome of servant leadership. It's something that I've been trying to grapple with all the time, how Jesus, Son of God, the Authority of all authorities, King of all kings, Lord of all lords, would be able to walk the earth and call His creations His friends. It has been said so many times that if you're gonna be a leader, you can't be a friend to the person you're leading. I don't know... as I look upon the last year, I guess some of them would recognize me as a friend, as someone whom they can open themselves to. But I'm not sure if anyone of them would perceive me as their leader. I'm not sure if I would be given the respect enough for them to follow.. and for one, I don't dare to ask.

As I read through the Scriptures, Jesus pretty much knew the way to go; he exudes love and yet was stern and resolute when the circumstance called for it.

I confess that I often internalize my sadness and anger and avoided scolding or outrightly confronting issues with people - then I realized that this doesn't really help the other party most of the time. I told one of my boarding boys when we met for one to one... that I don't wish to be a nice teacher and end up being an ineffective one. Some of the ways I do things have to go... and it will be an ongoing process of growth I guess. So yeah... perhaps my approaches may evolve with time... but it'll always be backed by the same foundation.

Lest I forget that we're called to become more like Christ each day, to give as He's given, love as He's loved, bless as He's blessed. :)

There are lots of people I have to apologize to I realized; family members whom I've been perceived as neglected, colleagues whose feet I'd unintentionally stepped upon due to miscommunication... sometimes I really hope things aren't as complex as they are... well. Haha yeah. It's cathartic to write... I ought to resume writing more... yeah, I guess I will. :)

A whole batch of my boys will be leaving for Beijing next week... time really flies. Soon they will be donning the beige uniform and long pants... and as a couple of them texted me to thank me for the video, I thanked them back... for the privilege to be able to journey along this portion of their lives with them. For without every single one of them, the video wouldn't be what it is... yup. Am just hoping that when they do return to school in their long pants, they would also appear more grown up in their actions and attitudes... it's amusing to think that our human brain will only be fully formed at the age of 25 or so - some adults may brush this off as bull, but I guess I can afford to give the benefit of doubt, to know that some of their actions (sometimes can be quite foolish) are a result of an incomplete brain. Wahahah yay I'm 26 this year!!! Hahahahha...

Okay just nice. Rain has stopped. Time to go!

0

It's hard when you put a melancholic in a position of coordination / leadership.

It's even harder when he's imbued with a personality that seeks perfection.

It's easier for someone with the natural flair to lead to do just so and then work in the compassionate part.

It's hard the other way round, for fear of hurting the other party and hurting self in the process.

And it happened to me.. but I had to do so. Perhaps someone down the road would have done it for them at an opportune time... perhaps.

I ask myself why do I get so bothered over these things... and the only reason I can think of... is because they matter.

Can I take the names thrown at me? Well... I guess if I am to remain, I'll have to learn to get used to them in time to come.

The glass is three-quarters full... and I have to learn to make do with the quarter of emptiness, fill it up if possible, but not mull over it and instead celebrate the fact that it's three-quarters full.

0

看着这些照片...心里不知为何有一股冲动。

偶尔...还是会问自己，到底这一切值不值得。

对他们来说，拍照也只不过是拍照...而对我来说，这些照片价值可非凡。

每一班都有蛮多人没到场...而当中就有我以为会赏我的脸而出席的人。

看来...我错了。

庆幸的是大致上的人都到齐了。看他们拍得那么愉快，我也一起愉快起来了。哈哈...

下个星期有多一轮...希望出席率不会比今天逊色吧。：）

偶尔...又发现噢，值得的...值得的。

Mmm.

:)

0

An ulcer grew on the bottom side of my tongue... of all places. I have to be extra careful when I drink or eat... lest I disturb that harmless looking white spot and send myself some shockwaves... oh well.

Anyway.

I've been working on a new ThinkQuest promotional website the past two days or so. It was then that I realised that I've grown rusty to the trade of web design - what used to be a breeze took me some time now.. and then I realised it's the same for all things - that things atrophy without regular practice; same with physical exercise, relationships, studies...

The saving grace is that most of the time it'll only take that bit of time to get back on track. And yeah... there're quite a bit of things I have to get back on track for... yep.

Thank God that the website's on its way to completion. :) But yeah - there're loads of other things to do and complete within the next two weeks or so... work is neverending. Haha...

I'm glad to be back... glad to see them... but I guess this kind of feeling's usually not reciprocable.

And somehow I'm affected by the knowledge of them being totally at ease of having vulgarities in their everyday speech, evidently shown especially in their casual self, either in speech with friends or in written form on blogs. I've thought through this quite a bit... and I've come to a preliminary conclusion that it isn't about going against rules... but simply a marring of the good impressions that I have of them. Everytime it happens it hurts, then I start to rebuild that impression myself, knowing that I'm in the end deceiving myself and that it would be more profitable to sit them down, talk about it and hopefully it'll all make sense and that they'll think about rethinking their values when it comes to vulgarities... and even perhaps, that they'll want to do something about it.

Well.

0

That's how I feel sometimes.

Perhaps I should just disregard the burdens and let my communication remain on the cordial level.

Selfishness would dictate: Why waste your time when you know that the mindset's fixed and that your words would just go unheeded? Why jeopardize what could be a good relationship? Why spend such time, energy and resources pondering over these things?

But I can't.

It's draining to reason things out... or think of other ways for the matter, especially when you see that the interest's not there at all to look at one's self and the things that may not exactly be congruent.

I can't...

but I'll pray.

It's ironic and interesting at the same time to see how I'm driven to pray this season of time.

He calls me in for a purpose... and I'll just trust that He'll see everything through.

And that I'll be less selfish to confront, rebuke, correct... and guide.

I don't want to end up being nice but ineffective... that, would be a great disservice to my charges.

4

"Goodness without knowledge is weak and feeble, yet knowledge without goodness is dangerous, and that both united form the noblest character." - Samuel & John Phillips

"To educate a person in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." - Theodore Roosevelt

Oops. I realised it's been 8 days (*mind thinks of the radio jingle for a local magazine - "8 days every week...."*) since I've written anything here. Originally wanted to do up a collage of the photos taken before writing a post but I reckoned that it might take forever again. Haha... so yeah. I think I better write a post first. Then go for a jog. Yeah... I'm still at my boarding apartment on a Saturday afternoon... but it's intentional. It's the first time I realised I needed time alone, for myself. Call it a recharge bah.

It's interesting how many people around me started commenting about me ballooning... in a sense I'm thankful, that colleagues and students alike are frank enough to help keep me in check in a way. I'm not quite sure why, but I guess the new boarding school lifestyle (with all the less travelling and walking up the slopes, etc) might have caused me to neglect my weight watching. My shirts are starting to look oversized... and yeah, this is definitely not in line for the photoshoot lined up in December and the actual day in May next year. Haha... and so I've started my regime once more. With so many pairs of eyes keeping me accountable, I do hope that I'll be able to shed a couple of kilos along the way. Just hoping that I won't fall to sweet temptations... sigh. Haha.

I attended a two day character education course by Prof. Thomas Likona together with some like-minded colleagues. Introverted as I am, I think when it comes to work and a common vision, I do get energised when I identify colleagues around me who're on the same page with the same goals... and who believe in working as a team. And I'm thankful that God blesses me with such people around to think aloud with and to work with. It had been a fruitful course... and if anything, I think I'm beginning to find my niche in character education.

I'm always thankful when I come across individual students who have both performance character and moral character - they do their best and are respectful to others, their demeanor naturally pleasing. Some may not be faring as well academically, but the good attitudes they exude gives others the wanting to help them along even more... yeah, even as I'm writing this I can see faces flash across my mind... which is, good! Haha... then there are those who are academically strong but yet lacking in moral character... and it does puts others off sometimes. The insidious thing I realised... is that sometimes they themselves aren't even aware of their lacking, and that the way they do things and behave are self perceived as normal. My heart sours for these boys... as much as I can see the vast potential in them, sometimes I just don't know what can be done or said that would actually help.

It's true that as much as it took them ten over years to build up self formed (most probably) values and habits that mostly went unchecked and misconstrued (probably cases of over pampering or over disciplining), it may take that equal amount of time for them to rework their values and unlearn bad habits.

My heart sours... because I believe they're good boys at the end of the day, not the stereotypical guai kias (well behaved boys but with bad connotation), but those who can discern the right from the wrong, who can show proper respect, etc.

Well... I'm learning. The course is a good start I reckon. Ultimately, I pray that it'll be Pa who works miracles in lives. Which reminds me.. of a piece of good news I received a couple of days ago. I was meeting up with this boy and chatting with him when he said he had to leave soon for cell group. I took a double take and asked him - "cell group?". Then he confirmed that I wasn't hearing the wrong thing. It's a joy indeed... and yes, Pa answers prayers. :)

I believe in specific and professional skills in the area of affective and character education... but on top of that, I believe that He's gonna be the one who causes hearts to change for the better. He is love after all. Mmm. :)

Another highlight of the week would be the Projects' Day grand finals and awards ceremony. Chen lao shi (my sec 4 chinese teacher) was invited to be one of the judges... so it was a good opportunity to catch up a little with her and have a photo taken (yayyyy hahaha) with her. It's still quite amusing to know that she's taught Char as well in a different place and context. Haha...

Three of the teams that I'd coached went on stage for their high distinction wins... proud of each of the three in different ways - all three showed perseverance and the willingness to listen to critique and suggestions... but what's most important was their drive to finish their project... and to finish it well. Heartened to know that a number of them are waiting to start on next year's ThinkQuest project... at this juncture, I am beginning to see a glimmer of hope for the ThinkQuest baton to be finally passed on. *smiles*

I felt really proud (though I had no involvement at all hahahaha...) when the time came for the secondary three cohort to go up on stage to collect their trophies - I guess I'm the only one who would feel that way... hahaha. :)

We had a mini mid autumn festival celebration in our boarding programme yesterday evening where we had mooncakes, chips, tea... and a dose of my guitar playing and singing. Taught them to sing the song that you're currently hearing here (Thank You, My Friend) - I really don't know if it's too premature to teach them... but I'm hoping that this song would mean something to them, especially at the end of next year. Ya... THEY SANG! :)

Then we had the Myer-Briggs Temperament Indicator (MBTI) course in the morning where I ascertained my type as INFJ again, this time round officially. Yep... all that's happened till now. Char came by with her bestie Euns just now for lunch... we'll be meeting again to spend the evening together. It's been hard still, trying to get used to the new schedules, where gone were the days when we could walk slowly down the canal, when I could walk her home and then walk home myself... well. Haha... aye aye.

Alright. Shall be off to have a jog for now. Collages should be up at a later date... in the meantime, the photos have all been uploaded - click on "Photos & Videos" on the top menu bar to view.

I wonder still... if people actually read these entries in their entirety??? If you have read to this point (HAHAHAHAHA..... gosh this sounds so familiar), leave a comment or a tag?

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Well well... looks like certain struggles are meant to be age-old - it's there to remind me that at every stage I have a choice to respond accordingly, to take on the right posture.

The topic for this week's discipleship training came timely... less I forget, that I'm constantly put through the growth process. I confess that I was rather affected that the usual people whom I felt I was closer to didn't even bother to message. But yeah. It's my issue to settle.. and one which was rightfully pointed out by point number 9 below.

Well... that I may learn to take on the right posture at all times.

There are many thoughts and emotions that plague our human existence. One of these I want to deal with more specifically is the issue of INSECURITY. It often corrupts our posture before God and brings about fear and anxiety. Go through the following scenarios and examine your posture:

1. When I crash and fail, is my posture one of "ADMIT MY MISTAKES AND LEARN" or "QUIT AND BLAME OTHERS"?
2. When I am being criticized or corrected, is my posture one of "IMMEDIATE DEFENSIVENESS" or "WELCOME LISTENING"?
3. When I am not given credit for a job done, is my posture one of "ENVY" or "I AM JUST GLAD TO SERVE GOD!"? Alternatively, do I carelessly take credit for what others say or do?
4. When I am challenged to come out of my comfort zone, is my posture one of "I DON'T WANT TO FAIL AND LOOK BAD" or "I CAN DO THIS WITH GOD'S HELP"?
5. When I cannot agree with God's given authority over me, is my posture one of "I MUST FIGHT FOR CONTROL" or "I CAN LET GO AND TRUST GOD"?
6. When a situation goes out of control, is my posture one of "KAN CHEONGNESS" or "MAKE THE BEST OF IT"?
7. When I lose my temper, is my posture one of "I WANT TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS" or "I MUST EXERCISE SELF CONTROL AND KEEP MY SPIRIT IN CHECK"?
8. When I disagree with the way things are done, is my posture one of "I THINK THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING" or "I NEED TO CLARIFY AND UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT THIS"?
9. When I feel others do not cherish or value me, is my posture one of "THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST UNGRATEFUL AND BLIND" or "I DO NOT FIND MY WORTH SOLELY IN THE AFFIRMATIONS OF OTHERS BUT ON THE APPROVAL OF GOD"?
10. When circumstances become difficult and I feel like quitting, is my posture one of "I THINK IT'S POINTLESS TO GO ON BECAUSE NOBODY APPRECIATES WHAT I DO" or "I MUST REVIEW MY COMPASS AND CALLING AND NOT BE SWAYED BY THE CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES"?

A certain kind of disciple adopts a certain kind of posture. It's a choice between the way of the flesh (giving in to temptations ie of lust, spewing of expletives, etc) or the way of the cross. It is marked by brokenness before God, meekness in God and openness to God... May out inner posture bring pleasure to God rather than pain to Him and others!

(adapted from IDT Module 4 Week 7 notes - Cultivating Posture)

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Understanding God's greatness puts things in perspectives, that we are really but nothing apart from God. I know I have a BIG God who chose to become small, coming down to earth in the form of a human being because He loves really big.

Mentor's response: A beautiful paradox Galvin is that the closer we get to the Lord, the smaller we become and the greater He becomes to us. It's like seeing a mountain in the distance...to experience it we must get closer, and the closer we get, the more formidable it becomes...so much so that it blocks everything else out. Is God so encompassing in your life that He surrounds your all?

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Been wanting to catch up with Christopher, David & Zebedee for some time but we never seem to find a common slot where all of us are free to meet... we finally did so today at my place - Aunty Witwit's off day today so I'm home this Sunday to take care of mom.

Didn't really know what to do initially... didn't have anything planned. Then God gave me a guiding passage from His Word to at least lead myself in possible things to chat about... the catch up turned out really well. (:

I told them today that through seeing them grow I managed to catch a little glimpse of why children are always children in their parents' eyes no matter how old they grow... haha. They're all secondary four now... but they're very much kids (as in the way I relate to them sometimes) - and it's really hard for me to imagine myself interacting with the sec fours in school on such a level... well, perhaps it can be so with a little bit more familiarity, but yeah. Haha. It's indeed a privilege to be able to witness their growth both physically and spiritually - and it heartens me to hear the evidences of growth through the things they share of how it's been for them over the months.

We set for the group a commitment to meet 6 times a year - 3 for such a time of sharing and prayer, and 3 for birthday meals. Mmm... and as for how long this shall last... as long as God wills it to be bah. :)

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Was about to write a brief entry before taking a shower and continuing with work when dear dear pasted something on our msn window:

This morning, Pastor Edmund shared about 3 kinds of spirit that hinders us from offering ourselves freely to Him in the day of His power:

a) A stagnant spirit - one that has stopped growing & learning

b) A weary spirit - one that is experiencing constant fatigue

c) A overcrowded spirit - one that is distracted by life

It's a snippet from an email sharing by Edmund, our young adult ministry worker (the Edmund in the snippet is Rev. Edmund, my senior pastor). This little snippet came aptly - I was about to jot down a little bit of reflection that's touching on more or less the same thing.

By God's grace, a season's starting whereby I'm moving on in knowing Him through devotions and a daily dosage of His Word and nuggets of truth deposits... definitely not stagnant. Being weary and overcrowded... that can be a danger at this point of time though.

I parked myself at the poolside after library closing hours today... arranged a counselling supervision slot with Edmund (another one - this one my supervisor... hahah) in the evening at that venue, so I thought it'd be worthwhile to embark on some work in the meantime.

It's scary... to see that you've been working your whole way through and yet not getting the main agendas done, because there're just too many fringe work to do, and that they've got to be done as well, as much as the main ones have to be finished.

Saw some familiar faces - Spongebob, Wilfred, Guan Koi (who cut botak??!)... was so glad to have seen them and would have wanted to catch up a bit and at least show a bit of enthusiasm... but upon reflection I think I appeared quite 'dao'. Well. Energy seeped...

And I tend to let certain things slip off my mind lately... not that I want to.

Do pray that He'll help guard the time to spend meaningful time with loved ones... and at work, it'll mean spending time meaningfully with the boys too, not just getting engrossed with all the computer and admin work.

And I still have the group essay to write. :| Ho wells... nevermind. Shower first.

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There was once a great and noble King whose land was terrorized by a crafty dragon. Like a massive bird of prey, the scaly beast delighted in ravaging villages with his fiery breath. Hapless victims ran from their burning homes, only to be snatched into the dragon's jaws or talons. Those devoured instantly were deemed more fortunate than those carried back to the dragon's lair to be devoured at his leisure.

The King led his sons and knights in many valiant battles against the dragon.

Riding alone in the forest, one of the King's sons heard his name purred low and soft. In the shadows of the ferns and trees, curled among the boulders, lay the dragon. The creature's heavy-lidded eyes fastened on the prince, and the reptilian mouth stretched into a friendly smile.

"Don't be alarmed," said the dragon, as gray wisps of smoke rose lazily from his nostrils. "I am not what your father thinks."

"What are you, then?" asked the prince, warily drawing his sword as he pulled in the reins to keep his fearful horse from bolting.

"I am pleasure," said the dragon. "Ride on my back and you will experience more than you ever imagined. Come now. I have no harmful intentions. I seek a friend, someone to share flights with me. Have you never dreamed of flying? Ever longed to soar in the clouds?"

Visions of soaring high above the forested hills drew the prince hesitantly from his horse. The dragon unfurled one great webbed wing to serve as a ramp to his ridged back. Between the spiny projections, the prince found a secure seat. Then the creature snapped his powerful wings twice and launched them into the sky.

The prince's apprehension melted into awe and exhilaration.

From then on, he met the dragon often, but secretly, for how could he tell his father, brothers or the knights that he had befriended the enemy? The prince felt separate from them all.

Their concerns were no longer his concerns. Even when he wasn't with the dragon, he spent less time with those he loved and more time alone.

The skin on the prince's legs became calloused from gripping the ridged back of the dragon, and his hands grew rough and hardened. He began wearing gloves to hide the malady. After many nights of riding, he discovered scales growing on the backs of his hands as well. With dread he realized his fate were he to continue, and so he resolved to return no more to the dragon.

But, after a fortnight, he again sought out the dragon, having been tormented with desire. And so it transpired many times over. No matter what his determination, the prince eventually found himself pulled back, as if by the cords of an invisible web.

Silently, patiently, the dragon always waited.